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Posts Tagged ‘points of view’

Zen Sarcasm


I have received several lists of sayings that are called "Zen Sarcasm." I thought of them today at work at IT Help Desk when we were talking about the Novell Zen agent used on the network. I don't know that either the agent or the list of sarcastic witticisms have a thing to do with "Zen," but I pass the sayings along for your amusement.

Zen Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

4. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

10. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

11. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

12. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

13. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

14. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

15. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

16. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

17. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

18. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our bottom ...Then things get worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and laxative on the same night.

21. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

23. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday ... around age 11.

24. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

25. That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.

26. The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

27. The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

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This is a big week in our family. Thursday is Nora's birthday, Megan and Jim's anniversary, and Mark and Katie's wedding rehearsal. Jim, Megan, and little Drew should arrive sometime Thursday mid-day. And then Mark and Katie's wedding is Friday evening. I will probably post some pictures this weekend of all the various activities and celebrations.

I've been a bit nostalgic this week with all the things going on in our family, and I thought of one of my favorite pictures of a delicious moment in parenting. This week's bridegroom was 6 months old in the picture below. Sunrise, sunset....

quotation...

"Into the fabric of the normal, God weaves miracles." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

(If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses).


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Apologies and Scars


There is a rather strange attitude today that we can do and say horrible things, and it will/should all be okay if we just apologize, no matter how lamely. Most "apologies" today go something like this, "I'm sorry if you were offended by what I said/did." There's generally no mention of the wrongness of what was said or done. There's no acknowledgement of wrongdoing and no request for forgiveness. Basically, the so-called (lame) apologies throw the blame on the person offended for taking offense in the first place. And the offended party is expected to accept the lame apology, which really amounts to blame-shifting rather than shame-acknowledgement. As I said, there's a strange attitude out there about apologies. We've heard some in recent years and even recent days from well-known people that are about that bad.

I recently ran across something in my files that reminded me of that aspect of our society and also of an old sermon on film by Dr. Bob Jones Sr. I pass it along for your consideration.

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he had to hammer a nail into the back of the fence. By the end of the first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, son, but look at the many holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a person and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the scar from the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as, if not worse than, a physical one."

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One more week of classes, then exams and the end of semester activities. I always say during our in-service week each fall, "Well, graduation is right around the corner." And sure 'nuff, here it is already! Life is truly a vapor!

We received some more recent photos, and I'm sharing several with you.

Megan with Drew in his carrier...

picture of Drew happy in his carrier

How Drew has to sit "side-saddle" for now...

picture of Drew riding side-saddle

quotation...

"Personal devotion is not about getting something from God, but giving something to God." - Dr. Gary Reimers

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.


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The Squeeze


today's instant vacation...

The owners of a restaurant were so sure that their cook was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 challenge. The cook would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried (weight-lifters, longshoreman, etc.), but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the cafe, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try for that $1000."

After the laughter had died down, the cook said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his first around the lemon and SIX drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the cook paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The little man replied, "I work for the Internal Revenue Service."

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I received the following a while back from several people by email. I have checked snopes.com and it wasn't listed there, so I'm assuming that it is accurate.

A list of taxes currently in existence...

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
Capital Gains Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Court Fines (indirect taxes)
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (so many cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax Interest expense (tax on the money)
Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Local Income Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Septic Permit Tax
Service Charge Taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Road Toll Booth Taxes
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Toll Bridge Taxes
Toll Tunnel Taxes
Traffic Fines (indirect taxation)
Trailer registration tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

Not one of those taxes existed 100 years ago and our nation was the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and moms stayed home to raise the kids.

So, have taxes improved our lives? Do we really need more taxes?!

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beauty salon name project...

I've received some funny names of beauty salons people have seen. If you know a funny name you'd like included on the list, please send it right away. I plan to post the list next week.

quotation...

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." - C. S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If a Osama and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?


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Enjoy a Cup of Coffee!


I received something a while back that I thought was well worth the read, especially as a coffee hound.

A Cup Of Coffee
- author unknown

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. The conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, and some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

After all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said, "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

"Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases, it's just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and then began eyeing each other's cups.

"Now consider this - life is the coffee, and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life, and the type of cup we have does not define nor change the quality of life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."

God brews the coffee, not the cups. Enjoy your coffee!

The happiest people don't have the best of everything - they make the best of everything.

quotation...

"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content." Philippians 4:11 (ESV)

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If your idea of a cuppa coffee is decaf with a little skim milk and sugar substitute, why bother?!


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Mindset of the Class of 2010


We all view life and the world around us from our own frame of reference. Older people sometimes have trouble keeping up with such rapid change in our technological age. But younger people often have trouble thinking beyond their comparatively limited experiences. It's not uncommon for a young person to say with complete confidence, "I'll never need this. Why do I have to study it?" I heard a wise, older teacher tell that his reply to such a comment is "You are not equipped to know that."

As yet another new batch of freshman has arrived on campus, it's good to be reminded of what is "reality" for them. One way to do that that is becoming a tradition is to check the beloit.edu site to read their listing of the "mindset" of this year's freshman class. What I'm sending today is an edited version of their list - the items I found most interesting. If you want to read their list unedited, you can go to their site given below. Bear in mind that what these 18 year olds remember probably did not happen until after they were 5 or 6 years old.

BELOIT COLLEGE'S MINDSET LIST (edited)
FOR THE CLASS OF 2010

http://www.beloit.edu/mindset/2010.php

Members of the class of 2010, the freshmen entering college this fall, were mostly born in 1988.

For them, the Soviet Union has never existed and therefore is about as scary as the student union.

They have known only two presidents.

For most of their lives, major U.S. airlines have been bankrupt.

Manuel Noriega has always been in jail in the U.S.

There has always been only one Germany.

They have never heard anyone actually "ring it up" on a cash register.

They are wireless, yet always connected.

Thanks to pervasive headphones in the back seat, parents have always been able to speak freely in the front.

A coffee has always taken longer to make than a milkshake.

Smoking has never been permitted on U.S. airlines.

Faux fur has always been a necessary element of style.

They have never had to distinguish between the St. Louis Cardinals baseball and football teams.

DNA fingerprinting has always been admissible evidence in court.

They grew up pushing their own miniature shopping carts in the supermarket.

They grew up with and have outgrown faxing as a means of communication.

"Google" has always been a verb.

Text messaging is their email.

Mr. Rogers, not Walter Cronkite, has always been the most trusted man in America.

Bar codes have always been on everything, from library cards and snail mail to retail items.

Carbon copies are oddities found in their grandparents' attics.

They grew up in mini-vans.

Young women's fashions have never been concerned with where the waist is.

They have rarely mailed anything using a stamp.

Brides have always worn white for a first, second, or third wedding.

Being techno-savvy has always been inversely proportional to age.

"So" as in "That is sooooo New York," has always been a drawn-out adjective modifying a proper noun, which in turn modifies something else

They have always been able to watch wars and revolutions live on television.

Retin-A has always made America look less wrinkled.

Small white holiday lights have always been in style.

Most of them never had the chance to eat bad airline food.

They have always been searching for "Waldo."

They never played the game of state license plates in the car.

They have always preferred going out in groups as opposed to dating.

There have always been live organ donors.

They have always had access to their own credit cards.

They have never put their money in a "Savings & Loan."

Bad behavior has always been getting captured on amateur videos.

Disneyland has always been in Europe and Asia.

Beach volleyball has always been a recognized sport.

Acura, Lexus, and Infiniti have always been luxury cars of choice.

Television stations have never concluded the broadcast day with the national anthem.

Disposable contact lenses have always been available.

Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss has always been the perfect graduation gift.

They have always "dissed" what they don't like.

The U.S. has always been studying global warming to confirm its existence.

Richard M. Daley has always been the Mayor of Chicago.

They grew up with virtual pets to feed, water, and play games with, lest they die.

Professional athletes have always competed in the Olympics.

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personal update...

Last week we had an all-too-brief visit from a friend I met in France in 1975 - Doris Gilbert, for those of you who know her. I hadn't seen her in 14 years, and it was wonderful to see someone whose life has had such an impact on mine. It was a huge blessing to see her continuing to minister to many, at age 83, long after she's officially "retired from ministry." She asked me if other seniors receive my iv's, and I assured her that there are a good number in that category on my mailing list. Since she had brought the age thing up, I told her that I wanted to ask her, since she knew him personally, if George Washington was a nice man. Without missing a beat, she said, "You must have me confused with my grandfather." We did talk a little about history, and it was neat to hear the perspectives of someone who has lived even more of history than we have.

quotation...

To the assembled faculty this fall: "All of us are students, learners, sitting at His feet." - Dr. Stewart Custer

=^..^= =^..^= =^..^=
Rob

You know it's going to be a bad day when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first thing in the morning and says, "Today is Nerd Day at school, Dad. Can I borrow some of your clothes?"


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