ivman's blague

What age would you be if you could choose? Is there a perfect age? Small children want to keep being bigger and older, teens want to be in their early 20s, and on and on it goes. Some older people yearn for days when they were more agile and carefree.

At my stage of life, I can see that every age has its advantages and disadvantages. Something inside me still recoils when I’m offered a “senior discount” - it’s like … can that person really think I’m that old?! And yet who would doubt that I’m enjoying being a grandfather?

I experienced one of the downsides today when my eye doctor told me that I have the beginning of a cataract in my right eye. He said I’m young to have this, but it’s there. Someone please name another advantage for me … quick!

My wife forwarded an e-mail to me yesterday with several funny perspectives on aging. I’ll start off with a picture too scarily similar to the sign on the right above. Apparently this man was the “poster child” for the sign.

Here’s a comic strip that was in the e-mail.

One of the pictures was a pie chart of a senior citizen’s time usage.

Not all older folks are slow-moving geezers though, as attested by this sign.

But older folks do need to be careful in their activities not to injure themselves. Here’s an exemplary senior biker, the picture of health with his helmet.

Young folks need to be careful from their youth to avoid some problems in their “golden years.”

Someone please pass me the sunscreen….

As I said earlier, an upside to this stage of life is being a grandparent. Here are a couple of pictures of our grandson Drew on the 4th of July - our little flag waver and watching the fireworks with Grandma.

Here’s how he looked one year ago at the fireworks.

Ah! The upsides and downsides of being Drew’s age! So I ask again - what age would you be if you could choose? What is the perfect age to be?

new poll…

One of my readers (a history teacher) suggested a poll question for me - Which of these activities will be part of your 14th of July (Bastille Day) celebration? with several suggested activities - storming a prison, guillotining someone, etc. I laughed and immediately dismissed the idea. I do have a new poll question up, though, about what kind of phone you use.

quotation…

“Grace trumps sin every time.” - J.D. Crowley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If we’d stop trying to be happy we would probably enjoy life more.

Tags: aging, children, senior citizens, signs, wellness

We’ve just completed the third quarter of the first year of the Wellness Challenge at the university. If I continue to do as I have been doing, I should end the year in the gold category. This summer on week days, I have no problem at all getting at least 10,000 steps a day with my work at IT Help Desk. One day last month I got over 19,000 steps in the course of my work. The total of my steps for the past nine months is a little over 3,250,000 steps! I should hit 4 million by the end of the first year of the challenge. Sensible walking shoes are a must!

A few weeks ago I got an interesting and at least mildly disturbing e-mail with pictures of some current and past shoe fashion rages in Japan.

Think your shoes are uncomfortable? Look at the latest (out)rage in shoes in Japan….

Feel better now about your shoes? How would you like sensible walking shoes like those?

Uncomfortable shoes seem to be a tradition in the Orient. Look at the kinds of shoes that were worn back in the day of the Chinese women who practiced foot binding….

Advanced age does not seem to be the only reason for her difficulty in walking.

This woman was apparently one of those who practiced foot binding.

Like many people, you may think your feet are ugly. You might not any longer after you see the next few pictures! Here’s the woman’s unwrapped foot from one angle….

Here’s the foot from another angle….

Here’s a close up…

Unbelievable, huh!?

Still think your feet are ugly? Here are a few more pictures that may convince you otherwise….

The heels of time (Time wounds all heels?)…

Time for a pedicure?

Feel better now about your feet? Ugly feet aren’t found only in Asia, huh?

***
house wren update…

It appears that the eggs have now hatched. They’re at that oxymoronic stage - pretty ugly! Here’s a picture I took this evening….

Want to have beautiful feet? Read on to find out how….

quotation…

“How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” Romans 10:15

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If your nose runs and your feet smell, maybe you’re built umop-apisdn.

Tags: birds, China, Japan, shoes, wellness

On this last day of the year 2007, it’s a time of reflection and of anticipation. For those of us who made resolutions for changes we wanted to make in our lives in 2007 - we’d better work fast! Not that many hours remain to accomplish them all!

Maybe it’s because I’m a teacher and have lots of “new beginnings” in my life - new school years, new semesters, etc., but for some reason I’m not actully one for making “new year’s resolutions,” but I know that some people just love them. Several years ago, I posted sent out an iv of New Year’s Resolutions we all could keep. You can read that by clicking here.

As the new year brings a new month, I resolve to get more points this month than in December. I resolve also to eliminate as many items as possible from the “honey-do list” before the new semester begins on January 9, 2008.

I’d enjoy reading resolutions for 2007 that you kept or some of your resolutions for 2008.

I’ve seen some really funny lists of resolutions online. One motif went something like this:

2004: I will see my dentist this year.
2005: I will have my cavities filled this year.
2006: I will have my root canal work done this year.
2007: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.
2008….

Now on to some other unique lists of New Year’s Resolutions…

Senior Citizens’ New Year’s Resolutions…

Be awake more than asleep

STOP USING ALL CAPS IN MY E-MAILS

>> try and prune >>> all these >> chevrons
>> when forwarding jokes >>>, urban legends >>> spam >> false virus alerts >>> recipes and
pathetic >>> inspirational thoughts >>>> and chain
>>>
>>> letters >>>>>>

Remember the names of my kids and grandkids

See my family more often than my doctor

Learn a new game besides Bingo

Learn NOT to say “Whipper Snapper”

Learn NOT to say “In my day…”

Spend more time on the computer than the toilet

Attend all the meetings of Obsessive-Compulsive Anonymous, where I shall take verbatim notes and then check them for spelling, syntax, and grammar

Learn to pronounce the names of all medications I have to take

Try to take things seriously, once in a while. (Note: I said “things” not people!)

Household Pets’ New Year’s Resolutions…

Dog: Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.

Cat: I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

Dog or Cat: Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing monster does to us when no one is around.

Fish: Swim counter-clockwise this year.

Dog: Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell other dogs.

Cat: I will not perch on my human’s chest in the middle of the night and stare into his eyes until he wakes up.

Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a rat on ‘roids, or they’ll flush me for sure!

Dog or Cat: Always scoot before licking

Cat: Just because I hear voices in my head, I do not have to answer them.

Dog: Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

Fish: Get out of the castle more

Dog: January 1 - Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2 - December 31 Relive victory over the sock.

Cat: When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

Dog: I will NOT chase the stupid stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND!

Cat: When my human is typing at the computer, I will remember two things - my human’s forearms are not a hammock, and I must not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emio gnaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv aa35 a.

***
It’s been a while since I posted - we were all too busy and fulfilled for blogging! We thoroughly enjoyed this last week with many good family times together. It was a nice, restful week of doing things together that we all enjoy. It was especially nice to have everyone together several times. We didn’t get to do our family Christmas celebration until we were all in town and together, on Thursday. We all went out to our son Mark and daughter-in-law Katie’s house Saturday evening for a cookout. The picture below is from that evening.

Of course, one of the things we enjoyed most was our grandson Drew’s first Christmas. He is big enough to enjoy what’s going on, although he has no real comprehension of it all. Below are some pictures we’d like to share.

Here’s Drew being handed a gift to try to open…

Just sitting on the couch was too boring, so here he is getting at the presents under the tree…

Drew is on the verge of crawling - he rocks on all fours, goes in circles, and scoots backwards. Here he is “almost crawling” to get to a toy….

He also loves to stand, though attempts at walking have yet to be exhibited. Here he is at Mark and Katie’s…

Grandma and I had a great time playing with little Drew! Here’s a picture of Grandma reading to our little guy…

Our Christmas gifts involved a lot of things we made for loved ones ourselves. One of the really fun gifts this year was cornhole boards and bags that Jim and Megan made, one set for our son Mark and one set for our daughter Nora’s boyfriend Aron. We all went outdoors for a while to try them out. Here’s a picture of Becka and Megan trying their hand at tossing the bags to the board at Nora and Katie’s end of the yard.

wellness challenge update…

Many of the faculty and staff at BJU are participating in a wellness challenge for one full year - from September 1, 2007 to August 31, 2008. Rather than my repeating all the details of the wellness challenge here, if you want to know more, you can read about it by clicking on “wellness” under Tags in the sidebar on my blog. The end of November marked the end of the first quarter of the challenge. My wife and I both had accumulated enough points to be in the “gold” category. We could each choose between a nice cash prize or an iPod Nano. Becka chose the cash, and I chose the iPod. I’m enjoying it very much and listening to some of my favorite music as I put this blog post together. Its capacity is 4 GB, and though I put over 200 songs on it, I’ve not even used up 1/4 of the space. I’ll have to explore putting some of my favorite pictures on the iPod.

It’s a good thing the first quarter ended on November 30 instead of today! This past couple of weeks the wellness challenge has been … well, a challenge! ‘Nuff said….

quotation…

“God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.” - unknown

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

In the new year … First things first! But not necessarily in that order.

Tags: aging, animals, holidays, senior citizens, wellness

It’s good to laugh, especially at times to laugh about what you’re currently dealing with. I thought I good dose of medical humor might be in order. Today I’m posting a list of notes that doctors have supposedly written on patients’ charts. It appears that the physician’s handwriting may not have always been the issue here….

Doctors’ notes on patients’ charts…

The patient complains of a dry cough that hurts when he coughs and also when he takes deep breaths for 4 days.

The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

Patient arrived by avalanche.

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared completely.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

The patient is disabled with a wife from Portsmouth.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a forty pound weight gain in the past three days.

She is numb from her toes down.

The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. ___ to dispose of him.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ___, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The other foot has the missing toe.

***
Because of an outbreak of whooping cough among the university students, our semester has been shortened by one week. That means that final exams are now this week instead of next. There are fewer students with whooping cough than the rumors would indicate, but the situation is a serious matter. The medical personnel are isolating those who have one or two of the symptoms and are administering a 5-day antibiotic. Many are also receiving vaccinations. Becka and I are glad that when we went for our tetanus booster a month or so ago, they gave us each a DPT immunization, the P of which stands for pertussis. Please pray for us all as we navigate through this stressful week. Pray for those overreacting and underreacting, that wisdom would prevail.

quotation…

“If it doesn’t look like Christ, can it claim to be Christianity?” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are NOT a hypochondriac.

Tags: doctors, medicine, students, wellness

This week our team captain for the Wellness Program sent us a cartoon that one of our teammates sent him. The comic strip is called “Close to home,” but in my way of thinking, it’s a little too close to home!

I have received or run across a lot of funny signs lately and thought this might be a good time for a blog post that was mainly pictures.

Here’s another cartoon … this one being related to the topic of today’s blog post…

Some signs give us warnings…

Some signs are meant to give good directions, but somehow fail to do so…

Some signs are hard to understand or to read…

And some signs just make you smile…

(We remember the following one from here in Greenville…)

I especially like the good reminder that the following sign gives…

quotation…

“Am I living as I shall wish I had lived when I come to die?” - C. H. Spurgeon

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

How many people thought of the Post-it note before it was invented but just didn’t have anything to jot it down on?

Tags: funny pix, language, signs, wellness