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Posts Tagged ‘shopping’

The Husband Store


Well, wedding season is already in full swing. Since we are in a university context, we are invited to many weddings. This past week we had two weddings - one Tuesday evening where I sang in a duet, and one Friday afternoon - the wedding of a teaching colleague.

We're excited for all these young couples as they begin their lives together, but we're also saddened to learn of some young couples who are working through marital problems. I believe that most if not all problems in marriage have their root in selfishness on the part of one or both spouses. I think some of the problems stem from unrealisitic expectations - expecting that any one human can be your source of happiness.

Today's iv is a light-hearted look at this issue.

The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch ... you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman excitedly goes to the Husband Store to find herself the perfect husband....

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, "I should probably stop here!" But she feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and reads the sign:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, my goodness!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes on up to the sixth floor where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that some women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

The Wife Store

There is actually also a Wife Store, right across the street from the Husband Store. It works the same way as the Husband Store - it also has 6 floors, you can enter only once, and there is only one direction to go.

The doors read:

Floor 1 - These women are beautiful.

Floor 2 - These women are beautiful and have money.

What is on the other floors, nobody knows. No man has ever gone past the second floor!

divider

Megan and Drew arrived safe and sound shortly after noon on Saturday. Drew did very well on his first flight. We decided to surprise Nora by celebrating her birthday a month and a half early since we wouldn't all be together on her actual birthday. That's about the only way we could ever surprise her. 🙂 Here she is blowing out the candles on her keylime cheesecake....

Nora blowing out her candles

Of course Becka enjoyed having our three kids and our grandson here for Mother's Day. Here's a picture of our little guy on our kitchen floor this morning. I'm sure there will be more pictures to share later this week.

Drew playing on the kitchen floor

The house wrens have been busily filling the bird house with sticks. Here's what things looked like inside the house this morning....

the nest the wrens are building

Here's what this bit of "prime real estate" looks like from the outside...

local prime real estate

Who says there's a housing crisis?!?

quotation...

"There are five Gospels: Matthew Mark, Luke, John, and the Christian, and some people will never read the first four." - Irish evangelist Gypsy Smith

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.


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If Women Ruled the World


In my last blog post I had a good time poking fun at some of the unsafe things men do at times. Since ivman is an equal opportunity tease, today's post has a little fun at the expense of women. I've accumulated some pictures of what things would look like if women ruled the world. Some would quip, "Whaddya mean, IF women ruled the world?!?" Well, anyway, below are some very funny pictures. (The following is not a political statement on the scary prospect of a Hillary presidency. I'm not sure she's "into" many of the feminine touches lampooned in this blog post, though she's reputed to be quite the cookie baker.)

Bowling alleys would take on a different appearance.

Many tools, kits, and objects more often used by men would look quite different also.

Even the once familiar Swiss Army knife might be hard to recognize.

And hiking boots would be redesigned for nature loving women who prefer high heels.

If the male-dominated world of computers underwent a softening effect, things could also look very different.

And computers would actually have an "any key"

Prison life would be even cushier. (We have Martha Stewart to thank for this!)

Credit cards would take on new functions to meet a woman's shopping needs.

Even popular tourist attractions might have to undergo modifications to make them more aesthetically pleasing.

Then, of course, bathrooms would be radically changed to suit a woman's tastes.

Car shopping would be easier for some women, with fewer difficult choices.

But then other cars would look different and have great new features.

And on that same side of the car for the gals in England....

No consideration of a world run by women would be complete without a look at women and driving. A "women's world" would include signs thoughtfully warning of traffic surveillance cameras.

There would be special "women only" parking spaces with appropriate modifications for their special needs.

Finally, a world ruled by women would have proper signage along our highways.

quotation...

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?" - Linda Ellerbee

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint." - Erma Bombeck

Let the comments begin....


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Effective Advertising?


I mentioned in my last blog post that I have chosen not to have ads on my website. More than several people have urged me to have ads to help cover the cost of having a website. I'd rather pay the price and be in control of what appears on my site. I am reluctant to give an advertiser the opportunity and access to put anything on my site that I wouldn't want to be there.

That said, today I'm chosing to put display some ads ... for your amusement. You'll understand as you work your way down the page.

Because of the ads, some shopping bags are almost too good to throw away....

Some ads are clever, partially because of their placement....

Sometimes even though an ad is well placed, people or things end up in a bad spot...

Sometimes several ads in close proximity send mixed messages...

And then some ads are just simply poorly placed. This is one of my fears with something like Google AdSense, where Google will pick up on a key word on the page and then place an ad that seems to go with what's on a website, when it actually doesn't....

quotation...

"Everyone suffers in life. Does your suffering have a purpose? Why suffer for something meaningless?" - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

One good thing about kids - they don't carry pictures of their grandparents!


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What’s So Bad About a #1 Pencil?


A regular contributor to the Greenville Journal is a man named Barry Ray whose column "Barry's World" reminds us a lot of the style of Dave Barry. One of his recent columns about back-to-school trauma was hilarious. I searched high and low to find it online somewhere, but to no avail. I wanted to put a link on my blog to the column. Finally I decided to write to the e-mail address for Barry Ray to ask him if I could get a copy of his article somewhere so that I could put it on my blog. Within a couple of hours I got a nice reply that stated, "I am planning on putting some older columns online soon. Right now, the Journal likes being the only source and putting them online would hurt subscriptions, I suppose. I have attached a JPEG of the column for you to use on your blog. Keep reading and thanks!"

And so with Barry's permission I'm placing the picture he sent me below. What you see below is a picture of a printed page, and so the quality of the print is not the best, but it's definitely worth the extra effort to read this one!

What's So Bad About a #1 Pencil?

A few weeks ago my wife Becka saw a restaurant review in the Greenville News that caught her attention. One of the reasons was that the reviewers all gave the restaurant high marks - a rarity indeed! So our little team who taught in Asia last year went there with our friend Ruth as a farewell before her return to Asia. We all enjoyed our meal very much, proclaiming we'd definitely be eating there again. The food was scrumptious, beautiful and plentiful, and the entrees ranged mainly from only $7 to $10.

Last evening Becka and I returned there for dinner and were dismayed that we were the only customers during our meal. We would hate to see this place close its doors! The restaurant is Vietnamese, and it is as authentic as you can get. It's a family-run restaurant, and everyone who works there is Vietnamese - unlike some of the local Chinese restaurants with Spanish speakers doing the cooking! With delicious food and a dining area that is clean and pleasant, there's no reason this place shouldn't be packing in the people! ...except that I don't think they have much of a notion at all about advertising. As a result, other than the review in the paper, they get customers only by word of mouth or from people happening by and wandering in.

updated 20 Oct. 2007: I've learned that the restaurant has closed its doors. Very sad.

Below is their business card. Too bad they didn't make it. Thanks to all of you locals who tried it out and attempted to give them more business.

SaiGon River business card

quotation...

In reference to teachers ... "We are not just data merchants." - Dr. Dan Olinger

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?


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Mathematical Relationships


On the cusp of another academic year, I thought I'd share some math that might make more sense than the math we all learn in school....

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS MATH

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY MATH

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

divider

This is Rob, the ivman, again.

One of my favorite forms of math lately is doing Sudoku puzzles. Here's a recent Pluggers that I found amusing.

Plugger Sudoku

Sometime recently I ran across a picture of a gift idea for that Sudoku fan in your life who has everything.

Sudoku TP

Since this post is about relationships, here are several relational things from this past weekend.

My wife Becka and I just had an extremely enjoyable weekend away from home before the new school year starts up for the faculty and staff this week. One of Becka's college roommates has been wanting us to get together with her and her husband, and we finally found a weekend that worked for us all. We had such a good time talking and laughing with Cathy and David and were utterly spoiled by their gracious hospitality at their home in the Raleigh, NC area, a place we'd never visited before. We all agreed that we're not going to let so much time go by before our next reunion, hopefully at our house next time so we can return the favor. Below is a picture of Cathy, David, and Becka.

Cathy, David, and Becka

Another nice part of the weekend was being able to attend the wedding of one of my students who just graduated. Below is a picture of Becka and me with Ethan and Sarah.

Loaches and Messiers

quotation...

"Whoever wins the next election is supposed to win. God sets up and pulls down kings and rulers." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If the shortest distance between two points is a line, why does waiting in one take so long?


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