ivman's blague

What age would you be if you could choose? Is there a perfect age? Small children want to keep being bigger and older, teens want to be in their early 20s, and on and on it goes. Some older people yearn for days when they were more agile and carefree.

At my stage of life, I can see that every age has its advantages and disadvantages. Something inside me still recoils when I’m offered a “senior discount” - it’s like … can that person really think I’m that old?! And yet who would doubt that I’m enjoying being a grandfather?

I experienced one of the downsides today when my eye doctor told me that I have the beginning of a cataract in my right eye. He said I’m young to have this, but it’s there. Someone please name another advantage for me … quick!

My wife forwarded an e-mail to me yesterday with several funny perspectives on aging. I’ll start off with a picture too scarily similar to the sign on the right above. Apparently this man was the “poster child” for the sign.

Here’s a comic strip that was in the e-mail.

One of the pictures was a pie chart of a senior citizen’s time usage.

Not all older folks are slow-moving geezers though, as attested by this sign.

But older folks do need to be careful in their activities not to injure themselves. Here’s an exemplary senior biker, the picture of health with his helmet.

Young folks need to be careful from their youth to avoid some problems in their “golden years.”

Someone please pass me the sunscreen….

As I said earlier, an upside to this stage of life is being a grandparent. Here are a couple of pictures of our grandson Drew on the 4th of July - our little flag waver and watching the fireworks with Grandma.

Here’s how he looked one year ago at the fireworks.

Ah! The upsides and downsides of being Drew’s age! So I ask again - what age would you be if you could choose? What is the perfect age to be?

new poll…

One of my readers (a history teacher) suggested a poll question for me - Which of these activities will be part of your 14th of July (Bastille Day) celebration? with several suggested activities - storming a prison, guillotining someone, etc. I laughed and immediately dismissed the idea. I do have a new poll question up, though, about what kind of phone you use.

quotation…

“Grace trumps sin every time.” - J.D. Crowley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If we’d stop trying to be happy we would probably enjoy life more.

Tags: aging, children, senior citizens, signs, wellness

today’s instant vacation…

My wife and I have long since gotten over the initial sting of when we first started being offered seniors discounts. What bothered me when I was offered a discount for the first time, I wasn’t yet old enough to be eligible! (So what does that tell you?!) Now we actually ask if we’re eligible! Quite the reversal, huh? Today’s iv is a couple of my favorite bits of senior humor.

The 84-Year-Old Bride

A local news station was interviewing an 84-year-old woman because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 84, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” thought the newsman. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, later on a preacher when in her 60s, and now, in her 80s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

“That’s easy, son,” she smiled. “I married one for the money, … two for the show, … three to get ready, … and four to go!”

***
This is Rob again. We actually learned recently that a long-time friend, a widower, will be getting married in August. This octagenarian met his wife-to-be on eHarmony.com! Neither of them is living in what are typically thought of as places where retirees choose to live, where these senior romances seem to abound. Here’s the second bit of senior humor:

In Florida and Arizona (where retirees abound), the personal ads have become rather long-in-the-tooth. Here is a sampling:

FOXY LADY: Fashion-conscious, blue-haired beauty, slim, 5′ 4″ (used to be 5′ 6″), searching for sharp-looking, smart-dressing man. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out, and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob, and caramel candy.

GROOVY: I still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my boss collection of eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Doesn’t run, but walks well.

***
Our latest reminder of being seniors was yesterday at the World of Coca Cola in Atlanta, where 55+ is considered “senior.” My wife and I spent the day in Atlanta yesterday to see friends who were visiting from France. They lived in Greenville in the mid 1990s and we got to know them well. The last time we were in France with a team of students in 2001, these friends came to see us one weekend in Rouen. We had a wonderful time together, renewing our ties with them. A new Atlanta experience for us, in addition to being in Atlanta in the summer and having the temps be in the mid 80s with low humidity, was getting all over the place on MARTA. It got us very close to everywhere we wanted to go - including to a bus stop right across the street from one of our Atlanta favorites the Dekalb Farmers Market. The MARTA workers were extremely friendly and helpful - several even spoke French to us! What more could you want for an eight dollar, all-day pass?

Back to the World of Coca Cola for a second…. The new museum has some neat new features, but we still prefer the old Coke Museum. Do any of you who have visited both the old Coke museum and this new one share our opinion?

quotation…

“Bad people don’t become good people by rules.” - J. D. Crowley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Senior pick-up line… A well dressed gentleman in his mid-eighties enters a local diner. When he spots an immaculately groomed lady in her mid-seventies seated at the lunch counter, he goes directly to the counter and sits down on the stool beside her. He looks at her slyly and says, “Say, do I eat here often?”

Tags: aging, Atlanta, France, senior citizens, weddings and marriage

The first year I taught high school, fresh out of college, I had several seniors in my second year French class. Those seniors turned 50 a year or so ago. This year those who were sophomores and in my first year French class that year are now turning 50. Such a sobering reminder that little Drew is not the only one who’s aging!

Someone sent me an e-mail recently to test my memory. I either watched too much television as a child or I am really old - surely not both! The e-mail said that the test was a pushover for anyone over 50. You younger readers may struggle with some of these, and some will be a great trip down memory lane for a lot of people.

So here you go, test your memory (or your ability to make intelligent guesses):

1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
A. Flintstones vitamins
B. The buttmaster
C. Spaghetti
D. Wonder Bread
E. Orange Juice
F. Milk
G.. Cod Liver Oil

2. Before he was Muhammad Ali, he was…
A. Sugar Ray Robinson
B. Roy Orbison
C. Gene Autry
D. Rudolph Valentino
E. Fabian
F. Mickey Mantle
G. Cassius Clay

3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, “We have met the enemy and….”
A. It’s you
B. He is us
C. It’s the Grinch
D. He wasn’t home
E. He’s really mean
F. We quit
G. He surrendered

4. Good night, David.
A. Good night, Chet
B. Sleep well
C. Good Night, Irene
D. Good Night, Gracie
E. See you later, alligator
F. Until tomorrow
G. Good night, Steve

5. You’ll wonder where the yellow went,
A. When you wash your clothes with Tide
B. When you lose your crayons
C. When you clean your tub
D. If you paint the room blue
E. If you buy a soft water tank
F. When you use Lady Clairol
G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent

6. Before he was the Skipper’s Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie’s friend,
A. Stuart Whitman
B. Randolph Scott
C. Steve Reeves
D. Maynard G. Krebbs
E. Corky B. Dork
F. Dave the Whale
G. Zippy Zoo

7. Liar, liar…
A. You’re a liar
B. Your nose is growing
C. Pants on fire
D. Join the choir
E. Jump up higher
F. On the wire
G. I’m telling Mom

8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and…
A. Wheaties
B. Lois Lane
C. Freedom of speech
D. World peace
E. Red tights
F. The American way
G. News headlines

9. Hey, kids, what time is it?
A. It’s time for Yogi Bear
B. It’s time to do your homework
C. It’s Howdy Doody Time
D. It’s Time for Romper Room
E. It’s bedtime
F. The Mighty Mouse Hour
G. Scoopy Doo Time

10. Lions and tigers and bears…
A. Yikes
B. Oh no
C. Gee whiz
D. I’m scared
E. Oh my
F. Help! Help!
H. Let’s run

11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone
A. Over 40
B. Wearing a uniform
C. Carrying a briefcase
D. Over 30
E. You don’t know
F. Who says, “Trust me”
G. Who eats tofu

12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women’s stockings.
A. Troy Aikman
B. Kenny Stabler
C.. Joe Namath
D. Roger Stauback
E. Joe Montana
F. Steve Young
G. John Elway

13. Brylcream…
A. Smear it on
B. You’ll smell great
C. Tame that cowlick
D. Greaseball heaven
E. It’s a dream
F. We’re on your team
G. A little dab’ll do ya

14. I found my thrill…
A. And you can too
B. With my man, Bill
C. Down at the mill
D. Over the windowsill
E. On Blueberry Hill
F. Too late to enjoy
G. With thyme and dill

15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by
A. Clark Gable
B. Mary Martin
C. Doris Day
D. Errol Flynn
E. Sally Fields
F. Jim Carey
G. Jay Leno

16. Name the Beatles.
A. John, Steve, George, Ringo
B. John, Paul, George, Roscoe
C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
D. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo
E. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo
F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel
G. John, Paul, George, Ringo

17. I wonder, wonder, wonder, wonder who…
A. Who ate the leftovers?
B. Who did the laundry?
C. Who are you?
D. Who wrote the book of love?
E. Who am I?
F. Passed the test?
G. Knocked on the door?

18. I’m strong to the finish…
A. Cause I eats my broccoli
B. Cause I eats me spinach
C. Cause I lift weights
D. Cause I’m the hero
E. And don’t you forget it!
F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me
G. And outlast Bruto

19. When it’s least expected, you’re elected, you’re the star today…
A. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera
B. Smile, you’re on Star Search
C. Smile, you’ve just won life’s lottery
D. Smile, we’re watching you
E. Smile, the world sees you
F. Smile, you’re a hit
G. Smile, you’re on TV

20. You can trust your car to the man who wears the star,…
A. It’s the Lone Ranger!
B. And he will take you far
C. Our man Friday
D. He’ll have you on the road in no time!
E. Deputy Dog
F. The big bright Texaco star
G. Sheriff Matt Dillon

Now for the answers….

1. d - Wonder Bread
2. g - Cassius Clay
3. b - He Is Us
4. a - Good night, Chet
5. g - When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6. d - Maynard G. Krebbs
7. c - Pants On Fire
8. f - The American Way
9. c - It’s Howdy Doody Time
10. e - Oh my
11. d - Over 30
12. c - Joe Namath
13. g - A little dab’ll do ya
14. g - On Blueberry Hill
15. b - Mary Martin
16. g - John, Paul, George, Ringo
17. d - Who wrote the book of Love
18. b - Cause I eats me spinach
19. a - Smile, you’re on Candid Camera
20. f - The big bright Texaco star

For those who don’t know Pogo…

This has been a good week - much less busy and hectic than recent weeks have been. A week from Sunday (March 9) our grandson Drew will be a year old already! Those of you who were reading my blog at the time of his birth will be amazed that his premature birth was almost a year ago! He’s doing very well - crawling all over, smiling with six teeth, and pulling himself up on furniture. Grandma and Aunt Nora will be driving up for a long weekend to help celebrate his birthday. Grandpa will be holding down the fort here, quenching his students’ thirst for knowledge and feeding the livestock (our herd of two cats). I’m sure they’ll send me pictures to post.

quotation…

“We often minimize our sin because we don’t see it as an act of defiance against God.” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If Barbie was so popular, why did you have to buy her friends?

Tags: aging, history, nostalgia, tests

Last week a teaching colleague who has a 4-year-old daughter and who is one of my friends on Facebook wrote on my Facebook wall, “Today at lunch, Kirsten said: There’s that man that I love! I was pretty sure that I knew who she meant, but to be sure, I said: which man? She said: The one with the silver hair. :)”

In addition to giving me a good laugh, it totally made my day! Kirsten’s mama further explained to me this morning that little Kirsten says her own hair is “silver,” which made me even happier.

Thinking about silver hair, as I was looking through some stuff in my files, I found a version of a the story “I’m my own grandpa.” I had heard the song once at the Wilds, and I decided to see what I could find out about it before posting it to my blog. It’s really an interesting tale based on a real life story. Not quite as convoluted as that story is something from my own family - my uncle and his uncle (my great-uncle) married sisters. So then my uncle’s sister-in-law was also his aunt, and his uncle was also his brother-in-law. The sisters were not only sisters, but also aunt and niece. (I should probably pass on redneck humor very carefully, considering my own family history!) Anyway, on to the blog post….

I’m My Own Grandpa

An article in a New England newspaper - “A Man His Own Grandfather,” The Fitchburg Sentinel (Fitchburg, Mass.), 30 July 1877 - reported an interesting story about the suicide note of a man named William Harmen:

A man at Titusville, Pa., recently committed suicide in his horror at finding that he was his own grandfather. The way it was thus told in his dying statement: “I married a widow who had a grown-up daughter. My father visited our house very often, fell in love with my step-daughter and married her. So my father became my son-in-law, and my step-daughter my mother, because she was my father’s wife. Sometime afterward my wife had a son; he was my father’s brother-in-law, and my uncle for he was the brother of my stepmother. My father’s wife - i.e., my stepmother - had also a son; he was, of course, my brother, and in the meantime my grandchild, for he was the son of my daughter. My wife was my grandmother, because she was my mother’s mother. I was my wife’s husband and grandchild at the same time. And as the husband of a person’s grandmother is his grandfather, I am my own grandfather.”

An article in Wikipedia, speaking of the song that comes from this story, affirms:

Although the song continues to mention that both the narrator’s wife and daughter had children by the narrator and his father, respectively, the narrator actually becomes “his own grandpa” once his father marries the woman’s daughter.

* The narrator marries the older woman. - This results in the woman’s daughter becoming his stepdaughter.
* Subsequently, the narrator’s father marries the older woman’s daughter.
* The woman’s daughter, being the new wife of the narrator’s father, is now both his stepdaughter and his stepmother. Concurrently, the narrator’s father, being his stepdaughter’s husband, is also his stepson-in-law.
* The narrator’s wife, being the mother of his stepmother, makes her both spouse and step-grandmother.
* The husband of the narrator’s wife would then be the narrator’s step-grandfather. Since the narrator is that person, he has managed to become his own (step-)grandfather.

I’m not quite sure I followed that, but….

An interesting history of this story and how it has resurfaced and evolved through the years, attributed to various sources - including Mark Twain - can be found at http://www.genealogymagazine.com/grandpa.html

If you’d like to hear the song (downloaded from YouTube) performed by Dennis Warner, you can do so below.

quotation…

“Humility is a low opinion of my own opinion.” - Dr. Greg Mazak

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Lead your life so you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

Tags: aging, family living, grandparents, rednecks, weddings and marriage

On this last day of the year 2007, it’s a time of reflection and of anticipation. For those of us who made resolutions for changes we wanted to make in our lives in 2007 - we’d better work fast! Not that many hours remain to accomplish them all!

Maybe it’s because I’m a teacher and have lots of “new beginnings” in my life - new school years, new semesters, etc., but for some reason I’m not actully one for making “new year’s resolutions,” but I know that some people just love them. Several years ago, I posted sent out an iv of New Year’s Resolutions we all could keep. You can read that by clicking here.

As the new year brings a new month, I resolve to get more points this month than in December. I resolve also to eliminate as many items as possible from the “honey-do list” before the new semester begins on January 9, 2008.

I’d enjoy reading resolutions for 2007 that you kept or some of your resolutions for 2008.

I’ve seen some really funny lists of resolutions online. One motif went something like this:

2004: I will see my dentist this year.
2005: I will have my cavities filled this year.
2006: I will have my root canal work done this year.
2007: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.
2008….

Now on to some other unique lists of New Year’s Resolutions…

Senior Citizens’ New Year’s Resolutions…

Be awake more than asleep

STOP USING ALL CAPS IN MY E-MAILS

>> try and prune >>> all these >> chevrons
>> when forwarding jokes >>>, urban legends >>> spam >> false virus alerts >>> recipes and
pathetic >>> inspirational thoughts >>>> and chain
>>>
>>> letters >>>>>>

Remember the names of my kids and grandkids

See my family more often than my doctor

Learn a new game besides Bingo

Learn NOT to say “Whipper Snapper”

Learn NOT to say “In my day…”

Spend more time on the computer than the toilet

Attend all the meetings of Obsessive-Compulsive Anonymous, where I shall take verbatim notes and then check them for spelling, syntax, and grammar

Learn to pronounce the names of all medications I have to take

Try to take things seriously, once in a while. (Note: I said “things” not people!)

Household Pets’ New Year’s Resolutions…

Dog: Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.

Cat: I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

Dog or Cat: Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing monster does to us when no one is around.

Fish: Swim counter-clockwise this year.

Dog: Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell other dogs.

Cat: I will not perch on my human’s chest in the middle of the night and stare into his eyes until he wakes up.

Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a rat on ‘roids, or they’ll flush me for sure!

Dog or Cat: Always scoot before licking

Cat: Just because I hear voices in my head, I do not have to answer them.

Dog: Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

Fish: Get out of the castle more

Dog: January 1 - Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2 - December 31 Relive victory over the sock.

Cat: When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

Dog: I will NOT chase the stupid stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND!

Cat: When my human is typing at the computer, I will remember two things - my human’s forearms are not a hammock, and I must not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emio gnaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv aa35 a.

***
It’s been a while since I posted - we were all too busy and fulfilled for blogging! We thoroughly enjoyed this last week with many good family times together. It was a nice, restful week of doing things together that we all enjoy. It was especially nice to have everyone together several times. We didn’t get to do our family Christmas celebration until we were all in town and together, on Thursday. We all went out to our son Mark and daughter-in-law Katie’s house Saturday evening for a cookout. The picture below is from that evening.

Of course, one of the things we enjoyed most was our grandson Drew’s first Christmas. He is big enough to enjoy what’s going on, although he has no real comprehension of it all. Below are some pictures we’d like to share.

Here’s Drew being handed a gift to try to open…

Just sitting on the couch was too boring, so here he is getting at the presents under the tree…

Drew is on the verge of crawling - he rocks on all fours, goes in circles, and scoots backwards. Here he is “almost crawling” to get to a toy….

He also loves to stand, though attempts at walking have yet to be exhibited. Here he is at Mark and Katie’s…

Grandma and I had a great time playing with little Drew! Here’s a picture of Grandma reading to our little guy…

Our Christmas gifts involved a lot of things we made for loved ones ourselves. One of the really fun gifts this year was cornhole boards and bags that Jim and Megan made, one set for our son Mark and one set for our daughter Nora’s boyfriend Aron. We all went outdoors for a while to try them out. Here’s a picture of Becka and Megan trying their hand at tossing the bags to the board at Nora and Katie’s end of the yard.

wellness challenge update…

Many of the faculty and staff at BJU are participating in a wellness challenge for one full year - from September 1, 2007 to August 31, 2008. Rather than my repeating all the details of the wellness challenge here, if you want to know more, you can read about it by clicking on “wellness” under Tags in the sidebar on my blog. The end of November marked the end of the first quarter of the challenge. My wife and I both had accumulated enough points to be in the “gold” category. We could each choose between a nice cash prize or an iPod Nano. Becka chose the cash, and I chose the iPod. I’m enjoying it very much and listening to some of my favorite music as I put this blog post together. Its capacity is 4 GB, and though I put over 200 songs on it, I’ve not even used up 1/4 of the space. I’ll have to explore putting some of my favorite pictures on the iPod.

It’s a good thing the first quarter ended on November 30 instead of today! This past couple of weeks the wellness challenge has been … well, a challenge! ‘Nuff said….

quotation…

“God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.” - unknown

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

In the new year … First things first! But not necessarily in that order.

Tags: aging, animals, holidays, senior citizens, wellness