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Posts Tagged ‘cats’

Love Me, Love My Dog


This is kind of an interesting twist on men vs. women. I want to make it clear that I didn't write *any* of these things. I'm just proficient at "tidying up" things that others have sent me. I'm posting this one with a bit of fear and trembling since it's more than just a little non-PC. I had my wife read it first, just to be sure that I've deleted all the very "meanest" things. Enjoy!

How dogs and men are alike...

Both keep moving, even when they are lost.

Both take up too much space on the bed.

Both have irrational fears about the vacuum cleaner.

Both are threatened by their own kind.

Both are color blind.

Neither understands what you see in cats.

Both want dominance.

The larger ones tend to drool.

The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

Both do the dishes by licking them clean.

Both chase cars.

How dogs are better than men...

Dogs don't have problems expressing affection in public.

Dogs miss you when you are gone.

You can train a dog.

Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.

Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

When dogs play "fetch", they don't laugh at how you throw.

No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

Dogs understand it when some of their friends aren't allowed to come inside.

Dogs don't care if you're not beautiful.

Dogs will not criticize you if the dinner is not perfect.

A dog will not blame you for not remembering something he never told you.

If you put on a little weight, dogs will like you just as well.

Dogs don't care if you get old.

Dogs are not always bragging about how macho they are.

How dogs and women are alike...

Both can eat five pounds of chocolate in one sitting.

Neither understand football.

Both are good at pretending to listen to every word you say.

Neither believe that silence is golden.

Neither can balance a checkbook.

You can never tell what either of them is thinking.

How dogs are better than women...

Dogs love it when your friends come over.

Dogs think your singing is great.

A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.

Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late - the later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.

Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.

If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

Dogs don't shop.

Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.

Dogs never need to examine a relationship.

A dog's parents never visit.

Dogs love long car trips.

Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.

Dogs don't hate their bodies.

Dogs don't cry.

No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

Dogs never expect gifts.

Dogs don't worry about germs.

Dogs would rather have hamburger than lobster for dinner.

You never have to wait for a dog; they are ready to go out 24 hours a day.

Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.

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Several have asked about the pictures at the top of the blog. The panorama is of Paris. Most of them feature the Eiffel Tower.

If you're browsing with Firefox, the RSS feed for the blog is in the address bar at the top. Otherwise, please add the blog to your favorites.

The past couple of days it's been interesting to read email reactions to my decision to share my iv's online only. The comments have been a mix of what I thought they'd be - "WAAAAAAAAA! Now I have to remember to do something other than click on an email! Bummer!" "I was surprised you hadn't done this sooner!" "I'm sad, but I completely understand." "Cool! I like RSS feeds and blogs better than email anyway!"

The funniest I received was, "So Mr. Loach, you're both retro and hip! Retro enough to use Windows 98 at home, hip enough to use Thunderbird and have an RSS feed! :)"

I realize that possibly fewer people will end up reading my iv's and updates, but this really is going to simplify my life - I won't be doing anything extra since I was already posting the iv's on the blog and in the archives. I just won't have to deal with all the email hassle, which was *huge*!

I thank those of you who understand, and especially to those who are reading this right now! You have braved technology to get here!

Hope everyone had a great Bonza Bottler Day yesterday!

quotation...

With Super Bowl XLI in mind ... "Football combines the two worst features of American life - violence and committee meetings." - George Will

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Lord, make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am.


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How to Give Your Cat a Pill


Not only did we have to give pills to our cat Linus the last couple of months of his life, but we also have to give pills to another one of our cats three times a week. These lovely experiences have reminded me of something in my files - how to give your cat a pill. After that I have also added another cat story I received recently.

How to give your cat a pill...

1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.

2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.

3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.

4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.)

5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well.

6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.

7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good cry.

8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here, anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and...Oooops!

9. This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.

10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.

11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.

12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.

13. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.)

14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man, or woman.

15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.

16. Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. There! It's done.

17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).

18. Give yourself two aspirins by whatever means works best for you, and lie down.

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Here's a story about a cat who was a bit of a pill himself....

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As the man was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, he saw that the cat was already there!

He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive miles and miles away, turning right, then left, over bridges, on and on, until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home, and he left the cat there.

Hours later the man called home to his wife, "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Please put that wretched cat on the phone - I'm lost and need directions!"

quotation...

"All the days of the afflicted are bad, but a cheerful heart has a continual feast." Proverbs 15:15

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Political correctness strikes again! A group here in the USA should no longer be referred to as "hillbillies." The proper designation is now "Appalachian-Americans." A special thank you to those who will remember this in future conversations.


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