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What She Wants in a Man


The past few days have been wonderful and just plain full! As I reported in the last blog entry, Thursday was a big day with a birthday, an anniversary, the arrival of loved ones, preparations for the rehearsal dinner, and the rehearsal and the dinner. The wedding of our son Mark and his fiancee Katie, Friday evening, June 29, could not have been more beautiful. We were so happy to have in attendance dear loved ones, and many friends from various periods of our lives, past and present. We will treasure the memories from the last few days. Below are some pictures from the rehearsal dinner and the wedding:

The pork barbecue from Henry's Smokehouse and everything prepared by Linda Abrams was delicious! Below is a picture of Mark and Katie going through the serving line at the rehearsal dinner at Lake Robinson. An enjoyable evening at a beautiful place!

Mark and Katie at the rehearsal dinner

Mark and Katie both have nephews named Drew.

Here's a picture of the parents and Mark and Katie...

This picture is of Katie's immediate family...

This is a picture of Mark's immediate family...

Here's the wedding party...

Mark and Katie having a little fun before the wedding began...

Our grandson Drew was not having fun before the wedding.

Here's our couple with both nephews in their finery - kind of like whipped cream on an onion - one Drew in his tux and the other Drew in his searsucker suit...

For several of the pictures, special thanks to moss-foto.com! (They're the pictures above that I'm in - I couldn't photograph myself very handily. 😎 ) If you go to moss-foto.com, you can see all the wedding pictures.

One thing I love about young people in general is their youthful optimism, being an eternal optimist myself. Today's iv highlights how optimism meets reality through the course of life.

What She Wants in a Man, Original List:

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. Imaginative and romantic

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Romantic at least once a week

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy foods I don't like
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Snores only lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

WHAT SHOULD SHE HOPE FOR AT AGE 82?!

quotation...

"God will spare no means in order to be the center of your attention and affection." - Andrew Franseen

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

HE: Gross! This coffee tastes like mud!
SHE: That's funny, it was fresh ground this morning.


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Oldly Weds


The wedding of our son Mark and and future daughter-in-law Katie is only 10 days away. We know so many young couples getting married this summer and even this fall - I guess that goes with teaching at a university and attending a large church. With all these young couples, I thought it would be fun to enjoy the experiences of two older couples.

There were two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of "careful consideration," she answered, "Yes, yes, I will!" The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective homes.

The next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes, I will,' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, Dear, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

divider

On their way to their vacation destination, an elderly couple stopped at a service station. The attendant came out and said, "Hi! Fill it up?" to which the old man replied, "Yes, please."

His wife asked, "What did he say?" and her husband yelled, "HE ASKED IF WE WANTED HIM TO FILL IT UP."

To pass the time during the fill up, the friendly attendant asked, "Where ya goin'?" to which the husband replied, "We're going to spend our vacation at Hilton Head, in our son's condo."

His wife asked, "What did he say?" and her husband yelled, "HE ASKED WHERE WE WERE GOING. I TOLD HIM TO HILTON HEAD."

The attendant then said, "You're in luck - the weather there is supposed to be perfect for the next two weeks.

His wife asked, "What did he say?" and her husband yelled, "HE SAID THE WEATHER WILL BE NICE."

The attendant then asked the man, "Where do you live when you're not on vacation?" to which the husband replied, "We live in Richmond, VA." The attendant said with surprise, "I know a woman from Richmond. She talks non-stop and drives her husband crazy!"

His wife asked, "What did he say?" and her husband yelled, "HE SAYS HE THINKS HE'S MET YOU BEFORE!"

quotation...

"Our human heart is an idol factory." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

A lady wrote to an advice column in a newspaper, "I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just days before the wedding, I've found out he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off?"


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A Bunny, a Peep, a Mule, and a Pit Bull


The Easter services at church yesterday were such a blessing! Our attention was powerfully drawn to the empty tomb and our risen Lord through the wonderful music and the clear Scriptural message.

We had lunch with Nora and Aron and dinner with Mark and Katie. For dessert we enjoyed one of our Easter traditions - a bunny cake. I'm going to put a picture below of the cake Becka made, decorated with coconut, red licorice, and chocolate chips.

picture of our bunny cake

When Mark and Katie went to visit Jim, Megan, and Drew, the rest of us sent some things along. One of the items sent was a stuffed Peep - a cute toy version of those nasty marshmallow Easter candies. (My feeble apologies to those of you who actually *like* them.) Here's a picture of one exactly like the one Nora sent...

picture of the size of a peep

Megan sent us a picture of Drew with the Peep Nora sent him...

picture of Drew and his peep

This gives you an idea of how tiny he still is!

Here's another picture of him sleeping. Grandma and I miss him horribly!

picture of our beautiful dreamer

In honor of our thirtieth anniversary today, I'm posting two stories about two couples who, unfortunately, were not as blissfully wed as we.

An old farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow often. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began harassing him again. Complain, nag, nag - it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet and caught her smack in the back of the head. It killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement.

"And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

divider

A woman was leaving a coffee shop with her morning coffee when she noticed most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 meters behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking in single file.

The woman couldn't contain her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I'm sorry for your loss and I know it is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Who's funeral is it?"

The woman replied, "Well the first hearse is for my husband."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Then who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her also."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

"Could I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line," the woman replied.

quotation...

"Eyewitnesses of the living Lord preached the gospel." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

My dog can lick anyone.


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Hoosier Valentine?


My wife and I splurged this year for Valentine's Day. We've been looking for a Hoosier cabinet for over a year, as mentioned in a recent iv about auctions. Well, Sunday a man from our church who is an antique dealer and who knew we'd been looking for a Hoosier told us that he had seen one in nice condition and at a very good price in another antique shop here in town. We went out Monday to check it out, bought it, and brought it home that day as our Valentine's gift to each other. Here's a picture of it in our kitchen:

picture of our Hoosier cabinet

If you want to learn a little more about Hoosier cabinets, you can click on the word Hoosier anywhere it appears in the text of this iv. Ours is made by the company mentioned from New Castle, Indiana.

Today's instant vacation is some miscellaneous humor about love and marriage, in honor of Valentine's Day.

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the chuppa (wedding canopy) and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front row responded with ripples of laughter. Even the rabbi smiled broadly. The groom watched his bride nervously.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

divider

Little Mary was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, "Why did the lady change her mind?"

Her mother asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another one."

divider

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother explained, keeping it simple.

The child thought for a moment and said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

divider

Two women were discussing marriage, and one said, "We've been married twenty-five years, and every night my husband has complained about the food. Not one night goes by without him complaining about the food."

The other woman said, "That's awful. Doesn't it bother you?"

The first one said, "Why should I object if he doesn't like his own cooking?"

divider

A grandmother overheard 5-year-old Christy "playing wedding." The wedding vows went like this:

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say may be held against you. You have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."

divider

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

"Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

divider

Happy Valentine's Day to all who celebrate it!

quotation...

"We serve God directly, but we also serve Him by serving others." - Dr. M. Bruce McAllister

=^..^= =^..^=
With much love to all,
Rob

Courtship is like looking at the beautiful photos in a seed catalog. Marriage is what actually comes up in your garden.


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Vive la Différence!


For today's instant vacation I'd like to highlight some of the delightful differences between women and men. I thought if some of you are working on Valentine's Day programs, I should send some stuff early. After all, February begins already next week!

I certainly don't agree with everything said below, but then, I didn't write it.

Some comparisons of men and women...

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head, and Useless.

DINING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob, and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22. 50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

MATURITY
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.

Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

HANDWRITING
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.

Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

GROCERIES
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things.

A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and an almost empty milk bottle. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

SHOES
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.

A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

LAUNDRY
Women do laundry every couple of days.

A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about fifteen years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul, and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."

SOCKS
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweat socks.

Women wear strange socks. Socks that are cut way below the ankles, that have pictures of clouds, that have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

MIDLIFE
When a woman reaches midlife, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes vary with the individual.

Midlife in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

THE TELEPHONE
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to get short messages to other people.

A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

DIRECTIONS
If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions.

Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, Looks like I've found a new way to get there." and, "I know I'm in the general neighborhood. I recognize that 7-11 store."

TOYS
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.

Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that perform various tasks on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.

PLANTS
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation.

The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

CAMERAS
Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for a state-of-the-art camera and take photography classes.

Women purchase disposable cameras. Of course, women often end up taking better pictures.

GARAGES
Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawnmowers.

Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail, etc.

A man will dress up for weddings or funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

CHILDREN
Women seem to be able to remember every little detail of each child's life - the first tooth, doctor's appointments, school pick-up times, food preferences, etc.

Some men are only aware that there seems to be an increasing number of short people in the house.

divider

Sunday morning we learned of the passing of another former member of the administration, Luena Barker, who had passed away following a massive stroke. Here's the information we received by email yesterday on campus: "Please pray for the family and friends of Miss Luena Barker, '50 grad and former dean of women, who passed away this past weekend. The funeral service will be Wednesday at 1 p.m. at the Braun-Everiss-Wagley Funeral Home (1501 W. Maumee St., Adrian, Mich.). Viewings will be Tuesday from 2 to 4 p.m. and 6 to 8 p.m. and Wednesday at 12 p.m." I've copied Miss Barker's obituary from the Greenville News and put it on my website at http://ivman.com/barker.html for those of you who would like to read it.

quotation...

"Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing." - anonymous (probably by the speaker's wise decision to remain so....)

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.


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