ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Posts Tagged ‘Southern living’

Redneck Ingenuity


picture of redneck group

What is a redneck? Comedian Jeff Foxworthy defines a "redneck" as someone with "a glorious lack of sophistication," stating "that we are all guilty of [it] at one time or another." I would say from my life's experiences that there are probably quite a few of us who are rednecks with an extremely thin veneer of culture or refinement.

I read several different ideas of where the term "redneck" originated, but it was first applied to poor or working class white people from Appalachia, then later to people in that group in the whole southern part of the United States. Eventually the usage has widened to refer to people as rednecks throughout the United States and Canada. I found that the term "bogan" is used in Australia and New Zealand, and I learned in France that the French frequently use the term "paysan" (peasant). Can any of you from other countries tell us your term for rednecks?

It seems to me that at least one aspect of redneckery is being a packrat – if you throw something away, you will immediately need it and wish you had held on to it. Most rednecks are probably just making do and getting by with what they have – something everyone may all end up having to do if our economy continues to decline. Many of the abundant redneck jokes poke fun at old cars in the yard, old appliances on the porch, etc. Snobs might not prefer to think of it this way, but could rednecks just be practicing a different form of the modern virtue of recycling?

My wife and I enjoy watching the Red Green Show, Saturday evenings on PBS. Red and his friends could easily be among those Canadian rednecks. Their inventive use of unlikely objects that had been packratted away along with their heavy use of duct tape shows great redneck ingenuity. Here's a picture from the show's website:

picture of Red Green

The use of large quantities of duct tape by Red Green and the others in the Possum Lodge is a practice is not restricted to just Canadian rednecks.

Here's a redneck moving van in the USA.

picture of redneck moving van

Here's a rear view of that "moving van" heading down the highway.

picture of redneck moving van

This past week someone sent me the following comic strip along this theme.

picture of redneck mummy

A redneck snowplow....

picture of redneck snowplow

Some redneck body work...

picture of redneck body work

A redneck doghouse...

picture of redneck doghouse

A redneck mailbox...

picture of redneck mailbox

Some redneck planters (American Standard?)...

picture of redneck flower planters

A redneck fire alarm...

picture of redneck fire alarm

Rednecks do other amazing things with food as well. Here's some redneck seafood....

picture of redneck seafood

And the "pièce de résistance" – a redneck wedding cake...

picture of redneck wedding cake

I'll post more redneck pictures in the future.

quotation...

"Every time you change something, something has to change." - Becka Loach

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Q: What's the most popular redneck pick up line?
A: Hey, nice tooth!


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Atlanta! Tut Tut!


It must be Christmas vacation because we took a day-trip to Atlanta! Last year it was to visit the Georgia Aquarium - here's a link to that post - http://blog.ivman.com/the-atlanta-aquarium This year it was to visit the King Tut exhibition.

picture of King Tut banner

The exhibition was quite interesting and held some amazing artifacts. I plan to do another blog post about it next week. Today I'm just going to post one of my favorite reads about the city of Atlanta.

Guide to ATLANTA, GEORGIA (pronunciation is: lan-uh, JAW-jah)

picture of Atlanta

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, who has ever lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta, Georgia.

Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.

All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree ... " and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House...." except in Cobb County where all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken."

Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree Place, Peachtree Lane, Peachtree Road, Peachtree Parkway, Peachtree Run, Peachtree Trace, Peachtree Avenue, Peachtree Commons, Peachtree Hills, Peachtree Battle, Peachtree Corners, Old Peachtree, West Peachtree, Peachtree-Dunwoody, Peachtree-Chamblee, or Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.

Atlantans know only their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.

Atlantans do not believe in turn signals. You will never see a native signal at a stop light, to change lanes, or to merge. Never.

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. That's all they drink there, so don't ask for any other soft drink ... unless it's made by Coca Cola. And even then, it's all still "Coke."

Gate One at the Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch. The doors on the trains in the airport do not reopen like an elevator if you stick your hand out. And they hurt.

It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on.

The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to that effect so that out-of-towners don't feel lost ... they're just on a "scenic drive."

The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 a.m. The 5:00 p.m. rush hour is from 3:30 to 7:30 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning and lasts through 2:00 a.m. Saturday.

Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody, especially those who live in Atlanta. Stay out of these lanes unless you are looking for a head-on collision.

Outside of the perimeter, "Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes older than they are. In the suburbs, "Sugar" is a more common form of address than "Miss." So is "Sweetpea." "Honey" is always used by Waffle House waitresses.

Ponce de Leon Avenue can only be pronounced by a native, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. (The Atlanta pronunciation is "pahnss duh LEE-on.")

The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers immediately to forget all traffic rules; so will daylight savings time, a girl applying eye shadow in the next car, or a flat tire three lanes over.

If a single snowflake falls the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. If there is a remote chance of snow, all the grocery stores will be sold out of not only milk, bread, and eggs (like all other true Southerners, Atlantans must sit around the house eating French toast during threats of snow), but also bottled water and toilet paper. And if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard of 2 - - -" T-shirts.

If you're standing on a corner and a MARTA bus stops, you're expected to get on and go somewhere.

It is always Smog Alert Day.

Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts.

Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.

Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the interstates, and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.

Atlanta's traffic is the friendliest around. The commuters spend hours mingling with each other twice a day. In fact, Atlanta's traffic is rated number one in the country. You will often see people parked beside the road and engaged in lively discussions.

Atlantans are very proud of our race track, known as Road Atlanta. It winds throughout the city on the Interstates, hence its name. Actually, I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta and has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."

Don't believe the directional markers on highways. I-285 is marked "East" and "West" but you may be going "North" or "South". The locals identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop". If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.

Georgia 400 is the southern equivalent of the German Autobahn. You will rarely see a semi-truck on GA-400, because even the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized-SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at the school bus coming home from their college prep preschools.

The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy, which starts at 120. Atlanta is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range. All roads, vehicles, houses, etc. are yellow from March 28th to July 15th. If you have any allergies, you will die there.

divider

Before ending this post, I want to share a picture I took in the souvenir shop at the end of our tour of the King Tut exhibit. The souvenirs ranged from cheesy little cheap trinkets to expensive items, all based on things we'd seen in the exhibit. One of the items that caught my eye was this:

picture of King Tut tissue box cover

It's a lovely tissue box cover!

Becka's blog is one week old, and my wife has already had almost 300 unique visitors. If you haven't stopped by to check it out yet, I hope you will soon.

Have a great weekend!

quotation...

"You have to prize respectability less and rescue more because that's what the Lord Jesus is all about." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

You can say what you want about the South, but you don't seem to hear of anyone retiring and moving to the North!


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Talking Turkey


picture of a turkey

I'll start this blog post off with a Thanksgiving weather forecast.

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190° F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34° F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

divider

Many Americans prefer the traditional turkey dinner on Thanksgiving. It's gotten a bit harder with the passage of time, though, since turkeys have started to figure out ways to elude gracing the table at the family gathering. Here are several ways they've done so:

picture of a turkey gone missing

picture of smart turkeys

For the turkeys who haven't managed to escape the Thanksgiving feasting, I'm sharing the recipe my wife Becka uses for our Thanksgiving turkey. Very simple, and absolutely delicious!

Herbed Turkey Breast (from The Ultimate Southern Living Cookbook)

(If you use this recipe for a whole turkey, you'll need more of each ingredient, and you'll need to lengthen the baking time - details given below for each)

¼ cup olive oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon fresh or dried rosemary
6 fresh large sage leaves
1 (5- to 5½-pound bone-in turkey breast)
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper

Combine the olive oil and garlic. Loosen the skin from the turkey without totally detaching skin; brush about one-third of olive oil mixture under the skin. Space evenly the rosemary and sage leaves under the skin. Replace skin. Sprinkle with salt and pepper; place in a lightly greased baking dish. Cover loosely with aluminum foil.

For turkey breast, bake at 325° F for one hour. Uncover and bake one hour more or until a meat thermometer registers 170° F, basting the skin with the remaining oil mixture every 15 minutes.

For a whole turkey, bake at 325° F for 3 to 3½ hours or until a meat thermometer inserted in meaty part of thigh registers 180° F.

divider

I keep telling Becka that she needs to start her own blog - kind of a "Hints from Heloise" type of blog, but so far she has resisted. If you'd like to storm the castle to try to convince her to have her own blog, please say so in the comments.

Speaking of people's starting their own blogs, I'm going to talk a bit of turkey here. Knowing some of you as I do or at least seeing the caliber of your comments to my blog, some of you really need to make a New Year's resolution to start blogging yourself. I plan to do a post next week with advice on how to start your own blog. Those of you who are currently bloggers, please send me your suggestions through my contact form - things to be sure to do, things to avoid, etc. as I prepare that post. I can credit you for your advice, complete with a link to your blog, or you can remain anonymous.

divider

I'll end this post with a link to a fun (read: humiliating) quiz on turkey knowledge. I got only 8 right out of 20 on this one! I'm sure some of you can beat that score! 🙂 Take the quiz yourself by clicking here. Becka (a.k.a. Heloise) got 15 right out of 20!

What's on the menu at your house this Thanksgiving? We're having turkey breast, dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn pudding, luscious cranberry jello, a green veggie (yet to be determined), and pecan pie.

I'm taking a Thanksgiving break from posting, so I won't be back at you until next Monday evening. Have a blessed Thanksgiving! Try to come up with more to thank God for than just the stuff He's blessed you with. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving Praise service on campus today with the total focus on Christ. Absolutely awesome!

quotation...

"Do what you do to display who Christ is." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

You know you've had too much to eat on Thanksgiving if they have to call in the paramedics with the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the recliner.


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Southernosity


Today's instant vacation highlights some interesting aspects of life here in the southern part of the USA. I've now lived here almost half of my life. I heard something on the radio the other day that made me do a Google search. I found lists similar to what I'm sending today for almost every state in the South, with just a few local variations. It should help non-Southerners understand life here better and give Southerners a chance to chuckle at some of the local charm.

Interesting facts about the South and Southernosity...

Florida, except for the areas closest to Alabama and Georgia (pronounced Jawja), is *not* considered a Southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living in Florida.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in the South, plus a couple that nobody has seen before.

Unknown critters love to dig holes under your tomato plants.

Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they're ripe.

Possums will sleep in the road with their feet in the air.

"Onced" and "twiced" are words.

It is not a shopping cart - it is a buggy.

Fire ants consider your skin a picnic.

People actually grow and eat okra.

"Fixinto" is one word, and it's a verb. Example: I'm fixinto go to the store.

"Backwards and forwards" means "I know everything about you".

"Jeet" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

You sometimes have to switch from heat to air conditioning, all in the same day.

All festivals across your state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

You only know 4 spices - salt, pepper, Tabasco, and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

You think the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You find 100°F (38°C) "a little warm".

You know that the South really *does* have four distinct seasons - almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime, known as "Goin' Walmartin'" or "Off to Wally World".

You describe the first cool snap (below 70° or 21°C) as good pinto bean weather.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter that you don't need anything from the store - it is just something you're supposed to do. Apparently, since the items Southerns rush out to buy are bread, milk, and eggs, the comfort food of choice in a "snow crisis" *must* be French toast.

You know that fried catfish is the other white meat.

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.

You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave both unlocked.

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

You know what "cow tipping" is .

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

And you don't TAKE someone to the doctor's office or any other place - you CARRY them there.

You know what a "DAWG" is.

When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dawg. City people drop them off at your gate in the middle of the night.

A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, tonic, or pop. It's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda Coke you want?" "Aw, I'll have a Dr Pepper, thanks."

You know the difference between a hissy fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" one, you "PITCH" one.

You know how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

You know the general direction of not only "yonder" but also "cattywumpus."

You know exactly how long "directly" is - as in "Going to town, be back directly."

You grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." You also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

You know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, you also know to add a large banana puddin'.

You both know and understand the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

You would never assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn or change lanes. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that the blinker was on when the car was purchased.

You make friends while standing in lines. You don't do "queues," you do "lines"; and when you're "in line," you talk to everybody - even total strangers!

Put 100 Southerners in a room, and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

You never refer to one person as "y'all."

You know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

You know:
- that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful.
- that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food.
- and that fried green tomatoes are *not* a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a true Southerner!

You say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates with sugar, and *lots* of it - Southerners do not like their tea unsweetened. Sweet tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

You know you don't scream at little old ladies who drive 30 mph on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart," and go your own way.

You don't need no stinkin' driver's ed ... when yo mama says you can drive, you can drive!

To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southernness - Take two biscuits, a dose of sausage gravy and a tall glass of sweet tea, and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff - Bless your hearts. I hear they're fixinto have classes on Southernosity as a second language!

And for anyone who is not from the South but has lived here for a long time - Y'all need a sign to hang on y'all's front porch that reads, "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."

Bless your hearts! All y'all have a blessed day!

quotation...

"Am I living so that it's obvious that God is the most important person in the universe, and not I?" - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Two reasons that it is so hard to solve a redneck murder -
1st - The DNA is all the same.
2nd - No dental records.


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook