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Posts Tagged ‘laws’

Dumb Laws


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Some laws are so bizarre or dumb that you question whether they are real. In some cases these laws have been on the books for years, but life has changed so much that it seems as if certain laws need to be stricken from the books. At times it's seeing a sign (like the one on the right) or a hearing of a local regulation that gives cause to wonder. Some dumb laws are not old at all — new ones are being made all the time. Today's post highlights both old and new dumb laws.

My dad used to say, "Well, should we watch the 6:00 news and get indigestion or the 11:00 news and get insomnia?" As my wife and I ate dinner this evening, we had the news on the TV, which may not have been a good idea. There was a story about a school in Danvers, Massachusetts where the use of the word "meep" has recently been banned. I don't know all that went into making that ruling, but at first blush, it seems over the top to me. Any readers from that area might be able to enlighten us.

This got me to thinking about dumb laws. On a web site devoted to dumb laws, I found the following laws still on the books here in South Carolina:

Dumb Laws in South Carolina

By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place.

Railroad companies may be held liable in some instances for scaring horses.

Horses may not be kept in bathtubs.
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Teachers’ Rules


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This past week we had our annual Teachers' In-Service meetings on campus. It was a great week and I heard many things that I want to put into use in my classes. One of the speakers read a list of rules for teachers in the late 1800s that he received by e-mail from someone who had visited a historical site this summer. I was able to find the list online. According to snopes.com it may not be authentic, but it certainly seems plausible and is still a fun contrast to life nowadays. As tough as we may think we have it today, I'm sure that some aspects of life were much tougher in the "good old days."

Rules for Teachers in the Late 1800s

1. Teachers each day will fill lamps and clean chimneys.

2. Each teacher will bring a bucket of water and a scuttle of coal for the day’s session.

3. Make your pens carefully. You may whittle nibs to the individual taste of the pupils.

4. Men teachers may take one evening each week for courting purposes, or two evenings a week if they go to church regularly

5. After ten hours in school, the teachers may spend the remaining time reading the Bible or other good books.

6. Women teachers who marry or engage in unseemly conduct will be dismissed.

7. Every teacher should lay aside from each pay a goodly sum of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years so that he will not become a burden on society

8. Any teacher who smokes, uses liquor in any form, frequents pool or public halls, or gets shaved in a barbershop will give good reason to suspect his worth, intention, integrity and honesty

9. The teacher who performs his labor faithfully and without fault for five years will be given an increase of twenty-five cents per week in his pay, providing the Board of Education approves.

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In my files I found a list of Murphy's Laws of Teaching that might be a little less dated than the list above.

Murphy's Laws of Teaching

The clock in the classroom will be wrong.

Disasters will occur when visitors are in the room.

A subject interesting to the teacher will be boring to the students.

The time a teacher takes in explaining is inversely proportional to the information retained by students.

The length of a meeting will be directly proportional to the boredom the speaker produces.

The more important the occasion or the larger the audience, the greater the chance that the bulb in whatever machine you are using will burn out.

Students who are doing better are credited with working harder. If children start to do poorly, the teacher will be blamed.

The problem child will be a school board member's son.

Students with behavior problems are never absent — not one day — all year.

After 27.5 hours of intense creative work, your bulletin boards — the best ever — are finally complete. Ten minutes later you will be notified that you are assigned to another classroom in which the bulletin boards are not the same size as those you had just prepared.

The day the cafeteria serves mini-missiles — raisins, corn, peas, etc. — is the day the superintendent will have lunch at your school and will decide to eat with your students.

Once your notebook is full of good ideas, tests, sample lessons, films and a list of 500 library books for supplemental reading, and all of this is correlated to the textbook you are using, you will get the message that they're adopting new textbooks next year or that your current textbook is out of print.

Your first experience with a vomiting student will take place with a guest speaker in the room.

When the instructor is late, he will meet the principal in the hall. If the instructor is late and does not meet the principal in the hall, the instructor is late to the faculty meeting where the principal is waiting.

Good students move away.

New students come from schools that do not teach anything.

When the teacher says "weird" rather than "emotionally disturbed," he learns that the person to whom he is speaking is the school counselor.

The instructor's study hall will be the largest in several years.

The administration will view the study hall as the teacher's preparation time.

News of what you failed to do travels at 1,000 times the speed of news of what you did well.

The week after you have completed your lesson plans that will keep you on schedule with the curriculum and allow you to teach all you need to before the school year ends, you will lose four days of school because of snow.

Parent-Teacher Open House will be held on the night of part two of the best three-part TV series of the year.

On a test day, at least 15% of the class will be absent.

If the instructor teaches art, the principal will be an ex-coach and will dislike art. If the instructor is a coach, the principal will be an ex-coach who took a winning team to the state.

Clocks will run more quickly during free time.

Murphy's Law will go into effect at the beginning of an evaluation.

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I'd love to hear the comments of fellow teachers to the lists above. I'm sure some of you could add your own Murphy's Laws of Teaching!

quotation...

"Contentious people are not right with God." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.


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Elevator Laws


A little over a week ago I did a blog post on elevators. While working on it, I found something in my files that I thought I'd post also - a list of what could be "Murphy's Elevator Laws." It was not billed as such, but it certainly could be. Those who have to ride elevators frequently can probably identify with many items on the list. Hope your week ends well and that you have a safe and blessed weekend!

(Murphy's?) Elevator Laws

There are unwritten rules that people who ride elevators seem to follow, whether they know it or not. It's not really something that anyone needs to put into effect by law - it's just the way things seem to be already.

1. When you are waiting for an elevator and there are two sets, the one that is the greatest distance from you will open first.

2. While you are riding the elevator, it is not permissible to look anyone in the eyes. The proper place to stare is at the floor or at the numbers.

3. The person at the very back of the elevator will always be the one who needs off first.

4. If you are on the top floor of a 32 story building and need to go the 1st floor, the elevator will stop 31 times before you can step out on the ground floor.

5. If you get off on the wrong floor and realize it the instant your foot hits the ground outside the elevator, it's much too embarrassing to admit you are wrong, so you stay outside the door and act like you know what you're doing then catch the next one and hope all the people you were with are no longer in the elevator.

6. When there are six elevator doors, the one you stand in front of will be the last to open.

7. When the elevator is the most full, one of two people will be on the elevator with you: an extremely sick person who coughs constantly and then gets off on the same floor you do, or a lady with a baby that screams through the entire ride.

8. Don't pass gas in an elevator, even if you are all alone, because when you do, the very next stop will have ten people waiting to get on. It's always best to wait until the elevator is full then no one knows whom to blame.

9. If you speak to a stranger in an elevator there will always be nervous laughter.

10. The friendliest person on the elevator that insists on talking to you will always have bad breath and body odor.

11. Elevators force you to be close to people that you would never choose to be around otherwise. If you want a cultural experience, spend a day riding elevators.

12. The first person to get on the elevator gets the command position next to the buttons so that they can feel important when people ask them to punch their floor for them.

13. While waiting for an elevator, there will always be one person to comment on how slow the elevator is and then push the up or down button over and over as if that will make it speed up.

14. Once inside the elevator that same person will repeatedly punch the button for their floor thinking that this also will speed up the elevator.

15. On of the top most annoying elevator pet peeves is parents who will allow their child to push the buttons and then smile at you after the kid has pushed all 26 buttons while you are on the first floor needing to get to the 25th floor. Then at every floor the kid will yell "Is this where we get off?"

16. The floor that is labeled the 1st floor is not really the 1st floor, but is in reality the basement. The 1st floor is actually labeled the 2nd floor.

17. If you are not in any hurry, there will always be an empty elevator, waiting with the doors open just for you by yourself.

18. In buildings where smoking is allowed, there will always be one person who insists on taking the last drag off the cigarette, putting it out, then waiting to exhale until the elevator door closes with you trapped inside.

19. If a child rides the elevator, they will have a balloon that just happens to be at your face level and there is no place to turn. Popping the balloon is a strong temptation.

20. You would still rather ride the elevator with people than take the stairs alone!

quotation...

"God's control is so great that even the worst that wicked men can do will only serve to further His cause." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


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Murphy’s Laws of Camping and Hiking


Several things in life lately have gotten me to thinking about camping. This past weekend our son mentioned that he and his young bride hope to go camping for a few days before their school year begins. Our daughter Nora is currently housesitting for family friends who are camping in Colorado. And finally a colleague from school sent me a link to the picture below. I would call this "extreme camping" - another, not me, man! Rather than 1,000 words, this picture says just one - YIKES!!!

I'd call this extreme camping!

All this stuff about camping made me think of something in my files - Murphy's Laws of Camping and Hiking. For those unfamiliar with Murphy's Laws, you can read up about them by going here. Those of you thinking about getting in a camping trip before the school year begins might want to be reminded of the following....

Murphy's Laws of Camping and Hiking

Any stone in a hiking boot migrates to the point of maximum pressure.

The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.

The size of each of the stones in your boot is also directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.

Feet expand when removed from hiking boots. The same law applies to tents and tent bags, clothing and backpacks, and sleeping bags and stuff sacks.

If you take your boots off, you'll never get them back on again.

When hiking, you take half as many downhill steps as uphill.

The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food you consume from it. If you run out of food, the pack weight goes on increasing anyway.

The width of backpack straps decreases with the distance hiked. To compensate, the weight of the backpack increases.

The weight in a backpack can never remain uniformly distributed.

The local density of mosquitos is inversely proportional to your remaining repellent.

The distance to a given camp site remains constant as twilight approaches.

The area of level ground in the vicinity tends to vanish as the need to make camp becomes finite.

When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it will already be occupied.

Average temperature increases or decreases with the amount of clothing brought.

The sun sets three-and-a-half times faster than normal when you're trying to set up camp.

Tent stakes come only in the quantity "N - 1" where N is the number of stakes necessary to stake down a tent.

Propane/butane tanks that are full when they are packed will unexplainably empty themselves before you can reach the campsite.

All available humidity and moisture will congregate on match heads.

If no match heads are in the vicinity, all moisture will congregate inside waterproof clothing.

Waterproof clothing isn't. (However, it is 100% effective at containing sweat).

Waterproof matches aren't.

Non-stick pans aren't.

One size fits all doesn't.

Anything bug-proof isn't.

Your side of the tent will always be the side that leaks.

Rocks and sticks rise above dirt when irritated by tent flooring fabric.

All foods assume a uniform taste, texture, and color when freeze-dried.

Divide the number of servings by two when reading the directions for reconstituting anything freeze-dried.

When reading the instructions of a pump-activated water filter, you should substitute "hour" for "minute" when reading the average quarts filtered per minute.

All tree branches in a forest grow outward from their respective trunks at exactly the height of any of your sensitive body parts.

You will lose the little toothpick in your Swiss Army knife as soon as you open the box.

Rain. ('nuff said)

Enough dirt will get tracked into the tent on the first day out, that you can grow the food you need for the rest of the trip in rows between sleeping bags.

When you are camping in late fall or winter, your underwear will stay at approximately 35.702 degrees Kelvin (-395.136 degrees Fahrenheit) no matter how long you keep it in your sleeping bag with you.

Bears. (see Rain)

The probability of diarrhea increases by the square of the thistle or poison ivy content of the local vegetation.

When one is in a mummy bag, the urgency of the need to relieve oneself is inversely proportional to the amount of clothing worn. It is also inversely proportional to the temperature and the degree to which the mummy bag is completely zipped up.

95% of a backpack's contents could have been left at home.

The 5% left at home will be needed.

Tents never come apart as easily when you're leaving a site as when you're trying to get them set up in the first place.

The memory of misery approaches zero as the memory of joy approaches infinity.

When planning to take time off of work/school for your camping trip, always add an extra week, because when you get home from your "vacation" you'll be too tired to go to back for a week after.

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We're amazed at how soon "summer vacation" will be over! Three weeks from today we begin our faculty in-service meetings at the university. I am *so* ready for all the construction projects on campus to be completed, and I am very eager to see my students again.

quotation...

"Do you obey God when it's costly?" - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?


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