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Paul Harvey … Good Day!


picture of Paul Harvey

Paul Harvey (...pause...) Good day! was his signature line at the end of virtually every broadcast. This past weekend saw the the passing of that American icon, Paul Harvey Aurandt (September 4, 1918 – February 28, 2009) The picture on the right was taken when he received the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2005, the nation's highest civilian honor.

I enjoyed listening to Paul Harvey through the years. Long before Internet news sources, before today's talk radio format, and before the choices now available on cable TV for honest, thorough news coverage, Paul Harvey was unique in serving up insightful news that no one else was reporting, as well as off-beat or heart-warming stories about people, both famous and obscure. He will be remembered by many for his The Rest of the Story segments. Here's a neat one called "Gentle Legacy." (If you're reading this by e-mail or in a blog reader, you will probably have to go to the blog to view this video clip.)

He will also be remembered for his distinctive, resonant voice and for what has been been described as his "pregnant pauses." Danny Thomas once told Mr. Harvey, "You'd better be right, because you sound like God." (It's a unique voice, but I don't know if I'd go that far....) On another occasion Danny Thomas commented, "You can almost hear the amber waves of grain." Obviously, Mr. Thomas was a loyal Paul Harvey fan.

In my files I had a piece attributed to him that I especially like. I was able to determine at truthorfiction.com that he indeed wrote this piece.

If I Were the Devil
by Paul Harvey
© 1999 WorldNetDaily.com

If I were the devil...

I would gain control of the most powerful nation in the world;

I would delude their minds into thinking that they had come from man's effort, instead of God's blessings;

I would promote an attitude of loving things and using people, instead of the other way around;

I would dupe entire states into relying on gambling for their state revenue;

I would convince people that character is not an issue when it comes to leadership;

I would make it legal to take the life of unborn babies;

I would make it socially acceptable to take one's own life, and invent machines to make it convenient;

I would cheapen human life as much as possible so that the life of animals are valued more than human beings;

I would take God out of the schools, where even the mention of His name was grounds for a lawsuit;

I would come up with drugs that sedate the mind and target the young, and I would get sports heroes to advertise them;

I would get control of the media, so that every night I could pollute the mind of every family member for my agenda;

I would attack the family, the backbone of any nation.

I would make divorce acceptable and easy, even fashionable. If the family crumbles, so does the nation;

I would compel people to express their most depraved fantasies on canvas and movie screens, and I would call it art;

I would convince the world that people are born homosexuals, and that their lifestyles should be accepted and marveled;

I would convince the people that right and wrong are determined by a few who call themselves authorities and refer to their agenda as politically correct;

I would persuade people that the church is irrelevant and out of date, and the Bible is for the naive;

I would dull the minds of Christians, and make them believe that prayer is not important, and that faithfulness and obedience are optional;

I guess I would leave things pretty much the way they are.

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Bet over at Dappled Things did a post yesterday on Paul Harvey. She found a quotation from him describing his entry into the field of radio at age 14: "As a boy, I fell in love with words and ran away from home and joined the radio."

Harvey is credited with coining or popularizing such terms as "skyjacker," "Reaganomics," and "guesstimate." I find it ironic that this post on Paul Harvey falls so close on the heels of my post on Dr. Seuss who also loved and coined words.

Do you think it would be fair to say that Paul Harvey was also a "word nerd?" Do you have any memories of or reflections on Paul Harvey's career?

quotation...

"If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will." - Paul Harvey

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

"I've never seen a monument erected to a pessimist." - Paul Harvey

Paul Harvey ... Good day!


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How to Plan an Inoffensive Office Christmas Party


picture of the grinch

How can you plan an inoffensive office Christmas party? Read on....

Those of you who have been reading my iv's for any length of time know that I try to provide the best in good, clean humor. But you also know that in doing that, I am often not "politically correct." In fact, I have real issues with the direction that the PC crowd is striving to drag our society. I think of that right now because each year the attempts to remove Christ from Christmas become more blatant. (Imagine people trying to make some sort of connection between Christ and CHRISTmas! - tongue firmly planted in cheek....) With that in mind, I'm posting a satirical series of e-mail memos about one company's first annual "Office Christmas Party."

DISCLAIMER: today's instant vacation contains several things that I do not personally participate in, but I post this because illustrates so well why we wouldn't want a politically correct, pure democracy, especially in today's increasingly fragmented environment.

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
RE: Office Christmas Party
DATE: December 1

I'm happy to inform you that the first of what we hope will become the annual Office Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Pat

========================================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
DATE: December 2
RE: Office Christmas Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas. So we'll be calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Everybody happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Pat

========================================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, upset about the eggnog and requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request. But if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pat

========================================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - the days are so short this time of year - or else package everything for take-home in little foil containers shaped like swans. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-carb and low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food, and we suggest that those people with high blood pressure taste their food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics since the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?

Pat

========================================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice ... what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based goddess-worshiping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your drumming circle during a break in the band music.

OK???

========================================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock from Easter candy or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day.

Could we lighten up?

========================================

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
DATE: December 10
RE: Holiday Party

Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your stupid salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes ... but you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream, I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

========================================

FROM: Teri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
DATE: December 14
RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Thanks to our politically correct celebration of "diversity," we will not be able to enjoy a simple party together! We hope that this change does not offend anyone. If it does, GET A LIFE!

Happy Chanuk-Kwanzaa-Solsti-Rama-Mas! Whatever!

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Soooo... the way to have an inoffensive holiday party in some places is simply not to have one at all! Sadly, for those who get up every morning with a chip on their shoulder that they long to have someone knock off that day, that solution is what would make them truly happy - they're happy when no one's happy. Bah Humbug!

If you have some inoffensive or offensive favorite holiday traditions to share, please add your comment to this post. How do you handle those in your life who seem to be so eager to be offended?

quotation...

"True adoration comes not just from lips, but from lives." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Life is just a phase ... and you will get over it!


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Thoughtless Headlines?


picture of headline

Have you ever laughed out loud reading the headlines in the newspaper? It certainly beats the weeping that some headlines cause! Our local writers have a special knack at coming up with punny headlines and even the occasional head-scratchers that leave you wondering if the wording was intentional.

I have collected some headlines in my files that I'm sharing today, followed by some scanned pictures of some bad headlines or opening sentences.

(Disclaimer: the humor of some of these is in how inappropriate their wording makes them sound.)

March Planned For Next August

Lucky Man Sees Pals Die in Crash

Blind Bishop Appointed To See

L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

Patient At Death's Door — Doctors Pull Him Through

Latin Course To Be Canceled — No Interest Among Students, et al.

Diaper Market Bottoms Out

Stadium Air Conditioning Fails — Fans Protest

Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based

Researchers call murder a threat to public health

Police use tear gas, SWAT team, battering ram, stun gun to oust woman 65

8 Bagels for $1.49 — Limit 3

Death in the ring: Most boxers are not the same afterwards

Ski areas closed due to snow

Chester Morrill, 92, Was Fed Secretary

Shut-Ins Can Grow Indoors With Lights

Legalized Outhouses Aired by Legislature

Difference between day and night found on tour of Torrington schools

All Utah Condemned to Face Firing Squad

Jerk Injures Neck, Wins Award

Fried chicken cooked in microwave wins trip

Tester links pygmy defect to shortness

Fire officials grilled over kerosene heaters

Lower Age for Elderly Opposed

Sewer input sought

Man shot to death in Cavalier Manor

Reader is upset over dog eating Filipinos

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Prosecutor Releases Probe into Sheriff

Mirror robber given 10 months to reflect

Lack of brains hinders research

'Light' meals are lower in fat, calories

Alcohol ads promote drinking

Malls try to attract shoppers

Official: Only rain will cure drought

Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut

Low Wages Said Key to Poverty

Man shoots neighbor with machete

Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones

Bible Church's focus is the Bible

Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Eye Drops Off Shelf

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Killer Sentenced To Die for Second Time in 10 Years

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Is not Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Cold Temperatures

Local Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds up New Bridge

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery, Hundreds Dead

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snack

Clock Thief Faces Time

Hospitals Are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Line

Deer Kill 17,000

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed the Needy

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Old School Pillars Are Replaced by Alumni

Bank Drive-in Windows Blocked by Board

4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves

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quotation...

"If Scripture doesn't take me to a Christ-centered life, I've missed the point of Scripture." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Ever wonder why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?


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Home Invasion!


picture of crime scene stuff

Now that the elections are past, we're hearing reports on the news about the increase in gun sales. With rising economic problems we're also hearing about more and more home invasions. The newscasters collectively scratch their heads and wonder why either of these is happening. I have some ideas about why ... do you?

I've had a piece in my files for quite a while that seemed like a good thing to share at this time. It's the story of a more subtle home invasion by a stranger and the impact on the family.

The Stranger

A few months before I was born, my dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the world a few months later.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me the word of God, and Dad taught me to obey it. But the stranger? He was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies. If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.

Sometimes Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to her room and read her books. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home ... not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our long-time visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.

My dad was a teetotaler who didn't permit alcohol in the home, not even for cooking. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing. I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... and NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first.

Still, if you were to walk into my parents' den today you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name?

We just call him "TV" for short.

A close companion of his has moved in with us. We call her "Computer."

divider

How does your family handle TV and computer usage, especially those of you with children in the home? Our nest is empty, but we have always tried to be very careful what was allowed to be seen and heard on our TV.

quotation...

"If all the people who name Christ were living as they ought to, our country would be going in a different direction." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home. --David Frost


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Are You A-mazed?


picture of a maze with scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz

Have you ever gone through a corn maze? I don't remember hearing much about them until the last couple of years ... and this year especially. The Pumpkin Patch we went to several weeks ago while in Cincinnati for the weekend had a 7-acre corn maze that looks like the United States from an aerial view. Though the visitors could go through it that day, we didn't since there were other activities that we thought we'd rather do.

I take it that farmers have begun to do corn mazes for some off-season tourist business in the fall. Our daughter Nora went to a huge corn maze here locally this past week with friends and said it was really fun and scary. I decided to see what I could learn about corn mazes (or "maize mazes") online and was surprised to find all kinds of pictures and sites. If you'd like to learn more about corn mazes, you can go to http://www.cornfieldmaze.com or to http://www.brownielocks.com/cornmaze.html. You can even try to locate a corn maze near you by going to http://www.cornmazedir.com

Here's a picture of a neat patriotic corn maze...

picture of a patriotic corn maze

Yesterday a student sent me a picture of a corn maze tailor made for one group of visitors....

picture of a special corn maze

On this day after the elections here in the USA, I am thankful that the Lord does not have us going though life as if we were in a maze. He knows exactly what He's doing, and He has most definitely not lost control as everything moves towards His ultimate prophesied end. I've had a song going through my head all day and was so pleased that we sang it in church this evening - not once, but twice! It's a great reminder of the Biblical perspective on things. Here are the lyrics...

There Is a Higher Throne
Words and Music by Keith & Kristyn Getty
Copyright © 2003 Thankyou Music

There is a higher throne
Than all this world has known,
Where faithful ones from ev'ry tongue
Will one day come.
Before the Son we'll stand,
Made faultless through the Lamb;
Believing hearts find promised grace -
Salvation comes.

REFRAIN
Hear heaven's voices sing;
Their thund'rous anthem rings
Through em'rald courts and sapphire skies.
Their praises rise.
All glory, wisdom, pow'r,
Strength, thanks, and honor are
To God our King, who reigns on high
Forevermore.

And there we'll find our home,
Our life before the throne;
We'll honor Him in perfect song
Where we belong.
He'll wipe each tear-stained eye
As thirst and hunger die.
The Lamb becomes our Shepherd King;
We'll reign with Him.

REFRAIN
Hear heaven's voices sing;
Their thund'rous anthem rings
Through em'rald courts and sapphire skies.
Their praises rise.
All glory, wisdom, pow'r,
Strength, thanks, and honor are
To God our King, who reigns on high
Forevermore.

You can read a great article for believers after the election by clicking here.

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There were some good punchlines for the most recent blog post.

I hope that some of my readers have gone through a corn maze or maybe some have even constructed one. Please comment away about that or anything else in this post.

quotation...

"Problems in society are just a symptom of the core problem - man's estrangement from God." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Opportunities are not lost - they just go to someone else.


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