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Posts Tagged ‘cars’

Survivor – Texas Style

Pink Toyota

I know I have several long-time readers from Texas, and so when I saw this I thought they would enjoy it especially. But even if you're not from Texas, I think you'll chuckle as you read this if you know a little bit about Texans.

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled Survivor - Texas-Style!

The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas, drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, then over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene and Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas in this vehicle:

Pink Prius

Ah yes, each contestant will be driving a pink Prius. And if that's not potentially lethal enough, each Prius will have a dozen bumper stickers which will read:

1. "I'm A Democrat"

2. "Amnesty For Illegals"

3. "I Love The Dixie Chicks"

4. "Boycott Beef"

5. "I Voted For Obama"

6. "Re-elect Obama In 2016"
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Have You Lost Your Cool Status?

picture of Snoopy Joe Cool

Are you now or were you ever considered "cool"? I feel safe in doing this blog post because I can honestly say I don't think I have ever been considered cool in anyone's eyes. Now that I'm older (and I hope wiser), it's been fascinating to see again some of the kids who were "cool" in schools I attended and taught in. Many of them seem much less cool than in their younger years. If they were once cool, they've apparently moved on. Or upon further reflection, maybe they weren't really all that cool to begin with. I think the definition of cool constantly changes. Today's cool will be tomorrow's passé.

This past week I've received several things regarding coolness that mesh perfectly to form today's post.

You know you've lost your "cool" status when...

The pattern on your shorts and couch match.

You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.

Jogging is something you do to your memory.

All the cars behind you flash their headlights.

You actually ask for your father's advice.

You turn down free tickets to an evening event because you have to work the next day.

You don't know how to operate a fax machine.

Instead of saying "Good morning" to your wife, you ask her if she's taken her meds.

You leave concerts and sports events early to "beat the crowd."

Co-workers you've always thought of as contemporaries now come to you for sage counsel.

You don't know what your "comfort zone" is. In fact the term makes you nervous.

When someone mentions surfing, you picture waves and a surf board.

You don't want a sports-type vehicle because of the insurance premiums.

You bought your first car for the same price you just paid for your son's new running shoes.


Speaking of cars, here are some great posters I received in an e-mail from a reader who graduated from high school with me. I'm old enough to remember these cool Chevy cars.

picture of Chevy poster

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If GM Merged with Microsoft

picture of sign

In this day of corporate mergers, takeovers, and conglomerates, we end up with some interesting combinations. I did a blog post some time back about this. Today's post is about what would happen if General Motors (a.k.a. Government Motors) merged with Microsoft. Let's take a look at some of the upsides and the downsides.

Computer companies often have a customer service telephone number where lovely young men and women in India try to help customers with their computer woes. GM doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers. But if the two companies merged, here are some examples of what calls to GM's HelpLine might sound like as GM had to deal with what computer companies deal with all the time:

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"

HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"

CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"

HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."

CUSTOMER: "Ignition?! Starter motor?! Battery?! Engine?! How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?!"
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Smart Car Body Kits

Many Europeans are keen on their "Smart Car" — "the first European electric vehicles that are fully operational for everyday use." The concept is owned by the Germans and manufactured in France. To give you an idea of the size of the Smart Car, here's a picture of this energy-efficient, environmentally-friendly vehicle that our government will probably soon mandate that we all must use, much like the squiggly fluorescent light bulb.

picture of smart car

They come in a variety of colors — here's a picture of a stack of them at a dealership.
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Senior Bumper Snickers

picture of bumper sticker

My wife and I seem to have more and more friends who are considered to be "seniors." There are several places where we are eligible for senior discounts, but there are far more where we aren't yet. Several people have sent me some senior bumper stickers. I don't know if they've actually been spotted or if they would just be good ones.

Senior Bumper Snickers

I'm retired. I was tired yesterday, and I'm tired again today.

I'm in the initial stages of my golden years - SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP...

Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics

Old age comes at a very bad time!

There are three signs of old age. The first is loss of memory. I forgot the other two.

I was always taught to respect my elders. I'm so old, there's no one left to respect.

I'm so old ... I don't buy green bananas

I was at the beauty shop for nearly two hours - that was only for the estimate

Talk fast - I don't have much time!

I'm not old. I'm chronologically gifted.

Just married... for 55 years

I'm so old that when I eat in a restaurant they ask for the money up front.

Old people ROCK

At my age, everything I buy comes with a lifetime guarantee!

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Any day above ground is a good one.

Bald and counting on global warming

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be

Consciousness - that annoying time between naps

Grandma's my name, and spoilin's my game

picture of bumper sticker

The idea is to die young as late as possible

I'm having a bad bald day

I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

Anybody seen my teeth?

I must be getting older ... all the names in my address book end with M.D.

At my age flowers scare me!

So far this is the oldest I've ever been.

It ain't the age. It's the mileage.

I'm NOT a Senior Citizen. I'm a recycled teenager.



I can't envision many of those bumper stickers on my car any time soon, though my car could honestly sport several of them.

Please don't tell me I'm delusional, but when I was a child and then as a young man, the people who were the age I am now really seemed to be a lot older than I currently see myself. I'm not talking appearance either – the ones I knew just didn't seem to have many interests and didn't do much. I'm older now than any of my grandparents were when I was born. As a child, I didn't see any of them do the types of activities my wife and I and friends our age enjoy doing. Is it because I'm around young people all the time? Is it because I've had an easier life? Is it just differences of personality and outlook? I simply don't picture myself as old as my grandparents and then later as my mom did when they were in their upper 50s. (Dad died at age 42 - YIKES, was he young!) I identify best with the one toward the bottom of the list - "I'm NOT a Senior Citizen. I'm a recycled teenager."

How about your experience? Those of you who are like my wife and me or who know people in our age bracket (in our upper 50s), do you see things as I described them above?


"Character of steel is forged on the anvil of hardship." - Col. Brad Lapiska

=^..^= =^..^=

Live each day like it's your last. One day you'll get it right!

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