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Posts Tagged ‘puns’

Where Is Beauty?


Some years ago my readers and I compiled a list of funny/punny beauty salon names.

I have recently seen several signs for beauty salons that made me smile or laugh. Here they are. The first one sounds like a place for some pretty serious adjustments.

Hair Mechanix

The second one promises ... I'm not sure what.

Looks To Kill Salon

Please keep an eye open and a camera handy for funny signs for me.

Tonight starts our annual Bible Conference at school. They've moved it to February and it's more compact and focused. This year's theme is the Sufficiency of Christ. I believe many sessions will be webcast if you'd like to check out the link.

quotation...

"Our hope and mission are the same, no matter who sits in the White House." — Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstyle you like ... for a few days.


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More Pun-ishment?


I recently received a list of short puns that I don't recall seeing before, and I just knew I needed to share them on my blog. The list has been supplemented with some puns a friend texts me out of the blue once in a while.

WARNING: You might not want to read this unless you are in a place where you are free to laugh out loud occasionally.

When deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry, heads rolled.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

I heard the new auto body shop that opened comes highly wreck-a-mended.

The president of the Ennui Club was also chairman of the bored.

The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web.

I decided not to go to Pisa, though I was leaning towards it.

Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.

The historian loves reading about bobcats. They are lynx to the past.
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Yet More One-liner Puns


This week is our annual Bible Conference at school. Can we already be this far along in the semester?! Five more weeks of classes, exams, and it's the end of another school year!

A longtime reader sent me a list of puns earlier this week. I tried to remove ones I have already posted and added some others I've found along the way. Prepare to groan and laugh.

When deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry, heads rolled.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

I heard the new auto body shop that opened comes highly wreck-a-mended.

The president of the Ennui Club was also chairman of the bored.

I decided not to go to Pisa, but I was leaning towards it.

Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.

The historian loves reading about bobcats. They are lynx to the past.

Drivers who speed in the snow often find themselves adrift.

I asked a librarian if she was free this afternoon, but she said she was all booked up.

When you purchase stuff south of the border, you don't peso much.

The termite wanted to lose weight, so he started eating more lattice.

I tried reading a book about mazes, but I got lost.

If you have ever tried to eat a clock, you know it's time consuming.

The other day a clown held the door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
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Swifties of Biblical Proportions


Tom said piously

Anyone who knows me personally or who has read my blog posts for any length of time knows how much I love a good pun. When a pun can be wedded with a point of grammar, it becomes irresistible for me. One such phenomenon is Tom Swifties, of which I have done two previous posts — Tom Swifties, part 1 and Tom Swifties, part 2.

In the first of those posts I gave the background of how Tom Swifties came to be. If you are interested to learn more about that, you can look at that post. The upshot of it is that a "Tom Swiftie" is an adverbial pun game in which the object is to match an adverb with a statement to produce a (hopefully) hilarious pun.

One of my tasks over the Christmas break was to go through some piles on my desk here at home. I was able to eliminate a lot of clutter, but also I found a few treasures that I knew would be good fodder for future blog posts. One of the things I found was a photocopy of an article from a 1982 issue of HIS magazine from Inter-Varsity Press. As best as I can determine, I believe that magazine is no longer being produced.

Anyway, today I will share with you the best of the Swifties from that article, along with a few of my own. 🙂

"Abel, would you like me to spot you while you try to bench press that giant rock?" Cain said bashfully.

"They just appeared two by two," whispered Noah arcanely.

"The second dove hasn't returned," said Noah drily.

"So, you're leaving everything behind, just like that?" asked Lot's wife saltily.
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Ever Heard of Sniglets?


Sniglets

Back in the 1980's a comedian named Rich Hall regularly featured what he called sniglets as part of his routine. He said a sniglet is "any word that doesn't appear in the dictionary, but should." He created some of his own and solicited more from his fans. These he assembled into books that are still available on amazon.com

There was even a Sniglets game put out by Milton Bradley which is still available on both Amazon and eBay:

Sniglets Game

I have none of the books, but I've had a collection of sniglets in my files for over a decade. Here are the ones I have:

Accordionated - adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Aeroma - n. The odor emanating from an exercise room after an aerobics workout.

Aquadextrous - adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

Arachnidiot - n. A person, who, having wandered into an "invisible" spider web, begins gyrating and flailing about wildly.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Begathon - n. A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so you won't have to watch commercials.

Bovilexia - n. The uncontrollable urge to lean out the car window and yell "Moo!" every time you pass a cow.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Burgacide - n. What you call the desperate action of a hamburger leaping to its death through the holes in the Bar-B-Q grill.

Carperpetuation - n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

Charp (charp) - n. The green, mutant potato chip found in every bag.

Combiloops - n. The two or three unsuccessful passes before finally opening a combination locker.

Crummox (noun): The amount of cereal leftover in the box that is too little to eat and too much to throw away

Darf - n. The least attractive side of a Christmas tree that ends up facing the wall.

Deodorend - n. The last 1/2 inch of stick deodorant that won't turn up out of the tube, and thus cannot be used without inducing lacerations.

Doork - n. A person who always pushes on a door marked "pull" or vice versa.
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