A recent news item caught my attention. Linda Ramirez-Sliwinski, one of Barack Hussein Obama’s elected delegates from the Chicago area to the Democratic National Convention was given a $75 ticket for “disorderly conduct,” which is defined as, “when a person does something that alarms or disturbs another.”

What did she do to deserve this ticket? She told some neighbor children who were climbing in a tree to quit playing in the tree like monkeys. She is reported to have said she “saw the kids playing in the tree and didn’t want them falling out of the tree and getting hurt.” She said she calls her own grandchildren “monkeys” and didn’t understand why anyone would object to her calling the children monkeys. The mother of one of the children did not see it that way, noting she and Ramirez-Sliwinski have clashed before. The mother called the police who gave Ramirez-Sliwinski the $75 fine.

There were reports that she was considering stepping down as a delegate, possibly at the request of Obama’s campaign. In fact the campaign announced yesterday that she was stepping down, but the latest articles I’ve read indicate that she still plans to be a delegate and still has an Obama sign in her front yard.

To me this story is yet another example of political correctness gone crazy. I think there are people out there who get up every morning and perch a chip perilously on their shoulder, in hopes that someone will knock it off as early in the day as possible so that they can be angry/upset/offended for as much of the day as possible.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that we should always be careful in our word choices. No one should go out of his way to offend people - and some do just that, being as abrasive and controversial as possible. But people need to lighten up too and not seek to find cause for offense in stupid things. Of all things, being upset for calling kids monkeys! Will we have to rename “monkey bars” for fear of some nitwit taking offense?! Good grief!

But to be ticketed for it is beyond the pale! Do we still have freedom of speech in this nation? The thought of government fining someone for something like this would be unbelievable if it weren’t true. But it *is* true! Our people had better wake up to what political correctness (or political cleansing) is doing to our freedoms, before it’s too late!

In true, politically incorrect ivman fashion, I will try to relieve any tension caused by the preceding by gently lampooning it. In an increasingly politically correct world, we have new, more sensitive names and ways of saying just about everything. Here are some student-related PC expressions you may not have heard of:

No one fails a class anymore. He’s merely “passing impaired.”

You don’t have detention. You’re just one of the “exit delayed.”

Your room isn’t cluttered. It’s just “passage restrictive.”

A student isn’t lazy. She’s “energetically declined” or “motivationally dispossessed.”

A student isn’t hyperactive. He’s “serenity impaired.”

Your locker isn’t overflowing with junk, it’s just “closure prohibitive.”

Kids don’t get grounded anymore. They merely hit “social speed bumps.”

Your homework isn’t missing. It’s just having an “out-of-notebook experience.”

You’re not sleeping in class. You’re “rationing consciousness.”

You’re not late. You just have a “rescheduled arrival time.”

You’re not having a bad hair day. You’re suffering from “rebellious follicle syndrome.”

Your teacher isn’t bald. He’s “follicularly challenged and comb-free.”

A girl doesn’t have big hair. She is “overly aerosoled.”

You’re not doing poorly in class. You are “on a detour off the information highway” or are “cerebrally underactive.”

You don’t have smelly gym socks. You have “odor-retentive athletic footwear.”

A student is not obnoxious. He is “charismatically impeded.”

No one’s tall or short anymore. He’s “vertically enhanced” or vertically challenged.”

You’re not shy. You’re “conversationally selective.”

You don’t talk a lot. You’re just “abundantly verbal.”

You’re not able to carry a tune. You’re a “tonal underachiever.”

You’re not conceited. You’re “extremely aware of your best qualities.”

Your teacher is not old. He is “geriatrically advanced” or “chronologically gifted.” (I like that one!)

You weren’t passing notes in class. You were “participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations.”

It’s not called gossip anymore. It’s “the speedy transmission of near-factual information.”

You’re not being sent to the dean’s office. You’re “going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building.”

One is no longer a class clown. He is either “a buffoonery overachiever” or is simply “humor appreciative.”

In a comment to the previous blog post about buzzwords, J.D. left a hilarious comment with a link to a site where you can download “buzzword bingo” for fun at that next meeting where buzzwords will be flying around.

quotation…

“If I were the devil, … I would convince the people that right and wrong are determined by a few who call themselves authorities and refer to their agenda as politically correct.” - Paul Harvey

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Rob

When at loss for the right word to say, why not try silence?

This past weekend a colleague and I went to a conference for foreign language teachers - the SCOLT/SCFLTA Conference - in Myrtle Beach, SC. We were able to be there only for the Saturday morning sessions. After experiencing the quality of those sessions, we wished we had attended all three days of the conference. It was far better than the national ACTFL Conference we had attended the fall of 2006!

I’m fluent in French, can hold my own in German, and can handle some situations in Spanish and Chinese. However, one of the things I found difficult at the conference was trying to understand a language that I’m not very good at - educational buzzwords. This is the impetus for today’s iv….

Buzzwords

Buzzwords, expressions like scenario, 24/7, soft money, proactive, venue, wiki, hit the ground running, win-win, affluenza, dotcom, fatcat, gridlock, etc., both amuse me and drive me crazy (crazier?)! People in management, geeks, politicians, the media, and even educators love to use buzzwords.

According to Wikipedia, “a buzzword (also known as a fashion word or vogue word) is an idiom, often a neologism, commonly used in managerial, technical, administrative, and sometimes political environments. Though apparently ubiquitous in these environments, the words often have unclear meanings.”

Some would readily point out that the word buzzword itself is a buzzword, so named because of the desire to employ the words that create a special effect, or buzz, in another’s mind.

In the business world, it seems to be important that reports contain lots of buzzwords. What the reports actually say isn’t nearly as important as the ability to show that you are on the cutting edge in the use of the current buzzwords.

In 1968, Newsweek magazine published a short, but humorous article, How to Win at Wordsmanship. After years of hacking through etymological thickets at the U.S. Public Health Service, a (then) 63-year-old official named Philip Broughton had hit upon a sure-fire method for converting frustration into fulfillment, at least jargonwise. Euphemistically called the Systematic Buzz Phrase Projector, Broughton’s system employs a lexicon of 30 carefully chosen “buzzwords.”

The procedure is simple: Think of any three-digit number. Then select the corresponding buzzword from each column.

For instance, number 257 produces “systematized logistical projection,” a phrase that can be dropped into virtually any report with a sincere ring of decisive, knowledgeable authority. No one will have the remotest idea of what you’re talking about, but the important thing is that they are not about to admit it!

BUZZWORDS FOR MANAGERS (or wannabe managers)

After my experience at the teachers’ conference this past weekend, I wondered if the same could be done for educational jargon, which borders on buzzwords. Educators are often guilty of using “edspeak” - a language spoken by those inside the education profession that is often not comprehensible to people outside the profession. The term is modeled on George Orwell’s “newspeak” from his novel 1984. This professional jargon is also known as educationese, eduspeak, edubabble, and pedagogese. The following could also be helpful to anyone writing a grant proposal.

The table below enables you to create most of a sentence, giving you a verb, and adjective, and a noun. You just have to flesh it out. For instance, 239 would yield “benchmark cross-curricular methodologies”. You could then craft that into a powerfully cryptic sentence such as, “This assessment tool would allow us to benchmark our present cross-curricular methodologies.” Scary, huh?!

BUZZWORDS FOR EDUCATORS

I got the words used above by picking my favorites from a long list of edspeak words at http://www.sciencegeek.net/lingo.html It’s a fun site to visit - there’s a button at the top that you can keep hitting to generate random phrases from their long lists.

If you’d like to see a long list of other buzzwords, each one linked to its definition, go to http://www.investopedia.com/categories/buzzwords.asp

You can have more fun with a random buzzword generator at http://www.1728.com/buzzword.htm

quotation…

“I think we educators are unusually prone to use jargon, and of all people we ought to be the clearest in our language.” - Dr. Ruth Steele, at the time she made this statement, director of the state Education Department and a former English teacher

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Rob

Remember: Today’s buzzword could very well be tomorrow’s drivel.

It’s been good to be back in classes again this week, though that may sound strange to some. As great as Bible Conference was, there’s just something nice about the regular routine too. I’ve been ruminating on what I heard last week as I seek to make applications to my own personal life. I just discovered that, not only could people listen to the conference messages as they streamed online, they can also listen to or download .mp3s of all the messages at http://www.bju.edu/campus/events/bibleconf/2008.html

Although all the speakers were very good, a personal favorite of mine was Craig Hartman. He’s a completed Jew, that is, a Jew who has accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as his personal Savior, and hence, as Messiah. I love Craig automatically as a person because he’s just himself - a man with a highly developed sense of humor and a unique style of speaking. But I love him also as a speaker because of the interesting perspective he gives as one who is totally familiar with the Jewish perspective. Here’s something he told the audience at the beginning of his second message of the week, a message where he explained some of what was happening in the John 7:37-43 narrative: “If you want to understand the Bible, don’t go back 300 years to Europe. Go back 2,000 years to Israel. That’s where the answers are! Opinions of people 300 years ago in Europe may be interesting, they may be challenging, they may be convicting, but to be perfectly honest, in many cases they have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about, because many of them had never taken a moment to look into what did the Jews think back in the days that Jesus lived.” He went on to tell what the Jews did during the Feast of Tabernacles, and how that explained some of what happened in the event in John. I’d like to encourage you to listen to this message. If you’d like to learn more about Craig’s ministry, go to http://shalomnyc.org

We went to Living Gallery this afternoon at 4:30. What a powerful message, and what a focus on Christ! Wow!

As I thought about the Jewish perspective, as described above, I looked in my files for something to post. Enjoy!

Yiddish Proverbs and Rules of Life (many have been attributed to Jewish grandmothers)

If you can’t say something nice, say it in Yiddish.

Always whisper the names of diseases.

If they give you, take; if they take from you, yell!

Charge nothing, and you’ll get a lot of customers.

Don’t spit into the well - you might drink from it later.

Do not worry about tomorrow, because you do not even know what may happen to you today.

You can’t chew with somebody else’s teeth.

If you spit upwards, you’re bound to get it back in the face.

Had you gotten up early, you wouldn’t have needed to stay up late.

When a fool is silent, he too is counted among the wise.

One who has the reputation of an early riser may safely lie abed ’til noon.

For dying, you always have time.

Silence is the fence around wisdom.

If it tastes good, it’s probably not kosher.

No one looks good in a yarmulke.

Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?

WASP’s leave and never say good-bye. Jews say good-bye and never leave.

Pork is forbidden, but a pig in a blanket makes a nice hors d’oeuvre.

If you don’t eat, it will kill me.

Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

Where there’s smoke, there may be smoked salmon.

Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.

And what’s so wrong with dry turkey?

Spring forward, fall back, winter in Miami Beach.

A bad matzoh ball makes a good paperweight.

Before you read the menu, read the prices.

There comes a time in every man’s life when he must stand up and tell his mother he’s an adult. This usually happens at around age 45.

No meal is complete without leftovers.

If you have to ask the price, you can’t afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure you tell everybody what you paid.

Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?

***
A few centuries ago, the pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the pope won, the Jews would have to leave.

Being outnumbered, the Jews realized that they had no choice. They looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. So to represent them they finally picked an old man named Moishe who spent his life sweeping up after people. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to the debate. Not being used to saying very much as he cleaned up around the settlement, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk. (A strange debate indeed! Sounds like some of our political debates - where they say so little they’re really saying nothing! Enough editorializing….) Reluctantly, the pope agreed to this odd debate format, yet confident that he could win using strong symbolism through hand gestures alone.

The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger.

The pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.

Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.

The pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple.

The pope stood up and said, “I give up. This man is too good! The Jews can stay.”

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the pope asking him what happened. The pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity.

“He responded by holding up and waving one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?”

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible! “What happened?” they asked.

“Well,” said Moishe, “first he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here.”

“And then?” asked a woman.

“I don’t know,” said Moishe. “He took out his lunch and I took out mine.”

***
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has been given a part in the school play.

“Wonderful,” says the mother, “What part is it?”

The boy replies, “I will play the part of the Jewish husband!”

The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell your teacher that you want a speaking part!”

quotation…

“It’s amazing how much time we waste that we could have spent in prayer.” - Dr. Greg McLaughlin

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Rob

For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility gap.

During the spring semester every year I teach French Composition. At times it’s hard enough to write well in English, let alone in French, n’est-ce pas?! Today’s iv is a list of analogies and/or comparisons that students have supposedly used in papers submitted in high school classes. (I checked with snopes.com and found nothing to indicate that these are bogus.)

Worst analogies found in papers by high school students:

(WARNING - Several of these are truly weird! Make sure you are in a place where you can laugh out loud if you need to.)

The situation had become topsy-turvy - like Christmas in the summer, if you’re in Australia.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

The information imbedded on the stolen computer chip was like an explosive so explosive it could explode, creating a massive explosion.

Her parting words lingered heavily inside me like last night’s Taco Bell.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

His face looked like an ice sculpture. Not one of those pretty ones in the middle of a cruise ship buffet, but the kind they do in a contest with a chain saw - and it had been out in the heat too long.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

A single drop of sweat slowly inched down Chad’s brow - a tiny, glistening Times Square New Year’s Eve Ball of desperation.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

He spoke with the wisdom that can come only from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underwear in a dryer without Cling Free.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

The politician was gone, but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

She had a voice so husky it could have pulled a dogsled.

***
My wife Becka and daughter Nora arrived home safe and sound Tuesday evening. The weather was beautiful, the roads clear, and the traffic not bad. Thanks to any of you who prayed for their safety. We’re all getting caught up and ready for Bible Conference next week.

quotation…

“There’s nothing I can achieve that won’t pale in comparison with God’s glory.” - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob

May your troubles be like a redneck’s teeth - few and far between.

I have seen three things in the last two days about humorous situations that have arisen, thanks to people’s trying to communicate in a foreign language. I pass these on with at least a little bit of trepidation since I’m currently trying to review what little Chinese I learned two years ago this semester. My wife and I plan to go teach in Asia again this next summer unless some door closes to show us clearly that that is not what we are supposed to do. Anyway, on to the miscommunications (or is it missed communications?)…

I’ll start off with a story we received by e-mail from our friend Ruth with whom we have taught in Asia. She writes…

Cross-Culture Non-Communication

The following is a true story, however impossible it may sound.

After teaching for three hours, I asked a sophomore student to go with me to the language lab director’s office to find out the name of a Chinese male teacher who had taught in the room next to me the previous hour.

Thinking my request quite simple, I told the student to ask the director to please tell me the name of the teacher who had taught in room 206 the previous hour. I know the student asked the correct question since I could understand most of the Chinese words used.

The answer?…

Director: No, you teach in room 208.
Me: I am not talking about me. I am talking about the Chinese teacher in room 206.

Student translates

D: You are not in 206 you are in 208.
Thought: Hello, is anyone listening to me?

In walks a Chinese English teacher. The director asks her to tell me that my classroom is number 208.

Me: I am not talking about me or my classroom. I simply want to know the name of the teacher in room 206.
D: But she is not in 206.
Thought: Would someone just listen to my question!
Me: There is a male teacher in room 206. His English name is Bear. I want to know his Chinese name.
D: OH, OH, OH. You mean the MAN! Is he a little big (meaning fat) and no hair on the top?
Me: Yes,
D: His name is __ __ __.

What if I really had an emergency? I would be dead before anyone listened to me.

This evening we received the following short e-mail from Ruth:

The story I wrote about non-communication has a second chapter. The original story took place last Thursday. Yesterday, Thursday, in class my little translator sweetly came to me and said, “The reason the lady could not understand you last week was because you were giving her the wrong room numbers.” UGH! There I had to swallow some pride and repent. So my whole story just lost its punch line and I learned a good lesson.

***
The following is an excerpt from a blog post by a man named Dave, who is currently teaching English in Asia.

He entitled it: I don’t know what it is, but it likes ESPN2

I gave my first test last week, and as bonus questions, asked them to write a sentence using one of the slang phrases that I’ve taught them. A few students got them right. Many more failed in spectacular ways. Most of the difficulties centered on the phrase “couch potato.” Seems simple enough, right? Maybe to you. A few of the (erroneous) attempts at capturing this phrase follow.

- He is a couch tomato.
- I was a sofa tomato.
- We should not be couch pasta [I know it's some kind of starchy food!]
- We are sofa and Pomato on the holiday.
- My sister likes laying Tomato, she always sitting on sofa.
- Tom A Couch Plato [These are not the ultimate Doritos, but merely shadowy copies of the true form].
- you watch TV, you will be crouch potato [Looks like the three-point stance to me]

And, in a guess at “baby boomer:”
- After the 2th World War, many boom babies borned.

***
The following is from the blog of Carol who is living in Asia with her husband Hal and their three kids. Carol and Hal are both former high school students of mine from way back in the last millenium. Carol’s parents are there visiting them right now. Anyway, Carol writes…

Today I thought I would share with you YET another language blunder. This one took place last week while my mom and I were shopping. Here we have markets that we shop at where we have to bargain for our items and that involves speaking. Well as you know I am new to this language so I am learning all the time how to say things and new words to add to my ever building vocabulary.

When I am out and about I try very hard to use each word I can possibly use. Personally I detest having to have someone help me anymore. Perhaps that is my slightly stubborn side coming out but I am at the point where I want to say it and do it MYSELF. SO that means I have to put it in high gear and start getting more words under my belt. Practice times for me are often found at the market because I have to speak to them in order to make a purchase and people are typically very willing to let me try my words on them.

My mom and I were shopping last week and looking for some ‘wedding lanterns’ that would be sent back to the states for a wedding shower of a Chinese woman and her American fiance. I had a bit of a hesitation when I was shopping because I was unsure exactly which lantern was for wedding and which for New Years. They look alike to me except for the characters written on them. I am still not able to read them so I have to ask. I figured that was no big deal…I would just tell the worker that this lantern was going to be for a wedding and make sure it was the correct one. That is not out of the realm of my meager vocabulary. I had learned all of those words and could readily ask those questions. The problem came when I got one key word mixed up. As I was describing why I wanted to purchase this lantern I repeatedly use the word “divorce” instead of “marriage/wedding”. OOOPS big mistake there. The fun was as follows:

(Ok, so imagine yourself hearing some weirdo foreigner say this to you:)

“Are these lanterns used for the divorce of a man and woman?”

HMMM….no response…just odd looks….so let me try this again.

“I would like to purchase a lantern to celebrate a friend’s divorce.”

Ok, so that didn’t go over real well…they are now just staring at me…one more swing at this…let’s rearrange the sentence a little and see if it flies….

“An American and a Chinese person will be getting divorced and we would like to have 2 lanterns for the party.”

Ok, I am talking Greek or something so may be I should describe the event…here’s another feeble attempt…

“In America we give gifts, eat food, talk and celebrate 2 people getting divorced.”

Ok…you you get the picture, huh? Those poor people just kept saying “no” and looking at me all weird and, I am sure, wondering about all of us sicko Americans out here that celebrate a divorce this way. They kept stepping back from me and shaking their heads and looking at me REALLY oddly.

THEN…it hit me. I realized I was using the wrong word for “marriage” and instead was saying “divorce”. So I told them “oh I am sorry, I forgot the word” and when I fixed it and told them “wedding” they immediately took me to the correct lanterns for THAT occasion. AMAZING how one word can change the whole situation!!

SO…I have now given them something fun to go home and disuss at the dinner table. When I told an Chinese friend here what I said/did, she said, “They will now tell all their friends what the crazy American woman told them today.” Guess I will be the talk of the town…me and my divorce celebration.

quotation…

“What a cheap imitation of glory is living for what will soon pass away!” - Dr. Tony Fox

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Rob

When the seed store was robbed, the authorities suspected that the evidence was planted.