Our family seems to be growing lately by going to the dogs! In a comment I added to one of my recent blog posts called great cat quotations I mentioned that even though our kids grew up with cats, all three of them are dog people now. They don’t dislike cats, but they’ve chosen to own dogs instead. The puppy in the picture on the right is our latest “grand-pup” - Paisley. Our daughter Nora bought her when she moved into her own apartment last week. Paisley is a Weimaraner that’s about 7 weeks old. That makes our fourth grand-pup. Megan and Jim have a dog who’s a mix of terrier and sneaky neighborhood dog, and Mark and Katie have two dogs, both of mixed heritage, that they got from the Greenville Humane Society.

I’m so used to cats now after so many years of having cats that I have a hard time understanding what dogs are trying to communicate to me. Here’s a Far Side® cartoon I can really relate to…

If you too wonder what dogs are trying to tell us…

Things we can learn from a dog

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Practice obedience.

Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.

Take naps, and then stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you’re not.

If what you want is buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you’re happy, prance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout. Instead run right back and make friends.

If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you’ll get what you want.

Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.

When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you’re dragged shamefully out from under the bed).

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

I’ve put a new poll question in the sidebar about your favorite kind of pet, if any.

Have you dog owners learned any lessons from your dog?

Here’s a parting shot of Paisley in her crate…

quotation…

“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.” - Dave Barry

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Rob

So if it’s a dog’s life you’re leading or if you’re working like a dog, learn some of the lessons above – take a moment, take a breath, and just enjoy being alive. SMILE! (without sticking your tongue out, of course!)

My wife was looking at the tag cloud in the sidebar of my blog and said she noticed I don’t have many posts about cats. Since we’re cat people, I thought I’d better do something about that!

Here’s a list of great quotations about cats and a few pictures I hope you’ll find amusing.

“People who hate cats in this life will come back as mice in their next life.” - Faith Resnick

“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” - Jeff Valdez

“Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.” - unknown

“The cat is the only animal which accepts the comforts but rejects the bondage of domesticity.” - Georges Louis Leclerc de Buffon

“In a cat’s eye, all things belong to cats.” - English proverb

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.” - Steven Wright

“Cats are connoisseurs of comfort.” - James Herriot

“One cat leads to another.” - Ernest Hemingway

“Beware of people who dislike cats.” - Irish proverb

“If you yell at a cat, you’re the one who is making a fool of yourself.” - unknown

“Cat people are different, to the extent that they generally are not conformists. How could they be, with a cat running their lives?” - Louis Camuti

“Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.” - unknown

“Dog’s come when they’re called: cats take a message and get back to you later.” - Mary Bly

“As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.” - Ellen Perry Berkeley

“There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.” - Albert Schweiter

“Kittens are born with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again for the better part of their lives.” - Stephen Baker

“Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are gods.” - unknown

“Cat: A pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs and patronizes human beings.” - Oliver Herford

“To err is human, to purr is feline.” - Robert Byrne

“The cat has too much spirit to have no heart.” - Ernest Menaul

“The phrase ‘domestic cat’ is an oxymoron.” - George F. Will

“The cat loves fish, but hates wet feet.” - Medieval Proverb

“There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.” - Unknown

“Cats aren’t clean, they’re just covered with cat spit.” - John S. Nichols

“Time spent with cats is never wasted.” - Colette

“Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.” - Joseph Wood Krutch

“You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats.” - Colonial American proverb

“No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens.” - Abraham Lincoln

“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.” - Mark Twain

“Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True and they have many other fine qualities as well.” - Missy Dizick

“There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.” - unknown

“When my cats aren’t happy, I’m not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they’re just sitting there thinking up ways to get even.” - Percy Bysshe Shelley

“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days.” - Bill Dana

“The trouble with a kitten is that…
Eventually…
It becomes a cat!” - Ogden Nash

“Cats never strike a pose that isn’t photogenic.” - Lilian Jackson Braun (author of The Cat Who… series)

As much as my wife and I are fans of Lilian Jackson Braun’s series of The Cat Who… books, I have to say that we’ve seen our cats in some awfully unphotogenic poses. The following picture is a couple of cats who are modest sunbathers.

Our grandson Drew loves to play in water, and so his grandma Esther bought him a swimming pool. Here are several pictures of him enjoying it.

We’d enjoy hearing comments from other cat people!

quotation…

“Every Bible should be bound in shoe leather.” - D. L. Moody

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Rob

Dogs have owners; cats have staff.

Often my blog posts are related to something happening in our lives, and this one is no exception. Since Friday morning, I’ve been battling a head cold - something I haven’t done in a long time and something that’s making the rounds right now. During classes Friday, I was quite miserable, with a nose that had been replaced by a faucet. After dinner Friday evening, I went to bed at 6:30 and slept for 12 hours straight - something I never do! Our cats - Adelaide and Clementine - were a riot! Adelaide, whom we lovingly call “Florence Nightingale,” was curled up next to me the entire 12 hours! At 6:15 Saturday morning, Clementine started digging at the closet door to try to wake me up, and Adelaide started walking around on the bed, crying, and sticking her nose in my face - I guess to see if I were still breathing. I fell back asleep and immediately dreamed that I was staring at a computer, and an e-mail notify message popped up from our two cats, concerned about my having slept so long. I woke up laughing, which felt good. I slept away a lot of the weekend getting 31 hours of sleep totally! But I feel much better this morning to face a week of classes.

My dear wife has been so sweet this weekend. (Can you even imagine her being anything but sweet?!) She made a big pot of her wonderful cabbage soup to help speed my recovery. It made me think of something I’ve had in my files for a long time. I share that with you today.

Some years ago The Saturday Evening Post ran an article that was entitled “The Seven Ages of the Married Cold.” This article revealed the reactions of a husband to his wife’s colds during their first seven years of marriage. It’s a rather humorous look at a not-so-funny reality - the potential decline of a marriage, as seen through the common cold. I hope I do better than the husband in what you’re about to read!

The Seven Ages of the Married Cold

First Year: “Sugar dumpling, I’m really worried about my baby girl. You’ve got a bad sniffle and there’s no telling about these things with all this strep going around. I’m putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest. I know the food’s lousy, but I’ll be bringing your meals in from Rossini’s. I’ve already got it all arranged with the floor superintendent.”

Second Year: “Listen darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I’ve called Doc Miller and asked him to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl, please, just for papa.”

Third Year: “Maybe you’d better lie down, honey; nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I’ll bring you something. Have you got any canned soup?”

Fourth Year: “Now look dear, be sensible. After you’ve fed the kids, washed the dishes, and finished the floors, you’d better lie down.”

Fifth year: “Why don’t take a couple of aspirin?”

Sixth year: “I wish you would just gargle something instead of sitting around all evening barking like a seal.”

Seventh year: “For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing! Are you trying to give me pneumonia?”

***
I found a great picture online somewhere during the Christmas break - the way one student dealt with the pertussis scare we had at BJU in early December. I hope none of my students come to class looking like this today, fearful of catchin my cold….

quotation…

“Magnifying God isn’t making Something small big. It’s focusing on Something that, from our perspective, seems small and seeing how big He is.” - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob

If a man caught a cold in the middle of a forest where no one could hear him, would he still make whining sounds?

Since this is the fiftieth anniversary of the launching of Sputnik 1, I thought I’d post something scientific … well, maybe at least as scientific as some of what calls itself science.

A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new scientific theories on any subject. Below are the top five winners:

5th place (Subject: Probability Theory) If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually write the complete works of Shakespeare in Braille.

4th place (Subject: Bio-Mechanics) Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your head unbalances other people’s ear pressures, so they then yawn to even it out.

3rd place (Subject: Symbolic Logic) The Chinese are technologically underdeveloped because each of their writing characters represents a whole word or phrase, rather than a single letter. Thus they cannot use acronyms to communicate technical ideas at a faster rate.

2nd place (Subject: Newtonian Mechanics) Deforestation will eventually cause earthquakes, tidal waves or even the total destruction of our planet. Just as a figure-skater’s rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting down of tall trees may cause the earth to spin dangerously fast on its axis with disastrous results.

Winner (Subject: Perpetual Motion) When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat’s back, buttered side up and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system.

A reader mentioned to me that there’s an article on Wikipedia similar to the winning theory. Below is the picture from that article.

Several (dis?)honorable mentions…

Honorable Mention (Subject: Earth Science) Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the world, they are landing at sunset. This causes the earth to spin on its axis.

Honorable Mention (Auto Mechanics) The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is that it’s easier to go faster when you’re always going downhill. Besides, they get better gas mileage that way.

Honorable Mention (Subject: Linguistics) The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian “pahks his cah,” the lost R’s migrate southwest, causing a Texan to “warsh” his car and invest in “erl” wells.

***
In my last post I promised to include a few pictures. Here’s one of Uncle Mark and Drew…

Saturday afternoon some of us went up to North Carolina to get some apples at our favorite place - Lyda. They had some fall decor sitting around, just begging for photo ops. Here’s a nice picture of Meg and Drew…

Then here’s one of our little punkin all by himself…

quotation…

“Courage is not needed if all things are easy and smooth.” - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob

Why are aliens from outer space always portrayed as evil? How do we know that there’s not some alien out there who’s just waiting to share the recipe for “The Universe’s Best Waffle Mix?”

The past couple of days have been a special time of bonding between our two cats and me with my wife and daughter gone. Some of their antics made me think of the following list of cat etiquette rules. Cat lovers will be amused as they think of their own little darlings, and cat haters will probably say at least once, “Yep, that’s another reason I don’t like cats!”

Rules of Etiquette for Young, Inexperienced Cats Who Have a Household to Run…

1. DOORS:
A. Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. Remember, as a cat, you have the option of changing your mind.

B. Once you have ordered that a door to the outside be opened, stand half-in and half-out and think about several things. (This is particularly important during very cold weather or mosquito season).

C. Avoid swinging doors, unless you can get humans to catch your tail in it by accident.

D. Should you run into a closed sliding glass door, never let on that it was unintentional - go about your business as if “I meant to do that.”

Addendum: If you are an indoor-only cat, use your Cloak of Invisibility until the people forget you’re in the room, then make an insane dash for the outside world the instant the door is opened. Then when your people come after you, do that “dancing just a millimeter out of reach” thing until they’re not sure they even want you back.

2. THROWING UP:
A. If you have to throw up, get onto a chair or the couch quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. Lacking an Oriental rug, shag carpet is good.

B. When it becomes time to dislodge a fur ball, choose the dining room at dinner time. Carpet or upholstery is always preferable to hard surfaces.

3. GUESTS:
A. After dinner, when walking on the dinner table among the dishes, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea to convey is “But you let me do it when there isn’t company!”

B. Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the evening because the guest wouldn’t dare push you off and will even call you “nice kitty.” If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much the better.

C. For sitting in laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select colors which contrast with your own. Example: for white-furred cats, a good black wool is best.

D. Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

E. For guests who say, “I love kitties,” be ready with aloof disdain. Later you can apply your claws to stockings or give a quick nip to the ankles.

4. PLAYING:
A. If you allow a dog to share your domain, you are in luck. Should you tatter the drapes or destroy anything for which you fear retribution, wait until your owner is near by, slap the dog and run for it. Dogs are stupid and will accept the blame for anything. If this ruse should fail, simply run and hide. No one really expects to catch a cat.

B. Chase, frolic, and run from Invincible Entities. The why doesn’t matter - it is just expected.

C. If you ever catch a mouse, take it under the king-sized bed. Go to the center, out of reach of anyone. Wait until the people are asleep, and proceed to eat your catch, enjoying every morsel as loudly as you can.

D. Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means that it is a Good Toy. Run with it under the bed. Look suitably outraged when the human grabs you and takes it away. Always watch where it is put so you can steal it later.

E. Hiding is great fun. Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come under any circumstances out for three to four hours. (This is a great time for some extra napping.) This will cause the humans to panic (which they love to do) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and will probably give you a treat.

F. Always sharpen claws on furniture. Ignore those “scratching posts” they get for you, they’re not good for your nails. Curtains and the arms of their easy chairs are also great places to scratch and sharpen your claws. You need to leave your mark on the world. If your humans are ignoring you, this is a great way to get their attention.

5. PERSONAL DIGNITY:
A. It is important to maintain one’s dignity at all times. If you should have an accident during play, such as falling off a chair, immediately wash a part of your body as if to say “I MEANT to do that!”

B. Always look innocent when you’ve made a mess. Your humans won’t believe you did it.

C. If you are overweight, arrange yourself in attractive poses, except, of course, when cleaning yourself.

6. FOOD AND EATING:
A. Never eat food from your own bowl if you can steal some from the table. Never drink from your own water bowl if their glass is full enough to drink from.

B. If you become bored with your diet, immediately after food is placed into dish, try to cover it with the newspaper under your bowl - sometimes this can even result in your fresh bowl of water being tipped over.

C. Table scraps are delicacies with which humans are unwilling to part readily. It is beneath your dignity to beg for these as do the lower forms of life (dogs), but try jumping onto the lap of the softest human and purr loudly, lie down in the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room, or give the Direct Stare. Other techniques that work are twining around people’s legs as they sit and eat while meowing plaintively or resting your paws on the human’s leg and mewing to remind them you are starving to death.

7. LITTER BOX:
When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter as possible out of the box. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes. Also, refuse to use the litter box unless it’s absolutely clean. If it’s dirty, you can protest by making a little pile right next to the litterbox. That’ll teach ‘em to attend better to their duties!

8. WALKING:
A. As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

B. When your owner returns home laden with packages, fall down in front of them - this works best on steps, all the better if the individual is proceeding downward. There is always the chance you may get stepped on, but this usually guarantees a fall and you can milk their guilt that follows. It is usually worth it.

9. HAMPERING ROUTINE ACTIVITIES:
A. If one of them is sewing, or working with paper and pens, and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. This is called “helping”, otherwise known as “hampering”.

B. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. This way you cannot be seen and, therefore, stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and comforted.

C. For readers, get in close under the chin, unless, of course, you can lie across the book, magazine, or newspaper itself. When a humans are holding the newspaper in front of themselves, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to be startled and jump.

D. For someone knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to doze. Then reach out and slap a knitting needle sharply. This causes what is called a “dropped stitch.” The knitter will try to distract you with a ball of yarn, which is ridiculous. What you want to go for, and with a vengeance is the moving strand of yarn. What self-respecting cat would settle for a ball of yarn when s/he can pounce on a moving strand?! Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks, in spite of what the humans may tell you.

E. For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activities), keep in mind the aim: to hamper. First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off of table one at a time.

F. For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being removed for the second time, push anything movable off the table - pens, pencils, stamps - one at a time.

G. When people are using computers, be alert! Do not let typing occur without your attention. By sitting on the lap of the person at the keyboard, you can place elbows on the top, making it convenient to play with the keys. If there is paper on the desk or table, biting any piece of paper is in order, or better yet, sit on whatever the person is trying to look at while typing. Always walk on the keyboard.

10. BEDTIME AND SLEEP:
A. Always sleep on the humans at night so they cannot move around. Get enough sleep in the daytime so that you are fresh for playing catch-mouse or king-of-the-hill on the bed between 2 and 4 a.m.

B. In the morning, when you want breakfast, lick the sleeping human on the face, or on an exposed foot (it is best to do this to the female, as the male tends to become violent).

FINAL NOTE: Start this training early, and you will have a smooth-running household. Humans need only to know a few basic rules which they can be taught readily if one starts in time!

***
Becka and Nora arrived back home safe and sound at about 6 last evening. They said the traffic wasn’t all that bad, having been fearful that it would be otherwise on Memorial Day. They had a very nice time up there visiting with Jim, Meg, and Drew. Here are a few pictures from this last visit….

Grandma and Drew, who is now sporting some newborn-sized clothes…

Drew looking at his mom at bath time…

Drew practicing his smiling while sleeping…

Megan did not end up having to have surgery last week, for which we are thankful. She and Drew are both doing very well. Our heartfelt thanks to those who ask about them and pray for them.

quotation…

“Isn’t it amazing that God uses words to change us?” - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob

A dog will come when you call, but a cat will take a message and never get back to you.