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What Are They Really Saying?


When we arrived at the airport last week, we thought we were being greeted by our son and his girlfriend. But instead we were greeted by our son and his fiancée! The week before we got home, Mark asked Katie to marry him, and she accepted. They are planning to wed on June 29, 2007. Below is a picture of Mark and Katie at some time during this past school year.

picture of Katie and Mark

What I'm sending today is to help men and women to understand better what each other are really saying, especially for the young couples who are learning to navigate in these waters. The first section says that it's women who are explaining some of the things they say, but I strongly suspect that whoever is explaining what men are really saying in the second section may well have been a woman also. You can judge for yourselves.

Women's Vocabulary - women explain the meanings of their keywords and other utterances

FINE - This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to hush you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES - If we are getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house, so we feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING - This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) - This is *not* permission; it's a dare - one that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine." So, don't do it!

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) - This is not permission either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH - This is not actually a word, but is still a verbal statement very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

SOFT SIGH - Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer and that she will stay content.

OH - This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to someone about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run - do not walk - to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in something. Do not try to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

THAT'S OKAY - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever mistake you have made. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the near future after she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO - This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS - A woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

THANKS A LOT - This is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

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What Men REALLY MEAN when they say certain phrases...

"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult, and thankless."

"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard, "REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love, REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me," REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay awake."

"It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, and fast cars."

"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I ever dated, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."

"What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?"

"She's one of those rabid feminists," REALLY MEANS, "She refused to make my coffee."

"I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."

"I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we are out of toilet paper."

"We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up."

"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."

quotation...

"When I don't pray in light of God's word, I set my sights too low." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Do you ever wonder why test mice and rats seem to be so prone to developing cancer?


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