ivman's blague rotating header image loading ... please wait....

Posts Tagged ‘taxes’

Funny Quotations about Taxes


picture of tax burden

April is the month when the thoughts of many Americans go to taxes. In honor of taxes being due in the next few days, I am posting a collection of funny quotations about taxes, some anonymous, others attributed. If you know the attribution for any that I don't, please let me know and I'll update the post. I did a lot of searching already, but it was becoming too taxing for me....

America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation. (Laurence Peter)

I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is — I could be just as proud for half the money. (Arthur Godfrey)

This is the season of the year when we discover that we owe most of our success to Uncle Sam. (The Wall Street Journal)

It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta. (Dave Barry)

There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that becoming taxpayers won't cure. (Dan Bennett)

I was making a speech on the Senate floor and I said, 'Now, ladies and gentlemen, let me tax your memories.' And Kennedy jumped up and said, 'Why haven't we thought of that before?'" (Bob Dole)

If the Lord had meant us to pay income taxes, he'd have made us smart enough to prepare the return. (Kirk Kirkpatrick)

The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.

Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of May Day! (Robert Knauerhase)
Click here to continue reading this post ⇒


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Beware the Ides of April


picture of sign

One occasionally hears "Beware the Ides of March!" but you rarely hear anything about the "Ides of April," and I don't quite know why not! (For those of you not living in the US, April 15th is "Tax Day" here in our country.) For you taxpaying Americans out there, I would like to graciously say that my tax forms went out in the mail this morning, with almost 15 hours to spare!

In honor of Tax Day I'm posting several tax-related items.

1040 EZiest TAX FORM
___________________

1. How much money did you make? $____________

2. Send it to us.

U.S. Gov't. Form 8765309

divider

There was a man who computed his taxes and discovered that he owed $3407. He packaged up his payment and included the following letter:

Dear IRS:

Enclosed are my tax return and payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029). This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 - feel free to apply it to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. Or, since it's not an election year (phew!) I might suggest that you the apply the $22 to purchase a "1.5 inch Phillips head screw." (See attached article...HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips head screw.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,

A satisfied taxpayer

divider

Now for a totally different look at such things.

A tax assessor came one day to a poor pastor to determine the amount of taxes the pastor would have to pay. The following conversation took place:

"What property do you possess?" asked the assessor.

"I am a very wealthy man," replied the minister.

"List your possessions, please," the assessor instructed.

"First , I have everlasting life, see John 3:16.

"Second, I have a mansion in heaven, see John 14:2.

"Third, I have peace that passes understanding, see Philippians 4:7.

"Fourth, I have inexpressible joy, see 1 Peter 1:8.

"Fifth, I have divine love which never fails, see 1 Corinthians 13:8.

"Sixth, I have a faithful, precious wife, see Proverbs 31:10.

"Seventh, I have healthy, happy, obedient children, see Exodus 20:12.

"Eighth, I have true, loyal friends, see Proverbs 18:24.

"Ninth, I have songs in the night, see Psalms 42:8.

"Tenth, I have a Crown of Life, see James 1:12."

The tax assessor closed his book and said, "You are indeed a very rich man ... but your wealth is not subject to taxation."

divider

This is AACS competition week on campus, and traditionally Wednesday of that week is an official "day of rest." Since we were free today, we took a short trip up the road to Carl Sandburg's home in Flat Rock, NC, since they normally have baby goats by now. Here's a picture of Drew enjoying the two-day-old baby goats.

picture of Drew and baby goats

Did any of you cut it as close as I did on filing your taxes? I have to admit that one year a friend and I drove to the downtown post office in Detroit after 11:00 pm to get our taxes sent before the midnight filing deadline. We sat in a long line of cars of others who were handing their stamped envelopes to post office employees outside. So I did better this year than I have other years! 🙂

quotation...

"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to Congress." - anonymous in the year 1950

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.

I'll end this post with a picture I received recently from a subscriber.

picture of Obama logic


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Coffee Shop Economics


At this time of year, Americans have either already done their income taxes or still have about a month and a half to put it off. On top of that, we just heard today about the president's proposed new budget with tax increases for the nation's most wealthy. (We all will have to wait breathlessly to see if there's any chance it can go through.) This all made me think of something that's been aging in my files for the right moment to be posted....

picture of latte

Coffee Shop Economics

Suppose that every weekday ten men go out for lattes. The coffee shop is the best one around and their beverages are not cheap. Each day the total bill for the ten men comes to $100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

- The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
- The fifth would pay $1.
- The sixth would pay $3.
- The seventh would pay $7.
- The eighth would pay $12.
- The ninth would pay $18.
- The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59, enjoying the latte and his friends.

So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men had lattes every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.

"Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily coffees by $20."

Lattes for the ten now cost just $80. They could continue to enjoy their lattes and their time together, but for a lot less!

The group still wanted to continue to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes, so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink coffee for free.

But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his "fair share?"

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his coffee.

So, to be fair, the owner suggested reducing each of the six men's bills by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:
- The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
- The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
- The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
- The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
- The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
- The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink coffee for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

"I got only one dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, "but he got $10!"

"Yeah, that's right!" exclaimed the fifth man. "I saved only one dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!"

"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute!" yelled the first four men in unison, "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth man and beat him up.

The next night, as much as he had previously been enjoying coffee with the guys, the tenth man didn't show up for coffee. So the nine sat down and had their lattes without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them to pay even half of the tab! Too late, though, since their wealthy friend had no plans to return.

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction, all the while still getting stuck for most of the tax revenues. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might go to other coffee shops where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier and less demanding and where they can drink a latte for the same price everyone else pays and possibly with nicer friends.

(Added 5 March 2009: I just learned that the original idea for the scenario above came from David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D., Professor of Economics, University of Georgia. The original that I received was unattributed and I could not find the source. I changed it quite a bit, turning it into a coffee shop instead of a bar, but I'd like to give credit where credit is due. I was really surprised to find that Muddy Dog Roasting Co. had done almost the same thing with the piece back in October 2008! Great minds....)

divider

What are your thoughts on the Coffee Shop Economics story above? Do you think it's valid? There's an interesting article about this type of thing called The 2% Illusion in the Opinion Journal of today's Wall Street Journal.

This week has been extremely full, but definitely good. Our church, Hampton Park Baptist Church, has been hosting the Steve Pettit Evangelistic Team all week. The messages have been excellent and the music outstanding. Anyone local who would like to attend Friday evening's Irish Sacred Concert, the meeting begins at 7:00. Come a few minutes early to get settled into a seat before it starts.

quotation...

"Every person born since Adam's sin is not God-centered, but self-centered." - Steve Pettit

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

The IRS looks at every taxpayer as having what it takes.


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Are We in for the Ride of Our Lives?


I got a wonderful story by e-mail this weekend that I simply had to share on my blog. Here it is:

A woman told her neighbor that she had seen a man driving a pick-up truck down the interstate and that a dog was hanging onto the tail gate for dear life!

She said if the pick-up truck driver hadn't been going so fast in the other direction, she would have tried to stop him.

A few weeks later, her neighbor saw that same truck in the parking lot at the Bass Pro Shop and took a picture of it.

picture of dog on truck

The driver of the pick-up truck is a local taxidermist, with a great sense of humor!

And that "dog" is actually a coyote named Kyle! I learned that when I did a web search and found the website of the taxidermist.

divider

As the world economy and our national economy are struggling, largely because of debt (ie. people spending money they don't have) and as our government votes on a spending bill of close to a trillion dollars we don't have, I think we all need to hold on for the ride of our lives. The Lord keeps sending us these reminders that our hope is not in people, but in Him.

quotation...

"There aren't any big shots when it comes to servants of God. If you want to be in the limelight to serve, it's not service you're thinking about – it's recognition." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin." - Mark Twain


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

7,000 Words


Two weeks of classes, then exam week. We're all in need of prayer right now, students and teachers alike.

I have received or spotted several funny pictures or comic strips lately that I thought I'd put together as a blog post with few words. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then this post is worth 7,000 words.

For some of you old-timers who remember the old black and white TV series with Jackie Gleason called "The Honeymooners"....

(For the sake of you "young things"... Ralph Kramden always said to his wife Alice, "One of these days ... one of these days ... POW, right in the kisser! Bang, zoom, straight to the moon!")

In case you cannot read the note above, it says, "Please clear any unused time off the microwave when you are finished. Some of us have O.C.D. and leftover time drives us crazy. Thanks!"

Here's a comic strip in honor of April 15 - the Ides of April....

How can fellow employees ever compete with the "Employee of the Month" pictured below?

Here's a clever ad....

Is it a bug or a feature?

Someone spotted a scene too good not to capture on camera....

quotation...

"Discontent is the penalty we must pay for being ungrateful for what we have." - unknown

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Hunt for the good points in other people. Remember, they have to do the same in your case.


Print This Post Print This Post
E-mail this post to a friend
Share this post on Facebook

Page 1 of 212