Recently my wife and I experienced a slice of Americana with which we were not familiar - we attended an estate auction. My wife would like to find a Hoosier cabinet in good shape to give us more storage in our kitchen, and a friend told us about one to be sold at the estate auction we attended. The cabinet was in pretty rough condition, and at the prices that other things were going for, we did not stay until the larger pieces of furniture were auctioned off. But the people and the atmosphere were very interesting to us novices! In light of that, I’m sending some things related to auctions - the first items are humorous, and the last item is a more reflective piece about an auction.

***
A man went to a bird auction one day. While there, he placed a bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the fine bird was finally his!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”

“Oh, do not worry,” said the auctioneer. “He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”

***
A battered old television set was put up for sale at an auction. Although the auctioneer insinuated that he didn’t think it would ever work, a man bid it up to $20. The man gave his bidder number as 45. Later, a woman bought an article and announced her bidder number as 45. Wanting to verify the number, the auctioneer asked if the man who bought the TV was her husband. “I claimed him as my husband,” she snapped, “before he bought that television set.”

***
Auction: A popular social gathering where you change a horse from a financial liability into a liquid asset.

Auctioneer: A person who looks forbidding.

***
Two idiots bought a bunch of horses at an auction, paying $100 apiece for the whole lot of them. Then they drove to another auction and sold all their horses for the same price they had initially paid for them. After counting their money, they realized that they ended up with the same amount of money that they had started out with initially. “See!” said one, “I told you we should have bought more horses!”

***
Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously, when the auctioneer received a note from an assistant, “A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000.” There was a moment’s silence, and then from the back of the room came a cry, “Two Thousand Five Hundred!”

***
At an auction a man bought, for what he thought a reasonable price, both a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt. He was very happy with them, since the price he paid was so low, for objects made by very famous people. He decided to go to an appraiser and have them officially valued. The appraiser said, “Well sir, indeed it’s a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt, but it’s a shame Stradivarius couldn’t paint and Rembrandt couldn’t build violins.”

***
Finally an old favorite - a poem about an auction…

The Old Violin - Myra Brooks Welch

‘Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth his while
To waste much time on the old violin,
But held it up with a smile.
“What am I bidden, good folks,” he cried,
“Who’ll start the bidding for me?”
“A dollar, a dollar. Then two! Only two?
Two dollars, and who’ll make it three?”

“Three dollars, once; three dollars, twice;
Going for three…” But no,
From the room, far back, a grey-haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow;
Then wiping the dust from the old violin,
And tightening the loosened strings,
He played a melody pure and sweet,
As a caroling angel sings.

The music ceased, and the auctioneer,
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said: “What am I bid for the old violin?”
And he held it up with the bow.
“A thousand dollars, and who’ll make it two?
Two thousand! And who’ll make it three?
Three thousand, once; three thousand, twice,
And going and gone,” said he.

The people cheered, but some of them cried,
“We do not quite understand.
What changed its worth?” Swift came the reply:
“The touch of the Master’s hand.”
And many a man with life out of tune,
And battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd
Much like the old violin.

A “mess of pottage,” a glass of wine,
A game - and he travels on.
He is “going” once, and “going” twice,
He’s “going” and almost “gone.”
But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd
Never can quite understand
The worth of a soul and the change that is wrought
By the touch of the Master’s hand.

***
updates…

The membership of the ivman list has passed the 1700 mark this past week. That’s a growth of 100 new subscribers in the last two months! I’m truly amazed!

My wife and I attended the funeral service for Dr. Fremont last Tuesday evening and were blessed and encouraged as his son, grandson, and son-in-law eulogized him. As we had suspected, at home he was exactly what we all saw in public. I remember fondly his giving us “general prin-ci-PLLLes” (my attempt in writing to simulate his pronunciation of the word) in his classes. Some of those principles were alluded to that night as an integral part of his daily way of life. Dr. Fremont lived what he taught. It’s sad that recent generations of college students have not been able to sit under his teaching. This was evident by those in attendance at the funeral - the average age of those in attendance must have been between 55 and 60. I’ve copied Dr. Fremont’s obituary from the Greenville News and put it on my website at http://ivman.com/drfremont.html for those of you who would like to read it.

quotation…

“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” - Winston Churchill

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Rob Loach in Greenville SC

One sure way you can tell that you’re getting older is if you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!

At church yesterday morning we learned that Dr. Walter Fremont had passed away earlier that morning. In December he and his family celebrated 20 years of his survival after being diagnosed with ALS - Lou Gehrig’s disease in December 1986. He has to be among those who have lived the longest with this horrible disease. And it wasn’t even the ALS that caused his death - it was internal bleeding!

Dr. Fremont’s influence on me as a student in several of his classes was huge, much greater than I realized at the time. His love for the Lord and for people and his enthusiasm for life and service were evident to all his students and left a mark on us all. If he had not encouraged us to go visit the displays at the Principals’ Conference on campus my senior year, I would probably not be a teacher now. And now as I teach I feel greater freedom just to be myself because of his example. I remember his standing on his desk and doing many other zany things to get or keep our attention or to get his points across.

In my summer work as an IT tech, I worked on his computer this past summer at Barge Hospital on campus. Even with his severe limitations, he was cheerful and encouraging as always. He even used his only finger and thumb that he could still move to give his repaired computer a command to tell me thanks, praise the Lord, and have a great day!

Furthermore my wife and I counted his daughter Elaine Fremont as a good friend and were shocked and saddened by her sudden death in an automobile accident in the mid 90s. Like her dad, her life was about others rather than self. I have a page on my site about a holiday she invented - Bonza Bottler Day. You can read about it and find the link there to the official page her family has put up about the holiday. My page is http://ivman.com/bonza.html

I’m sure Dr. Fremont and Elaine are enjoying a grand reunion after over 10 years of separation.

For those interested - the visitation will be this evening (Monday) from 6:30-8:30 in the War Memorial Chapel on the campus of BJU and the funeral service will be Tuesday evening at 7:00 at Hampton Park Baptist Church here in Greenville.

As I reflected on Dr. Fremont’s impact on my life, I thought I’d send a special iv early this week to honor him and the way he touched lives.

***
Do famous and powerful people wear sunglasses because the spotlights blind them to reality? Maybe they suffer from a delusion that earthly power means something. (It doesn’t.) Some may suffer from the misconception that titles make them special. (They don’t.) Others have the impression that temporal authority always makes an eternal difference. (It doesn’t always.)

To prove the point, take this quiz:

1. Name the ten wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last ten Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last ten winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name five people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
5. How about the last decade’s worth of World Series winners?

How did you do? I won’t tell you how poorly I did. I think most people don’t do very well on it. With the exception of you trivia hounds, most of us don’t remember the headliners of yesterday too well. Surprising how quickly we forget such “important” things, isn’t it? And those categories mentioned above are no second-rate achievements. These are purportedly the best in their fields. However, the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
2. Name ten people who have taught you something worthwhile.
3. Name five friends who have helped you in a difficult time.
4. List several teachers who have aided your journey through school.
5. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier? It was for me, too. The lesson? The people who make a difference are often not the ones with this world’s acclaim, but the ones whose lives truly touch other lives.

***
This is Rob again…
Some of you have had profound influences on my life (and I thank you for it), and some of you have been influenced by mine. (I hope it’s been for the good.) Our life touches other lives, for good or for ill. Let’s all keep trying to have a positive influence on the lives we touch. Things are temporal … people are forever.

quotation…

“Do I see my world as a tourist or as a missionary? Do I just admire the beauty of the attainments or do I see the bondage and death?” - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob Loach in Greenville SC

Teachers live forever in the hearts they touch.

This is a special iv in honor of Mother’s Day. Thanks to all you moms out there for all you have done and continue to do for us, your offspring!

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she may be ill, or that something else serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?”

“Yes…?” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

* * *
Just a Mother? - Mother Reclassification

I had heard a story about a woman named Emily who was renewing her driver’s license at the County Clerk’s office and who was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

“What I mean is,” explained the recorder, “do you have a job, or are you just a …..?”

“Of course I have a job,” snapped Emily. “I’m a mother.”

“We don’t list ‘mother’ as an occupation…’housewife’ covers it,” said the recorder emphatically. I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.

The clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, “Official Interrogator” or “Town Registrar.”

“What is your occupation?” she probed.

What made me say it, I do not know… The words simply popped out.

“I’m a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.”

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

“Might I ask,” said the clerk with new interest, “just what you do in your field?”

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,I heard myself reply, “I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn’t), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).

I’m working for my Masters, (the whole family), and already have four credits, (all daughters).Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.”

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk’s voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!

And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than “just another mother.”

Mother … what a glorious career! Who needs a title on the door?!

***
personal update…

We had a good planning session last night with the two other teachers who will be teaching with us this summer in Hainan. It’s hard to believe that we’ll be in Asia eight weeks from now! Lots to do yet, but we’re headed in the right direction.

quotation…

“As frail human beings, we’re often bewildered. But God never is. God never wrings His hands.” - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob Loach in Greenville SC

No day is over if it makes a memory.