With Valentine’s Day one week away, I thought I’d post some fun things about the relationships between men and women.

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard full of mules and and donkeys, the husband broke the silence by asking a bit sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”

“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

***
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Iraq several years before the war, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.

She returned to Iraq recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.

She approached one of the women for an explanation.

“This is marvelous,” said the journalist. “What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?”

The Iraqi woman replied, “Land mines.”

***
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.

She thought about this for a while and then told her husband, “Women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say,” to which he replied, “What?”

***
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie. The genie said, “OK, you released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the fourth time this has happened this month, and I’m getting a little sick of all these wishes, so you can forget about three — you only get one wish!” The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”

The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete … of how much steel! No, I’m sorry, you’ll have to think of another wish.”

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally he said, “My wife always says that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women … know how they feel and what they’re thinking when they give us the silent treatment … know why they’re crying … know what they really want when they say ‘nothing’ … know how to make them truly happy….”

The genie said, “You want that bridge with two lanes or four?”

***
New Seat Belt Law in the USA

This regulation becomes effective July 1, 2008, in all states and will soon to be law in all Canadian Provinces.

The national Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.

Correct installation is illustrated below….

Please pass on to family and friends.
THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!

***
One of my projects over the Christmas break was painting our dining room. The time I had after the holidays was insufficient, and the project has gone into the beginning of this semester. After this past Saturday’s hanging of the window treatment my wife had made and getting the new ceiling light in place, all that is left now is painting the baseboards. Phew! Anyway, here’s a picture of the almost completed room….

Here’s a close-up of Becka’s window treatment….

special request…

One of our campus sons (Tim) from the mid-eighties here at BJU has kept in touch with us through the years since he graduated. (It’s kind of scary that Tim’s son could be our campus son in not very many years! Yikes - our first campus grandson!) Well, anyway, yesterday Tim asked me in an e-mail if I would put a link on my blog to a survey he’s doing as part of the research for a book he is writing.

If you would be so kind as to take this anonymous survey, I would really appreciate your helping “our son” in this way. There are only ten questions and it will take you very little time to finish it. You can get to the survey by clicking here.

quotation…

“Lord, give me firmness without hardness, steadfastness without dogmatism, love without weakness.” - Jim Elliot

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Rob

Misers aren’t much fun to live with, but they do make great ancestors!

Sometimes we’re good at planning and sometimes we’re not. Sometimes we make great plans and find that, as has been adapted from the poet Robert Burns, “The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” And sometimes we’re not good planners. I’ve received several things lately that highlight good and poor planning. Then I added a favorite “classic” that illustrates some disastrous results of poor planning.

***
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

“I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.”

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

***
I received this from someone who grew up in Canada and now is a US citizen…

As a country Canada has been much influenced historically by three nations - France, England, and America, and Canadians aren’t quite sure of their identity. So they try to have a flavor from all three, but they have made horrible choices.

The story goes like this … Canadians could have had French cuisine, English culture and American technology but instead chose English food, French technology and American culture.

***
Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “poor planning” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust that the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in Block #11 of the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 pounds.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding in a downward direction at an equally impressive rate of speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section III of the accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were 2 knuckles deep into the pulley, which I mentioned in paragraph #2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground–and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to MY weight in Block #11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth, and the severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately, only 3 vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

Policy # xyz1234567890

***
I haven’t posted any pictures of our grandson Drew for a while, so here are several that Grandma and I like.

Drew in his Exersaucer…

Our little “basket case”…

quotation…

“God always sees the individual and the inside and deals with each of us accordingly.” - Dr. Tim Jordan

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Rob

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Often my blog posts are related to something happening in our lives, and this one is no exception. Since Friday morning, I’ve been battling a head cold - something I haven’t done in a long time and something that’s making the rounds right now. During classes Friday, I was quite miserable, with a nose that had been replaced by a faucet. After dinner Friday evening, I went to bed at 6:30 and slept for 12 hours straight - something I never do! Our cats - Adelaide and Clementine - were a riot! Adelaide, whom we lovingly call “Florence Nightingale,” was curled up next to me the entire 12 hours! At 6:15 Saturday morning, Clementine started digging at the closet door to try to wake me up, and Adelaide started walking around on the bed, crying, and sticking her nose in my face - I guess to see if I were still breathing. I fell back asleep and immediately dreamed that I was staring at a computer, and an e-mail notify message popped up from our two cats, concerned about my having slept so long. I woke up laughing, which felt good. I slept away a lot of the weekend getting 31 hours of sleep totally! But I feel much better this morning to face a week of classes.

My dear wife has been so sweet this weekend. (Can you even imagine her being anything but sweet?!) She made a big pot of her wonderful cabbage soup to help speed my recovery. It made me think of something I’ve had in my files for a long time. I share that with you today.

Some years ago The Saturday Evening Post ran an article that was entitled “The Seven Ages of the Married Cold.” This article revealed the reactions of a husband to his wife’s colds during their first seven years of marriage. It’s a rather humorous look at a not-so-funny reality - the potential decline of a marriage, as seen through the common cold. I hope I do better than the husband in what you’re about to read!

The Seven Ages of the Married Cold

First Year: “Sugar dumpling, I’m really worried about my baby girl. You’ve got a bad sniffle and there’s no telling about these things with all this strep going around. I’m putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest. I know the food’s lousy, but I’ll be bringing your meals in from Rossini’s. I’ve already got it all arranged with the floor superintendent.”

Second Year: “Listen darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I’ve called Doc Miller and asked him to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl, please, just for papa.”

Third Year: “Maybe you’d better lie down, honey; nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I’ll bring you something. Have you got any canned soup?”

Fourth Year: “Now look dear, be sensible. After you’ve fed the kids, washed the dishes, and finished the floors, you’d better lie down.”

Fifth year: “Why don’t take a couple of aspirin?”

Sixth year: “I wish you would just gargle something instead of sitting around all evening barking like a seal.”

Seventh year: “For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing! Are you trying to give me pneumonia?”

***
I found a great picture online somewhere during the Christmas break - the way one student dealt with the pertussis scare we had at BJU in early December. I hope none of my students come to class looking like this today, fearful of catchin my cold….

quotation…

“Magnifying God isn’t making Something small big. It’s focusing on Something that, from our perspective, seems small and seeing how big He is.” - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob

If a man caught a cold in the middle of a forest where no one could hear him, would he still make whining sounds?

This past Saturday I spent part of the day helping with some landscaping at the future home of Frontline Missions International. It was a hot day and we worked hard, but by the end of our time there, the area we worked on was greatly improved. When I went there to help, I had no idea that part of my work would involve driving a dump truck. Below is a picture of me in the cab of the truck, followed by a picture of me dumping one of the loads of dirt.

As the day went on I was asked to jump into the driver’s seat of the backhoe we were using to fill the dump truck.

I really did drive the dump truck and hauled and dumped about a half-dozen loads of dirt, but the picture of me driving the backhoe was just a photo-op - the engine was not even running. Fortunately I know my limits!

That experience made me think of some pictures in my collection - pictures that could explain why women live longer than men.

Some guys don’t share my healthy respect for heavy equipment.

No ramp to get up to the railroad car? No problem! The series of pictures below shows you how to let your machinery work in your favor!

The man in the picture below seems to be doing nothing too dangerous.

But the picture below adds some needed perspective.

Some guys don’t need to wear protective gear.

But then others have different ideas about what constitutes protective gear.

In construction zones, foam rubber “soft hats” can apparently offer the same protection as hard hats.

Some men are adept at doing necessary car maintenance, even when ramps are unavailable.

Many men exercise great care when working on scaffolding or ladders.

Men in the Western world do not have a corner on the market when it comes to the wise use of ladders.

Some men are skilled at combining heavy equipment with ladders to perform amazing tasks.

When heavy equipment is not available, some men can show great ingenuity.

The final picture is a tribute to the boldest use of a ladder to accomplish the job!

***
Yesterday (September 9) our grandson Drew was 6 months old. Megan took him for his check-up on Friday and learned he’s doing very well, now weighing 14 pounds. That’s wonderful progress considering that he started out at 3 lb. 15 oz. as a preemie born over 6 weeks early! The doctor told Megan that she can now start him out on baby cereal. So for his 6-month birthday, Drew tried rice cereal. Below are several pictures of this experience.

quotation…

“Women don’t want to hear what you think. They want to hear what they think in a deeper voice.” - Bill Cosby

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Rob

The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

The past few days have been wonderful and just plain full! As I reported in the last blog entry, Thursday was a big day with a birthday, an anniversary, the arrival of loved ones, preparations for the rehearsal dinner, and the rehearsal and the dinner. The wedding of our son Mark and his fiancee Katie, Friday evening, June 29, could not have been more beautiful. We were so happy to have in attendance dear loved ones, and many friends from various periods of our lives, past and present. We will treasure the memories from the last few days. Below are some pictures from the rehearsal dinner and the wedding:

The pork barbecue from Henry’s Smokehouse and everything prepared by Linda Abrams was delicious! Below is a picture of Mark and Katie going through the serving line at the rehearsal dinner at Lake Robinson. An enjoyable evening at a beautiful place!

Mark and Katie both have nephews named Drew.

Here’s a picture of the parents and Mark and Katie…

This picture is of Katie’s immediate family…

This is a picture of Mark’s immediate family…

Here’s the wedding party…

Mark and Katie having a little fun before the wedding began…

Our grandson Drew was not having fun before the wedding.

Here’s our couple with both nephews in their finery - kind of like whipped cream on an onion - one Drew in his tux and the other Drew in his searsucker suit…

For several of the pictures, special thanks to moss-foto.com! (They’re the pictures above that I’m in - I couldn’t photograph myself very handily. ) If you go to moss-foto.com, you can see all the wedding pictures.

One thing I love about young people in general is their youthful optimism, being an eternal optimist myself. Today’s iv highlights how optimism meets reality through the course of life.

What She Wants in a Man, Original List:

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. Imaginative and romantic

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Romantic at least once a week

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy foods I don’t like
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep when I’m venting
5. Doesn’t retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn’t scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep
4. Snores only lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he’s laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it’s the weekend

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn’t miss the toilet

WHAT SHOULD SHE HOPE FOR AT AGE 82?!

quotation…

“God will spare no means in order to be the center of your attention and affection.” - Andrew Franseen

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Rob

HE: Gross! This coffee tastes like mud!
SHE: That’s funny, it was fresh ground this morning.