ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Posts Tagged ‘airplanes’

Airline Announcements

Flying is such an interesting and unpredictable experience! We heard all sorts of inanities over loud speakers, and much of it sounded as if the person making the announcements was none other than Charlie Brown's teacher! Wa-wa-wa.... Anyway, here are a few things you would *not* want to hear on a plane.

Things you don't want to hear on an airplane

1. On an ocean crossing flight: "This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices."

2. "Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts."

3. "Our sudden loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your flight a sight seeing expedition."

4. "Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock ... He's hot on our tail! ... Eject! Eject!"

5. As the plane turns around right after takeoff: "... uhhhhh ... We have to go back. ... We... We... uhhhhhh ...forgot something...."

6. "Ummmmmm ... Sorry, everybody ...." (silence)

7. "To the passengers on the right-hand side of the plane, I'm sure you've noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now."

8. "Fasten your seatbelts!" (Spoken in the same tone that a friend with suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in a car.)

9. "This is your captain speaking. These planes are a lot different from the ships I'm used to ... so please give me some leeway if this flight doesn't go to well."

10. "It would be a good idea right now if everyone would close the shades and watch the inflight movie."

11. "We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... oh, stink!"

12. "Aww, I can't figure out how to turn this thing off and don't worry - that gauge is always on 'E'."

13. "Stewardess, would you please bring four parachutes to the front cabin."


personal update...

Last evening we arrived safe and sound here on the island where we'll be teaching for the next three weeks. Our classes begin Monday morning. The departure of our flight from Chicago to Beijing was delayed by 7 hours, as we awaited the arrival of another plane since the one we were supposed to go on had mechanical problems. We spent a "pleasant day" reading, dozing, and strolling around O'Hare airport. Once we were on board, our departure was delayed by yet another hour because a passenger was ill. Since he had to be taken off the plane, they also had to find and remove his checked-in luggage from the luggage compartment. So, instead of arriving in Beijing at 2:30 p.m., we arrived at 10:30 p.m. Long couple of days.... But by arriving so late in the day,we basically breezed through customs and finally arrived at our hotel at about midnight. My thanks to those of you who prayed about the ear problems I'd been having. PTL, no problems at all on any of the three flights. After a nice breakfast Friday morning, we took a 10-minute walk to Tiananmen Square. Our flight left for Hainan right on time. The plane was crowded and hot, but punctual. Friends met us at the airport with smiles and waves, and we were taken to the apartment where we'll be for several days until another becomes available. It did not take us long to remember how tropical it is here! Phew! Today's heat index is supposed to be 110 degrees F with *lots* of humidity.

=^..^= =^..^= =^..^=

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of an airplane?

Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Page 2 of 212