Posts Tagged ‘tests’

In honor of exam week here at BJU beginning this Saturday, following close on the heels of students' course evaluations, I'm posting about a technique that has long been practiced by students — "alibi-ology" — the science of giving alibis. Students come up with some of the most amazing alibis to explain their performance. Some of the things below might also occur on students' course evaluations. You teachers out there may recognize some of these.

What students say when exams roll around...

When they are given an objective test:
"It doesn't let you express yourself."

When they are given an essay test:
"It's so vague. You don't know what's expected."

When they are given many minor tests:
"Why not have a few big ones? This keeps you on edge all the time."

When they are given only a few major tests:
"Too much depends on each one."
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The week before final exams last semester, I did a blog post called "How to Fail a Test with Dignity," about some hilarious answers students have written on tests. One of my readers sent me an e-mail with more test questions and answers. I'm a little suspicious as to the authenticity of these for several reasons — none of the questions have a number in front of them, the font looks about the same on all the "tests," and the handwriting in several appears to be the same. Maybe the originator had a list of test questions and the answers given, and then tried to re-create them. Whatever, they are funny and I pass them on to you, my dear readers.

In one of the answers in the previous post, a students drew an elephant and said the object in the test question would not continue to move because an elephant was in the way. Another student tried to use that same dumb answer, but with even less success — the teacher noticed a missing (de)tail:

WARNING: As you continue to read this post, be sure you are somewhere where you can laugh out loud, in case some of these strike you really funny. These read almost like a series of one-liners.
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Did you enjoy tests as a student? Most of us have written a totally stupid answer that made us wonder what in the world we were thinking during the test. But have you ever written a funny answer because you didn't know the right answer and wanted to cheer up the teacher? Of course I prefer correct answers, but I have to admit that the occasional hilarious answer is a welcome treat when I'm drowning in paper grading.

In honor of our final exams next week, today's post features funny things some students have written on tests, mostly on purpose, I think....

Here are some creative answers on science tests:

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Oreo cookies seem to be a dessert that people can either take or leave. I've eaten them through the years, but only when there was nothing much else sweet to eat. If given a choice, I would definitely choose a real cookie instead! I know, though, that some people really like Oreo cookies and other Hydrox-type cookies, whatever that is.... (Sounds vaguely chemical to me....) By the way, Hydrox cookies have been around for over 100 years now. They celebrated their 100-year anniversary in 2008.

Several years ago we had a family conference at our church. The speaker for those couple of days as Dr. Greg Mazak. One of the things he did as an ice-breaker one evening was to give us the Oreo test. There are all kinds of "psychological tests" out there and I cannot vouch for the accuracy of this one, but it was a fun activity as people stood and then he read what their style of eating an Oreo showed about their personality. Here's the test for you to enjoy.

The Oreo Personality Test

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. First choose which method in the list below best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos. Then scroll down to see what that says about you.

1. The whole thing all at once.
2. One bite at a time.
3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.
4. In little feverish nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).
6. Twisted apart, eat the inside, then the cookie.
7. Twisted apart, eat the inside, and toss the cookie.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10. I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.

Your Personality:

1. The whole thing all at once. This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.
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Do you enjoy fielding tough questions? As a teacher I have been accused of posing unanswerable questions on my tests. But let me tell you, I've been asked some real doozies by my students as well. Our children asked us some hard questions as they grew up. In fact at one stage of life, our son Mark asked so many questions that we nicknamed him "Question Mark." In case you've not seen a recent interview of Biden on a TV station in Florida, you can see it either on YouTube or on the WFTV website. It's clear that Biden, who has not had to field many tough questions in recent days, did not enjoy the experience.

Today's iv is a list of tough questions you probably wouldn't want to have to answer.

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before he's considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

Since sandwich bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? What's that extra penny going to?

What did cured ham actually have?

Why is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do people pay to go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

Can a stupid person be a smart-alec?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

If a person thinks marathons are superior to sprints, is it considered racism?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Do you overthrow a puppet government with toy guns?

Do pilots take crash courses?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

If blind people wear dark glasses, should deaf people wear earmuffs?

What do you call a male ladybug?

What do chickens think we taste like?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?

How does AVON find so many women willing to take orders?

If "pro" is the opposite of "con," then what is the opposite of progress?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

If people aren't supposed to drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

When a Smurf chokes, what color does it turn?

Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, what treatment could you give them?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

If I save time, when do I get it back?

Speaking of which, don't forget to switch your clocks back to standard time this weekend if you're on Daylight savings time here in the USA.

I'm sure my readers have some tough questions of their own that they could add. Please post them in the comments.

For a ten day period I had a poll question in the sidebar - Who do you think will be the next president of the USA? The results were 37 think it will be Obama, 32 think it will be McCain, and 1 thinks it will be a third-party candidate.

quotation...

"Money is America's god, and money cannot save us." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?

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