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Posts Tagged ‘coffee’

Sleeping on the Job?


On the evening news tonight we saw a report about more and more people falling asleep at work. They said that there's an epidemic of Americans not getting sufficient sleep at night. Some "experts" are recommending not only that Americans try to get more sleep, but also that businesses give their employees a little nap break to help them with this problem. Our wellness program at the university seems to be helping many of us with issue. Anyway, this made me think of something to share with you about sleeping on the job....

The 21 best responses if you are found asleep at your desk (not to be used in class, of course)...

21. "Oh, man! I come in at 6 in the morning, and look what happens!"

20. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!"

19. "You don't discriminate against those with Latient Atrophy Zymosis Yeast syndrome, do you?!?"

18. "They told me at the blood bank that this might happen."

17. "Oh, hi there. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands."

16. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

15. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Liquid Paper."

14. "I was just meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

13. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

12. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance."

11. "I'm doing the Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."

10. "It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?"

9. "Just pacing myself for an all-nighter here at work tonight!"

8. "I was working smarter, not harder."

7. "Auggh! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

6. "I'm in the management training program."

5. "The coffee machine is broken...."

4. "Someone must've put the decaf in the wrong pot this morning."

3. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

2. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"

1. "...and I especially thank you for my excellent boss. Amen!"

Today I received an interesting picture called "Haircut of the Year" that I thought others might enjoy seeing. Truly bizarre!

Hope you had a nice Bonza Bottler Day today. Mine was just a standard day of classes, except that midterm grades were due.

quotation...

"The Bible doesn't talk about rights. It talks about responsibility." - John Hutcheson

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Do you ever get tired of sleeping?


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Airhead Jokes


picture of bullet hole

(Phew! I just dodged another bullet!) Several months back I posted some blonde jokes. A blonde friend asked me to please cool it for a while with the blonde jokes! Figuring there might be others who felt the same way and just hadn't expressed their sentiments to me, I honored her plea. Please, don't shoot me! Actually, if you looked at the pictures of me mentioned above, you will see that I am becoming somewhat of a platinum blond myself. Hence, lately I'm a bit more sensitive myself to humor about those with lighter hair.

As a result, today's jokes are about airheads instead....

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A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering for airheads where his hostess broached a subject with which the doctor was quite at ease.

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"That's easy," he replied. "You ask them a simple question which everyone should be able to answer with no trouble. If they hesitate, that puts you on the right track."

"What sort of question would you ask, Doctor?"

"Well, I might ask, "Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"

The airhead thought for a moment, then said with a nervous laugh - "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

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There are two women getting ready to leave for work. The first one gets in the driver's seat and her airheaded friend gets in the passenger's seat. The drivers says, "We're late, so you watch out the back window for cops." As she speeds down the road she asks the airhead, "So, do you see any cops?"

The airhead replies, "Yes." The driver says, "Are they behind us?" "Yes." "Are they close?" "Yes." "Are they going to stop us?" "I don't know." "Well, are their lights on?" "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes."

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A airhead was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to go out for coffee. Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.

"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the airhead asked. The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me." "Oh good!" the airhead sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular black, two regular with cream, and two decafs with sugar.

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picture of bullet hole
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so an airheaded woman went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," said the sheriff, "what is 1 and 1?"
"Eleven," she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but I guess she's right technically."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."

He was again surprised that the airhead supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now, listen carefully. Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

The airhead looked a little surprised, thought really hard for a minute, and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for awhile?"

So, the airhead wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The airhead was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

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The other day I was in the local auto part store. An airhead came in and asked for a seven ten cap.

We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?"

She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one."

"What kind of a car is it on," they asked?

I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said its a Buick.

"OK lady, how big is it?"

She makes a circle with her hands about 3-1/2 inches in diameter.

What does it do?," we asked.

She said, "I don't know, but its always been there."

One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3-1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710.

The guys behind the counter were looking at it upside down as she wrote it...and they just fell down behind the counter laughing so hard in hysterics.

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An airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell me your age, please?"

The airhead counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um ... 22."

The interviewer tries another straightforward question to break the ice. "And can you tell me your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good, so the interviewer goes for the real basics - something she won't have to count, measure, or look up. "Uh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

She bobs her airy head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Jenny!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "What were you doing after I asked you your name?"

"Oh, that!" replies the airhead," I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear....'"

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Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the airheaded employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are ... very slowly?"

The airheaded girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

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An airhead named Barbara is appearing on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. The following exchange takes place:

Regis: Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left - phone a friend. The next question will give you a million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 - are you ready?

Barbara: Sure, I'll have a go at it.

Regis: Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it...
A. Robin
B. Sparrow
C. Cuckoo
D. Thrush.
Remember Barbara it's worth one million dollars.

Barbara: I think I know who it ... but I'm not 100%.... No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend, Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: I'll phone my friend Carol back home in Brooklyn. (ringing)

Carol (also an airhead): Hello...

Regis: Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to a million. The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question. There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer - fire away Barbara.

Barbara: Carol, which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it:
A. Robin
B. Sparrow
C. Cuckoo
D. Thrush

Carol: Oh, Barbara, that's simple! It's a Cuckoo.

Barbara: You think so?

Carol: I'm sure.

Barbara: Thanks, Carol. (hangs up)

Regis: Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the million, Barbara?

Barbara: I want to play, I'll go with C. Cuckoo.

Regis: Is that your final answer?

Barbara: It is.

Regis: Are you confident?

Barbara: Yes, fairly, Carol may be an airhead, but she's a real wiz about some things.

Regis: Barbara ... you had $500,000 and you said C. Cuckoo ... you're right! You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Here is your check. You have been a great contestant. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara.

(clapping)

That night Barbara goes to Carol's to celebrate. Barbara turns to Carol and asks, "Tell me Carol, how in the world did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"

Carol: Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock.

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A young man wanted to get his beautiful, yet airheaded wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. She was all excited, she loved her phone. He showed her and explained to her all the features on the phone.

The next day the wife went shopping. Her phone rang and it was her husband. "Hi, Hon!" he said. "How do you like your new phone?"

She replied, "I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, baby?" asked the husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

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Airhead's Cook Book

MONDAY:
It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY:
Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper.

WEDNESDAY:
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY:
Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY:
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

SATURDAY:
Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. (Oh, boy... for some reason Bob keeps counting to ten.)

SUNDAY:
Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT, DEAR DIARY.
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.

A policeman is interrogating three airheads who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first airhead a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first airhead answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well ... uh ... that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second airhead and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second airhead giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?! Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third airhead and in a very irritated voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

She looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm ... the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer ... wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it ... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the airhead replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

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For those of you who don't already know, I let my beard grow for the first three weeks of my Christmas break. At the end of that time, I decided to shave it off. Although several people have said they're disappointed that I've shaved off my beard, I've had far more people tell me that I look better or younger without it. Several have outright *thanked* me for shaving it off, saying they're glad they don't have to look at me with the beard and try to overlook it! For those who didn't get to see me with the beard and would like to, at the top of my blog, I've put back the picture of me looking out over the city of Paris. (Psst! ...whisper... For the sake of the gullible, that's not really me up there - unfortunately I didn't get to Paris over the holidays!) I did put pictures of me with my beard in a comment to a recent blog post. You can see them by clicking here. I've chosen as my new motto, "Beautifying America, one shave at a time."

quotation...

"Whenever I think I've arrived, I'm just fooling myself." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.


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Enjoy a Cup of Coffee!


I received something a while back that I thought was well worth the read, especially as a coffee hound.

A Cup Of Coffee
- author unknown

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. The conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, and some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

After all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said, "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

"Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases, it's just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and then began eyeing each other's cups.

"Now consider this - life is the coffee, and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life, and the type of cup we have does not define nor change the quality of life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."

God brews the coffee, not the cups. Enjoy your coffee!

The happiest people don't have the best of everything - they make the best of everything.

quotation...

"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content." Philippians 4:11 (ESV)

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If your idea of a cuppa coffee is decaf with a little skim milk and sugar substitute, why bother?!


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Let’s Hear It for Diversity!


I don't often post humor with a religious theme, but I received a joke recently that made me laugh out loud. I thought I'd send it along with several others. I'll start off with one that is very politically correct.

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A minister, a rabbi, and a priest are sitting together in a coffee shop. The rabbi says, "So a guy, and another guy, and another guy walk into a place, see...."

(Several people have commented that they didn't catch the humor in the joke above. The humor is that it's *so* politically correct that all the humor is gone. Now *that's* funny! To avoid the same thing in the next two jokes, I'll risk being politically *in*correct....)

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A fleeing Al-Qaeda guerilla who had run out of water was plodding through the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties.

The Arab asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Arab shouted, "ACH! Israel should not even exist! I do not *need* an overpriced tie. I *need* water! I should kill you, but I must find water first."

"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie or that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom."

Muttering, the Arab staggered away and eventually disappeared over the hill.

Hours later he staggered back, near collapse. He gasped out, "You didn't tell me your brother wouldn't let me in without a tie!"

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A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around.

"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd - no priest, no minister, no one that would remotely fit that description.

"A priest, ... PLEASE!" the dying man says again.

Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age.

"Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."

The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over to where the dying man is lying on the sidewalk. He kneels down, leans over the injured man, and says in a solemn voice,

"B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72...."

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Not much is new here. We're enjoying the cooler fall weather and are not too anxious for winter to arrive. 😎 School is plenty busy. I guess the semester is far enough along that it's time for tests. My students have commented that it seems to be in almost all their classes this week, unfortunately.

quotation...

"More important than the exercise of my legitimate freedom is the benefit of others and the glory of God." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry at my criticism, he is a mile away and barefoot.


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Mindset of the Class of 2010


We all view life and the world around us from our own frame of reference. Older people sometimes have trouble keeping up with such rapid change in our technological age. But younger people often have trouble thinking beyond their comparatively limited experiences. It's not uncommon for a young person to say with complete confidence, "I'll never need this. Why do I have to study it?" I heard a wise, older teacher tell that his reply to such a comment is "You are not equipped to know that."

As yet another new batch of freshman has arrived on campus, it's good to be reminded of what is "reality" for them. One way to do that that is becoming a tradition is to check the beloit.edu site to read their listing of the "mindset" of this year's freshman class. What I'm sending today is an edited version of their list - the items I found most interesting. If you want to read their list unedited, you can go to their site given below. Bear in mind that what these 18 year olds remember probably did not happen until after they were 5 or 6 years old.

BELOIT COLLEGE'S MINDSET LIST (edited)
FOR THE CLASS OF 2010

http://www.beloit.edu/mindset/2010.php

Members of the class of 2010, the freshmen entering college this fall, were mostly born in 1988.

For them, the Soviet Union has never existed and therefore is about as scary as the student union.

They have known only two presidents.

For most of their lives, major U.S. airlines have been bankrupt.

Manuel Noriega has always been in jail in the U.S.

There has always been only one Germany.

They have never heard anyone actually "ring it up" on a cash register.

They are wireless, yet always connected.

Thanks to pervasive headphones in the back seat, parents have always been able to speak freely in the front.

A coffee has always taken longer to make than a milkshake.

Smoking has never been permitted on U.S. airlines.

Faux fur has always been a necessary element of style.

They have never had to distinguish between the St. Louis Cardinals baseball and football teams.

DNA fingerprinting has always been admissible evidence in court.

They grew up pushing their own miniature shopping carts in the supermarket.

They grew up with and have outgrown faxing as a means of communication.

"Google" has always been a verb.

Text messaging is their email.

Mr. Rogers, not Walter Cronkite, has always been the most trusted man in America.

Bar codes have always been on everything, from library cards and snail mail to retail items.

Carbon copies are oddities found in their grandparents' attics.

They grew up in mini-vans.

Young women's fashions have never been concerned with where the waist is.

They have rarely mailed anything using a stamp.

Brides have always worn white for a first, second, or third wedding.

Being techno-savvy has always been inversely proportional to age.

"So" as in "That is sooooo New York," has always been a drawn-out adjective modifying a proper noun, which in turn modifies something else

They have always been able to watch wars and revolutions live on television.

Retin-A has always made America look less wrinkled.

Small white holiday lights have always been in style.

Most of them never had the chance to eat bad airline food.

They have always been searching for "Waldo."

They never played the game of state license plates in the car.

They have always preferred going out in groups as opposed to dating.

There have always been live organ donors.

They have always had access to their own credit cards.

They have never put their money in a "Savings & Loan."

Bad behavior has always been getting captured on amateur videos.

Disneyland has always been in Europe and Asia.

Beach volleyball has always been a recognized sport.

Acura, Lexus, and Infiniti have always been luxury cars of choice.

Television stations have never concluded the broadcast day with the national anthem.

Disposable contact lenses have always been available.

Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss has always been the perfect graduation gift.

They have always "dissed" what they don't like.

The U.S. has always been studying global warming to confirm its existence.

Richard M. Daley has always been the Mayor of Chicago.

They grew up with virtual pets to feed, water, and play games with, lest they die.

Professional athletes have always competed in the Olympics.

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personal update...

Last week we had an all-too-brief visit from a friend I met in France in 1975 - Doris Gilbert, for those of you who know her. I hadn't seen her in 14 years, and it was wonderful to see someone whose life has had such an impact on mine. It was a huge blessing to see her continuing to minister to many, at age 83, long after she's officially "retired from ministry." She asked me if other seniors receive my iv's, and I assured her that there are a good number in that category on my mailing list. Since she had brought the age thing up, I told her that I wanted to ask her, since she knew him personally, if George Washington was a nice man. Without missing a beat, she said, "You must have me confused with my grandfather." We did talk a little about history, and it was neat to hear the perspectives of someone who has lived even more of history than we have.

quotation...

To the assembled faculty this fall: "All of us are students, learners, sitting at His feet." - Dr. Stewart Custer

=^..^= =^..^= =^..^=
Rob

You know it's going to be a bad day when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first thing in the morning and says, "Today is Nerd Day at school, Dad. Can I borrow some of your clothes?"


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