ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Posts Tagged ‘points of view’

Engineers


Someone recently told me that I thought like an engineer. I wasn't offended and didn't ask why, but I'm not quite sure why either. Hmm.... The comment did make me think of some humor in my files about engineers. If you're an engineer, you may not think these are as funny as those who know you do. People who deal with engineers, though, know that many of them see life from a very different perspective from that of most folks. After reading through the material again, I thought that maybe the comment had at least a tiny bit of validity. 😎

Q: What is the definition of an engineer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.

divider

A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers to move on ahead of them. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

[dramatic pause]

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. Then the pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "You know, really, these guys could play at night."

divider

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, and I'll be yours forever."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm actually a beautiful princess and that I'll be yours forever. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

divider

You may be an engineer if...

If you have used coat hangers and duct tape frequently for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.

If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place.

If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes only five minutes to run.

If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment.

If you have saved the power cords from all your broken appliances.

If you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.

If you see a good design and still have to change it.

If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.

If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight.

If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix them.

If choosing whether to buy flowers for your girlfriend or to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.

If you take a cruise so that you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.

If at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.

If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary.

If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already.

If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for.

If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal.

If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone.

If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.

If you window shop at Radio Shack.

If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through sci-fi movies looking for technical inaccuracies.

If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven.

If you sit backwards on the Disney World rides to see how they do the special effects.

If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.

If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.

If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor.

If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.

If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.

If you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

divider

This week we teachers at BJU are busily working in our offices and attending meetings, getting everything ready to begin university classes on August 30. We're praying for safe journies for our students as they come from all corners of the world in the next few days.

quotation...

"With the passage of time, I'm more and more struck by how abnormal 'normal' is." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^= =^..^=
Rob

The optimist sees a glass that is half full. The pessimist sees a glass that is half empty. The engineer sees a glass that is twice as big as it needs to be.


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Only in America


We thoroughly enjoyed our time in China, but it is certainly nice to be back at home in the good ol' USA too, believe me! Every country has its cultural peculiarities. My students this summer decided that Chinese people and American people are more alike than we're different, yet we truly are very different. Today's iv points out some cultural pecularities of Americans and life in the USA.

Only in America

You can get a pizza to your house faster than an ambulance.

There are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

People order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.

Hot dogs are sold in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Go figure!

We use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

We yell for the government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car that will take 5 years to pay off.

We demand speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour.

We get upset that we're spending over a billion dollars for education, but spend billions of dollars a year for cigarettes.

We whip any enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.

We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but mumble through half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner".

In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we're out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.

We applaud our free press even when they convict innocent people in print.

We're supposed to be the most civilized nation on earth, but we still deliver payrolls in armored cars.

We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world ....and still have more divorces.

We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old run wild.

We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so that we can move back out into the country.

We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.

We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes locked in the garage.

We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 80 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.

divider

updates...

It feels kind of odd - after getting "re-oriented" four weeks ago, we're now suddenly "disoriented" again! This morning I'm *truly* disoriented as my internal clock is still trying to be hungry and sleepy at all the wrong times. I'm glad I got the bulk of this ready back in our apartment in Haikou! My thinking is rather unclear this morning. Hope the rest of this personal update makes sense. 😎

As seems to be typical of international air travel, we experienced delays and missed connections. Our pilot of our flight out of Beijing told the passengers he was actually going to leave about 10 minutes early to beat an approaching storm but was delayed by the tower because of those same weather conditions. The resulting half-hour delay plus the airline's extremely slow handling of the baggage everyone had to reclaim in order to clear customs caused us to miss our connection to GSP. Since United did not have another flight to GSP until this morning, they tried and were able to get us on an American Airlines flight that would still get us home last night. Phew! It was already a very long day and we did not want to have to find and pay for a hotel in Chicago in our state of brain-deadness! We know that many interceded for us yesterday as we traveled. We have much to do to get settled back in here, but I will try to get a blog entry up in the next few days so that people can see what we enjoyed in the Beijing area. Our couple of days there was a nice mix of relaxation and new adventures.

quotation...

"In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people." - Groucho Marx

=^..^= =^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Page 16 of 16« First...141516