ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Posts Tagged ‘politics’

You Supply Joe the Plumber’s Punchline….

picture of Obama and Joe the plumber

The nickname "Joe the plumber" has become a household word, not only in the USA, but also all over the world. Many people have identified with this hardworking man and consider themselves Joe the carpenter, Jo the beautician, etc. I heard an interview with Joe last week and learned that, not having asked for this attention, he is not especially enjoying it and is quite angry about the invasions of his privacy by some agencies. On the right is a Reuters picture of the encounter of Obama and Joe that has catapulted a reluctant Joe into the limelight. If you'd like to read more about Joe the plumber, there's an article about him on Wikipedia.

Today someone sent me a Joe the plumber joke with the punch line missing on purpose. I thought it would be the perfect blog post for today. I know that there are some highly developed senses of humor that frequent my blog, and I appeal to my readers to comment with what they think would be the perfect punch line for this joke about another encounter of Joe and Obama.


Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink and calls Joe the plumber to come and fix it.

Joe drives to Obama's house, which is in a very nice neighborhood where it's clear that all the residents make more than $250,000 per year (or $200,000 per year or $150,000 per year, depending on who's speaking and when).

Joe arrives and takes his tools into the house. He's shown the room that contains the leaky pipe under the sink. Joe figures it's an easy job that will take less than ten minutes. Obama is standing near the door and asks Joe how much it will cost.

Joe immediately says, "$9,500."

"$9,500?" Obama replies stunned. "But you said it's an easy job!"

"Yeah, but what I do is charge a lot more to my clients who make more than $250,000 per year so I can fix the plumbing of everybody who makes less than that for free," responds Joe.

Obama tells Joe there's no way he's paying that much, so Joe leaves.

A week later the leak gets so bad that the Obamas have had to put a bucket under the sink, and it fills up every two hours, so they call Joe back. Joe goes back to the Obamas', looks at the leaky pipe, and says, "It'll cost you about $21,000."

Obama exclaims, "A few days ago you told me it would cost only $9,500!"

Joe explains, "Well, a lot of rich people are learning how to fix their own plumbing, so there are fewer of you paying for all the free plumbing we're doing for the people who make less than $250,000 - and I refuse to charge the lesser income people for plumbing work."

Obama tries to straighten out Joe. "But don't you get it? If all the rich people learn how to do their own plumbing and you won't charge the poor people, what will you do for money?"

Joe immediately replies, "_______."


I'm looking forward to what my readers will come up with as the perfect punchline! I'm going to hold off publishing the comments until a lot of them accumulate. It will be interesting to compare them, once published.

Along the same lines as the story above.... My wife Becka said she was reading a blog she does not usually visit the other day - from a link on a blog she frequents - and read the following account: The blogger said that she recently went to a restaurant for dinner. Just outside the restaurant was a homeless man wearing an Obama t-shirt. Her waiter was also wearing an Obama t-shirt. At the end of the meal she told her waiter that since he and the homeless man were both for Obama, she was going to give the $10 tip she was planning to give the waiter to the homeless man outside instead. The waiter was not a happy man - apparently desirous that the "spreading the wealth around" be someone else's money.


"God has no problem making the unlikely happen." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=

You can tell the quality of people by the way they treat the people they don't need.

Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Tough Questions

picture of blue question mark

Do you enjoy fielding tough questions? As a teacher I have been accused of posing unanswerable questions on my tests. But let me tell you, I've been asked some real doozies by my students as well. Our children asked us some hard questions as they grew up. In fact at one stage of life, our son Mark asked so many questions that we nicknamed him "Question Mark." In case you've not seen a recent interview of Biden on a TV station in Florida, you can see it either on YouTube or on the WFTV website. It's clear that Biden, who has not had to field many tough questions in recent days, did not enjoy the experience.

Today's iv is a list of tough questions you probably wouldn't want to have to answer.

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before he's considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

Since sandwich bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? What's that extra penny going to?

What did cured ham actually have?

Why is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do people pay to go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

Can a stupid person be a smart-alec?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

If a person thinks marathons are superior to sprints, is it considered racism?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Do you overthrow a puppet government with toy guns?

Do pilots take crash courses?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

If blind people wear dark glasses, should deaf people wear earmuffs?

What do you call a male ladybug?

What do chickens think we taste like?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?

How does AVON find so many women willing to take orders?

If "pro" is the opposite of "con," then what is the opposite of progress?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

If people aren't supposed to drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

When a Smurf chokes, what color does it turn?

Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, what treatment could you give them?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

If I save time, when do I get it back?


Speaking of which, don't forget to switch your clocks back to standard time this weekend if you're on Daylight savings time here in the USA.

I'm sure my readers have some tough questions of their own that they could add. Please post them in the comments.

For a ten day period I had a poll question in the sidebar - Who do you think will be the next president of the USA? The results were 37 think it will be Obama, 32 think it will be McCain, and 1 thinks it will be a third-party candidate.


"Money is America's god, and money cannot save us." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=

To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?

Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

No Truck?

picture of Drew with a pumpkin

This past Friday my wife Becka, our daughter Nora, and I headed north for Cincinnati, Ohio, after my last class ended. Our older daughter Megan, our son-in-law Jim, and our grandson Drew headed south for Cincinnati and arrived earlier in the evening than we did. We all thoroughly enjoyed our quiet weekend together. One of our activities on Saturday was to go to the Pumpkin Patch at Blooms and Berries Farm Market in Loveland, Ohio. We did not do all the activities available there since several members of our party were not feeling their best with colds. We did enjoy seeing all sorts of fall produce on display and for sale and a hayride which included a stop at their pumpkin patch. Here are a few pictures from our afternoon there.

picture of Drew looking at decorative squash

picture of us on a hayride

picture of Drew exploring the pumpkin patch

picture of Drew on the tractor

On the way up to Cincinnati and back we saw a number of questionable drivers and interestingly loaded vehicles. Some people did not let having no truck keep them from hauling whatever it was they wanted to transport. This practice is known all over the world, though, as the following pictures readily testify to what people will do when they have no truck.

picture of a person hauling baskets

picture of a person hauling eggs

picture of a person hauling his family

picture of a person hauling fish

picture of a person hauling various fowl

picture of a person hauling greens

picture of a person hauling hoops

picture of a person hauling a large mirror

picture of a person hauling pigs

picture of a person hauling pipes

picture of a person hauling a piece of railing

picture of a person hauling a shark

picture of a person hauling tires

picture of a person hauling tubes

picture of a person hauling vegetables

During our summers in Asia we saw similar scenes, to our amazement! I am very thankful for my little pickup truck which has come in very handy for hauling all sorts of things. 🙂

Even though I have a truck, there are some things with which I have "no truck." Having no truck comes from the French verb "troquer" which means swap, trade, barter. So when someone says he "has no truck with something," it means he refuses to have dealings with something. For instance, I have no truck with the Marxist ideal of "redistributing wealth." I also have no truck with abortion.

On purpose, I try to steer clear of politics on this blog, since the answer to mankind's problems is the Lord, not politicians. I have to say that I am not wildly enthusiastic about either of the two major candidates in the presidential race, so please do not misconstrue what I'm saying as tacit approval of either candidate. Once again this election year, I will have to plug my nose and vote for one person mainly as a vote against the other person. As much as a third party vote would make me feel good, I need to be able to sleep at night.

This past Friday two young pastors whose blogs I follow both did a blog post which I feel compelled to pass on to my readers in light of our elections in two short weeks. I would really like to urge you to check out these two posts, which I pass on without comment - one on a blog called Pensées and another on a blog called My Two Cents.

I would appreciate your comments on our weekend, the people with no truck, and the matters with which I have no truck.


"God's plans will not fail to be accomplished." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=

He who runs behind truck is exhausted. He who runs in front of truck is tired.

Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook


That's an odd title, isn't it? Why oddments? Oddments is a word that means remnants, leftovers, odds and ends, hodgepodge, etc. You get the idea. So... why oddments? What I'm posting today is little bits of stuff, none of which would make a real blog post, but they're things just too good not to share! Mainly it's stuff that I've received or found that has something to do with previous posts on my blog. I'll put a link to the various posts that the oddments are related to. And some of it is simply interesting little oddments I'd like to share, not related to much of anything. Emphasis, I guess, on odd....

A while back I had a post called 10,000 words - 10 really crazy pictures, each worth 1,000 words. I have since learned that one of the pictures actually could/should have been part of a later blog post dangerous hike and freebies. Here's the picture...

outhouse on the Mt. Huashan hike

Here's another outhouse that could have been part of the post nice bathroom humor

double decker outhouse

That's something we could all keep in mind as we go into the elections this fall!

Here's a picture that could have been part of the post sign language The picture is of a martial arts school.

martial arts school signs

I ran across a neat picture that I think could make a great header picture for my blog (if it weren't the wrong size and proportion, let alone all the potential copyright issues). Just think, instead of having an ancient gargoyle looking over the skyline of Paris, I could have Ratatouille looking at it from a different angle....

Ratatouille looking over Paris

My wife found a great recipe online for the ratatouille that Ratatouille made in that animated film. We love this dish and have declared it her recipe find of 2008! If you'd like to try it out, you can find it at http://smittenkitchen.com/2007/07/rat-a-too-ee-for-you-ee

I tried something new in the garden this year - Thai Red-Seeded Long Beans. They're like the green beans we've eaten in China and like the ones in many Chinese buffets here in the USA. The name "long beans" is not an exaggeration! Here's a picture of me measuring several against a yardstick. I don't know if you can make it out in the picture, but the longer of the two beans measures 30 inches - 6 inches longer than they're supposed to be! Just a couple of beans is enough for a meal for the two of us!

30 inch long beans

Recently I've found a couple of neat "toys" online. Anyone who reads my blog finds out pretty quickly that I am a word person. I love puns and other forms of wordplay. Well, here are several visual forms of wordplay. In both them them you can tweak the font and colors to your liking.

The first one is called Wordle. You can create your own "wordle" in several ways - either by pasting in "a bunch of text" (as they say) or by entering a URL. I chose the second, entering the URL of my most recent blog post last Thursday. Here's the wordle of that post...

wordle of my post called English must be difficult

Another word toy I ran across is a text animator called textanim. Here's my little creation from that site...

animated text of ivman's blague

Several weeks ago I had a post called t-shirt slogans. Someone sent me a great video clip on how to fold a t-shirt in seconds. It's in Japanese (I think), but if you watch it a few times, you should be able to do it too. My wife has mastered the technique and says, "This has revolutionized my recreational laundry!" Click in the square below to start the video.

Now I think you'll agree that my calling this blog post "oddments" (with a heavy emphasis on odd) was appropriate. I'm looking forward to some really odd comments now. 😀


"Most problems in our lives go back to a false idea of who God is." - Dr. Chris Barney

=^..^= =^..^=

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

A Bit of a Rant

A recent news item caught my attention. Linda Ramirez-Sliwinski, one of Barack Hussein Obama's elected delegates from the Chicago area to the Democratic National Convention was given a $75 ticket for "disorderly conduct," which is defined as, "when a person does something that alarms or disturbs another."

What did she do to deserve this ticket? She told some neighbor children who were climbing in a tree to quit playing in the tree like monkeys. She is reported to have said she "saw the kids playing in the tree and didn't want them falling out of the tree and getting hurt." She said she calls her own grandchildren "monkeys" and didn't understand why anyone would object to her calling the children monkeys. The mother of one of the children did not see it that way, noting she and Ramirez-Sliwinski have clashed before. The mother called the police who gave Ramirez-Sliwinski the $75 fine.

There were reports that she was considering stepping down as a delegate, possibly at the request of Obama's campaign. In fact the campaign announced yesterday that she was stepping down, but the latest articles I've read indicate that she still plans to be a delegate and still has an Obama sign in her front yard.

To me this story is yet another example of political correctness gone crazy. I think there are people out there who get up every morning and perch a chip perilously on their shoulder, in hopes that someone will knock it off as early in the day as possible so that they can be angry/upset/offended for as much of the day as possible.

Don't get me wrong, I believe that we should always be careful in our word choices. No one should go out of his way to offend people - and some do just that, being as abrasive and controversial as possible. But people need to lighten up too and not seek to find cause for offense in stupid things. Of all things, being upset for calling kids monkeys! Will we have to rename "monkey bars" for fear of some nitwit taking offense?! Good grief!

But to be ticketed for it is beyond the pale! Do we still have freedom of speech in this nation? The thought of government fining someone for something like this would be unbelievable if it weren't true. But it *is* true! Our people had better wake up to what political correctness (or political cleansing) is doing to our freedoms, before it's too late!


In true, politically incorrect ivman fashion, I will try to relieve any tension caused by the preceding by gently lampooning it. In an increasingly politically correct world, we have new, more sensitive names and ways of saying just about everything. Here are some student-related PC expressions you may not have heard of:

No one fails a class anymore. He's merely "passing impaired."

You don't have detention. You're just one of the "exit delayed."

Your room isn't cluttered. It's just "passage restrictive."

A student isn't lazy. She's "energetically declined" or "motivationally dispossessed."

A student isn't hyperactive. He's "serenity impaired."

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."

Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."

Your homework isn't missing. It's just having an "out-of-notebook experience."

You're not sleeping in class. You're "rationing consciousness."

You're not late. You just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

You're not having a bad hair day. You're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."

Your teacher isn't bald. He's "follicularly challenged and comb-free."

A girl doesn't have big hair. She is "overly aerosoled."

You're not doing poorly in class. You are "on a detour off the information highway" or are "cerebrally underactive."

You don't have smelly gym socks. You have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."

A student is not obnoxious. He is "charismatically impeded."

No one's tall or short anymore. He's "vertically enhanced" or vertically challenged."

You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."

You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."

You're not able to carry a tune. You're a "tonal underachiever."

You're not conceited. You're "extremely aware of your best qualities."

Your teacher is not old. He is "geriatrically advanced" or "chronologically gifted." (I like that one!) 😀

You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."

You're not being sent to the dean's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."

One is no longer a class clown. He is either "a buffoonery overachiever" or is simply "humor appreciative."


In a comment to the previous blog post about buzzwords, J.D. left a hilarious comment with a link to a site where you can download "buzzword bingo" for fun at that next meeting where buzzwords will be flying around.


"If I were the devil, ... I would convince the people that right and wrong are determined by a few who call themselves authorities and refer to their agenda as politically correct." - Paul Harvey

=^..^= =^..^=

When at loss for the right word to say, why not try silence?

Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Page 3 of 4« First...234