Tag Archive 'government'

What’s a billion?

Posted on 02 Oct 2008 at 7:19 am | 7 comments so far

picture comparing numbers
It’s hard enough for me to get my mind around one million, but to try to understand the concepts of a billion or a trillion is beyond my finite mind. (You math teachers out there, please be patient with me and thank the Lord that He wanted me to be a French professor instead!)

A million is a hard concept to grasp. Did you know that a stack of a million one dollar bills is about 358 feet tall?! I read somewhere that for a person to count out loud from 1 to 1,000,000 it would take 23 days, counting day and night, without breakfast, lunch or dinner, without sleep, television, a phone call or a bathroom break!

Here are several more concrete comparisons of a million, a billion, and a trillion:

A million seconds is 12 days.
A billion seconds is 31 years.
A trillion seconds is 31,688 years.

A million minutes ago was 1 year, 329 days, 10 hours and 40 minutes ago
A billion minutes ago it was the year 107 AD.
A trillion minutes ago was over 1,900,000 years ago!

[added the evening of October 2 - for a really clear comparison of a million and a billion, take a look at Andrew's comment to this post]

Between World War I and World War II, Germans had to deal with astronomic numbers daily because inflation was so high and their currency was so devalued. It cost 200 billion Marks to buy one loaf of bread! Imagine having to deal with numbers like that! You can read a very good article about it by clicking here. Here’s a picture of a German one billion Mark bill from 1923:

Whatever you want to say

Evolutionists throw the words million and billion around pretty freely. Here’s a story I love that highlights that:

Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History were marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asked the guard, “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?”

The guard replied, “They are 3 million, four years, and six months old.”

“That’s an awfully exact number,” said the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?”

The guard answered, “Well, I was told that the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.”

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Lately politicians are throwing the word billion around like it’s chump change. The following article is from the website of one of our local TV stations WYFF 4:

If the $700 billion price tag attached to the bailout plan that failed sounds like a lot, well, it is.

You can spend $700 billion in a lot of different ways. For instance, you could buy a war — the U.S. has spent $648 billion on the war in Iraq so far.

That much money could ensure universal health care coverage for six years or upgrade the country’s most deficient bridges four times over. Or you could build 1,750 bridges to nowhere. Surely all of those would eventually take you somewhere.

With $700 billion you could easily run Denmark, which had a paltry gross domestic product of $312 billion last year.

That much money could also pay back every single outstanding student loan, fund the national intelligence budget beyond 2020, or help the Gulf Coast recover from five Hurricane Katrinas.

The next time you hear a politician use the word billion in a glib, casual manner, you might want to think about how wisely politicians are spending your tax money. I guess if you can be glib about a billion, what’s a measly $700 billion bailout?! It’s just 700 of those billion-thingies….

Several people have expressed their thoughts about the bailout in their comments to my post the blame game. I’d be interested in reading what my readers think about the prospect of our government bailing out these failing businesses.

quotation…

“The certainty that Messiah reigns produces calm in the face of current affairs, patience with the events of one’s own life, satisfaction with the Lord’s management of all things, expectancy that a glorious future is coming, and confidence in the One who sits upon the throne.” - Walter Chantry

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

“The god of the ‘American Dream’ doesn’t seem to be coming through right now.” - Dr. Drew Conley

7 comments so far

Could Noah build his ark today?

Posted on 30 Jun 2008 at 9:22 pm | 9 comments so far

Have you ever visited the Creation Museum near Cincinnati, Ohio? This past Friday my wife and I were finally able to, and it is well worth the trip! We had heard good things from many who have visited, and our expectations were exceeded. It was really exciting to see something so well done that glorifies the Creator God of the Bible. There are so many forces at work in today’s world trying to tear down faith in the Bible and the God of the Bible. It’s a huge blessing to find a place whose goal is just the opposite of that. If you have never visited, we strongly recommend it.

Here’s a picture of the display that showed how Noah’s ark may have looked during construction.

Noah's ark under construction

Thinking about Noah’s ark made me think of something I’ve been wanting to post.

Could Noah build his ark today?

If Noah lived in the United States today, the story may have gone something like this:

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an ark.”

God delivered the specifications for the ark. With fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark.

“Remember” said the Lord, “You must complete the ark and bring everything aboard in one year.”

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult.

The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping.

“Noah,” He said. “Where is the ark?”

“Lord, please forgive me!” cried Noah. “I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not meet the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the ark needed a fire sprinkler system and flotation devices.

“Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

“Then I had problems getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won’t let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

“The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now I have 16 carpenters on the ark, but still no owls.

“When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn’t take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

“Then the Army Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a map.

“Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard.

“The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I’m building the ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.

“I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the ark as a “recreational watercraft.

“Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I really don’t think I can finish the ark for another five or six years!” Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully. “You mean You are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?”

“No,” said the Lord. “I don’t have to. The government is already doing the destruction.”

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My wife Becka and I are spending this week at the home of our daughter Megan, son-in-law Jim, and grandson Drew. Grandma and I took Drew for a walk this evening to a nearby park where he enjoyed swinging. Here’s a picture of him clapping to show his enjoyment.

Drew enjoying a swing at the park

I’m confident we’ll have more pictures to share later this week. :)

poll question update…

I’ve put out a new poll question about how you will celebrate the 4th of July. One of our activities that day will be celebrating my wife’s birthday.

I’ve set up a page where you can view the results of closed polls. This is available through the polls (past) tab at the top of the blog.

quotation…

“Evolution is a philosophy, not science.” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

9 comments so far

lighten up!

Posted on 11 Feb 2008 at 6:49 am | 2 comments so far

Today I’m posting a few of the myriad “LBJ’s” - light bulb jokes - in existence. This whole thing came to mind as we replaced our lighting fixture in our dining room last week. I’ll start off with one that is unfortunately not a joke!

Q: How many Congress critters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 400 (314 members of the United States House of Representatives and 86 members of the United States Senate)

Late in 2007 Congress voted for an energy bill to force Americans to change the relatively inexpensive incandescent light bulbs they’re currently using and replace them with expensive new, “energy-efficient” light bulbs, and President Bush did not veto the bill! (I guess he’s joined the rest of those belonging to the Global Warming Cult.) This brings to mind the 1992 energy bill, in which Congress banned the 3.5 gallon toilet, mandating that Americans no longer use more than 1.6 gallons per flush. Those new toilets have proven not to be enough to, er, get the job done. Since it sometimes takes two and three flushes per visit, Americans are using the same amount of water, if not more, than they did before Congress stuck its collective nose into our bathrooms.

And I’ve read that “those who know what’s best for the rest of us” are also considering banning top-loading washers and disposable diapers, among other things. The “Progressives” won’t be happy until we’re virtuously beating cloth diapers on rocks by a steam in pitch darkness!

(Mini-rant ended…)

I guess we’ll cope with this news by making “light” of it, so to speak….

Q: How many college students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I dunno, I forgot my calculator at home.

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Define “light bulb”

Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb change will take billions of years.

Q: How many deconstructionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: On the contrary, the NILE is the longest river in Africa.

Q: How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

Q: How many gorillas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs.

Q: How many dyslexics does it change to take a light bulb?
A: Eno

Q: How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Oh, no! The bulb’s out! Let’s sell our GE stock NOW!

Q: How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three lightbulbs.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many editors of Poor Richard’s Almanac does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Many hands make light work.

Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That depends on what you want to change it into.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It’s a hardware problem.
A: One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
A: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
A: Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.

Q: How many database programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

Q: How many political pollsters/activitists/candidates/recordings does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Way too many, but they have to do it while you’re eating dinner.

Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It won’t ever get done. They only promise change.

Q: How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What’s a light bulb?

Q: How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? (I know, I know - dogs can’t change light bulbs, but hey, “lighten up” and enjoy!)
A: It depends on the breed (see below)….

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

Dachshund: I can’t reach the dumb lamp!

Toy Poodle: I’ll just whisper sweet nothings in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll change it for me. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!

Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants take care of such things….

Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze let *me* change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he’s busy.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still wet on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher: While it’s dark, I’m going to sleep on the couch.

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there….

Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle….

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

If you can’t get enough light bulb jokes, I have more in my “pre-blog archives.” The post is called Let there be light! I’ve had the ivman.com website for 5 years, and I’ve been posting humor and funny pictures at a rhythm of about twice a week. I’ve been posting regularly to the blog for only one year now, and the blog is just one feature of the whole ivman.com “domain.” If you haven’t read through the archived iv’s or looked at the funny pictures, you’re missing out on four year’s worth of postings - and maybe some great laughs. You can get to them by clicking on the “pre-blog archives” tab or the “funny pix” tab at the top of the blog.

special request update…

Thanks to the 200+ people who took our campus son Tim’s online survey over the weekend. When I told him that there were 4,963 unique visitors to my blog during the month of January 2008, he was excited that he might get as many as 1,000 take the survey. That would give him a far better sampling for his research. I hope many more of you will take the time to answer the 10 questions on his anonymous survey and submit your answers by clicking the button at the bottom of that page. The link is http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=jNTcwcdc_2bUDcECUc3cxt4A_3d_3d

quotation…

“You are the light of the world if you are a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ.” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Some gardeners turn their lights on in the evening so they can watch their phlox by night.

2 comments so far

another bad LP jacket?

Posted on 03 Jan 2008 at 10:03 pm | 4 comments so far

I was surfing this evening and found what looks like could be yet another in the series of “really bad album covers.”

Though it’s from the same era as many of the LP jackets, the picture below is actually of a well-known couple - a couple from the generation whose mantra was “Question authority.”

Oh my!

quotation…

“The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.” - Ronald Reagan

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

I’m Rob, the ivman, and I approve of this blog post.

4 comments so far

signs of the times

Posted on 10 Nov 2007 at 9:05 am | One comment so far

Today I’m posting a couple of short jokes about signs of the times…

During a terrible snowstorm one winter, many of the highway signs were totally covered with snow. The following spring, the states decide to raise all the signs twelve inches.

At a cost of six million dollars, each sign was equipped with a new pole, one foot longer than the old pole.

“That’s an outrageous price,” said a local farmer, “but I guess we’re lucky the state government handled it, instead of the federal government.”

“Why’s that?” his neighbor asked.

“Because,” the farmer answered, “knowin’ the federal government, they’d have decided to lower all the highways.”

***
The pastors of two local churches were standing by the side of the road, trying to be of service to their community by pounding a sign into the ground. It read as follows:

As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, “Would you religious nuts please just leave us alone?!

Then from the curve up ahead, they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

The one pastor turned to the other pastor and asked, “Do you think maybe the sign should just say, ‘Bridge Out’?”

***
By the way, if you like funny signs, I have a lot of them on the main website at http://ivman.com/fp-signlist.html

quotation…

“Has anyone else noticed the nonexistence of a charitable organization known as ‘Lawyers Without Borders’?” - Ann Coulter

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

“The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program.” - Ronald Reagan

One comment so far