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Posts Tagged ‘tech support’

Is It All Geek to You?


picture of WiFi sign

Do you have a computer geek in your life? Many of my readers know that my summers are spent working at IT Service Desk on campus, "improving life ... one computer at a time." (my motto, not theirs) This Friday ends my summer at IT and that is bittersweet — I really enjoy my work as a tech helping people, but I'm also eager to get back in the classroom.

Even though I like to express my inner geek, I have to admit that there are many aspects of computers that I don't understand and I'm not as geeky as some. To test your level of geekdom (if that's not a word, it should be), see how much of the humor in today's iv is funny to you.

You've heard it said that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well, I must admit that I am a digital packrat. (Attribution for the cartoon, unknown at the time of publication, is in the comments section.)

picture of computer cartoon

And you are the beneficiaries of my digital packrattiness ... Exhibit A: today's post. 🙂

When people ask me questions about Microsoft Word, I can honestly plead ignorance. I avoid using that program like the plague — it drives me crazy! So when I find humor poking fun at Word, I automatically love it.
Click here to continue reading this post ⇒


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Computer Woes


Recently I came upon some pictures that would make any electrician cringe.

tangle of wires

more tangles

such technology

Those pictures are scenes from India. It's where you probably end up calling when you have a technical problem with your computer!

Here's a story I heard recently about someone fortunate enough to have local tech support:

SUPPORT: Hello, this is Tech Support. How can I help you?

COMPUTER USER: Last night my computer started making a lot of hissing noise at me so I shut it down. This morning when I turned it on it started hissing and cracking, then started smoking and a bad smell, then nothing.

SUPPORT: I'll have a technician come over first thing this morning, just leave the computer just like it is, so he can find the problem and fix it, or change it out with another computer. Give me your address and phone number. The technician will be there just as soon as he can.

When the technician got there, the woman showed him where the computer was and repeated what had happened to it. This is what the technician found wrong. Take a look at the pictures... you won't believe your eyes!!! !!

strange computer problem

quite a cable

snakes are for plumbing

YIKES!

And you thought you had computer problems!

The technician told her: It must have been after the mouse!

The woman didn't think that was funny at all.

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Since my summer job is being a PC tech on campus, I find myself hoping I never have to face something like that!

The other day a fellow tech sent me a cartoon that made me laugh out loud. When duty calls, one must answer that call....

Imagine ... someone being wrong on the Internet

quotation...

"I serve a living God, and He can get a hold of me any time He wants to." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.


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Summer Upgrades


This summer when I'm not teaching in Asia, I'm working at IT HelpDesk on campus, "improving life, one computer at a time." Part of what we do each summer is upgrade various programs on the university's computers to the latest version. I like to say, "Summer upgrades ... and some aren't!" June is the month of the year when there are lots of weddings. For this week's iv, I'm going to "wed" those two ideas into the theme for the iv - comparing marriage to upgrades of computer programs. What you're about to read is two supposed email exchanges between newlyweds and tech support. They are similar in many ways, and yet very different so as to reflect the differences between the genders.

Tech Support Request

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and after a few months I noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that is taking up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs, launches during system initialization, and monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications, and I can't seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. It's too late to uninstall and go back to the Girlfriend 7.0 program. Can you PLEASE help me?

Thanks,
Troubled User

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REPLY...

Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem men complain about, but it's mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "Utilities and Entertainment" program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed to run everything. WARNING - do NOT try to uninstall, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed! Trying to uninstall or remove Wife 1.0 will destroy valuable system resources. You're right - you cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 7.3 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. Do not even think of trying to run Girlfriend 7.0 or 7.3 in the background. Eventually Wife 1.0 detects the other program running in the background and a system conflict occurs, this can lead to a non-recoverable system crash.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPF's). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\I_APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. The best course of action will be to push the apologize button then the reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPF's.

Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.

Suggestions for improved operation of Wife 1.0
-Monthly use of utilities such as TLC and FTD
-Frequently use Communication 5.0

Wishing you the best!
Tech Support

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Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included before the upgrade.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as RomanticMovies 7.5, OceansideWalks 3.9, SappyLoveNotes 2.2, and OperaNight 6.1, and it installs new, undesirable programs such as BasketballNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4, and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Whenever Communication 5.0 runs, it invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run Cooking 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running NagNag 9.5 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all-purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please?

Thanks,
Desperate

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REPLY...

Dear Desperate,
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misunderstanding. Many women upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT program while Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM that was designed to run as few applications as possible. Furthermore, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 eventually to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

In desperation to play some of their favorite old applications or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice that this program runs very poorly and comes bundled with Heartbreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0 and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical operating system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPF's). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature, enter the command: C:\I_THOUGHT_YOU_LOVED_ME. You will find that sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP: Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPF's, and ultimately it may be YOU who has to give a C:\I_APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5 or Workaholic 6.9.

Just remember! The system will run smoothly and take the blame for all GPF's, but because of this fine feature, it can only intermittently run all applications that Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotMeals 3.0, Cheerfulness 5.3, Listening 1.4, and LovingPatience 10.1. Used in combination, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, you will become more familiar with Husband 1.0 and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2, and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution. Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 might run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0, and we here at Tech Support wish you the best in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this wonderful product.

Your friends at Tech Support

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personal update...

In about four weeks we leave for Asia. There's so much to do before then - lessons to plan, provisions to purchase and organize, arrangements to make for our son and daughter to take care of things at the house while we're gone, etc.

quotation...

"When we don't pray in light of God's word, we set our sights too low." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Marriage is wonderful - it's so great to find that one special person to annoy for the rest of your life!


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