pun-ishment?
It’s been a while since I posted some puns (perhaps not long enough for some people). Anyway, for those who enjoy puns, these ought to bring forth some satisfying groans.
In the early 1700s, the captain of a Spanish pirate ship was very proud of his mongrel pet for its ability to bark once for “Si,” and twice for “No.”
After being captured by a British commander, the dog was taught the same trick in English. He thereby became … the world’s first “Si” and “Aye” dog!
A supportive friend brought a woman into the hospital. This poor woman was so cross-eyed that her tears ran down her back. After some time, the doctor came back out to the woman’s friend who immediately asked him, “You couldn’t do anything for her, could you?”
The doctor replied, “Yes, indeed. We treated her for bacteria.”
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but he lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. With quick reflexes, he reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
“Oh my, I am sooo sorry,” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. “Please, let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.” He accepts her offer, and they enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
Afterwards the guy is amazed! “You know,” he says, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”
“No,” she replies, “you just happened to catch my eye.”
Quasimodo goes to a doctor for an annual checkup. “I think something is wrong with your back,” the doctor says.
“What makes you say that?” asks Quasimodo.
“I don’t know,” the doctor replies. “It’s just a hunch.”
speaking of Quasimodo…
A Tale of Two Campanologists
After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringers job. The bishop was incredulous. “You have no arms!” “No matter,” said the man, “observe!” He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo.
Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, “Bishop, who was this man?”
“I don’t know his name,” the bishop sadly replied, “but his face sure rings a bell.”
{Stop groaning, there’s more….}
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, “Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.”
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition. As the armless man’s brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop’s cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. “What has happened?” the first breathlessly asked, “Who is this man?”
“I don’t know his name,” sighed the distraught bishop, “but he’s a dead ringer for his brother.”
chickadee update…
Last evening I was able to peek into the bird house while the mama was gone - six little eggs….
quotation…
“Live as if today were the day Jesus will return, yet make long-range plans.” - Dr. Myron Houghton
=^..^= =^..^=
Rob
As she hears the wedding march, three items in the ceremony are foremost in a bride’s mind — aisle, altar, hymn.
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