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Posts Tagged ‘weather’

Global Cooling


Hey, where's "global warming" when we need it?!? My wife and I were talking this morning about how ironic it is that the week after global warming was all over the news, the weather turns bitterly cold. I told her that I think it's the Lord revealing His delightful sense of humor as He reminds us of who *really* controls the climate.

As many of us enjoy our current reprieve from the warming, I thought a little humor on winter weather would be in order.

TELLING THE WEATHER

To tell what the weather is like, put the dog outside. A few minutes later, go to your back door and look for the dog.

If the dog is wet, it's probably raining. If the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.

If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.

If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.

Of course, to be able to tell the weather whenever you want, you should leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect really harsh, life-threatening weather.

Sincerely,
The Cat

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Random thoughts on winter...

It was so cold last winter that one basketball player was late for practice because he was out trying to jump start the reindeer.

You know winter has truly arrived when you neighbor returns your lawn mower and borrows your snow shovel.

It was really cold out there today - like a refrigerator. I know. I opened the front door and the little light went on.

What can I say? The cold weather you prayed for back in August is finally here.

You know it's cold when the wind chill factor exceeds the speed limit.

You know it's cold when you're combing your hair and it breaks.

You know it's cold when you set a pan of boiling water outside and it freezes so fast the ice is still warm.

Remember, if your car starts to skid on icy streets, turn your steering wheel in the direction of the skid and jump out the windows on the passenger side.

This is the time of the year when people start going to places where they pay $200 a day to experience the same kind of heat they were complaining about in August.

One nice thing about winter weather - it's easy to find a picnic table.

When the highway department has been working all night spreading sand on the streets, it can mean one of two things - either the streets are icy or they are putting in a new beach for next year's tourist season.

It was so cold last night that the candle froze, and we couldn't blow it out.

It was so cold that when we were talking outside that our words froze, and we had to nuke them in the microwave just to see what we were saying to each other.

One nice things about living in the North - it snows only twice during the winter. Once for three months and once for two months.

The North *does* have a great snow removal system. It's called August.

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I'm currently in a grading vortex, but other than that, all's well here.

quotation...

"None of us can bear everyone's burden, but God has placed us where we can help bear someone's burden." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

How does the person who drives the snowplow get to work?


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Too Hot!


In some parts of the USA, the "dog days" of summer have arrived with lots of heat. What I'm sending you today was actually written about Texas, but it could easily apply to other places in the northern hemisphere including, for us, the island of Hainan where we are teaching this month. Even though the temperature here reads in the low 90s on the thermometer, it feels *nothing* like the low 90s back in South Carolina. The "feels like" temps here (factoring in the high humidity and the intensity of the sun closer to the Equator) have been around 110 degrees Fahrenheit. Believe me, it is absolutely oppressive!

It's so hot that...

You're drowning in sweat the moment you step outside at 7:30 a.m. to go to work. (We actually commented this morning that here in Hainan, walking to class in the morning gives your clothes the same effect as a shower, without the freshness.)

The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

The potatoes bake underground, and all you have to do for lunch is pull one out of the ground and add butter, salt, and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

You can say 110 degrees without fainting.

You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

You can make instant sun tea.

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95, and you feel a bit chilly.

You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car - the steering wheel is so hot!

You discover that you *can* get a sunburn through your car window.

You decide the best parking place is determined by amount of shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.

A parent laments, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it - but for my 7-year-old."

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

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personal update...

I *think* I've tamed the monster of a computer in our apartment and that this iv will come through without all the numeric hieroglyphics! Once it's sent, though, it's too late. We'll see....

We're doing well and our classes are very nice. The size of each class is manageable, and the students are very nice and generally eager to learn. For me teaching middle school students this year instead of university age students has been an interesting "refresher course." It's amazing the universal squirrelliness of some middle school boys! Seems almost as if basic human nature is the same in whatever culture and time one lives, huh?

I will try to put out more pictures very soon. Life here is quite busy, and our days fill up very quickly with planning, spending time with people, and just doing daily survival tasks.

=^..^= =^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Even if the humor on ivman is not too hot, at least it's not always dry!


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