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Posts Tagged ‘tests’

Back to School Jokes


Back to school

With Labor Day this coming Monday, almost everyone who is going back to school is either in school already or getting ready to be. We find ourselves asking where the summer went! So here at the beginning of another school year, I am posting several school-related jokes that I have on file.

A student reported for his final exam which consisted of True/False questions.

He took his seat in the examination hall, stared at the test, and then in a bit of inspiration, took a quarter out of his pocket. He started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "True" for heads and "False" for tails.

Within 30 minutes he was all done, whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out. During the last few minutes of the exam period, the student frantically started flipping the coin again.

The moderator, concerned about what he was doing, stopped by his desk and asked if everything was ok.

"Oh yes, I'm fine. I finished the exam a half hour ago, but I'm going back through now and checking my answers!"

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Teacher to class: "Give me a sentence with a direct object."

Student: "Everybody thinks our teacher is beautiful."

Teacher: "Why, thank you. But what is the direct object?"

Student: "A good report card."
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Easy Tests


Studying

Most students and teachers are now on summer vacation here in the USA. I don't want any of them to lose their edge, so today's post is two short tests. Don't panic - they're easy tests. The first test has eleven questions. The answers are further down in the post. No fair peeking!

The Test

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English language is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

8. What was the president's name in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of eggs are white" or "The yolk of eggs is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
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Excuses, Reasons, or Alibis?


picture of whatever

In honor of exams ending today here at BJU, following close on the heels of students' course evaluations, I'm posting about a technique that has long been practiced by students and many others in various professions — the art of coming up with creative excuses (reasons? alibis?) for explaining their performance in times of testing. Some of the things below might also appear on students' course evaluations. You teachers out there may recognize some of these.

(With the time crunch of exams, I'm reposting this from 4 years ago. That's my story, and I'm sticking with it!)

What students say when exams roll around...

When they are given an objective test:
"It doesn't let you express yourself."

When they are given an essay test:
"It's so vague. You don't know what's expected."

When they are given many minor tests:
"Why not have a few big ones? This keeps you on edge all the time."

When they are given only a few major tests:
"Too much depends on each one."
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A Short Test


This week my first-semester German and first-semester French students are having their first test of the semester in my classes. In light of that, I thought I'd post a little test for my blog readers. Just five questions — it'll be a breeze for you. After all, it's in English!

IntelligenceTest

Please answer each test item before scrolling down to see the answer.

Okay, let's find out how attentive you are when taking tests….

First Question:
You are participating in a race.
You overtake the second person.
What position are you now in?
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Answer:
If you answered that you are first, then you are…
absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are now in second!

(Try not to mess up with next question, okay?)
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Happy Belated Birthday, WWW!


Happy Birthday

Yesterday, April 30, 2013, was the 20th birthday of the World Wide Web's going public. Since my day to post is Wednesdays, my birthday wishes had to be belated. I once asked in a store if they sold boxes of belated birthday cards.... Anyway, we're glad the WWW is here. Otherwise, we wouldn't be reading this right now.

Here's a picture of the first website (You can click on the picture to go to the actual site.)

WWW 20 Years Old

It was certainly barebones compared to the graphics-rich content we're used to today. You can read about it on the main page of that site — http://info.cern.ch.

Today is the last day of final exams. This Friday afternoon is graduation at BJU, and then this weekend our son Mark will be graduating from Furman with his Master of Arts in School Leadership. We're proud of all his hard work that got him to this point, pretty much a course at a time evenings as a full-time teacher, husband, and dad. Having taken the same route myself, I know just how hard that is!

In honor of exams, I have a couple of jokes either about tests, intelligence, ... or the lack thereof.
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