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9 Rules


picture of the 9rules leaf

Yesterday 9rules posted the list of sites newly accepted into their network of blogs. To use the latest media buzzword, ivman's blague has been vetted! (For those who, like me, have been wondering what in the world that means, vet = to appraise, verify, or check for accuracy, authenticity, validity, etc.)

A while back I randomly found 9rules online and tried to figure out what exactly it was. Here’s what 9rules has to say about themselves — "9rules is a place where members and readers can connect, build relationships, and learn new things."

9rules started in 2003 with a set of 9 rules:

1. Love what you do.
2. Never stop learning.
3. Form works with function.
4. Simple is beautiful.
5. Work hard, play hard.
6. You get what you pay for.
7. When you talk, we listen.
8. Must constantly improve.
9. Respect your inspiration.

Since I knew I could abide by those rules, I clicked on the link “How Do I Join” and submitted my blog for their review. And now my blog has been accepted into their community. I'm vetted! (I'm trying to use that word as often as the media is this week - particularly in connection with Sarah Palin, but I know I'm failing miserably, not wanting to use it in every other sentence…).

I'm truly amazed to be included in a group of blogs with, as the 9rules header puts it, "The best content from the independent web." One of the benefits to my blog is exposure to a very large audience. I'm pleased that more people will find out that my blog is a source for good, clean humor. Some of my readers may also find some blogs in the 9rules community that are of interest or use to them; however I hasten to add that there will certainly be some blogs that are not at all to their liking — caveat lector!

In honor of this momentous event, I am publishing "The Rules" - both the women's version and the men's version. I have boiled each of the lists down to just 9 rules. 😎

The Rules (from the female perspective)

1. The Female always makes The Rules. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification … by the Female.

2. No Male can possibly know all The Rules. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

3. The Female is never wrong. If it appears that the Female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong, for which the Male must immediately apologize.

4. The Female may change her mind at any time. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the Female.

5. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. The Male, however, must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

6. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know what's on her mind or whether she wants him to be angry or upset. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

7. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in undesirable consequences. (Uh-oh … I'm toast!)

8. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #3.

9. The Female always gets the last word. The Male may get the last word, only if it's "Yes, Dear."

The Rules (from the male perspective)

(You will notice that all The Rules are numbered "one" — they are all of equal importance.)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about your leaving it down.

1. Men = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Concerning communication: Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. Ask for exactly what you want. Let's clarify that: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! Furthermore, "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. If we ask you what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We assume you're telling the truth. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. For example, if you think you're fat, you probably are. So don't ask us.

1. Concerning problems and projects: Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, it would be best for you to do it yourself.

1. Concerning what we say: Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Concerning what you wear: You have enough clothes and you have too many shoes. Most men own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we would be any good at choosing which pair, out of forty, would look good with your dress? When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Concerning how we see things: Men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what taupe is, let alone that there are shades of taupe! Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. Concerning what we do and don't do: If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. We do not remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar and remind us frequently beforehand. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. Crying is blackmail.

Now who said that we men are not communicators?! Look at the length of our Rules!

quotation...

"It's not just our prayers and our hymns that declare the glory of God, but it's also our work that declares His glory." - Dr. Bryan Smith

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Is there an exception to the rule that states, "There is an exception to every rule"?


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Buzzwords


This past weekend a colleague and I went to a conference for foreign language teachers - the SCOLT/SCFLTA Conference - in Myrtle Beach, SC. We were able to be there only for the Saturday morning sessions. After experiencing the quality of those sessions, we wished we had attended all three days of the conference. It was far better than the national ACTFL Conference we had attended the fall of 2006!

I'm fluent in French, can hold my own in German, and can handle some situations in Spanish and Chinese. However, one of the things I found difficult at the conference was trying to understand a language that I'm not very good at - educational buzzwords. This is the impetus for today's iv....

Buzzwords

Buzzwords, expressions like scenario, 24/7, soft money, proactive, venue, wiki, hit the ground running, win-win, affluenza, dotcom, fatcat, gridlock, etc., both amuse me and drive me crazy (crazier?)! People in management, geeks, politicians, the media, and even educators love to use buzzwords.

According to Wikipedia, "a buzzword (also known as a fashion word or vogue word) is an idiom, often a neologism, commonly used in managerial, technical, administrative, and sometimes political environments. Though apparently ubiquitous in these environments, the words often have unclear meanings."

Some would readily point out that the word buzzword itself is a buzzword, so named because of the desire to employ the words that create a special effect, or buzz, in another's mind.

In the business world, it seems to be important that reports contain lots of buzzwords. What the reports actually say isn't nearly as important as the ability to show that you are on the cutting edge in the use of the current buzzwords.

In 1968, Newsweek magazine published a short, but humorous article, How to Win at Wordsmanship. After years of hacking through etymological thickets at the U.S. Public Health Service, a (then) 63-year-old official named Philip Broughton had hit upon a sure-fire method for converting frustration into fulfillment, at least jargonwise. Euphemistically called the Systematic Buzz Phrase Projector, Broughton's system employs a lexicon of 30 carefully chosen "buzzwords."

The procedure is simple: Think of any three-digit number. Then select the corresponding buzzword from each column.

For instance, number 257 produces "systematized logistical projection," a phrase that can be dropped into virtually any report with a sincere ring of decisive, knowledgeable authority. No one will have the remotest idea of what you're talking about, but the important thing is that they are not about to admit it!

BUZZWORDS FOR MANAGERS (or wannabe managers)

COLUMN I COLUMN II COLUMN III
1. heuristic 1. organizational 1. flexibility
2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability
3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility
4. functional 4. digital 4. programming
5. responsive 5. logistical 5. scenarios
6. optional 6. transitional 6. time-phase
7. synchronized 7. incremental 7. projection
8. compatible 8. third-generation 8. hardware
9. futuristic 9. policy 9. contingency
0. integrated 0. management 0. options

After my experience at the teachers' conference this past weekend, I wondered if the same could be done for educational jargon, which borders on buzzwords. Educators are often guilty of using "edspeak" - a language spoken by those inside the education profession that is often not comprehensible to people outside the profession. The term is modeled on George Orwell's "newspeak" from his novel 1984. This professional jargon is also known as educationese, eduspeak, edubabble, and pedagogese. The following could also be helpful to anyone writing a grant proposal.

The table below enables you to create most of a sentence, giving you a verb, and adjective, and a noun. You just have to flesh it out. For instance, 239 would yield "benchmark cross-curricular methodologies". You could then craft that into a powerfully cryptic sentence such as, "This assessment tool would allow us to benchmark our present cross-curricular methodologies." Scary, huh?!

BUZZWORDS FOR EDUCATORS

Verb Adjective Noun
1. assess 1. child-centered 1. articulation
2. benchmark 2. competency-based 2. competencies
3. disintermediate 3. cross-curricular 3. curriculum integration
4. enable 4. developmentally appropriate 4. decision-making
5. facilitate 5. global 5. experiences
6. implement 6. hands-on 6. higher-order thinking
7. integrate 7. holistic 7. initiatives
8. morph 8. metacognitive 8. learning styles
9. optimize 9. performance-driven 9. methodologies
0. strategize 0. standards-based 0. outcomes

I got the words used above by picking my favorites from a long list of edspeak words at http://www.sciencegeek.net/lingo.html It's a fun site to visit - there's a button at the top that you can keep hitting to generate random phrases from their long lists.

If you'd like to see a long list of other buzzwords, each one linked to its definition, go to http://www.investopedia.com/categories/buzzwords.asp

You can have more fun with a random buzzword generator at http://www.1728.com/buzzword.htm

quotation...

"I think we educators are unusually prone to use jargon, and of all people we ought to be the clearest in our language." - Dr. Ruth Steele, at the time she made this statement, director of the state Education Department and a former English teacher

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Remember: Today's buzzword could very well be tomorrow's drivel.


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