- ivman's blague - http://blog.ivman.com -

Snow and Skiing

picture of satellite view of NE USA

The picture above is a satellite view of the Washington D.C. area earlier this week from NASA [1]. Look at all that snow-covered ground! And that part of the country is supposed to be getting even more snow. It's neat to see the Appalachians highlighted by the snow. I bet some people in D.C., Philly, and NYC are hoping that whoever upset Al Gore will apologize to him so that he'll give them back their global warming. As the Lord dumps tons of snow on some of the hotbeds of the global warming hoax, He is proving that He has a delightful sense of humor. Fill-in-the-blank test item: "Professing themselves to be wise, they became ___."

How much snow is too much? Growing up in NW Ohio and living for about a decade in the Detroit area, my wife and I came to regard heavy snows and months of dirty snow and ice as just a normal part of life. Now that we've lived in South Carolina for over a quarter of a century, we love the idea of normalcy here — little to no snow, year after year, with the occasional French-toast-comfort-food scares where everyone empties the grocery stores of milk, bread, and eggs. (BTW, our crocuses are blooming here today.)

Did you know that snowmen can find too much snow depressing? Below is a picture a friend sent me yesterday to prove it:

picture of depressed snowman

With all the snow lately and with the Winter Olympics beginning soon, I thought I'd post a classic that I sent out as an e-mail iv a few years ago.

Top ten ways to prepare for your skiing vacation

picture of man skiing

10. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm yourself up again.

9. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car.

8. For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

7. Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

6. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be sure to wait in the longest line.

5. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

4. Drive slowly for five hours — anywhere — as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.

3. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a snow maker!

2. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday until you go on your ski vacation.


How is the snow situation where you live? Will you be following the Winter Olympics closely? Now that the government has improved our lives with mandated DTV, we can no longer pick up WYFF-4, our local NBC station, because Paris Mountain blocks the signal for us. Oh well, we'll just read online who wins what or catch news highlights on the Spartanburg station.


"Being missions-minded is more than paying someone else to make disciples somewhere else." - Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=

I've heard it said that cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the driveway before it has stopped snowing.