ivman's blague

What motivates you? How do you motivate others? Is it even possible to motivate others?

Motivation is an interesting phenomenon. Here at the beginning of a new school year, we teachers try to think of ways to motivate some of our less enthusiastic students to try harder in our classes. Not necessarily an easy thing to do. If you read the “experts” in the field, you find a wide range of ideas and suggestions — instructor’s enthusiasm, reasonable expectations and goals, showing relevance of the material, asking engaging questions, active involvement and participation of students, building self-confidence, variety, rewards and privileges, rapport between teacher and students, and on and on it goes.

There’s a whole industry out there whose goal is to help motivate people. One of their products is the motivational poster. You’ve undoubtedly seen them. They generally have a symbolic picture, a keyword, and an inspiring or motivating saying or quotation. Here’s an example…

Here’s one on persistence…

There’s another whole industry that is a spin-off of the motivational posters. They call their products demotivational posters. Here’s their version of persistence…

Their whole premise is that “motivational products create unrealistic expectations, raising hopes only to dash them.” They go on to say, “…we created our soul-crushingly depressing Demotivators® designs, so you can skip the delusions that motivational products induce and head straight for the disappointments that follow!”

This poster of theirs pretty well sums up their philosophy…

Some of their posters are quite cynical, but many are downright hilarious. Sometimes the picture is indispensable and other times their wording is enough. Here are a my absolute favorites…

Blame - The Secret to Success is Knowing Who to Blame for Your Failures.

Challenges - I expected times like this - but I never thought they’d be so bad, so long, and so frequent.

Defeat - For Every Winner, There are Dozens of Losers. Odds are You’re One of Them.

Dysfunction - The Only Consistent Feature of All of your Dissatisfying Relationships is You.

Failure - When Your Best Just Isn’t Good Enough.

Futility - You’ll Always Miss 100% of the Shots you Don’t Take, and, Statistically Speaking, 99% of the Shots You Do.

Ineptitude - If You Cant’ Learn to Do Something Well, Learn to Enjoy Doing It Poorly.

Mistakes - It Could Be that the Purpose of Your Life Is Only to Serve as a Warning to Others.

Pessimism - Every Dark Cloud Has a Silver Lining, but Lightning Kill Hundreds of People Each Year Who are Trying to Find it.

Trouble - Luck Can’t Last a Lifetime Unless You Die Young.

Underachievement - The Tallest Blade of Grass is the First to be Cut by the Lawnmower.

Wishes - When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it’s really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you’re pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor.

You can see the whole Demotivators® collection on their website despair.com and maybe even decide to buy some of their funny products.

Before leaving despair.com behind, I’d like to highlight a couple more of their posters. Here’s one that goes to the very heart of this French teacher…

I wonder if anyone has shown these two demotivational posters to Obama…

Ever since I first found the Demotivators® website, I have been saving things that others have put together, following the same basic template, satirizing a number of areas of life. Here are some of the ones I’ve collected…

I found one that I altered — I thought that the blank image with nothing but the word Alzheimer’s was over the edge, so here’s my softened version of it…

I hope that you were more amused than demotivated by the preceding posters!

Anyway, back to motivation… What motivates you? If you are in a position to try to motivate others, what works for you? Like those posters above, what has demotivated you at times?

As cute as it may be, would the following “motivational” poster be enough for you or those around you?

I fear that that is what is happening in many classrooms today — teachers telling their students how great they are in an effort to motivate them.

I’m really looking forward to getting some reader input on this whole area of motivation.

quotation…

“When I choose to sin, it’s like taking a spoonful of death because sin and death go together.” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

In the world of political correctness, people aren’t lazy, they’re only selectively motivated.

Tags: funny pix, school, signs, students, teaching

Does the thought of taking tests fill you with terror? Probably. Classes haven’t even begun for us yet, and I’m already thinking about tests. We’re in faculty in-service meetings this week on campus and they have been excellent - very helpful and thought-provoking! Next week we’ll be working in our offices getting our courses ready to go. Then after several days of course registration, classes will begin September 3. Part of teaching is writing and grading tests. But tests aren’t limited just to the realms of academia. Many potential employees have to take tests to show their competencies for the jobs they’d like to land.

Here’s a story about a man in that very situation.

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

Tom seems like a good prospect, and the inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz. He starts off by asking, “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?”

Tom says, “I would switch one train to another track.”

“What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector.

“I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever,” answers Tom.

“What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector.

“Then,” Tom continues, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.”

“What if the phone were busy?”

“In that case,” Tom argues, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station”.

“What if that had been vandalized?”

Tom quickly replies, “In that case I’d run into town and get my Uncle Leo.”

The puzzled inspector asks, “Why would you do that?”

“Because he’s never seen a train crash!”

(So, did Tom pass the test and land the job?)

Now here’s a little test for you. It appears to be a list of trick questions with obvious answers, but it really is!

The world’s easiest test?

(Answers follow, but NO cheating!)

1. How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2. Which country makes Panama hats?

3. From which animal do we get catgut?

4. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5. What is a camel’s hair brush made of?

6. The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7. What was King George VI’s first name?

8. What color is a purple finch?

9. Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10. How long did the Thirty Years War last?

Now remember … NO cheating!

Answers to the world’s easiest test…

1. 116 years, from 1337 to 1453.

2. Ecuador.

3. From sheep and horses.

4. November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.

5. Squirrel fur.

6. The Latin name was Insularia Canaria — Island of the Dogs.

7. Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936 he respected the wish of Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be called Albert.

8. Distinctively crimson.

9. New Zealand. (Chinese gooseberries is an older name for kiwifruit.)

10. Thirty years, of course! From 1618 to 1648.

If that test made you feel as dumb as it made me feel, maybe this final item about testing will make you feel like a rocket scientist (or at least a rocket surgeon…).

A college football coach had recruited a top talent for the team, but the player couldn’t pass the school’s entrance exam. Needing the recruit badly, the coach went to the dean and asked if the recruit could take the test orally. The dean agreed, and the following day the recruit and the coach were seated in his office.

“OK,” the dean said, “What is seven times seven?”

The recruit looked terrified as he thought it over for a moment then said, “I think it’s 49.”

The coach immediately jumped to his feet. “Oh, come on, Dean,” he begged, “give him another chance!”

Lends weight to the oxymoronic nature of the expression “sports scholarship,” doesn’t it? Do you have a test experience you’d like to tell about? We’d love to read about it in the comments.

quotation…

“Right affections lead to right thinking, and right thinking leads to right living.” - Dr. Bryan Smith

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, then the lesson afterwards.

Tags: school, sports, teaching, tests, trains, work

A freshman at Eagle Rock High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair a few years back. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.” And for plenty of good reasons, since it can

1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they would support a ban of the chemical. Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was water!

The title of his prize winning project was, “How Gullible Are We?” He believes that the conclusion is obvious.

Water is on the minds of a lot of us right now - the flooding in the Midwest and the severe drought in the Southeast. Our lawn is crunchy because I simply can’t afford to spray dihydrogen monoxide on it as well as the Lord can. Speaking of water, just today I received a link to an interesting picture from nasa.gov - a picture of water on Mars - http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/image/0504/WaterOnMars2_gcc.jpg

Though we try to live responsibly in our house, I for one am getting sick to death of hearing the expressions “green” and “global warming” - basically having them crammed down my throat. I strongly suspect that it is driven more by agenda than by science. And people are gullible enough to fall for it, lapping up whatever the alarmists dish out.

Now some more weird science, possibly as credible as some of what we’re being assailed with lately….

Then there are those students who aren’t quite as lucid as the freshman in the first story….

A teacher sent me the following list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students. As she noted, “It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades.”

“H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water”

“To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube”

“When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide”

“Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”

“Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.”

“Blood flows down one leg and up the other.”

“Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.”

“The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.”

“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire”

“A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.”

“Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.”

“The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.”

“The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.”

“A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.”

“The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.”

“A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.”

“Equator: A managerie lion running around the earth through Africa.”

“Germinate: To become a naturalized German.”

“Liter: A nest of young puppies.”

“Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.”

“Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.”

“Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.”

“Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.”

“Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives.”

“Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.”

“To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.”

“For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.”

“For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.”

“For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.”

“To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.”

Who knows, one of these young scholars could have first come up with the global warming hoax….

The poll that I had up for a week revealed that over 80% of my visitors prefer that I leave the picture of the Paris skyline at the top of my blog, and so there it remains. Thanks to those who took the time to give their input.

My most recent blog post was about senior swingers and their personal ads. This weekend we received some pictures of a young swinger … our grandson Drew. Here are a few of the pictures we received:

quotation…

“Today people boldly redefine right and wrong. … The reason we want to redefine things is because we don’t like the guilt we feel when we keep falling short” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

Tags: global warming, math and science, school, students

This past school year was my 35th year of teaching, and I still love teaching and students. This blog post is a reposting of something I sent out exactly five years and one day ago, at the conclusion of my 30th year of teaching. I can think of so many people in my past whose influence on me continues - several of them are reading this right now, and many who have passed away but who, in a sense, live on in their students. I’m sure many of you can think back to a teacher who made a huge impact on your life.

What does a teacher make?

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, “What’s a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?”

He went on to tell the other dinner guests that he thought it was true what they say about teachers - “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.”

To corroborate his statements, he said to another guest, “You’re a teacher, Susan. What do you make?”

Susan, who had a reputation of honesty and frankness, replied, “You want to know what I make?”

“I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I can make a C+ feel like the Medal of Honor and an A- feel like a slap in the face if the student did not do his or her very best.”

“I can make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence.”

“I can make parents tremble in fear when I call home.”

“You want to know what I make?”

“I make kids wonder.”

“I make them question.”

“I make them think critically.”

“I make them apologize and mean it.”

“I make them write.”

“I make them read, read, read.”

“I make them spell “definitely and beautiful” over and over again, until they will never misspell either one of those words again.”

“I make them show all their work in math and hide it all on their final drafts in English.”

“I make them experience music and art and the joy in performance, so their lives are rich, full of kindness and culture, and they take pride in themselves and their accomplishments.”

“I make them understand that if you have the brains, then follow your heart … and if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make, you pay them no attention.”

“You want to know what I make? - I make a difference.”

“Now, what do you make?”

quotation…

“Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.” - Chinese proverb

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

2 teach is
2 touch lives
4 ever

Tags: inspirational, school, students, teaching, work

We’re in final exams here at BJU. Need I say more?

One part of exam week is assigning the final grades for each student for the semester. Some people think it’s a haphazard process - like throwing a set of papers down the stairs and assigning grades based on which step each paper lands. For my classes at least, it’s mainly mathematical, based on grades from homework, quizzes, projects, and tests. We even use rubrics (which I lovingly call “Rubric’s cubes”) for grading oral presentations and tests. Today’s iv is what is supposed to be the method used in one university in America.

Here is a list of the ways professors at one American university are said to grade their final exams:

Dept Of Statistics:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

Dept Of Psychology:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.

Dept Of History:
All students get the same grade they got last year.

Dept Of Philosophy:
What is a grade?

Law School:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A when they really deserve an F.

Dept Of Mathematics:
Grades are variable.

Dept Of Logic:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.

Dept Of Computer Science:
Random number generator determines grade, except in the year 2000, when no one was quite certain that would still work properly.

Music Department:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively). Tone-deaf students fail.

Dept of Physical Education:
Everybody gets an A. (Many would join me in only *wishing* that were true!!!)

In my spare time, I’ve been reading online tips on how to have an easily readable blog. I found an excellent article you can read if you want to by clicking here - especially some of you other bloggers. I have found a blog theme that I think is really nice looking and easy to navigate. I’d like to know how my readers would grade the readability of how my blog currently looks.

chickadee update…

The chicks are looking like miniature adult birds now, and we’re almost a little surprised they’re still in the nest. Below is a picture of them this afternoon. To give you an idea of their size, the inside dimensions of the bird house are 4 inches by 4 inches.

Becka was pleased to see the first hummingbird of the year visit our hummingbird feeder this afternoon. (In case you can’t tell, we really enjoy watching birds.) Our other bird feeder has regular visits from yellow finches, Carolina wrens, cardinals, rosy finches, Carolina chickadees, tufted titmice, occasionally brown thrashers, bluebirds, crows, and of all things woodpeckers!

quotation…

“Eternal life comes with the expectation of holy living.” - Dr. Chuck Phelps

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Tags: birds, school, students, teaching