Someone recently told me that I thought like an engineer. I wasn't offended and didn't ask why, but I'm not quite sure why either. Hmm.... The comment did make me think of some humor in my files about engineers. If you're an engineer, you may not think these are as funny as those who know you do. People who deal with engineers, though, know that many of them see life from a very different perspective from that of most folks. After reading through the material again, I thought that maybe the comment had at least a tiny bit of validity. 😎
Q: What is the definition of an engineer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers to move on ahead of them. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. Then the pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "You know, really, these guys could play at night."
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, and I'll be yours forever."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm actually a beautiful princess and that I'll be yours forever. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
You may be an engineer if...
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape frequently for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place.
If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes only five minutes to run.
If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment.
If you have saved the power cords from all your broken appliances.
If you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.
If you see a good design and still have to change it.
If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight.
If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix them.
If choosing whether to buy flowers for your girlfriend or to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
If you take a cruise so that you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
If at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary.
If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already.
If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for.
If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal.
If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone.
If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.
If you window shop at Radio Shack.
If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through sci-fi movies looking for technical inaccuracies.
If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven.
If you sit backwards on the Disney World rides to see how they do the special effects.
If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.
If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor.
If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
If you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
This week we teachers at BJU are busily working in our offices and attending meetings, getting everything ready to begin university classes on August 30. We're praying for safe journies for our students as they come from all corners of the world in the next few days.
"With the passage of time, I'm more and more struck by how abnormal 'normal' is." - Dr. Drew Conley
=^..^= =^..^= =^..^=
The optimist sees a glass that is half full. The pessimist sees a glass that is half empty. The engineer sees a glass that is twice as big as it needs to be.
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