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Posts Tagged ‘childbirth’

Dads Survive Somehow


Grandma and I are enjoying seeing our grandson Drew on webcam over the internet as we talk by Skype to Megan. He's cooing and smiling more and more, just like his grandfather. At Drew's check up last week the doctor said he's now passed the 8 pound mark and is doing very well. Yippee!

As a final installment for Father's Day, here's an article by Dave Barry I found in my files. I chuckled and LOL often while reading this one - it's so exaggeratedly true!

Miracle of Birth: That Dads Survive
by Dave Barry
Sunday, January 23, 2000

So my wife and I are preparing for childbirth. When I say "my wife and I," I of course mean "my wife." She will be the most directly involved. On behalf of all men, I just want to take a moment here to get down on my knees and thank whoever invented our current biological system, under which the woman's job is to have the baby somehow go from the inside of her body to the outside of her body, in clear violation of every known law of physics, and the man's job is to stand around looking supportive and upbeat and periodically no matter what is actually happening to the woman, say, in an upbeat and perky voice, "You're doing great!"

My wife thinks the only fair system would be, every time the woman had a contraction, she got to hit her husband on the body part of her choice with a ball-peen hammer. Of course she is kidding. But only because her contractions have not yet started.

We've been going to Childbirth Classes, which involve sitting in a classroom filled with expectant couples and a mounting sense of dread. The teacher usually starts with a scientific discussion of childbirth, in which she shows us various models and diagrams to give us an idea of what will be happening when the Big Moment arrives. In my opinion, the most informative way to do this would be to hold up a bowling ball and a drinking straw, and say: "Basically, this has to go through this. Ha Ha!"

But our teacher keeps fairly technical. After a while, we're starting to feel confident about this childbirth thing. We're thinking, "OK, all that has to happen is the cervix has to dilate to 10 centimeters! How hard can that be? I wonder what a cervix is? Also, centimeter."

So we're pondering these abstract questions and maybe thinking about what we're going to have for dinner, when suddenly, with no warning, the teacher turns out the lights and shows a horror movie. Oh, it starts out innocently enough: There is a nice couple consisting of a woman who is pregnant and a man who is supportive-looking and generally has a beard. They seem happy, but you just know she's going to go into labor. You want to stop her. It's exactly like those scary movies where the heroine goes down into the basement, and you want to shout, "Don't go down into the basement!", except in the childbirth class you want to shout, "Don't go into labor!"

But she always does go into labor. It seems to last a lot longer than necessary. Hours turn into days, and still she is in labor. Outside her window, the seasons change. Her doctor grows old and gray and eventually is replaced by a new doctor, and still this poor woman is in labor. Her husband keeps telling her that she's doing great, but you can tell from her expression that he's very lucky she doesn't have a ball-peen hammer. Eventually she becomes so deranged that she apparently does not even notice that there is a cameraperson shooting extreme close-up footage of...OK, let's just say that it is not her most flattering angle.

When the woman gets approximately to her 15th year of labor, she begins making noises that you rarely hear outside of nature documentaries and her husband edges back a little bit in case she gets her hand on a scalpel. The movie now becomes very explicit, causing the entire childbirth class to go into a mass cringe, all of us hunched up and involuntarily protecting as many of our body parts as possible. I use this time to practice my squinting, which is the most important thing the husband learns in childbirth class. I use a special Lamaze squinting technique that enables me to prevent virually all rays of light from penetrating my eyeballs.

When the woman in the movie makes a noise identical to what you would hear if a live yak went through a garlic press, I unsquint my eyes just enough to see it happen, the Blessed Event, the timeless miracle that makes the whole thing worthwhile: An alien bursting out of the woman's chest cavity. No seriously, what happens is that the woman has a baby, via a process that makes what happened in "Alien" look like a episode of "Teletubbies." Then our childbirth-class teacher turns the light on, and the pregnant women all turn to face their husbands, and they all have the same facial expression, which says: "this is not fair." We husbands respond supportively and pat their arms in a reassuring manner because we're sure that they're going to do great!

quotation...

"The task of Christian parents is to transmit their heritage to the next generation." - Dr. Jim Deuink

=^..^= =^..^=
Grandpa Rob

People who say they sleep like a baby obviously don't have one.


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A Few More Pictures…


For those who check in on the blog more frequently, I thought I'd reward you with a few more pictures. Jim lovingly dubbed Nora the "baby paparazzi" for her picture taking prowess. The first two pictures are from her camera, and the third picture is one of the few there are of the Hawkins family since only two people can go in to see Drew at a time. This picture was while Megan was still in the hospital.

Aunt Nora and Drew...

picture of Nora and Drew

With eyes wide open...

picture of wide-eyed Drew

Presenting the Hawkins family...

picture of the Hawkins family

I'll post the next iv late this evening.

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob


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Oxymorons


In the hall the other day, a former student of mine who is now in grad school said he wanted to show me something funny. For one of his courses one of the textbooks is a book about aesthetics. The strange thing is - it's one of the ugliest books! Hmm... ugly aesthetics?! See below...

picture of ugly aesthetics?

The whole thing seemed rather oxymoronic to me! At that moment I decided to share a list of oxymorons with you. (As Rush Limbaugh would begin an explanation - "for those of you from Rio Linda...") an oxymoron is a combination of incongruous or contradictory terms. Some of them are very commonly used, and we don't even think about what a strange combination of words they actually are until we consider them more carefully.

From all the lists I've seen, here are the best of them.

act naturally
advanced BASIC
almost exactly
alone together
assistant supervisor
authentic reproduction
awful good
cardinal sin
Christian rock music
civil war
clearly misunderstood
common sense
congressional ethics
conservative democrat
constant changes
criminal justice (sadly, it has just about come to that...)
cruel kindness
deafening silence
death benefits
decaf espresso
definite maybe
deliberately speeding
diet ice cream
disgustingly beautiful
dressy casual
dry lake
elevated subway
epic mini-series
exact estimate
express mail
extinct life forms
extremely normal
fairly swarthy
first final
forward lateral
found missing
free slaves
freezer burn
fresh frozen
friendly fire
full-time day care
future history
genuine imitation
genuine phony
good grief
government efficiency
government organization
guest host
half full
high negatives
highly depressed
holy terror
holy war
ill health
Internal Revenue Service
intimate strangers
jumbo shrimp
justifiably paranoid
limited lifetime warranty
living dead
live recording
loose tights
loyal opposition
management skills
mandatory options
mercy killing
Microsoft Works
military intelligence
mutual differences
new classic
new retreads
nightly specials
non dairy creamer
open secret
original print
out at home
pagan believers
partial cease-fire
passive aggression
peace force
plastic glasses
political science
postal worker
pretty ugly
pure evil
pure meanness
purely carnal
rap music
raving beauty
real tinsel
resident alien
rolling stop
same difference
sanitary landfill
Senate ethics committee
silent scream
small crowd
soft rock
sports scholarship
standard options
student teacher
sweet sorrow
synthetic natural gas
temporary tax increase
terribly pleased
tight slacks
transparent cover-up
true replica
truly lying
uninvited guest
wicked good (a Yankee expression)
wireless cable
working vacation

divider

personal update...

Wow, how do I succinctly sum up the past day and a half? I'll give it my best.... Nora and I left at about 5:30 Wednesday evening to drive all night to get to Detroit early Thursday morning. The traffic was blissfully light. It started to rain hard when we were between Cincinnati and Dayton, then almost immediately as we got into Michigan it was a rain/snow mix and finally all snow. We were exhausted, but arrived safe and sound at 4:45 Thursday morning and immediately hit the hay.

At about 7:30 Megan woke Becka and me up. She was having pains in her chest and her blood pressure was high again. This was scary since these were the problems that put her close to death last week and caused the emergency C-section. She had already called the doctor's office and was awaiting a call back when she woke us. When the call back came, they said she should go to the emergency room and have them do tests to determine what was causing the difficulties. Jim came home from work and took her right away to the ER. While we waited for word from them, Nora and I got a little more sleep after our long drive. At lunch time, there was still no word, so we decided to go to the hospital to wait with them. They determined that Megan was dehydrated and that her BP was indeed high. She was on an iv all day, and they did a battery of tests, including a CT scan, trying to rule out things like blood clots in her lungs since her surgery last week. For Meg and Jim it was a frustratingly long day (over 12 hours) of waiting and being put off by their rude nurse. At the end of the day, at least she was re-hydrated and her blood pressure was lower, but there was nothing conclusive discovered and she was released to come home. She was already scheduled for a check up this morning at her doctor's, so we all hope she'll find out more there later this morning. Please pray for her - and for us all. Thanks!

Spending much of the day in the ER and ER waiting room was not without its interesting features for me - I seem to be able to find the humorous in almost any situation - and we were reminded that we were in a big city. As we were gathering up out personal effects after going through security (yes, security - just like in the airport!) on the way into the ER wing, a man and woman stumbled in the door. She told the man in security, "Someone tried to rob him and stabbed him in the back!" Sure enough, the back of his yellow plaid shirt was quite bloody. They didn't even make him go through security! I told Becka that's what we should have done! There was also a homeless woman in the lobby who was trying to move in and gave those of there hours of interesting diversion. I'm very thankful that I've been able to come back up here for these couple of days before Bible Conference begins on campus rather than having to hear about all this from long distance.

Becka, Nora, and I were able at least to go up to visit Drew several times during the day yesterday. He's making such good improvement and is such a little cutie! Here are a few pictures from the past couple of days between my time here last weekend and now. I'll try to have a few more Sony-moments while we're still up here.

Drew under the lights for jaundice...

picture of Drew under the lights

Jim changing Drew's diaper...

picture of Daddy changing Drew's diaper

Megan giving Drew a bottle...

picture of Megan feeds Drew his bottle

Since she was released from the hospital earlier this week, Megan now expresses and saves her milk, and they take it to the hospital for Drew. He knows how to suck her milk out of the bottle, but he doesn't know how to swallow yet. Therefore he still has a feeding tube down his nose. But he no longer has the iv or the oxygen, so he's making great strides and he should soon get the hang of the breathing/swallowing coordination.

added after Megan returned from her check up...

The doctor says her incision looks good. He was not happy about some of the things that happened to Megan yesterday in the ER. She'll be on blood pressure medicine for a while and will see her doctor again next week. She's feeling much better today, especially after her check up.

quotation...

"When you can't see your way clear, obey your way clear." - Matt Olson

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Does freedom of the press means no-iron clothes?


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Two Milestones


This is a super-fast update for those who are checking in periodically. Megan was able to go home last evening (Tuesday) without having to have the blood transfusion they thought they might have to give her. She slept well, being back home. Drew has been moved to the "phase two" room and is making steady progress. There has been much improvement since last Friday, and we thank the Lord so much for His strong work in Megan and Drew's behalf!

I'll post more news once Nora and I get to the other end of I-75 and recuperate. If traffic and all the factors cooperate, we hope to arrive at about 4 a.m. I have no pictures to add at this time - the camera's up there with Grandma. But I promise to post more pix once I'm up there.

We cannot adequately thank everyone for their prayers, encouragement, and thoughtfulness!

This grandpa's heart is so full!

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

He who laughs, lasts.


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Our New Grandson


(If you read this blog post before Saturday evening at 9:45 EST, you didn't see the latest pictures I was able to get this evening. I've added them at the end of this blog post.)

Friday, March 9, our phone rang at 1:50 a.m. It was our son-in-law Jim calling to let us know that they were at the hospital and that our grandson would probably be born soon. This came as quite a shock to us because the due date was not until April 22, six and a half weeks later. Jim said that Megan had been diagnosed with severe preeclampsia - her blood pressure was quite high and it was affecting her liver especially. Since she and the baby were both in grave danger, they did an emergency C-section. Jim called to let us know that Andrew James (they're calling him Drew) had been born at 3:40 a.m., and Mom and baby were both doing well and recovering. At birth Drew weighed 3 lbs. 15 oz., was 17 inches long, and had some dark hair.

Becka and I decided during those sleepless, prayerful hours during the rest of that night that we would drive up to Detroit this weekend to see everyone, going part way Friday and the rest of the way up on Saturday morning. Then I would drive back alone on Sunday, she would spend the week up here, and that I would come back next weekend. When my dear friend Bruce Byers heard our plan, he insisted on covering my afternoon classes so that we could get on the road 4 hours earlier. This enabled us to drive all the way on Friday, arriving at a little after midnight, utterly exhausted but happy to be at this end of the trip. Bruce's kindness gives me the whole day here today before starting the trip home tomorrow. What a blessing this has been!

We went to the hospital to see everyone first thing this morning. Megan is still in pretty rough shape and has quite a bit of recovery ahead of her. It's good that Becka can be here all week with her. Our little grandson Drew is so beautiful and such a gift from the Lord! My eyes are welling up with tears as I type this. When I think how close we came to losing them both, it's just overwhelming. I can't begin to describe everything in my heart and mind as I hugged Megan and as I held my precious grandson this morning for the first time! All I can say is "God is so good!"

I'm putting two pictures below from this morning - one of Jim and Drew and one of me holding Drew. We'll go back later this afternoon, and I'll add pictures as I can.

Presenting baby Drew...

picture of Andrew James

Megan and Drew...

picture of Megan and Drew

Jim and Drew...

picture of Jim and Drew

Grandma Loach and Drew...

picture of Grandma and Drew

Grandpa Loach and Drew...

picture of Grandpa and Drew

Look how little his hands are!

picture of such little hands

More as this exciting new chapter in our lives unfolds! You'll have to bear with me - I'm a first-time grandfather! Much yet to learn and experience.... 😎

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

"Let your life be a chronicle of the activity of God." - Dr. Drew Conley


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