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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

The Husband Store

Well, wedding season is already in full swing. Since we are in a university context, we are invited to many weddings. This past week we had two weddings - one Tuesday evening where I sang in a duet, and one Friday afternoon - the wedding of a teaching colleague.

We're excited for all these young couples as they begin their lives together, but we're also saddened to learn of some young couples who are working through marital problems. I believe that most if not all problems in marriage have their root in selfishness on the part of one or both spouses. I think some of the problems stem from unrealisitic expectations - expecting that any one human can be your source of happiness.

Today's iv is a light-hearted look at this issue.

The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch ... you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman excitedly goes to the Husband Store to find herself the perfect husband....

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, "I should probably stop here!" But she feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and reads the sign:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, my goodness!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes on up to the sixth floor where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that some women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

The Wife Store

There is actually also a Wife Store, right across the street from the Husband Store. It works the same way as the Husband Store - it also has 6 floors, you can enter only once, and there is only one direction to go.

The doors read:

Floor 1 - These women are beautiful.

Floor 2 - These women are beautiful and have money.

What is on the other floors, nobody knows. No man has ever gone past the second floor!


Megan and Drew arrived safe and sound shortly after noon on Saturday. Drew did very well on his first flight. We decided to surprise Nora by celebrating her birthday a month and a half early since we wouldn't all be together on her actual birthday. That's about the only way we could ever surprise her. 🙂 Here she is blowing out the candles on her keylime cheesecake....

Nora blowing out her candles

Of course Becka enjoyed having our three kids and our grandson here for Mother's Day. Here's a picture of our little guy on our kitchen floor this morning. I'm sure there will be more pictures to share later this week.

Drew playing on the kitchen floor

The house wrens have been busily filling the bird house with sticks. Here's what things looked like inside the house this morning....

the nest the wrens are building

Here's what this bit of "prime real estate" looks like from the outside...

local prime real estate

Who says there's a housing crisis?!?


"There are five Gospels: Matthew Mark, Luke, John, and the Christian, and some people will never read the first four." - Irish evangelist Gypsy Smith

=^..^= =^..^=

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

With Valentine's Day one week away, I thought I'd post some fun things about the relationships between men and women.

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard full of mules and and donkeys, the husband broke the silence by asking a bit sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Iraq several years before the war, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.

She returned to Iraq recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.

She approached one of the women for an explanation.

"This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"

The Iraqi woman replied, "Land mines."


A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.

She thought about this for a while and then told her husband, "Women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say," to which he replied, "What?"


A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK, you released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the fourth time this has happened this month, and I'm getting a little sick of all these wishes, so you can forget about three -- you only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete ... of how much steel! No, I'm sorry, you'll have to think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally he said, "My wife always says that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women ... know how they feel and what they're thinking when they give us the silent treatment ... know why they're crying ... know what they really want when they say 'nothing' ... know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?"


New Seat Belt Law in the USA

This regulation becomes effective July 1, 2008, in all states and will soon to be law in all Canadian Provinces.

The national Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.

Correct installation is illustrated below....

Please pass on to family and friends.


One of my projects over the Christmas break was painting our dining room. The time I had after the holidays was insufficient, and the project has gone into the beginning of this semester. After this past Saturday's hanging of the window treatment my wife had made and getting the new ceiling light in place, all that is left now is painting the baseboards. Phew! Anyway, here's a picture of the almost completed room....

Here's a close-up of Becka's window treatment....

special request...

One of our campus sons (Tim) from the mid-eighties here at BJU has kept in touch with us through the years since he graduated. (It's kind of scary that Tim's son could be our campus son in not very many years! Yikes - our first campus grandson!) Well, anyway, yesterday Tim asked me in an e-mail if I would put a link on my blog to a survey he's doing as part of the research for a book he is writing.

If you would be so kind as to take this anonymous survey, I would really appreciate your helping "our son" in this way. There are only ten questions and it will take you very little time to finish it. You can get to the survey by clicking here.


"Lord, give me firmness without hardness, steadfastness without dogmatism, love without weakness." - Jim Elliot

=^..^= =^..^=

Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they do make great ancestors!

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The Seven Ages of the Married Cold

Often my blog posts are related to something happening in our lives, and this one is no exception. Since Friday morning, I've been battling a head cold - something I haven't done in a long time and something that's making the rounds right now. During classes Friday, I was quite miserable, with a nose that had been replaced by a faucet. After dinner Friday evening, I went to bed at 6:30 and slept for 12 hours straight - something I never do! Our cats - Adelaide and Clementine - were a riot! Adelaide, whom we lovingly call "Florence Nightingale," was curled up next to me the entire 12 hours! At 6:15 Saturday morning, Clementine started digging at the closet door to try to wake me up, and Adelaide started walking around on the bed, crying, and sticking her nose in my face - I guess to see if I were still breathing. I fell back asleep and immediately dreamed that I was staring at a computer, and an e-mail notify message popped up from our two cats, concerned about my having slept so long. I woke up laughing, which felt good. I slept away a lot of the weekend getting 31 hours of sleep totally! But I feel much better this morning to face a week of classes.

My dear wife has been so sweet this weekend. (Can you even imagine her being anything but sweet?!) She made a big pot of her wonderful cabbage soup to help speed my recovery. It made me think of something I've had in my files for a long time. I share that with you today.

Some years ago The Saturday Evening Post ran an article that was entitled “The Seven Ages of the Married Cold.” This article revealed the reactions of a husband to his wife’s colds during their first seven years of marriage. It's a rather humorous look at a not-so-funny reality - the potential decline of a marriage, as seen through the common cold. I hope I do better than the husband in what you're about to read!

The Seven Ages of the Married Cold

First Year: “Sugar dumpling, I’m really worried about my baby girl. You’ve got a bad sniffle and there’s no telling about these things with all this strep going around. I’m putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest. I know the food’s lousy, but I’ll be bringing your meals in from Rossini’s. I’ve already got it all arranged with the floor superintendent.”

Second Year: “Listen darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I’ve called Doc Miller and asked him to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl, please, just for papa.”

Third Year: “Maybe you’d better lie down, honey; nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I’ll bring you something. Have you got any canned soup?”

Fourth Year: “Now look dear, be sensible. After you’ve fed the kids, washed the dishes, and finished the floors, you’d better lie down.”

Fifth year: “Why don’t take a couple of aspirin?”

Sixth year: “I wish you would just gargle something instead of sitting around all evening barking like a seal.”

Seventh year: “For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing! Are you trying to give me pneumonia?”


I found a great picture online somewhere during the Christmas break - the way one student dealt with the pertussis scare we had at BJU in early December. I hope none of my students come to class looking like this today, fearful of catchin my cold....


"Magnifying God isn't making Something small big. It's focusing on Something that, from our perspective, seems small and seeing how big He is." - Dr. Drew Conley

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If a man caught a cold in the middle of a forest where no one could hear him, would he still make whining sounds?

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I’m My Own Grandpa

Last week a teaching colleague who has a 4-year-old daughter and who is one of my friends on Facebook wrote on my Facebook wall, "Today at lunch, Kirsten said: There's that man that I love! I was pretty sure that I knew who she meant, but to be sure, I said: which man? She said: The one with the silver hair. :)"

In addition to giving me a good laugh, it totally made my day! Kirsten's mama further explained to me this morning that little Kirsten says her own hair is "silver," which made me even happier.

Thinking about silver hair, as I was looking through some stuff in my files, I found a version of a the story "I'm my own grandpa." I had heard the song once at the Wilds, and I decided to see what I could find out about it before posting it to my blog. It's really an interesting tale based on a real life story. Not quite as convoluted as that story is something from my own family - my uncle and his uncle (my great-uncle) married sisters. So then my uncle's sister-in-law was also his aunt, and his uncle was also his brother-in-law. The sisters were not only sisters, but also aunt and niece. (I should probably pass on redneck humor very carefully, considering my own family history!) Anyway, on to the blog post....

I'm My Own Grandpa

An article in a New England newspaper - "A Man His Own Grandfather," The Fitchburg Sentinel (Fitchburg, Mass.), 30 July 1877 - reported an interesting story about the suicide note of a man named William Harmen:

A man at Titusville, Pa., recently committed suicide in his horror at finding that he was his own grandfather. The way it was thus told in his dying statement: "I married a widow who had a grown-up daughter. My father visited our house very often, fell in love with my step-daughter and married her. So my father became my son-in-law, and my step-daughter my mother, because she was my father’s wife. Sometime afterward my wife had a son; he was my father’s brother-in-law, and my uncle for he was the brother of my stepmother. My father’s wife - i.e., my stepmother - had also a son; he was, of course, my brother, and in the meantime my grandchild, for he was the son of my daughter. My wife was my grandmother, because she was my mother’s mother. I was my wife’s husband and grandchild at the same time. And as the husband of a person’s grandmother is his grandfather, I am my own grandfather."

An article in Wikipedia, speaking of the song that comes from this story, affirms:

Although the song continues to mention that both the narrator's wife and daughter had children by the narrator and his father, respectively, the narrator actually becomes "his own grandpa" once his father marries the woman's daughter.

* The narrator marries the older woman. - This results in the woman's daughter becoming his stepdaughter.
* Subsequently, the narrator's father marries the older woman's daughter.
* The woman's daughter, being the new wife of the narrator's father, is now both his stepdaughter and his stepmother. Concurrently, the narrator's father, being his stepdaughter's husband, is also his stepson-in-law.
* The narrator's wife, being the mother of his stepmother, makes her both spouse and step-grandmother.
* The husband of the narrator's wife would then be the narrator's step-grandfather. Since the narrator is that person, he has managed to become his own (step-)grandfather.

I'm not quite sure I followed that, but....

An interesting history of this story and how it has resurfaced and evolved through the years, attributed to various sources - including Mark Twain - can be found at http://www.genealogymagazine.com/grandpa.html

If you'd like to hear the song (downloaded from YouTube) performed by Dennis Warner, you can do so below.


"Humility is a low opinion of my own opinion." - Dr. Greg Mazak

=^..^= =^..^=

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

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Shocking News!

The semester is off to a good start. Here in Greenville, we're bracing for some wintry weather overnight. My wife and I have finally figured it out. People here in the South must sit around and eat French toast when we get snow or freezing rain since beforehand they raid the stores for bread, milk, and eggs.

This Saturday is the Republican primary here in South Carolina, with the Democrat primary the following Saturday. We'll be glad eventually to be able to make it through dinner without half a dozen calls from volunteers, pollsters, and push-pollsters! In an effort to get our minds off the 2008 election that has been going on for almost a year already (!), here's a little something else to read.

This is old news, but I'm passing it along anyway as a reminder....

The Green Bay Packers delivered a shocking announcement today.

Their starting quarterback this Sunday will be Mrs. Brett Favre, who will play for Brett during the first quarter. Fans in Green Bay were shocked when this announcement was made, but Mrs. Favre assured the fans that, "Hey, I know this game. I live with Brett. I have taken several road trips on the team plane. I've gone to the pre-game meals. I know a lot of the Packers. I've played around with a lot of the Packers in the back yard. I've tossed the football with them, and I know what a slot right 60-Prevent-Slot-Hook-And-Go is and I know how to avoid a corner blitz."

So they polled the people in Green Bay, and 50% of Packers fans are excited, motivated, looking forward to the big game.

All right, you think that's ridiculous? Here's another announcement for you to reread:

In a shocking announcement today, Mrs. Hillary Clinton announced that she is running for president of the United States because she knows Bill Clinton and has lived with him, and she was there on a lot of trips to China and other places around the world, and she has really cared about kids for 35 years. She's fought for and stood up for kids, and she's tried to fix health care. She heard her husband speak about foreign policy and she thinks fifty percent of the American people say, "That's good enough for us."

I received a picture today that pretty well says it all!

So much for getting our minds off this stuff, huh!? I usually stay away from politics on my blog, but I figured that the vast majority of my readers (the "vast right wing conspiracy"?) would be far more amused than offended.


"Are you more in love with God's blessing than with God Himself? ... If you don't have the Lord with you, all the rest is empty." - Dr. Drew Conley

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Politician: One who shakes your hand before the elections and your confidence after.

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