ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Posts Tagged ‘dogs’

Dog Days of Summer


Here in South Carolina we are definitely in the dog days of summer. It's warm for sure, but not as hot as you'd think it would be in the midst of global warming. How about where you live? Those reading this in the Southern Hemisphere might be longing for some warm summer days.

Over lunch this past Sunday someone mentioned having seen a man who looked remarkably like his Saint Bernard. It struck me as funny, especially since someone recently commented on the pictures on my old dog/owner look-alikes page (back in the days before I had my blog). Have you ever noticed how many people end up with dogs that resemble them?

Here are some pictures from my files of children who look remarkably like their family dog. I suspect that the photographers did a lot of staging for these pictures, but they're cute nonetheless.

blonde girl with pigtails

black curly hair

baby with folds of skin

boy and dog with a black eye

redhead with long pigtails

boy with missing teeth

boy with tossled hair

Hope that those of you in this hemisphere have a nice summer weekend, and happy dog and people watching!

quotation...

"Letting your life be an Alleluia is going to cost you a lot." - Ted Allston

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Did you know that in 1850, the first all white Dalmatian dog was spotted?


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Lighten up!


Today I'm posting a few of the myriad "LBJ's" - light bulb jokes - in existence. This whole thing came to mind as we replaced our lighting fixture in our dining room last week. I'll start off with one that is unfortunately not a joke!

Q: How many Congress critters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 400 (314 members of the United States House of Representatives and 86 members of the United States Senate)

Late in 2007 Congress voted for an energy bill to force Americans to change the relatively inexpensive incandescent light bulbs they’re currently using and replace them with expensive new, "energy-efficient" light bulbs, and President Bush did not veto the bill! (I guess he's joined the rest of those belonging to the Global Warming Cult.) This brings to mind the 1992 energy bill, in which Congress banned the 3.5 gallon toilet, mandating that Americans no longer use more than 1.6 gallons per flush. Those new toilets have proven not to be enough to, er, get the job done. Since it sometimes takes two and three flushes per visit, Americans are using the same amount of water, if not more, than they did before Congress stuck its collective nose into our bathrooms.

And I've read that "those who know what's best for the rest of us" are also considering banning top-loading washers and disposable diapers, among other things. The "Progressives" won't be happy until we're virtuously beating cloth diapers on rocks by a steam in pitch darkness!

(Mini-rant ended...)

I guess we'll cope with this news by making "light" of it, so to speak....

Q: How many college students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I dunno, I forgot my calculator at home.

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Define "light bulb"

Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb change will take billions of years.

Q: How many deconstructionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: On the contrary, the NILE is the longest river in Africa.

Q: How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

Q: How many gorillas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs.

Q: How many dyslexics does it change to take a light bulb?
A: Eno

Q: How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Oh, no! The bulb's out! Let's sell our GE stock NOW!

Q: How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three lightbulbs.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Many hands make light work.

Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That depends on what you want to change it into.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It's a hardware problem.
A: One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
A: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
A: Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.

Q: How many database programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

Q: How many political pollsters/activitists/candidates/recordings does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Way too many, but they have to do it while you're eating dinner.

Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It won't ever get done. They only promise change.

Q: How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What's a light bulb?

Q: How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? (I know, I know - dogs can't change light bulbs, but hey, "lighten up" and enjoy!)
A: It depends on the breed (see below)....

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: I can't reach the dumb lamp!

Toy Poodle: I'll just whisper sweet nothings in the Border Collie's ear and he'll change it for me. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!

Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants take care of such things....

Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze let *me* change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still wet on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there....

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle....

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

special request update...

Thanks to the 200+ people who took our campus son Tim's online survey over the weekend. When I told him that there were 4,963 unique visitors to my blog during the month of January 2008, he was excited that he might get as many as 1,000 take the survey. That would give him a far better sampling for his research. I hope many more of you will take the time to answer the 10 questions on his anonymous survey and submit your answers by clicking the button at the bottom of that page. The link is http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=jNTcwcdc_2bUDcECUc3cxt4A_3d_3d

quotation...

"You are the light of the world if you are a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Some gardeners turn their lights on in the evening so they can watch their phlox by night.


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Choices in Life


With an eye towards Mother's Day coming up this next Sunday and Father's Day in a few more weeks, I'm posting a version of an pictorial email I've received from several people.

Choices in life

Many of life's decisions are not simple. The importance of the initial decision should always be examined in light of the longterm consequences. Consider the following two choices....

Should you get a dog ....

picture of dog and chewed up couch

...or have children?

picture of kids covered with paint

I would choose children again in a heart beat. They are indeed a blessing from the Lord! And then there's grandchildren - icing on the cake after enjoying your children! Here's a picture of our little guy taken this morning...

picture of Drew in his frog suit

We had a relatively uneventful trip up to Detroit this past Saturday, except for having to fight our way through Kentucky. It rained a lot, sometimes in torrents, plus there was an accident around Berea, KY, that had the traffic backed up for quite a distance. Fortunately when we had to stop, it was literally right beside the exit to Berea. We got off, stretched our legs, and enjoyed a Frosty at Wendy's before taking a detour on US 25 to Richmond. Unfortunately, by that time half of the nation's drivers who were on the road that day were also on that same detour.

The baby dedication Sunday morning was very nice, and we were happy to have been able to be there. We have already enjoyed holding Drew and doing our job - spoiling him. 😎

Today I spent some time setting up my Mother's Day present to my wife and our daughter Megan. I got the idea several weeks ago from a long-time ivman reader who has grandchildren living far from her - it's webcams on Meg's computer and on ours. I got everything installed today, and it works! We'll have to see how it works when we get back home. 😎

quotation...

"In three words I can sum up everything I know about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Global Cooling


Hey, where's "global warming" when we need it?!? My wife and I were talking this morning about how ironic it is that the week after global warming was all over the news, the weather turns bitterly cold. I told her that I think it's the Lord revealing His delightful sense of humor as He reminds us of who *really* controls the climate.

As many of us enjoy our current reprieve from the warming, I thought a little humor on winter weather would be in order.

TELLING THE WEATHER

To tell what the weather is like, put the dog outside. A few minutes later, go to your back door and look for the dog.

If the dog is wet, it's probably raining. If the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.

If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.

If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.

Of course, to be able to tell the weather whenever you want, you should leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect really harsh, life-threatening weather.

Sincerely,
The Cat

divider

Random thoughts on winter...

It was so cold last winter that one basketball player was late for practice because he was out trying to jump start the reindeer.

You know winter has truly arrived when you neighbor returns your lawn mower and borrows your snow shovel.

It was really cold out there today - like a refrigerator. I know. I opened the front door and the little light went on.

What can I say? The cold weather you prayed for back in August is finally here.

You know it's cold when the wind chill factor exceeds the speed limit.

You know it's cold when you're combing your hair and it breaks.

You know it's cold when you set a pan of boiling water outside and it freezes so fast the ice is still warm.

Remember, if your car starts to skid on icy streets, turn your steering wheel in the direction of the skid and jump out the windows on the passenger side.

This is the time of the year when people start going to places where they pay $200 a day to experience the same kind of heat they were complaining about in August.

One nice thing about winter weather - it's easy to find a picnic table.

When the highway department has been working all night spreading sand on the streets, it can mean one of two things - either the streets are icy or they are putting in a new beach for next year's tourist season.

It was so cold last night that the candle froze, and we couldn't blow it out.

It was so cold that when we were talking outside that our words froze, and we had to nuke them in the microwave just to see what we were saying to each other.

One nice things about living in the North - it snows only twice during the winter. Once for three months and once for two months.

The North *does* have a great snow removal system. It's called August.

divider

I'm currently in a grading vortex, but other than that, all's well here.

quotation...

"None of us can bear everyone's burden, but God has placed us where we can help bear someone's burden." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

How does the person who drives the snowplow get to work?


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Love Me, Love My Dog


This is kind of an interesting twist on men vs. women. I want to make it clear that I didn't write *any* of these things. I'm just proficient at "tidying up" things that others have sent me. I'm posting this one with a bit of fear and trembling since it's more than just a little non-PC. I had my wife read it first, just to be sure that I've deleted all the very "meanest" things. Enjoy!

How dogs and men are alike...

Both keep moving, even when they are lost.

Both take up too much space on the bed.

Both have irrational fears about the vacuum cleaner.

Both are threatened by their own kind.

Both are color blind.

Neither understands what you see in cats.

Both want dominance.

The larger ones tend to drool.

The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

Both do the dishes by licking them clean.

Both chase cars.

How dogs are better than men...

Dogs don't have problems expressing affection in public.

Dogs miss you when you are gone.

You can train a dog.

Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.

Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

When dogs play "fetch", they don't laugh at how you throw.

No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

Dogs understand it when some of their friends aren't allowed to come inside.

Dogs don't care if you're not beautiful.

Dogs will not criticize you if the dinner is not perfect.

A dog will not blame you for not remembering something he never told you.

If you put on a little weight, dogs will like you just as well.

Dogs don't care if you get old.

Dogs are not always bragging about how macho they are.

How dogs and women are alike...

Both can eat five pounds of chocolate in one sitting.

Neither understand football.

Both are good at pretending to listen to every word you say.

Neither believe that silence is golden.

Neither can balance a checkbook.

You can never tell what either of them is thinking.

How dogs are better than women...

Dogs love it when your friends come over.

Dogs think your singing is great.

A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.

Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late - the later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.

Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.

If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

Dogs don't shop.

Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.

Dogs never need to examine a relationship.

A dog's parents never visit.

Dogs love long car trips.

Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.

Dogs don't hate their bodies.

Dogs don't cry.

No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

Dogs never expect gifts.

Dogs don't worry about germs.

Dogs would rather have hamburger than lobster for dinner.

You never have to wait for a dog; they are ready to go out 24 hours a day.

Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.

divider

Several have asked about the pictures at the top of the blog. The panorama is of Paris. Most of them feature the Eiffel Tower.

If you're browsing with Firefox, the RSS feed for the blog is in the address bar at the top. Otherwise, please add the blog to your favorites.

The past couple of days it's been interesting to read email reactions to my decision to share my iv's online only. The comments have been a mix of what I thought they'd be - "WAAAAAAAAA! Now I have to remember to do something other than click on an email! Bummer!" "I was surprised you hadn't done this sooner!" "I'm sad, but I completely understand." "Cool! I like RSS feeds and blogs better than email anyway!"

The funniest I received was, "So Mr. Loach, you're both retro and hip! Retro enough to use Windows 98 at home, hip enough to use Thunderbird and have an RSS feed! :)"

I realize that possibly fewer people will end up reading my iv's and updates, but this really is going to simplify my life - I won't be doing anything extra since I was already posting the iv's on the blog and in the archives. I just won't have to deal with all the email hassle, which was *huge*!

I thank those of you who understand, and especially to those who are reading this right now! You have braved technology to get here!

Hope everyone had a great Bonza Bottler Day yesterday!

quotation...

With Super Bowl XLI in mind ... "Football combines the two worst features of American life - violence and committee meetings." - George Will

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Lord, make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am.


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Page 3 of 3123