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Posts Tagged ‘moms’

What Did You Do All Day, Honey?


This Sunday is the day we honor our moms who have given of themselves so tirelessly and unselfishly to make us what we are today. (In case you had forgotten, run ... do not walk ... to get something for her!) When I saw the following story in my files, I knew it's the one I wanted to post today.

picture of a busy mom

A man came home from work and found his three children outside still in their pajamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and 20 wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, and so was the front door to the house, and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel and the family room floor was almost totally covered with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
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Mother Knows Best


picture of mom

One of the TV shows I grew up with was Father Knows Best. You may be old enough to remember that series or maybe you've seen reruns. In those days, dads were allowed to be portrayed as something other than idiots, and Robert Young usually gave wise advice. But as we look forward to Mother's Day this weekend, I want to focus on moms who know what's going on and who give out great advice with such finesse that it inflicts almost no pain.

Throughout history, mothers have been known for handing out wisdom, advice, and correction to their children. You could almost hear the moms of these famous individuals say the following:

Paul Revere's mother:
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"

Mary, Mary, quite contrary's mother:
"I don't mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"

Mona Lisa's mother:
"After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

Humpty Dumpty's mother:
"Humpty, if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"
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“M” is for – – – ?


picture of letter M

Are you ready yet for Mother's Day? With Mother's Day coming up in less than two weeks, I thought I'd do a post about moms that might serve as a reminder to some readers to get that card, gift, or whatever you plan to give your mom. I'm posting three short pieces on the theme of moms.

"M" is for - - -?

Miss Jones had been giving her students in second grade a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Afterwards it was review time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mom!"

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Here's a little different twist on the "M" is for mom theme:

A little boy walked up to the librarian to check out a book called Comprehensive Guide for Mothers.

When the librarian asked him if it was for his mom, he answered, "No, it's for me!"

"Why would you be checking this book out? You're a little boy."

"Because," said the boy, beaming from ear to ear, "I just became a moth collector last month!"

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It's interesting to see the evolution that mothers undergo through the course of their children's lives.

4 years of age: My mommy can do anything!

8 years of age: My mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 years of age: My mother doesn't really know quite everything.

14 years of age: Naturally, Mom doesn't know that either.

16 years of age: Mom? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 years of age: That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 years of age: Well, Mom might know a little bit about it.

35 years of age: Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 years of age: I wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 years of age: I wish I could talk it over again with Mom....

Do you have any comments you'd like to share on moms or Mother's Day?

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(edited 29 April 2009):
When I had to blow away my blog because it had been hacked into, I lost some of the pictures that I hadn't saved on my computer. There were two in particular that I could not replace in the post nice bathroom humor - the sign in a restroom in the Philippines and the sign in the upscale restroom. Thanks to several readers, those images are now restored.

quotation...

"There's no reason to boast in your human pedigree." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

As I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, I wondered what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?


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Nice Bathroom Humor


One of the things that my readers appreciate is that what I post is suitable for even the youngest members of the family. So much of what calls itself humor these days ranges from blatant filth to innuendo to bathroom humor.

I've had some interesting pictures and information passed on to me lately, though, that I've been wanting to post. Technically, it's bathroom humor, but not what people normally think of when they hear that expression. You'll understand as you read on....

With so much emphasis today on everything being "green," many will see the practicality in a new device called WashUP. It uses the washer’s discarded water as the water for the toilet. Very clever - after all, who needs clean water for flushing?

washer/toilet combination

Pretty clever, huh?

Another innovation for those multitaskers who are the epitome of practical...

going online

Kind of gives "going online" a whole new meaning!

Some people, though, are more interested in uniqueness or beauty. Here are a couple of glitzy toilets on the market for people into "bathroom bling"...

aquarium toilet

absolutely glitzy toilet

Those who used to visit my funny picture archives will remember the following outdoor toilet from a European city...

European outdoor toilet

Some places in Europe do, however, prefer something with a bit more privacy...

disappearing outdoor bathroom

Scary, huh?

I have several bathroom signs that need little or no explanation.

Here's a sign from a bathroom in the Philippines... (Many thanks to two readers who located the original pictures from before my blog was hacked! Thanks to D.W. for helping me restore this one!) 🙂

a sign in a bathroom in the Philippines - picture is still missing

This bathroom sign is obviously from an upscale establishment... (Thanks to M.H. for helping me restore this one!) 🙂

high-class establishment

This sign says it all for those of us at BJU taking part in the Wellness Challenge...

restroom sign

I'll end this part of the post with a note seen on a bathroom door...

Attention Children: The Bathroom Door is Closed!

Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out.

Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken; I am not trapped.

I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times, since you were born because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in there; but it's been years and I want some PRIVACY.

Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am ready.

Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.

Do not go running back to the phone yelling, "She's in the BATHROOM!"

Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in.

Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them. This was funny only when you were two.

Do not slide pennies, Legos, or notes under the door. Even when you were two, this got a little tiresome.

If you have followed me down the hall talking and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away, and wait for me in another room. I will be glad to listen to you when I am done.

Oh ... and yes, I still do love you.

Mom

quotation...

"Live your life for the one thing that matters - the pursuit of Jesus Christ." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.


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Kid Speak


The other day, a friend and I were exchanging the latest news on each of our respective first grandchildren. Her granddaughter is talking a little, but not everything is comprehensible. This next week we'll find out what our little guy can say now. He jabbers a lot, but not many understandable words. This friend was telling me about a little boy in her family who was recently at the beach. His mom put a tank top on him so that he didn't get badly sunburned. He'd never worn a tank top before, and his comment was "Shirt broke!"

This got me to thinking about all the cute things our kids said when they were little - things like Megan's being upset about the dirt on her "hand-elbows" (knuckles) or Nora's requesting "a Nora-spoon" - leaving us scratching our heads as to what was wanted. She was trying to tell us she wanted a metal spoon, not plastic, since she could see herself in the metal spoon. When Mark was little, he was obsessed with getting big. One day Becka asked him if he'd like a little milk, to which he indignantly replied, "No, I want BIG milk!" I'm sure your kids have said some great things too. Please post some as comments.

I'd like to post one last thing related to Mother's Day this week. Today's iv is focused on the child's side of the equation. Several of the short quips highlight some cute things children are reported to have said, and several relate some heart-warming things kids have said.

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While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, a woman used to take her four-year-old daughter on her afternoon rounds. The child was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day the mother found her daughter staring at a set of false teeth soaking in a glass.

As she braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions about the dentures, she was surprised when her daughter merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

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A couple had spent the day moving from their farmhouse into their new house in town. They were too tired to try to meet neighbors on moving day and collapsed into bed late that night.

Very early the next morning, their 3 year old ran into their bedroom to wake them up. The mother dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to let them sleep. About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy, Mommy," he exclaimed, "everybody has doorbells - and they all work."

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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped to reprove the child gently. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Mrs. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

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Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing. I just helped him cry."

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Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different color hair than the other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted and a little girl said, "I know all about adoptions because I was adopted."

"What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child.

"It means," said the girl, "that I grew in my mommy's heart instead of her tummy."

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A little 10 year old named Sarah was born with a muscle missing in her foot and must wear a brace all the time. She came home one beautiful spring day to tell that she had competed in her school's "field day." Because of her leg support, her father's mind raced as he tried to think of some encouragement for Sarah - things he could say to her about not letting this get her down. But before he could get a word out, she said, "Daddy, I won two of the races!"

The father couldn't believe it! But before he could say anything, she continued, "I had an advantage."

Ah, ha - he knew it - he thought she must have been given a head start ... some kind of physical advantage. But again, before he could say anything, she said, "Daddy, I didn't get a head start. My advantage was I had to try harder!"

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In New York City, on a cold day in December a little boy about 10 years old was standing before a shoe store, barefooted and peering through the window, shivering with cold. A lady approached the boy and said, "My little fellow, why are you looking so earnestly in that window?"

"I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes," was the boy's reply.

The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her. She took the little guy to the back part of the store, removed her gloves, knelt down, washed his feet, and dried them with a towel. By this time the clerk had returned with the socks. After placing a pair of socks on the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes. She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. As they turned to leave the store, she said, "Well, little fellow, are you more comfortable now?"

The astonished lad caught her by the hand, and looking up in her face with tears his eyes, answered her question with another question, "Are you God's wife?"

quotation...

"To handle yourself well, use your head. To handle others well, use your heart." - Eleanor Roosevelt

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

People who say they sleep like a baby obviously don't have one.


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