ivman's blague

Although it’s already July 15 in France at the time I’m posting this in the USA, the French spent the 14th celebrating Bastille Day. It was fun to hear from several of my students today who wanted to wish me a Happy Bastille Day. My wife and I have actually been in France several times on the 14th of July and have seen the parade in Paris, jets overhead trailing blue, white, and red smoke, and in the evening fireworks in the distance. If they’re anything, the French are creative in their celebrations!

In honor of the day, I’m posting something vaguely reminiscent of French. Do you ever feel as if you’ve heard the expression déjà vu before? It’s the illusion of having previously experienced a situation that is happening now.

For you francophones out there, if you feel as if you’ve read the following before, that would be déjà lu.

When I feel as if I’ve…

…milked this cow before - déjà moo

…seen this strange animal before - déjà gnu

…smelled this bad odor before - déjà phew

…visited this menagerie before - déjà zoo

…scared this person away before - déjà … BOO!

…read this mystery book before - déjà clue

…been in this courtroom before - déjà sue

…felt this bad before - déjà rue

…felt this sad before - déjà blue

…expanded this way before - déjà grew

…seen this slime before - déjà goo

…learned this stuff before - déjà knew

…waited in line before - déjà queue

…eaten this dinner before - déjà stew

…pursued this person before - déjà woo

…had this feeling of déjà vu before - déjà too

…seen these twins before - déjà two

…been on this airplane before - déjà flew

…came up with this innovation before - déjà new

…fed these pigeons before - déjà coo

…sketched this portrait before - déjà drew

…been in this Starbucks before - déjà brew

…ended this relationship before - déjà through

…felt this ill before - déjà flu

…sheared this sheep before - déjà ewe

…munched on this gum ball before - déjà chew

…lost its match under the same bed before - déjà shoe

…exposed the real facts before - déjà true

…sat through this sermon before - déjà pew

…played in this wet grass before - déjà dew

…admired this scenery before - déjà ooooo…

…forgotten this person’s name before - déjà who?

Do any of you have an actual déjà vu experience you’d like to share?

***
I’ve put up a new poll in the sidebar about my blog itself.

quotation…

“Hope attaches itself to the future and is the certainty of what will be.” - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Tags: France, holidays, language, puns

today’s instant vacation…

I’m posting “off schedule” because I want to share some of my favorite humor about dads. As scary as it is now to look in the mirror and see my dad, it was scarier yet when I first started hearing my dad when I interacted with my kids as they grew up. I would say something and think afterwards how unoriginal or recylced it was - I was unintentionally quoting or paraphrasing my own dad! I lost my dad 34 years ago (massive heart attack at age 42), and I still miss him a lot. There’s so much I would love to be sharing with him. I know he would absolutely love my kids and be as proud of them as I am. And my kids would love him as much as I do.

Many of us have favorite quotations from our fathers and/or grandfathers. The list below is a list of favorite “dadisms” and also some things you would never hear your dad say.

How many of the following have you heard coming from a father?

Don’t ask me, ask your mother.

Close the door. Were you born in a barn?

You didn’t beat me. I let you win.

Big boys don’t cry.

Don’t worry. It’s only blood.

Now you listen to ME, Buster!

A little dirt never hurt anyone - just wipe it off.

I told you, keep your eye on the ball.

Who said life was supposed to be fair? Life is not fair.

Always say please and thank you.

If you forget, you’ll be grounded till the end of the world.

“Hey” is for horses.

This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.

Turn off those lights.

Don’t give me any of your lip, young lady.

We’re not lost. I’m just not sure where we are.

Do you think I am made of money?

No, we’re not there yet.

Shake it off. It’s only pain.

When I was your age , I….

As long as you live under my roof, you’ll live by my rules.

I’ll tell you why. Because I said so. That’s why.

Do what I say, not what I do.

Sit up straight!

So you think you’re smart , do you?

What’s so funny? Wipe that smile off your face.

Young ladies perspire; they do not sweat.

If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times….

You want something to do? I’ll give you something to do.

If you fall and break your leg, don’t come running to me.

You should visit/call/write more often. Your mother worries.

I’m not sleeping - I was watching that channel.

I’m not just talking to hear my own voice!

Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.

What do you think I am, a bank?

What part of NO don’t you understand?

I don’t care what other people are doing! I’m not everybody else’s father!

You’re not leaving my house dressed like that!

Hurt much? I didn’t feel a thing.

If you’re gonna be dumb, you’ve gotta be tough.

Didn’t your teacher learn you anything?!

Do you think I’m made of money?

It’s hard to be good and easy to be bad.

I got my tongue wrapped around my eye-tooth and couldn’t see what I was saying.

Hey, did you hear me talking to you?

You know you’re always gonna be Daddy’s little girl.

I’m not sleeping while I watch television. I’m just resting my eyes.

Don’t use that tone with me!

Am I talking to a brick wall?

If you do that one more time, I’ll….

Act your age.

Two wrongs do not make a right.

Wipe your feet!

Enough is enough! Don’t make me stop the car!

What did I just get finished telling you?

***
Here are some things you’ll never hear a dad say:

Leave the lights on. I don’t care about the power bill.

You know … I am made of money. Money really does grow on trees; of course, you can have that toy, book, car, etc. Whatever you want is yours

In my day, we had it much easier than you do. My parents drove me to school even though it was just next door.

Don’t save for a rainy day. Your mom and I will always be here to bail you out.

You know, Honey, now that you’re thirteen, you’re ready for unchaperoned dates.

I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.

What do I want for my birthday? Aahh, don’t worry about that. It’s no big deal.

What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating’s not good enough for you, son?

Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.

Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies–ya know–that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly-aching, and let’s go to the mall.

Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

Well, how ’bout that? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.

Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car. Have fun!

Father’s Day? aahh - don’t worry about that — it’s no big deal to me.

***
This is Rob again. I hope that all you dads have a great Father’s Day!

quotation…

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” III John 4

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Rob

It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they’ll know as little as their parents.

Tags: dads, holidays

This was one week where *real* bloggers could have posted something interesting almost every day. Monday was St. Patrick’s day. We received some great pictures of Drew for that occasion. Here’s one…

Yesterday was the day the swallows come back to Capistrano each year. Here’s a bit of the story…

The famous cliff swallows of the Mission San Juan Capistrano, in San Juan, California, leave town every year in a swirling mass near the Day of San Juan (St. John’s Day - October 23), They go to their winter home 6,000 miles south in Goya, Corrientes, Argentina. Five months later, almost to the day, they land at the Mission San Juan Capistrano on or around St. Joseph’s Day, March 19, to the ringing bells of the old church and a crowd of visitors from all over the world who are in town awaiting their arrival and celebrating with a huge fiesta as well as a parade.

Then today is the first day of spring. Tomorrow is Good Friday, and Sunday is Easter. As I said, bloggers could go wild this week. I’ll refrain from doing so.

Bible Conference has been a huge blessing so far, and there’s still more to come! Several have told me how glad they were to learn that they could listen in online as the messages are streamed.

With spring in the air, young people’s minds turn to romance. I found something in my files that brought a wry smile to the face, but then I’m a word person. The humor in this one is that the writer has masterfully used the positive version of many of the negative expressions in the English language that, in actuality, have no positive version.

How I Met My Wife - a positive experience
by Jack Winter
Published originally 25 July 1994 in The New Yorker

It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.

I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way.

I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I’d have to make bones about it since I was travelling cognito. Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn’t be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.

Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion.

So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads or tails of.

I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicado, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen. Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated - as if this were something I was great shakes at - and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.

Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d’oeuvres, trying to abuse her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself.

She respsonded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory character who was up to some good. She told me who she was. “What a perfect nomer,” I said, advertently. The conversation become more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.

quotation…

In a message about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah)… “You will be given many opportunities in life to choose whether to bow or to burn. Choose to burn.” - Craig Hartman

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Rob

Boy am I happy! My IQ Test came back negative!

Tags: English, holidays, language, weddings and marriage, writing

Our annual Bible Conference is off to a good start. If you’d like to see the schedule or even listen in on your computer, go to http://www.bju.edu/campus/events/bibleconf

Next week is the annual Living Gallery. If you have never been to see Living Gallery, you have missed out on something really powerful. It’s not too late to get tickets to go to one of this year’s presentations. This year’s presentation is about the work ancient scribes did in adorning texts - a work still performed today by artists. The drama, artwork with live models in them, and music powerfully drive the message home. For details, go to http://www.bjumg.org/living_gallery

I’ve received an e-mail from several people concerning our particularly early Easter this year. I thought it was interesting enough to post on my blog. Because of something I read on snopes, I corrected one of the numbers from the e-mail and added some ohter information.

Why is Easter so early this year?

The date of this coming Easter is quite early this year (March 23). Below is some interesting information as to why.

Unlike many others holidays on our western calendar which are celebrated on a specific date or on an easily calculated day - like Christmas on December 25 or Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday in November (that is, until Congress changes those dates too!) - Easter moves around from year to year to preserve its relationship to certain astrological phenomena. Easter, the celebration of the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ, occurred on the Sunday following Passover. Easter is always the first Sunday after the first full moon after the Spring Equinox (which is usually March 20, sometimes March 21). This dating of Easter is based on the lunar calendar that the Hebrew people use to identify Passover. This is why it moves around on our Roman calendar. The earliest that Easter can occur is March 22, and the latest is April 25.

This year is the earliest Easter any of us will see the rest of our lives! And only the most elderly of our population have only ever seen it this early once before (see below). And none of us have ever seen or will ever see it a day earlier (March 22).

Here are the facts:

1. The next time Easter will be this early will be the year 2160 (152 years from now). The last time it was this early (March 23) was 1913. So if you’re 95 or older, you are the only ones that were around for that, and probably don’t even remember it!

2. The next time it will be a day earlier, March 22, will be in the year 2285 (277 years from now). The last time it was on March 22 was 1818. So, obviously no one alive today has seen it that early, and barring some major breakthrough in longevity, no one currently alive will ever see Easter any earlier than this year!

3. The odds are greater for those now living to have seen or to see Easter on its latest date possible date (April 25) since it happened in 1943 and will happen again in 2038. Since I’d be pushing 90 in 2038, I hope I am “with it” to know what’s going on around me! Who knows, I may be hiding my own Easter eggs by then!

If you’re interested in reading about the date of Easter and seeing the date in any particular year from 1700 to 2299, you can go to this link http://www.assa.org.au/edm.html It’s a long page with lots of information.

quotation…

“No amount of activity in the Father’s service will make up for the neglect of the Father Himself.” - Robert Murray McCheyne

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Rob

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Tags: Easter, holidays

We received some pictures yesterday that were screaming out to be shared. Here’s one of them…

Tags: holidays, Valentines