ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Posts Tagged ‘bathrooms’

Plumb Crazy


Two of my readers sent me e-mails in recent weeks with pictures of some atrocities committed mostly by plumbers. Those pictures, added to some in my files, had all the makings of a blog post.

I'll start off with a picture where it's hard to know whether to fault the plumber or the electrician.

Plumber of Year 19

In the next one, it's clearly the plumber's fault.
Click here to continue reading this post ⇒


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Good, Clean Humor


Camay

One thing that my readers appreciate about my blog is that it is good, clean humor. This week's post is an old routine done by comedian Shelley Berman. It is reminiscent of some of Bob Newhart's one-sided phone conversations, except that we get to read the other side(s) of the "conversation." Mr. Berman related this as something he experienced in some of his travels. I am not familiar with the whole of Berman's work, but I do enjoy what I'm posting today.

Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,
S. Berman

divider

Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy,
Relief Maid

divider

Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.

Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

S. Berman

divider

Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.

Your regular maid,
Dotty

divider

Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
Click here to continue reading this post ⇒


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Where is the WC?


picture of wc sign

If you've traveled overseas, especially in Europe, you are probably familiar with the abbreviation WC in public places. The letters stand for water closet (toilet). In Germany I was surprised to see that in some places they use the abbreviation 00 (double zero, or Null-Null in German, Null rhyming with pool). I read somewhere that it began in hotels with numbered rooms — the idea being that 00 would not be confused for a sleeping room. My mind always saw it as the letter "O" twice and I would think "uh-oh!"

Today's iv is the result of subject matters in two of my French classes this week. We just learned about the letter combination WC in my second semester French class yesterday. The initials WC always make me think of a classic bit of humor I first heard as a high schooler. When I asked my class if they had ever heard the story about the Wayside Chapel, I was surprised that only 2 of the 25 students admitted to having heard it before.

In my 17th Century French Literature class we are reading L'Avare (The Miser) by Molière. Some of Molière's comedy is based on quiproquo (from the Latin quid pro quod = something for something, the idea of one thing for another thing) in which a misunderstanding is caused by each person's talking about one thing while the other person is understanding something else. The result can be quite funny, as in today's blog post.
Click here to continue reading this post ⇒


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Restroom Trip Policy


picture of restroom problem

As much as it is supposed to simplify our lives, technology seems to make them more complicated as more is expected of us and controls us far more than it frees us. Today's blog post highlights an area of control that most of us never thought we would have to face in the workplace! Here's a note to employees that you would hate to receive from the personnel office:

Re: Restroom Trip Policy

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restrooms under informal guidelines. Effective Oct. 6, 2008, a Restroom Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time, thereby ensuring equal treatment to all employees. Until all necessary equipment is finally put in place on October 6, adherence to the new RTP will be on the honor system.

Under the new RTP, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month employees will be given twenty (20) Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated.

In the next two weeks the entrances to all restrooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations, computer-linked voice print recognition devices, and all the other equipment described below. Before the effective date of the new RTP, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to Human Resources. The voice print recognition stations will be optional and not restrictive for this month. Please acquaint yourself with the stations during that period.

Once that equipment is in place and it's possible to monitor the restrooms electronically, if the employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first working day of the following month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is being occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm tone will sound throughout each building's intercom. Immediately afterward our new advanced voice synthesis system will announce the name of the delinquent employee and his or her department. Ten seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will spring open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board in the respective departments and on our intranet home page. Anyone's picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated. If you have any questions about this new RTP, please contact HR. They have all received advanced instructions.

We know you will want to co-operate so that this new policy can be expedited smoothly.

Human Resources,
Employee Benefits

BUM:mer

divider

Aren't you glad that the preceding is totally made up? But isn't it scary that it's true enough to life to be almost believable?!

The memorial service for my friend Paul Long was at 10:00 a.m. today. His siblings - two sisters and a brother - and several nephews were able to make the cross-country trip to be with Paul's wife and son. You can read several nice tributes - the first an article about him and his family and the second a tribute his school put out on their website about Paul - by clicking here and here.

Back to the topic of today's blog post... I'd love to your comments about how technology has changed your life, both for better and for worse.

quotation...

"Technology has just enabled us to commit the same old sins in a more hi-tech fashion." - Dr. Bob Jones Jr.

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Oddments


That's an odd title, isn't it? Why oddments? Oddments is a word that means remnants, leftovers, odds and ends, hodgepodge, etc. You get the idea. So... why oddments? What I'm posting today is little bits of stuff, none of which would make a real blog post, but they're things just too good not to share! Mainly it's stuff that I've received or found that has something to do with previous posts on my blog. I'll put a link to the various posts that the oddments are related to. And some of it is simply interesting little oddments I'd like to share, not related to much of anything. Emphasis, I guess, on odd....

A while back I had a post called 10,000 words - 10 really crazy pictures, each worth 1,000 words. I have since learned that one of the pictures actually could/should have been part of a later blog post dangerous hike and freebies. Here's the picture...

outhouse on the Mt. Huashan hike

Here's another outhouse that could have been part of the post nice bathroom humor

double decker outhouse

That's something we could all keep in mind as we go into the elections this fall!

Here's a picture that could have been part of the post sign language The picture is of a martial arts school.

martial arts school signs

I ran across a neat picture that I think could make a great header picture for my blog (if it weren't the wrong size and proportion, let alone all the potential copyright issues). Just think, instead of having an ancient gargoyle looking over the skyline of Paris, I could have Ratatouille looking at it from a different angle....

Ratatouille looking over Paris

My wife found a great recipe online for the ratatouille that Ratatouille made in that animated film. We love this dish and have declared it her recipe find of 2008! If you'd like to try it out, you can find it at http://smittenkitchen.com/2007/07/rat-a-too-ee-for-you-ee

I tried something new in the garden this year - Thai Red-Seeded Long Beans. They're like the green beans we've eaten in China and like the ones in many Chinese buffets here in the USA. The name "long beans" is not an exaggeration! Here's a picture of me measuring several against a yardstick. I don't know if you can make it out in the picture, but the longer of the two beans measures 30 inches - 6 inches longer than they're supposed to be! Just a couple of beans is enough for a meal for the two of us!

30 inch long beans

Recently I've found a couple of neat "toys" online. Anyone who reads my blog finds out pretty quickly that I am a word person. I love puns and other forms of wordplay. Well, here are several visual forms of wordplay. In both them them you can tweak the font and colors to your liking.

The first one is called Wordle. You can create your own "wordle" in several ways - either by pasting in "a bunch of text" (as they say) or by entering a URL. I chose the second, entering the URL of my most recent blog post last Thursday. Here's the wordle of that post...

wordle of my post called English must be difficult

Another word toy I ran across is a text animator called textanim. Here's my little creation from that site...

animated text of ivman's blague

Several weeks ago I had a post called t-shirt slogans. Someone sent me a great video clip on how to fold a t-shirt in seconds. It's in Japanese (I think), but if you watch it a few times, you should be able to do it too. My wife has mastered the technique and says, "This has revolutionized my recreational laundry!" Click in the square below to start the video.

Now I think you'll agree that my calling this blog post "oddments" (with a heavy emphasis on odd) was appropriate. I'm looking forward to some really odd comments now. 😀

quotation...

"Most problems in our lives go back to a false idea of who God is." - Dr. Chris Barney

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Page 1 of 212