ivman's blague

What age would you be if you could choose? Is there a perfect age? Small children want to keep being bigger and older, teens want to be in their early 20s, and on and on it goes. Some older people yearn for days when they were more agile and carefree.

At my stage of life, I can see that every age has its advantages and disadvantages. Something inside me still recoils when I’m offered a “senior discount” - it’s like … can that person really think I’m that old?! And yet who would doubt that I’m enjoying being a grandfather?

I experienced one of the downsides today when my eye doctor told me that I have the beginning of a cataract in my right eye. He said I’m young to have this, but it’s there. Someone please name another advantage for me … quick!

My wife forwarded an e-mail to me yesterday with several funny perspectives on aging. I’ll start off with a picture too scarily similar to the sign on the right above. Apparently this man was the “poster child” for the sign.

Here’s a comic strip that was in the e-mail.

One of the pictures was a pie chart of a senior citizen’s time usage.

Not all older folks are slow-moving geezers though, as attested by this sign.

But older folks do need to be careful in their activities not to injure themselves. Here’s an exemplary senior biker, the picture of health with his helmet.

Young folks need to be careful from their youth to avoid some problems in their “golden years.”

Someone please pass me the sunscreen….

As I said earlier, an upside to this stage of life is being a grandparent. Here are a couple of pictures of our grandson Drew on the 4th of July - our little flag waver and watching the fireworks with Grandma.

Here’s how he looked one year ago at the fireworks.

Ah! The upsides and downsides of being Drew’s age! So I ask again - what age would you be if you could choose? What is the perfect age to be?

new poll…

One of my readers (a history teacher) suggested a poll question for me - Which of these activities will be part of your 14th of July (Bastille Day) celebration? with several suggested activities - storming a prison, guillotining someone, etc. I laughed and immediately dismissed the idea. I do have a new poll question up, though, about what kind of phone you use.

quotation…

“Grace trumps sin every time.” - J.D. Crowley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If we’d stop trying to be happy we would probably enjoy life more.

Tags: aging, children, senior citizens, signs, wellness

We recently had a trip down memory lane as we drove along a rural road in our native Ohio and saw a dilipidated barn with the vestiges of an old chewing tobacco ad on one side. It made me think of another slice of Americana from my lifetime - the old Burma-Shave ads on country roads in my childhood.

Many Americans living today know little about Burma-Shave. But mention it to anyone who lived in America from the 1920s into the early sixties, and you will evoke a lot of memories. Burma-Shave was one of the world’s first brushless shaving cream manufacturers, and they spawned heavy competition with their product. Burma-Shave signs were the precursor to modern billboard signs and an interesting diversion on long drives. Before the Interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma-Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers’ fields. They were small red signs with white letters - five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet … and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma-Shave. There were hundreds and hundreds of variations on these signs. According to snopes.com Burma-Shave even once promised to send a contest winner to Mars as part of a promotional campaign.

Here are some Burma-Shave slogans for your enjoyment:

SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
Burma-Shave

IF YOUR PEACH
KEEPS OUT OF REACH
BETTER PRACTICE
WHAT WE PREACH
Burma-Shave

SAID FARMER BROWN
WHO’S BALD ON TOP
“WISH I COULD
ROTATE THE CROP”
Burma-Shave

SHE PUT A BULLET
THROUGH HIS HAT
BUT HE’S HAD CLOSER
SHAVES THAN THAT
Burma-Shave

A MAN, A MISS
A CAR, A CURVE
HE KISSED THE MISS
AND MISSED THE CURVE
Burma-Shave

HENRY THE EIGHTH
SURE HAD TROUBLE
SHORT-TERM WIVES
LONG-TERM STUBBLE
Burma-Shave

IT WOULD BE MORE FUN
TO GO BY AIR
BUT WE CAN’T HANG
THESE SIGNS UP THERE
Burma-Shave

IF YOU DON’T KNOW
WHOSE SIGNS THESE ARE
YOU CAN’T HAVE
DRIVEN VERY FAR
Burma-Shave

Many of their series urged safe driving. Here are some of those:

DON’T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
Burma-Shave

DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
Burma-Shave

BROTHER SPEEDER
LET’S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING NURSE
Burma-Shave

SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
Burma-Shave

AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
IT’S A BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN’T IT?
Burma-Shave

NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
Burma-Shave

A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN’
HE’S JUST HOPIN’
Burma-Shave

AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT’S HARD TO PLAY
Burma-Shave

THIRTY DAYS
HATH SEPTEMBER
APRIL, JUNE
AND THE SPEED OFFENDER
Burma-Shave

BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT’S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER’S CODE
Burma-Shave

THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE’S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
Burma-Shave

CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
Burma-Shave

This is their last slogan, used in 1963:

OUR FORTUNE
IS YOUR SHAVEN FACE
IT’S OUR BEST
ADVERTISING SPACE
Burma-Shave

And an all time favorite:

PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
Burma-Shave

I hope that you “oldsters” enjoyed this little trip down nostalgia lane and that you “youngsters” learned a bit of Americana.

Becka and I are having a very enjoyable week with our family in Michigan. We’re going to brave the fireworks display tomorrow evening that preceded our accident last summer, figuring the odds are low that the same thing would happen two years in a row.

The week before we arrived, one of our daughter Megan’s friends who is a photographer did a “photo shoot” with Drew and another one of Drew’s little friends. Here are a few of the best pictures of our little shaver:

In our hometown in Ohio, we were surprised to see among all the closed businesses in the downtown a place we thought for sure would be long gone by now, but it’s still open! It’s always been called the Smoke House and it’s the place where the “hoods” would all hang out and shoot pool back when we lived in Fostoria. Not only is this veritable institution (est. 1907) still open, but it has a new sign. What is wrong with this picture?

I wish all you American readers a Happy 4th of July!

quotation…

Here at the 4th of July, you might find the following quotation interesting….

“American supremacy is the greatest threat to the world today.” - George Soros, billionaire benefactor of MoveOn.org

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Nostalgia simply isn’t what is used to be.

Tags: educational, nostalgia, signs, travel

In looking at the statistics for the ivman.com site, I see that many people view the funny pictures, but not many at all look at some of the four years’ worth of humor archived there (see the pre-blog archived iv’s link in the sidebar). So I decided that every once in a while, I’d post a sampling of some of the classic humor that’s out there, along with a link to the rest of that iv.

One of my all time favorites is the church bulletin bloopers - things that have actually appeared in church bulletins through typos and/or poor proofreading. I found some great pictures recently that show the same sort of errors. Here they are…

Detals! Detals!

Here are several road signs that are great bloopers….

I’m surprised they let the baggage on board!

I wonder if English is this woman’s official language….

Now on to the sampling of the bulletin bloopers….

Actual announcements taken from church bulletins:

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Ladies don’t forget the rummage sale at - this is a good chance to get rid of things not worth keeping. Bring your husbands.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Congratulations to Tim and Rhonda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17.

Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.

The activity will take place on the church barking lot.

Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.

To read the whole list of church bulletin bloopers, go to http://ivman.com/bloopers.html

quotation…

“If it doesn’t produce a change, it’s not the gospel.” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Live your life in such a way that your colleagues, friends and family can defend you - but never have to.

Tags: bloopers, language, signs

Because of my general fatigue and busy-ness, I’m going to “cop out” and post a mainly pictorial iv. I’ve received three different e-mails lately about gasoline, a subject on the minds of many right now. This post is a look at the issue from several angles….

It’s not news that gasoline prices have gone up dramatically and are not likely to return to levels we’d like. Here’s a sobering reality…

At least the prices aren’t yet as high as the sign below!

It’s often good to laugh at things that could otherwise make you weep. Here a few funny things about gas prices….

One e-mail I received showed things that people may end up doing to cope with high gas prices. Here are some of those….

Another e-mail was a nostalgic look at old time service stations.

Ah, gone are the days….

I was able to complete my semester grades before leaving my office yesterday. Phew! Graduation is this Saturday morning. It’s always a joy and a sorrow to see my former students graduate - a joy because they’re moving on to what they’ve been preparing for and a sorrow because I hate to see the departure of people I’ve grown to love.

The picture I posted Monday afternoon was the last picture of this nest of chickadees. When I got home Tuesday afternoon, I saw that the bird house was empy and the old nest had been cleaned out and was all over the red raspberry bushes under the bird house.

The bird house had four sticks in it, and we saw house wrens coming and going from the bird house that evening. Below is a picture of the results of their work in the past two days of nest building…

More updates as the process continues….

quotation…

“Every one of us is passionate about something.” - John Daulton

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

A pessimist is a man who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.

Tags: birds, cars, gas prices, signs

Several weeks ago my wife Becka and I celebrated our anniversary by spending an afternoon at the Western North Carolina Nature Center that features animals native to the Appalachians. We really enjoyed it and recommend it to others. Here are a few pictures from our visit….

They had two black bears - here’s one of them…

They had white-tailed deer…

… and turkeys…

One of the bobcats was way up in a tree. I was able to zoom in on him….

We were glad that there was thick glass between us and the wolves!

chickadee update…

Here’s what the wildlife in our back yard looks like as of this afternoon….

It’s absolutely amazing how much they have grown in just three days! You can look at the picture in the blog post before this one to see the difference.

In keeping with today’s wildlife theme, here are several humorous reports.

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated “Wash. Biol. Surv.” until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:

“Dear Sirs:
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible.”

The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.

From note found posted on a trail in Colorado:

- BEAR WARNING -

The Colorado State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the area. We advise that people wear noise producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly. We also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of bear activity. People should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper.

quotation…

“Telling people the truth is more important than getting along with them. But be sure to tell the truth in love.” - Mike Knight

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?

Tags: animals, birds, camping, signs