I have seen three things in the last two days about humorous situations that have arisen, thanks to people’s trying to communicate in a foreign language. I pass these on with at least a little bit of trepidation since I’m currently trying to review what little Chinese I learned two years ago this semester. My wife and I plan to go teach in Asia again this next summer unless some door closes to show us clearly that that is not what we are supposed to do. Anyway, on to the miscommunications (or is it missed communications?)…

I’ll start off with a story we received by e-mail from our friend Ruth with whom we have taught in Asia. She writes…

Cross-Culture Non-Communication

The following is a true story, however impossible it may sound.

After teaching for three hours, I asked a sophomore student to go with me to the language lab director’s office to find out the name of a Chinese male teacher who had taught in the room next to me the previous hour.

Thinking my request quite simple, I told the student to ask the director to please tell me the name of the teacher who had taught in room 206 the previous hour. I know the student asked the correct question since I could understand most of the Chinese words used.

The answer?…

Director: No, you teach in room 208.
Me: I am not talking about me. I am talking about the Chinese teacher in room 206.

Student translates

D: You are not in 206 you are in 208.
Thought: Hello, is anyone listening to me?

In walks a Chinese English teacher. The director asks her to tell me that my classroom is number 208.

Me: I am not talking about me or my classroom. I simply want to know the name of the teacher in room 206.
D: But she is not in 206.
Thought: Would someone just listen to my question!
Me: There is a male teacher in room 206. His English name is Bear. I want to know his Chinese name.
D: OH, OH, OH. You mean the MAN! Is he a little big (meaning fat) and no hair on the top?
Me: Yes,
D: His name is __ __ __.

What if I really had an emergency? I would be dead before anyone listened to me.

This evening we received the following short e-mail from Ruth:

The story I wrote about non-communication has a second chapter. The original story took place last Thursday. Yesterday, Thursday, in class my little translator sweetly came to me and said, “The reason the lady could not understand you last week was because you were giving her the wrong room numbers.” UGH! There I had to swallow some pride and repent. So my whole story just lost its punch line and I learned a good lesson.

***
The following is an excerpt from a blog post by a man named Dave, who is currently teaching English in Asia.

He entitled it: I don’t know what it is, but it likes ESPN2

I gave my first test last week, and as bonus questions, asked them to write a sentence using one of the slang phrases that I’ve taught them. A few students got them right. Many more failed in spectacular ways. Most of the difficulties centered on the phrase “couch potato.” Seems simple enough, right? Maybe to you. A few of the (erroneous) attempts at capturing this phrase follow.

- He is a couch tomato.
- I was a sofa tomato.
- We should not be couch pasta [I know it's some kind of starchy food!]
- We are sofa and Pomato on the holiday.
- My sister likes laying Tomato, she always sitting on sofa.
- Tom A Couch Plato [These are not the ultimate Doritos, but merely shadowy copies of the true form].
- you watch TV, you will be crouch potato [Looks like the three-point stance to me]

And, in a guess at “baby boomer:”
- After the 2th World War, many boom babies borned.

***
The following is from the blog of Carol who is living in Asia with her husband Hal and their three kids. Carol and Hal are both former high school students of mine from way back in the last millenium. Carol’s parents are there visiting them right now. Anyway, Carol writes…

Today I thought I would share with you YET another language blunder. This one took place last week while my mom and I were shopping. Here we have markets that we shop at where we have to bargain for our items and that involves speaking. Well as you know I am new to this language so I am learning all the time how to say things and new words to add to my ever building vocabulary.

When I am out and about I try very hard to use each word I can possibly use. Personally I detest having to have someone help me anymore. Perhaps that is my slightly stubborn side coming out but I am at the point where I want to say it and do it MYSELF. SO that means I have to put it in high gear and start getting more words under my belt. Practice times for me are often found at the market because I have to speak to them in order to make a purchase and people are typically very willing to let me try my words on them.

My mom and I were shopping last week and looking for some ‘wedding lanterns’ that would be sent back to the states for a wedding shower of a Chinese woman and her American fiance. I had a bit of a hesitation when I was shopping because I was unsure exactly which lantern was for wedding and which for New Years. They look alike to me except for the characters written on them. I am still not able to read them so I have to ask. I figured that was no big deal…I would just tell the worker that this lantern was going to be for a wedding and make sure it was the correct one. That is not out of the realm of my meager vocabulary. I had learned all of those words and could readily ask those questions. The problem came when I got one key word mixed up. As I was describing why I wanted to purchase this lantern I repeatedly use the word “divorce” instead of “marriage/wedding”. OOOPS big mistake there. The fun was as follows:

(Ok, so imagine yourself hearing some weirdo foreigner say this to you:)

“Are these lanterns used for the divorce of a man and woman?”

HMMM….no response…just odd looks….so let me try this again.

“I would like to purchase a lantern to celebrate a friend’s divorce.”

Ok, so that didn’t go over real well…they are now just staring at me…one more swing at this…let’s rearrange the sentence a little and see if it flies….

“An American and a Chinese person will be getting divorced and we would like to have 2 lanterns for the party.”

Ok, I am talking Greek or something so may be I should describe the event…here’s another feeble attempt…

“In America we give gifts, eat food, talk and celebrate 2 people getting divorced.”

Ok…you you get the picture, huh? Those poor people just kept saying “no” and looking at me all weird and, I am sure, wondering about all of us sicko Americans out here that celebrate a divorce this way. They kept stepping back from me and shaking their heads and looking at me REALLY oddly.

THEN…it hit me. I realized I was using the wrong word for “marriage” and instead was saying “divorce”. So I told them “oh I am sorry, I forgot the word” and when I fixed it and told them “wedding” they immediately took me to the correct lanterns for THAT occasion. AMAZING how one word can change the whole situation!!

SO…I have now given them something fun to go home and disuss at the dinner table. When I told an Chinese friend here what I said/did, she said, “They will now tell all their friends what the crazy American woman told them today.” Guess I will be the talk of the town…me and my divorce celebration.

quotation…

“What a cheap imitation of glory is living for what will soon pass away!” - Dr. Tony Fox

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Rob

When the seed store was robbed, the authorities suspected that the evidence was planted.

This Wednesday here at BJU is the first day of university classes. For me this is my 52nd start of a school year, if I count all of them back to my first day of Kindergarten! It’s my 35th year of teaching - YIKES!

All three of our kids chose to become teachers also. Here are some updates on them:

Megan was a little sad that after 7 years of beginning the school year as a first grade teacher, it’s happening without her this year. But that sadness passed fairly quickly with the joy of her own little classroom at home with Drew. Here are a few of his latest pictures…

Bathtime is generally a happy time for Drew…

Drew loves the Bumbo. Even though he cannot sit up yet on his own, with the Bumbo, he can. (Some days I need one of those myself!) Becka was talking to Megan on the phone the first time Meg put Drew in his Bumbo and got to hear Drew laugh out loud!

Drew also loves this Johnny-Jump-Up. We got to watch him jump in it one evening recently via webcam over the Internet. Cool stuff! In the picture below, you can tell from his little smirk that he thinks it’s all pretty great!

Nora teaches toddlers at a local pre-school and *loves* it! Below is a picture of Nora and some of her kids with the new classroom baby bunny, Dakota.

Mark is teaching fourth grade this year after several years of teaching fifth grade. He seems to have a lively, fun group this year. He hasn’t supplied us with any pictures lately.

Well, that’s the latest about this family of teachers.

***
A friend and I were talking recently about how sayings or proverbs are part of what makes up the general knowledge of one’s own culture. There are some sayings that, after hearing the first few words, just about anyone familiar with them can easily finish.

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs, gave each child in the class the first half of a proverb, and asked the children to come up with the rest. Here are some of the best of the wrong endings the children came up with for these common sayings:

Better safe than … punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the … bug is close.

It’s always darkest just before … daylight savings time.
It’s always darkest just before … I open my eyes.

Never underestimate the power of … termites.

You can lead a horse to water but … how?

The grass is always greener… when you remember to water it.

Don’t bite the hand that … looks dirty.

No news is … impossible.

A bird in the hand is … a real mess.

Better to light one candle than … to waste electricity.
Better to light one candle than … to light an explosive.

You can’t teach an old dog new … math.

If you lie down with dogs, you … will stink in the morning.

When in Rome, do… Roman numerals in math.
When in Rome, do… bulls run around town?

Too many cooks… so little meals.

A fool and his money are… my best friends.

Look before you… run into a pole.

The pen is mightier than the … pigs.

An idle mind is … the best way to relax.

Where there is smoke, there’s … pollution.

A penny saved is … not much.
A penny saved is … nothing in the real world.

Don’t put off till tomorrow what…you put on to go to bed.

Two is company, three’s … The Musketeers.

None are so blind as … Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not … spanked or grounded.

If at first you don’t succeed … get new batteries.

The squeaking wheel gets … annoying.

We have nothing to fear but … homework.
We have nothing to fear but … our principal.

To err is human. To … eat a muskrat is not.

I think, therefore … I get a headache.

If you can’t stand the heat … get out of the oven.
If you can’t stand the heat … don’t start the fireplace.
If you can’t stand the heat … go swimming.

Don’t count your chickens … it takes too long.
Don’t count your chickens … eat them.

You get out of something what you … see pictured on the box.

When the blind lead the blind … get out of the way.

Early to bed and early to rise … is first in the bathroom.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with … a blister.

A miss is as good as a … Mr.

There is no fool like … Aunt Edie.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and … someone yells, “Shut up!”
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you; cry and … you have to blow your nose.

quotation…

“What do you treasure? That’s what you’ll worry about.” - Dr. Jim Deuink

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Rob

Good is often the enemy of the best.

A regular contributor to the Greenville Journal is a man named Barry Ray whose column “Barry’s World” reminds us a lot of the style of Dave Barry. One of his recent columns about back-to-school trauma was hilarious. I searched high and low to find it online somewhere, but to no avail. I wanted to put a link on my blog to the column. Finally I decided to write to the e-mail address for Barry Ray to ask him if I could get a copy of his article somewhere so that I could put it on my blog. Within a couple of hours I got a nice reply that stated, “I am planning on putting some older columns online soon. Right now, the Journal likes being the only source and putting them online would hurt subscriptions, I suppose. I have attached a JPEG of the column for you to use on your blog. Keep reading and thanks!”

And so with Barry’s permission I’m placing the picture he sent me below. What you see below is a picture of a printed page, and so the quality of the print is not the best, but it’s definitely worth the extra effort to read this one!

***
A few weeks ago my wife Becka saw a restaurant review in the Greenville News that caught her attention. One of the reasons was that the reviewers all gave the restaurant high marks - a rarity indeed! So our little team who taught in Asia last year went there with our friend Ruth as a farewell before her return to Asia. We all enjoyed our meal very much, proclaiming we’d definitely be eating there again. The food was scrumptious, beautiful and plentiful, and the entrees ranged mainly from only $7 to $10.

Last evening Becka and I returned there for dinner and were dismayed that we were the only customers during our meal. We would hate to see this place close its doors! The restaurant is Vietnamese, and it is as authentic as you can get. It’s a family-run restaurant, and everyone who works there is Vietnamese - unlike some of the local Chinese restaurants with Spanish speakers doing the cooking! With delicious food and a dining area that is clean and pleasant, there’s no reason this place shouldn’t be packing in the people! …except that I don’t think they have much of a notion at all about advertising. As a result, other than the review in the paper, they get customers only by word of mouth or from people happening by and wandering in.

updated 20 Oct. 2007: I’ve learned that the restaurant has closed its doors. Very sad.

Below is their business card. Too bad they didn’t make it. Thanks to all of you locals who tried it out and attempted to give them more business.

quotation…

In reference to teachers … “We are not just data merchants.” - Dr. Dan Olinger

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Rob

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

At church yesterday morning we learned that Dr. Walter Fremont had passed away earlier that morning. In December he and his family celebrated 20 years of his survival after being diagnosed with ALS - Lou Gehrig’s disease in December 1986. He has to be among those who have lived the longest with this horrible disease. And it wasn’t even the ALS that caused his death - it was internal bleeding!

Dr. Fremont’s influence on me as a student in several of his classes was huge, much greater than I realized at the time. His love for the Lord and for people and his enthusiasm for life and service were evident to all his students and left a mark on us all. If he had not encouraged us to go visit the displays at the Principals’ Conference on campus my senior year, I would probably not be a teacher now. And now as I teach I feel greater freedom just to be myself because of his example. I remember his standing on his desk and doing many other zany things to get or keep our attention or to get his points across.

In my summer work as an IT tech, I worked on his computer this past summer at Barge Hospital on campus. Even with his severe limitations, he was cheerful and encouraging as always. He even used his only finger and thumb that he could still move to give his repaired computer a command to tell me thanks, praise the Lord, and have a great day!

Furthermore my wife and I counted his daughter Elaine Fremont as a good friend and were shocked and saddened by her sudden death in an automobile accident in the mid 90s. Like her dad, her life was about others rather than self. I have a page on my site about a holiday she invented - Bonza Bottler Day. You can read about it and find the link there to the official page her family has put up about the holiday. My page is http://ivman.com/bonza.html

I’m sure Dr. Fremont and Elaine are enjoying a grand reunion after over 10 years of separation.

For those interested - the visitation will be this evening (Monday) from 6:30-8:30 in the War Memorial Chapel on the campus of BJU and the funeral service will be Tuesday evening at 7:00 at Hampton Park Baptist Church here in Greenville.

As I reflected on Dr. Fremont’s impact on my life, I thought I’d send a special iv early this week to honor him and the way he touched lives.

***
Do famous and powerful people wear sunglasses because the spotlights blind them to reality? Maybe they suffer from a delusion that earthly power means something. (It doesn’t.) Some may suffer from the misconception that titles make them special. (They don’t.) Others have the impression that temporal authority always makes an eternal difference. (It doesn’t always.)

To prove the point, take this quiz:

1. Name the ten wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last ten Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last ten winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name five people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
5. How about the last decade’s worth of World Series winners?

How did you do? I won’t tell you how poorly I did. I think most people don’t do very well on it. With the exception of you trivia hounds, most of us don’t remember the headliners of yesterday too well. Surprising how quickly we forget such “important” things, isn’t it? And those categories mentioned above are no second-rate achievements. These are purportedly the best in their fields. However, the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
2. Name ten people who have taught you something worthwhile.
3. Name five friends who have helped you in a difficult time.
4. List several teachers who have aided your journey through school.
5. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier? It was for me, too. The lesson? The people who make a difference are often not the ones with this world’s acclaim, but the ones whose lives truly touch other lives.

***
This is Rob again…
Some of you have had profound influences on my life (and I thank you for it), and some of you have been influenced by mine. (I hope it’s been for the good.) Our life touches other lives, for good or for ill. Let’s all keep trying to have a positive influence on the lives we touch. Things are temporal … people are forever.

quotation…

“Do I see my world as a tourist or as a missionary? Do I just admire the beauty of the attainments or do I see the bondage and death?” - Dr. Drew Conley

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Rob Loach in Greenville SC

Teachers live forever in the hearts they touch.

Even though some of you may read this on Friday evening, it’s already Saturday morning here. Our first week of classes has already ended. That’s just amazing! The time is flying by! We all are enjoying our classes, and the students seem genuinely interested, for the most part. I learned from the parent of one of my students yesterday that most of my “middle school” students are the children of teachers here at Hainan University. In fact, she herself is an English teacher. She sat in on the last hour of my class, just to pick up some ideas and teaching techniques. The students in my class change from day to day - some don’t show up, and new ones do. The other three teachers have had the same experience. Some of it is that the students go from one class to the next, seeking the level with which they are most comfortable. The reason I put quotation marks around middle school in describing my students is that they range from age 9 to 13. Below is a picture of my class taken early this week. They’re really cute kids and some are really sharp!

Last evening (Friday) our Chinese doctor and his wife who is also a doctor came by to deliver our medicine. We were to begin taking it last night. Before I took any, my symptoms were already worsening. Then after the first dose I had a rough night of coughing and a seeming inability to clear my throat, even after having taken an expectorant I’d brought along. Once I finally got to sleep, I was fine, but it was a short night of sleep. This morning, though, I am having fewer symptoms, so we’ll see…. Below is a picture of me after I poured out the first dose. I had not yet experienced the taste of the vile stuff, which, to be perfectly honest, was really not bad. Becka’s hoping she’s not going to lose that shiny image of “picture of health” - she began blowing her nose at bedtime last night and during the night. I’m sure after seeing everyone else’s luscious bottles of Chinese medicine, she wants to share the experience. By the way, I have only 3 bottles to down in 3 days. Jean and Yvonne each have 7 bottles to down in 7 days. The dosages for all three of us is one-third of a bottle, three times a day (being sure to exclude the sediment at the bottom of the bottle). I have not spoken to either Jean or Yvonne since they went back to their apartment last evening. I’m anxious to learn how each of their medicines tasted to them. On to the picture….

In an hour and a half, we are supposed to leave for our weekend down south. When I have the opportunity after our return, I’ll share some of what we saw and experienced. Bye for now!