As much as it is supposed to simplify our lives, technology seems to make them more complicated as more is expected of us and controls us far more than it frees us. Today’s blog post highlights an area of control that most of us never thought we would have to face in the workplace! Here’s a note to employees that you would hate to receive from the personnel office:

Re: Restroom Trip Policy

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restrooms under informal guidelines. Effective Oct. 6, 2008, a Restroom Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee’s restroom time, thereby ensuring equal treatment to all employees. Until all necessary equipment is finally put in place on October 6, adherence to the new RTP will be on the honor system.

Under the new RTP, a “Restroom Trip Bank” will be established for each employee. The first day of each month employees will be given twenty (20) Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated.

In the next two weeks the entrances to all restrooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations, computer-linked voice print recognition devices, and all the other equipment described below. Before the effective date of the new RTP, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to Human Resources. The voice print recognition stations will be optional and not restrictive for this month. Please acquaint yourself with the stations during that period.

Once that equipment is in place and it’s possible to monitor the restrooms electronically, if the employee’s Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee’s voice until the first working day of the following month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is being occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm tone will sound throughout each building’s intercom. Immediately afterward our new advanced voice synthesis system will announce the name of the delinquent employee and his or her department. Ten seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will spring open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board in the respective departments and on our intranet home page. Anyone’s picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated. If you have any questions about this new RTP, please contact HR. They have all received advanced instructions.

We know you will want to co-operate so that this new policy can be expedited smoothly.

Human Resources,
Employee Benefits

BUM:mer

Aren’t you glad that the preceding is totally made up? But isn’t it scary that it’s true enough to life to be almost believable?!

The memorial service for my friend Paul Long was at 10:00 a.m. today. His siblings - two sisters and a brother - and several nephews were able to make the cross-country trip to be with Paul’s wife and son. You can read several nice tributes - the first an article about him and his family and the second a tribute his school put out on their website about Paul - by clicking here and here.

Back to the topic of today’s blog post… I’d love to your comments about how technology has changed your life, both for better and for worse. I’ve also put a new poll in the sidebar about technology.

quotation…

“Technology has just enabled us to commit the same old sins in a more hi-tech fashion.” - Dr. Bob Jones Jr.

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Rob

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.

That’s an odd title, isn’t it? Why oddments? Oddments is a word that means remnants, leftovers, odds and ends, hodgepodge, etc. You get the idea. So… why oddments? What I’m posting today is little bits of stuff, none of which would make a real blog post, but they’re things just too good not to share! Mainly it’s stuff that I’ve received or found that has something to do with previous posts on my blog. I’ll put a link to the various posts that the oddments are related to. And some of it is simply interesting little oddments I’d like to share, not related to much of anything. Emphasis, I guess, on odd….

A while back I had a post called 10,000 words - 10 really crazy pictures, each worth 1,000 words. I have since learned that one of the pictures actually could/should have been part of a later blog post dangerous hike and freebies. Here’s the picture…

Here’s another outhouse that could have been part of the post nice bathroom humor

That’s something we could all keep in mind as we go into the elections this fall!

Here’s a picture that could have been part of the post sign language The picture is of a martial arts school.

I ran across a neat picture that I think could make a great header picture for my blog (if it weren’t the wrong size and proportion, let alone all the potential copyright issues). Just think, instead of having an ancient gargoyle looking over the skyline of Paris, I could have Ratatouille looking at it from a different angle….

My wife found a great recipe online for the ratatouille that Ratatouille made in that animated film. We love this dish and have declared it her recipe find of 2008! If you’d like to try it out, you can find it at http://smittenkitchen.com/2007/07/rat-a-too-ee-for-you-ee

I tried something new in the garden this year - Thai Red-Seeded Long Beans. They’re like the green beans we’ve eaten in China and like the ones in many Chinese buffets here in the USA. The name “long beans” is not an exaggeration! Here’s a picture of me measuring several against a yardstick. I don’t know if you can make it out in the picture, but the longer of the two beans measures 30 inches - 6 inches longer than they’re supposed to be! Just a couple of beans is enough for a meal for the two of us!

Recently I’ve found a couple of neat “toys” online. Anyone who reads my blog finds out pretty quickly that I am a word person. I love puns and other forms of wordplay. Well, here are several visual forms of wordplay. In both them them you can tweak the font and colors to your liking.

The first one is called Wordle. You can create your own “wordle” in several ways - either by pasting in “a bunch of text” (as they say) or by entering a URL. I chose the second, entering the URL of my most recent blog post last Thursday. Here’s the wordle of that post…

Another word toy I ran across is a text animator called textanim. Here’s my little creation from that site…

Several weeks ago I had a post called t-shirt slogans. Someone sent me a great video clip on how to fold a t-shirt in seconds. It’s in Japanese (I think), but if you watch it a few times, you should be able to do it too. My wife has mastered the technique and says, “This has revolutionized my recreational laundry!” Click in the square below to start the video.

Now I think you’ll agree that my calling this blog post “oddments” (with a heavy emphasis on odd) was appropriate. I’m looking forward to some really odd comments now.

quotation…

“Most problems in our lives go back to a false idea of who God is.” - Dr. Chris Barney

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Rob

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

One of the things that my readers appreciate is that what I post is suitable for even the youngest members of the family. So much of what calls itself humor these days ranges from blatant filth to innuendo to bathroom humor.

I’ve had some interesting pictures and information passed on to me lately, though, that I’ve been wanting to post. Technically, it’s bathroom humor, but not what people normally think of when they hear that expression. You’ll understand as you read on….

With so much emphasis today on everything being “green,” many will see the practicality in a new device called WashUP. It uses the washer’s discarded water as the water for the toilet. Very clever - after all, who needs clean water for flushing?

Pretty clever, huh?

Another innovation for those multitaskers who are the epitome of practical…

Kind of gives “going online” a whole new meaning!

Some people, though, are more interested in uniqueness or beauty. Here are a couple of glitzy toilets on the market for people into “bathroom bling”…

Those who have visited the funny pix archives on the main ivman.com website will remember the following outdoor toilet from a European city…

Some places in Europe do, however, prefer something with a bit more privacy…

Scary, huh?

I have several bathroom signs that need little or no explanation.

Here’s a sign from a bathroom in the Philippines…

This bathroom sign is obviously from an upscale establishment…

This sign says it all for those of us at BJU taking part in the Wellness Challenge…

I’ll end this part of the post with a note seen on a bathroom door…

Attention Children: The Bathroom Door is Closed!

Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out.

Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken; I am not trapped.

I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times, since you were born because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in there; but it’s been years and I want some PRIVACY.

Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am ready.

Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.

Do not go running back to the phone yelling, “She’s in the BATHROOM!”

Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in.

Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them. This was funny only when you were two.

Do not slide pennies, Legos, or notes under the door. Even when you were two, this got a little tiresome.

If you have followed me down the hall talking and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away, and wait for me in another room. I will be glad to listen to you when I am done.

Oh … and yes, I still do love you.

Mom

quotation…

“Live your life for the one thing that matters - the pursuit of Jesus Christ.” - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob

The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on.