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Posts Tagged ‘sports’

Shocking News!


The semester is off to a good start. Here in Greenville, we're bracing for some wintry weather overnight. My wife and I have finally figured it out. People here in the South must sit around and eat French toast when we get snow or freezing rain since beforehand they raid the stores for bread, milk, and eggs.

This Saturday is the Republican primary here in South Carolina, with the Democrat primary the following Saturday. We'll be glad eventually to be able to make it through dinner without half a dozen calls from volunteers, pollsters, and push-pollsters! In an effort to get our minds off the 2008 election that has been going on for almost a year already (!), here's a little something else to read.

This is old news, but I'm passing it along anyway as a reminder....

The Green Bay Packers delivered a shocking announcement today.

Their starting quarterback this Sunday will be Mrs. Brett Favre, who will play for Brett during the first quarter. Fans in Green Bay were shocked when this announcement was made, but Mrs. Favre assured the fans that, "Hey, I know this game. I live with Brett. I have taken several road trips on the team plane. I've gone to the pre-game meals. I know a lot of the Packers. I've played around with a lot of the Packers in the back yard. I've tossed the football with them, and I know what a slot right 60-Prevent-Slot-Hook-And-Go is and I know how to avoid a corner blitz."

So they polled the people in Green Bay, and 50% of Packers fans are excited, motivated, looking forward to the big game.

All right, you think that's ridiculous? Here's another announcement for you to reread:

In a shocking announcement today, Mrs. Hillary Clinton announced that she is running for president of the United States because she knows Bill Clinton and has lived with him, and she was there on a lot of trips to China and other places around the world, and she has really cared about kids for 35 years. She's fought for and stood up for kids, and she's tried to fix health care. She heard her husband speak about foreign policy and she thinks fifty percent of the American people say, "That's good enough for us."

I received a picture today that pretty well says it all!

So much for getting our minds off this stuff, huh!? I usually stay away from politics on my blog, but I figured that the vast majority of my readers (the "vast right wing conspiracy"?) would be far more amused than offended.

quotation...

"Are you more in love with God's blessing than with God Himself? ... If you don't have the Lord with you, all the rest is empty." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Politician: One who shakes your hand before the elections and your confidence after.


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Turkey Time


picture of dancing turkey

My wife and I enjoyed our family Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday, November 11, since Nora, Aron (Nora's boyfriend), Mark, and Katie will all be out of town this week. We have come up with "Plan B," though, so we'll have a nice Thanksgiving Day anyway. We can chuckle about what I'm posting today since an already cooked and devoured turkey is impossible to burn.

12 Reasons to be Thankful You Burnt the Turkey

1. Salmonella won't be a concern.
2. Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened.
3. Uninvited guests will think twice next year.
4. Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newfound appreciation.
5. Pets won't bother to pester you for scraps.
6. No one will overeat.
7. The smoke alarm was due for a test.
8. Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.
9. You'll get to the desserts even quicker.
10. After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football.
11. The less turkey that Uncle You-Know-Who eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.
12. You won't have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches, soups, and casseroles.

I've discovered the "tags" feature of my blog. You can find the "tag cloud" in the sidebar of the blog. What are "tags" and "tag clouds"? Tags are used to categorize or label the main content of a blog post. To a post about baseball, for example, I've given a "sports" tag. Clicking on the sports tag will take you to all content, old and new on this blog, about various sports. It's a good way to read all the posts about things of special interest to you. A tag cloud depicts tags (or topics) on a blog in a way that reflects the frequency of their usage. More commonly used tags are given greater weighting, appearing bigger and bolder, like this. At a glance, you can see which topics are given more attention on a site that uses tags.

Megan called the other day to let us know that Drew has learned to sit up all by himself now. Doesn't he look pleased with himself?

Our son-in-law Jim is encouraging little Drew to be a Detroit Lions fan....

quotation...

"Any worthless thing that keeps me from a vital relationship with God is a curse to me." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If you can't find the time to do it right, how will you find the time to do it over?


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Rookie Card for Sale


The following comes from an email I received from one of the readers of my blog. I cannot vow to its authencity....

Bonds hitting homer

It's no news that Barry Bonds hit homerun No. 755 at San Diego to tie Hank Aaron's record and received a warm reception along with some boos. There are some who believe that Barry Bonds should be disqualified for using steroids. I do not really want to enter that debate.

Whether Barry took steroids at some point in his career, I don't know. I just want to capitalize on the current situation to sell a prized possession - I am selling one of my Barry Bonds baseball cards to the highest bidder. Below is the highly prized Rookie Card that I bought in 1986.

Barry Bonds Rookie card

Let the bidding begin!

quotation...

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." - Dave Barry

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?


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March Madness or April Fools?


My recent post on oxymorons included "sports scholarship." If anyone doubts that that expression is oxymoronic, today's iv should help remove all doubt. Granted, it's well known that they are not recruited for their intellectual or elocutionary prowess. The following quotations are from players, coaches, sportscasters, and fans.

Quotations from the "salary is inversely proportional to IQ" crowd...

DISCLAIMER: I have tried to determine whether these quotations are authentic and/or accurate, but alas, I've not been able to. If there are any mistakes, please let me know and I'll correct them.

Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward: "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark: "Half this game is ninety percent mental."

Greg Norman: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

Ralph Kiner, announcer for the New York Mets: "Today is Father's Day, so everyone out there: Happy Birthday!"

Baseball player Mike Greenwell: "I'm a four-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife."

Ian Rush, on the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country."

Mike Ditka: "A big factor in the game was the number of points scored."

Nick Zito: "A lot of horses get distracted. It's just human nature."

The following quote was made by a Montreal Expos ball player, who was not named by the reporter (the player might have been Larry Walker) in reference to another player's mental faculties: "He ain't no rocket surgeon."

Magic Johnson: "I only know how to play two ways and that's reckless and abandon."

Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence, Terry. What chance do you think Germany has of getting through?" Terry Venables: "I think it's 50-50."

reporter: "Did you visit the Parthenon when you went to Greece?"
Shaquille O'Neal: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

Murray Walker: "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."

Soccer coach Ron Greenwood: "They have missed so many chances they must be wringing their heads in shame."

Baseball player Pete Incaviglia: "People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only make $500,000."

reporter: "Would you quit baseball if the Yankees lose the series to the Pirates?"
Casey Stengel: "Well, I have given that thought a lot of thinking lately and last night, well - I finally made up my mind."
reporter: Which way?
Casey Stengel: "I made up my mind both ways."

Frank Bruno: "I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost."

Basketball player Chris Washburn, commenting on his ability to drive to the basket: "Yeah, I can go to my right and my left. That's because I'm amphibious."

Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."

Bobby Robson, after playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup finals: "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought."

Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

David Thompson: "Ball handling and dribbling are my strongest weaknesses."

Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

Steve Spurrier, telling fans that a fire at the football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four Fs and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

Johnny Walker, world middleweight wrist-wrestling champion, on what it takes to be a champ: "It's about 90% strength and 40% technique."

Barry Beck, New York Ranger, on who started a brawl during the National Hockey League's Stanley Cup playoffs: "We have only one person to blame, and that's each other.

Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series: "The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."

Mickey Rivers, Texas Rangers outfielder, on his warm relationship with Yankee owner Steinbrenner and manager Billy Martin: "Me and George and Billy are two of a kind."

Don Mattingly, New York Yankee, on Mets pitcher Dwight Gooden: "His reputation preceded him before he got here."

Curt Gowdy, network sports announcer, on air: "Folks, this is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air."

Dennis Rappaport, boxing manager, explaining his silence regarding boxer Thomas Hearns: "I don't want to tell you any half-truths unless they're completely accurate."

Casey Stengel, baseball great, Yankees and Mets manager: "A lot of people my age are dead at the present time."

Ron Davis, Minnesota Twins pitcher, commenting on press reports quoting him as criticizing team managers for trading top players: "All I said was that the trades were stupid and dumb, and they took that and blew it all out of proportion."

Alan Minter: "There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious."

Football coach Bill Peterson: "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only - Super Bowl."

Phil Watson to reporters: "Gentlemen, I have nothing to say. Any questions?"

'Whispering' Ted Lowe: "And for those of you watching on black-and-white, the pink ball is the one behind the blue."

Yogi Berra, when asked his cap size: "I don't know. I'm not in shape yet."

Dale Berra, Yogi Berra's son: "The similarities between me and my father are different."

Basketball player Jason Kidd: "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."

Soccer coach Ron Greenwood: "I don't hold water with that theory."

Curt Gowdy: "The Baltimore Colts are a bright young team. It seems as if they have their future ahead of them."

Baseball player Pedro Guerrero, on sportswriters: "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean."

Ron Pickering: "Watch the time. It gives you an indication of how fast they are running."

John Snagge, commentator for a boat race between Oxford and Cambridge: "I can't tell who's leading. It's either Oxford or Cambridge."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."

Marlon Starling: "I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right."

George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach: "I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class"

Murray Walker: "Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." He also said: "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements: "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff you haven't been through in school."

Terry Venables: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

Tommy Lasorda , Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back."

Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating."

Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Amarillo High School and Oiler Coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too ugly to kiss good-bye."

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"group iv" project...

Recently when my wife and I were driving in rural North Carolina, she spotted a beauty parlor with a great name - Grand Illusion Styling Salon. We laughed and laughed over that one. We tried to think of other beauty salons we'd seen with funny or bizarre names. We remembered one called in Michigan near Camp CoBeAc called Curl Up and Dye. My wife suggested that it might be fun to ask the people who read the blog to tell the humorous or strange names of beauty parlors that they know of. So either leave a comment at the end of this blog entry or email me (see the email link in the sidebar on the right side of the blog.) I'll give them a while to accumulate and then post the list you the readers come up with.

Mark and Katie arrived in a safe and timely manner at Jim and Megan's. They're enjoying their time up there, especially getting to meet Drew in person. Katie's older sister and her husband had their first child in January, and he's also named Andrew, with Drew as his nickname too.

(non-athletic) quotation...

"No one is an atheist for intellectual reasons, but for moral reasons." - Ravi Zacharias

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

As Yogi Berra once said, "When you come to a fork in the road, take it!"

I'll end this post with the Mallard Fillmore from Saturday, March 31. The cartoon below can serve as a bridge from this blog entry to the one right below it. 😎

picture of Mallard Fillmore comic strip from 31 March 31 2007


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You Know You’re Addicted to Cycling When…


This Labor Day weekend our city was the site of the USA Pro Cycling Championship. (We saw more lightweight metal, helmets, and Spandex than we've seen in a long time.) In honor of this event, I'm sending some humor about the sport of cycling.

Last week's iv was about a certain mindset. Whether cyclists admit it or not, there *is* a mindset, a group of assumptions, and a whole set of experiences that set a "cyclist" apart from the vast majority of the populace that simply rides a bike. There are the serious things like an understanding of vehicular cycling and mundane things like knowing where are the good places to lock a bicycle. Here are some amusing characteristics that should make even cyclists laugh at themselves and give some tell-tale hints that maybe, just maybe, there's such a thing as a "bike geek."

You know you're addicted to cycling when...

Your surgeon tells you you need a heart valve replacement and you ask if you have a choice between a Presta valve and a Schrader valve.

You actually KNOW what Presta valves and Schrader valves are!

A Power Bar starts tasting better than a Snickers.

You buy crutches instead of renting them.

The funeral director tells you NO! you cannot ride your Cannondale in the funeral procession, even if you keep your headlight on.

You no longer require a hankerchief to blow your nose.

You think that working on your bike is almost as much fun as riding it.

At some point you caught yourself wondering if your bike might look good if you added fenders.

You discover that you have forgotten to remove your reflective ankle straps hours after you have arrived somewhere by bicycle.

You make decisions about car purchases based on which one more easily accepts a rooftop bicycle rack.

You own any kind of purple annodized bicycle accessory.

Colorado Cyclist sent you a Christmas card last year.

Your bicycle(s) is/are worth more than your automobile.

You know what the difference is between Ultrasensor, Core-Tech, and Microfiber jersey materials.

You empathize with roadkill.

You can tell your wife with a straight face that it's too hot to mow the lawn, then take off and ride a century.

You refuse to buy a couch because that patch of wallspace is taken up by the bike.

When you move to a new area, the first thing you look for is a bike shop.

You use wax on your chain, but not on your car.

You wear your riding gloves when driving your car.

You spend weeks during the summer spraying arrows on the sides of roads.

You mount a $600 cap on a $1,000 pickup truck so your $3,000 bike won't get wet.

You can't seem to get to work by 8:30 a.m., even for important meetings, but you don't have any problems at all meeting your buddies at 5:30 a.m. for a hammerfest.

Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of bikes and cycling gear.

You tailgate a semi-trailer to get the drafting effect.

You have more bike jerseys than dress shirts.

You pull up hard on the steering wheel trying to jump your car over a pot hole.

"Four cheeseburgers and four large French fries" is for you!

You actually move farther from work so your bike commute will be longer.

You take a perverse pride in your mid-thigh and mid-bicep tan lines, and even more in that funny little circle of tan on the back of your hands.

You learn you have some money left over after paying bills, and the first thing you do is reach for the nearest bicycling catalog.

Someone in a car asks for directions, and you give them a route that bypasses freeways and busy surface streets.

You have committed to memory the sizes and costs of Johnson & Johnson's complete line of gauze products.

After a crash the first thing you ask when you regain consciousness is "How's my bike?"

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personal update...

We're sad today after losing our cat Linus. He's been steadily declining for over a month. He's lost a lot of weight and has grown more and more lethargic. For the last several days he would hardly eat or drink and wouldn't even purr. He lived a nice, long life and was a friendly, gentle cat. We'll really miss him. In my signature line below, you'll see that there are now only two cats.

quotation...

"The bicycle is a curious vehicle. Its passenger is its engine." - John Howard, U.S. Olympic cyclist

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

"Friends don't let friends wear Spandex." - Mark Loach


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