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Posts Tagged ‘airheads’

The Blind Cowboy and the Number 5


It has been a long, long time since I have published a blonde joke, but this one came my way recently and I just have to share it! I would change "blonde" to "airhead" in the joke since not all blondes are airheads and not all airheads are blonde, but it just wouldn't work so well in this particular joke. You'll see why as you read it.

So without further ado, I will proceed to the joke.

Smoothies

An old, blind cowboy wanders into a smoothie bar one day, mistakenly thinking he has gone into another kind of bar. He doesn't know it, but he's a little out of place as the only male in the whole bar. He finds his way to a stool at the counter. Before trying to order something, he yells to the smoothie barista, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

Everyone in the place immediately goes totally silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman on the stool to his left says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you're blind and all, that you should know five things:"

1. The barista is a blonde girl who keeps a baseball bat behind the bar.

2. The manager over there is a blonde woman who used to be a roller derby queen.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is a blonde professional wrestler.

"Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No, ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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Next week's post will be another set of pictures that help demonstrate why women live longer than men.

quotation...

"There is no such thing as privacy when it comes to God." — Drew Conley

=^..^=
Rob

I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing!


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Punchlines


This week's post consists of three jokes, each one slightly longer than the previous, but none of them long. Enjoy!

A guy took his airhead girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially all those players with big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I'm like ... Hellooooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!"

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A married couple trying to live up to a snobbish life-style went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. "Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!"

The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, "Ah, Mozart. You're so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Coney Island."

There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, "We're leaving right now. Get your coat and let's get our of here."

As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally his wife turned to him. "You're angry about something."

"Oh really? You noticed?" he sneered. "I've never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No. 5 bus to Coney Island? Don't you know the No. 5 bus doesn't go to Coney Island?!"
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Happy Belated Birthday, WWW!


Happy Birthday

Yesterday, April 30, 2013, was the 20th birthday of the World Wide Web's going public. Since my day to post is Wednesdays, my birthday wishes had to be belated. I once asked in a store if they sold boxes of belated birthday cards.... Anyway, we're glad the WWW is here. Otherwise, we wouldn't be reading this right now.

Here's a picture of the first website (You can click on the picture to go to the actual site.)

WWW 20 Years Old

It was certainly barebones compared to the graphics-rich content we're used to today. You can read about it on the main page of that site — http://info.cern.ch.

Today is the last day of final exams. This Friday afternoon is graduation at BJU, and then this weekend our son Mark will be graduating from Furman with his Master of Arts in School Leadership. We're proud of all his hard work that got him to this point, pretty much a course at a time evenings as a full-time teacher, husband, and dad. Having taken the same route myself, I know just how hard that is!

In honor of exams, I have a couple of jokes either about tests, intelligence, ... or the lack thereof.
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Summer Construction


One of the things associated with summer is construction, both road and building. Driving on nice roads is great, but it is also a pain to have to navigate slowly (read: stop and go ... mostly stop) through road work in heavy vacation traffic. Whenever I see signs that say "End Road Work," I usually say aloud, "Amen!" Our church is considering building a house on our property this summer to provide temporary housing for missionaries on furlough. I hope to have at least a small part in that project since, for the first time, after 39 years of teaching, I don't have a summer job.

With construction in mind, I'm posting several humorous things on that topic. The first story came to me with the word blond in it. I hope my fair-haired readers will appreciate the changes I've made to the original.

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Two air-headed carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.

The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!"

The second airhead got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

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Construction Site: The Crime Scene?

After a workman was killed at a construction site, the police began to question a number of the other workers. Based on their spotted histories, many of these workers were considered prime suspects. They were indeed a motley crew:
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Are You A-mazed?


picture of a maze with scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz

Have you ever gone through a corn maze? I don't remember hearing much about them until the last couple of years ... and this year especially. The Pumpkin Patch we went to several weeks ago while in Cincinnati for the weekend had a 7-acre corn maze that looks like the United States from an aerial view. Though the visitors could go through it that day, we didn't since there were other activities that we thought we'd rather do.

I take it that farmers have begun to do corn mazes for some off-season tourist business in the fall. Our daughter Nora went to a huge corn maze here locally this past week with friends and said it was really fun and scary. I decided to see what I could learn about corn mazes (or "maize mazes") online and was surprised to find all kinds of pictures and sites. If you'd like to learn more about corn mazes, you can go to http://www.cornfieldmaze.com or to http://www.brownielocks.com/cornmaze.html. You can even try to locate a corn maze near you by going to http://www.cornmazedir.com

Here's a picture of a neat patriotic corn maze...

picture of a patriotic corn maze

Yesterday a student sent me a picture of a corn maze tailor made for one group of visitors....

picture of a special corn maze

On this day after the elections here in the USA, I am thankful that the Lord does not have us going though life as if we were in a maze. He knows exactly what He's doing, and He has most definitely not lost control as everything moves towards His ultimate prophesied end. I've had a song going through my head all day and was so pleased that we sang it in church this evening - not once, but twice! It's a great reminder of the Biblical perspective on things. Here are the lyrics...

There Is a Higher Throne
Words and Music by Keith & Kristyn Getty
Copyright © 2003 Thankyou Music

There is a higher throne
Than all this world has known,
Where faithful ones from ev'ry tongue
Will one day come.
Before the Son we'll stand,
Made faultless through the Lamb;
Believing hearts find promised grace -
Salvation comes.

REFRAIN
Hear heaven's voices sing;
Their thund'rous anthem rings
Through em'rald courts and sapphire skies.
Their praises rise.
All glory, wisdom, pow'r,
Strength, thanks, and honor are
To God our King, who reigns on high
Forevermore.

And there we'll find our home,
Our life before the throne;
We'll honor Him in perfect song
Where we belong.
He'll wipe each tear-stained eye
As thirst and hunger die.
The Lamb becomes our Shepherd King;
We'll reign with Him.

REFRAIN
Hear heaven's voices sing;
Their thund'rous anthem rings
Through em'rald courts and sapphire skies.
Their praises rise.
All glory, wisdom, pow'r,
Strength, thanks, and honor are
To God our King, who reigns on high
Forevermore.

You can read a great article for believers after the election by clicking here.

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There were some good punchlines for the most recent blog post.

I hope that some of my readers have gone through a corn maze or maybe some have even constructed one. Please comment away about that or anything else in this post.

quotation...

"Problems in society are just a symptom of the core problem - man's estrangement from God." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Opportunities are not lost - they just go to someone else.


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