ivman's blague

Last week a teaching colleague who has a 4-year-old daughter and who is one of my friends on Facebook wrote on my Facebook wall, “Today at lunch, Kirsten said: There’s that man that I love! I was pretty sure that I knew who she meant, but to be sure, I said: which man? She said: The one with the silver hair. :)”

In addition to giving me a good laugh, it totally made my day! Kirsten’s mama further explained to me this morning that little Kirsten says her own hair is “silver,” which made me even happier.

Thinking about silver hair, as I was looking through some stuff in my files, I found a version of a the story “I’m my own grandpa.” I had heard the song once at the Wilds, and I decided to see what I could find out about it before posting it to my blog. It’s really an interesting tale based on a real life story. Not quite as convoluted as that story is something from my own family - my uncle and his uncle (my great-uncle) married sisters. So then my uncle’s sister-in-law was also his aunt, and his uncle was also his brother-in-law. The sisters were not only sisters, but also aunt and niece. (I should probably pass on redneck humor very carefully, considering my own family history!) Anyway, on to the blog post….

I’m My Own Grandpa

An article in a New England newspaper - “A Man His Own Grandfather,” The Fitchburg Sentinel (Fitchburg, Mass.), 30 July 1877 - reported an interesting story about the suicide note of a man named William Harmen:

A man at Titusville, Pa., recently committed suicide in his horror at finding that he was his own grandfather. The way it was thus told in his dying statement: “I married a widow who had a grown-up daughter. My father visited our house very often, fell in love with my step-daughter and married her. So my father became my son-in-law, and my step-daughter my mother, because she was my father’s wife. Sometime afterward my wife had a son; he was my father’s brother-in-law, and my uncle for he was the brother of my stepmother. My father’s wife - i.e., my stepmother - had also a son; he was, of course, my brother, and in the meantime my grandchild, for he was the son of my daughter. My wife was my grandmother, because she was my mother’s mother. I was my wife’s husband and grandchild at the same time. And as the husband of a person’s grandmother is his grandfather, I am my own grandfather.”

An article in Wikipedia, speaking of the song that comes from this story, affirms:

Although the song continues to mention that both the narrator’s wife and daughter had children by the narrator and his father, respectively, the narrator actually becomes “his own grandpa” once his father marries the woman’s daughter.

* The narrator marries the older woman. - This results in the woman’s daughter becoming his stepdaughter.
* Subsequently, the narrator’s father marries the older woman’s daughter.
* The woman’s daughter, being the new wife of the narrator’s father, is now both his stepdaughter and his stepmother. Concurrently, the narrator’s father, being his stepdaughter’s husband, is also his stepson-in-law.
* The narrator’s wife, being the mother of his stepmother, makes her both spouse and step-grandmother.
* The husband of the narrator’s wife would then be the narrator’s step-grandfather. Since the narrator is that person, he has managed to become his own (step-)grandfather.

I’m not quite sure I followed that, but….

An interesting history of this story and how it has resurfaced and evolved through the years, attributed to various sources - including Mark Twain - can be found at http://www.genealogymagazine.com/grandpa.html

If you’d like to hear the song (downloaded from YouTube) performed by Dennis Warner, you can do so below.

quotation…

“Humility is a low opinion of my own opinion.” - Dr. Greg Mazak

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Lead your life so you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

Tags: aging, family living, grandparents, rednecks, weddings and marriage

My wife and I enjoyed our family Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday, November 11, since Nora, Aron (Nora’s boyfriend), Mark, and Katie will all be out of town this week. We have come up with “Plan B,” though, so we’ll have a nice Thanksgiving Day anyway. We can chuckle about what I’m posting today since an already cooked and devoured turkey is impossible to burn.

12 Reasons to be Thankful You Burnt the Turkey

1. Salmonella won’t be a concern.
2. Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened.
3. Uninvited guests will think twice next year.
4. Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newfound appreciation.
5. Pets won’t bother to pester you for scraps.
6. No one will overeat.
7. The smoke alarm was due for a test.
8. Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.
9. You’ll get to the desserts even quicker.
10. After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football.
11. The less turkey that Uncle You-Know-Who eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.
12. You won’t have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches, soups, and casseroles.

I’ve discovered the “tags” feature of my blog. You can find the “tag cloud” in the sidebar of the blog. What are “tags” and “tag clouds”? Tags are used to categorize or label the main content of a blog post. To a post about baseball, for example, I’ve given a “sports” tag. Clicking on the sports tag will take you to all content, old and new on this blog, about various sports. It’s a good way to read all the posts about things of special interest to you. A tag cloud depicts tags (or topics) on a blog in a way that reflects the frequency of their usage. More commonly used tags are given greater weighting, appearing bigger and bolder, like this. At a glance, you can see which topics are given more attention on a site that uses tags.

Megan called the other day to let us know that Drew has learned to sit up all by himself now. Doesn’t he look pleased with himself?

Our son-in-law Jim is encouraging little Drew to be a Detroit Lions fan….

quotation…

“Any worthless thing that keeps me from a vital relationship with God is a curse to me.” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If you can’t find the time to do it right, how will you find the time to do it over?

Tags: family living, holidays, sports, Thanksgiving

We have friends whose daughter in Kindergarten has been giving them fits lately with things she should not even be using. One day recently she painted her legs with nail polish, getting some on the carpet. Today she wrote on the wall of her bedroom with lipstick. As I was looking through my files recently, I ran across something I hadn’t read in years. It came to mind when I heard about our friends’ daughter’s misdeeds. I pass it along for your amusement.

Household Principles For Children - from Lamentations of the Father, by Ian Frazier

LAWS OF FORBIDDEN PLACES

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room.

Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room.

Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room.

Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room.

Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.

Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein.

Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink. But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

LAWS WHEN AT TABLE

And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me.

Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke.

Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away.

When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck: for you will be sent away.

When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you.

Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is.

And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why.

And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why.

Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

LAWS PERTAINING TO DESSERTS

For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert.

But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert.

But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof.

And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.

ON SCREAMING

Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault.

Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming.

Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat it myself, yet do not die.

CONCERNING FACE AND HANDS

Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon.

And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see.

Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.

VARIOUS OTHER LAWS, STATUTES, AND ORDINANCES

Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time.

Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of the bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, not against any building; nor eat sand.

Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape?

And hum not the humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness.

Nor forget what I said about the tape.

COMPLAINTS AND LAMENTATIONS

O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do, you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail; and when I do not accede, you cry out, and hit and kick. Yes, and even sometime do you spit, and shout and do other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and the molding thereof when you are sent to the corner.

And though the law teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner for more minutes than he has years of age, you may be an exception!

quotation…

“My obedience to God is not based on my level of comfort with what God has told me to do.” - Steve Ridge

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If we are to better the future, we must disturb the present.

Tags: children, dads, family living, food

I have received several lists of sayings that are called “Zen Sarcasm.” I thought of them today at work at IT Help Desk when we were talking about the Novell Zen agent used on the network. I don’t know that either the agent or the list of sarcastic witticisms have a thing to do with “Zen,” but I pass the sayings along for your amusement.

Zen Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

4. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

10. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

11. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.

12. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

13. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

14. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

15. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

16. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

17. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

18. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our bottom …Then things get worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and laxative on the same night.

21. There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

23. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday … around age 11.

24. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

25. That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.

26. The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

27. The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

***
This is a big week in our family. Thursday is Nora’s birthday, Megan and Jim’s anniversary, and Mark and Katie’s wedding rehearsal. Jim, Megan, and little Drew should arrive sometime Thursday mid-day. And then Mark and Katie’s wedding is Friday evening. I will probably post some pictures this weekend of all the various activities and celebrations.

I’ve been a bit nostalgic this week with all the things going on in our family, and I thought of one of my favorite pictures of a delicious moment in parenting. This week’s bridegroom was 6 months old in the picture below. Sunrise, sunset….

quotation…

“Into the fabric of the normal, God weaves miracles.” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

(If you can’t hear me, it’s because I’m in parentheses).

Tags: family living, points of view

We are thoroughly enjoying our week with Jim, Megan, and Drew. The last time we saw him in person, he was still hooked up to all kinds of things in the NICU. Now he’s a strong, constantly wiggling, newborn-size baby boy. He goes to the doctor’s office today for a well-baby check up and to get four shots. We hope to hear that he’s grown a lot since his last check up. Below is a picture of Drew with Megan holding up to him the smallest of his preemie clothes - something he fit into just a couple of weeks ago. He’s already into newborn diapers and the largest of his preemie outfits are beginning to be too small.

Now that he’s big enough to use the baby bathtub, he is actually enjoying his bathtime….

We went to Ohio a few days ago to see my mom. She really enjoyed meeting her newest great-grandchild. Below is a four generation picture from that visit. As of right now, I was the only one in the picture whose eyes aren’t blue.

Yesterday Megan took us to a store we’d never been to before - IKEA - and within five minutes Becka commented, “Well, I’ve found my new favorite store.” As I said, this has been a great week for us!

It’s been fun to watch our oldest child parenting this week. We are quickly reminded of how much time and work goes into caring for a newborn. It brought to mind this final Mother’s Day post for this year. All you moms out there enjoy your special day this Sunday. All you kids out there, spoil your mom!

The Cost of Love

A little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing dinner and handed her a piece of paper. After his mom dried her hands on her apron, she read what he had written.

For cutting the grass: $5.00
For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00
For going to the store for you: $.50
Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: $.25
Taking out the garbage: $1.00
For getting a good report card: $5.00
For cleaning up and raking the yard: $2.00

Total owed: $14.75

As the mother looked at her son, he could see that she was thinking. She picked up the pen and turned over the paper he’d written on. She wrote:

For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside me: No Charge.
For all the nights that I’ve sat up with you, doctored you, and prayed for you: No Charge.
For all the trying times, and all the tears that you’ve caused through the years: No Charge.
For all the time that I’ve pondered what I knew was ahead in life for you: No Charge.
For the toys, food, clothes, and even wiping your nose: No Charge, Son.

When you add it up, the cost of my love is: No Charge.

When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight up at his mother and said, “Mom, I sure do love you.”

And then he took the pen and on his side of the “bill” wrote in great big letters, “PAID IN FULL “.

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Children will soon forget your presents; they will always remember your presence.

Tags: children, family living, grandparents, moms