Sometimes we’re good at planning and sometimes we’re not. Sometimes we make great plans and find that, as has been adapted from the poet Robert Burns, “The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” And sometimes we’re not good planners. I’ve received several things lately that highlight good and poor planning. Then I added a favorite “classic” that illustrates some disastrous results of poor planning.

***
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

“I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.”

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

***
I received this from someone who grew up in Canada and now is a US citizen…

As a country Canada has been much influenced historically by three nations - France, England, and America, and Canadians aren’t quite sure of their identity. So they try to have a flavor from all three, but they have made horrible choices.

The story goes like this … Canadians could have had French cuisine, English culture and American technology but instead chose English food, French technology and American culture.

***
Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “poor planning” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust that the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in Block #11 of the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 pounds.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding in a downward direction at an equally impressive rate of speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section III of the accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were 2 knuckles deep into the pulley, which I mentioned in paragraph #2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground–and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to MY weight in Block #11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth, and the severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately, only 3 vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

Policy # xyz1234567890

***
I haven’t posted any pictures of our grandson Drew for a while, so here are several that Grandma and I like.

Drew in his Exersaucer…

Our little “basket case”…

quotation…

“God always sees the individual and the inside and deals with each of us accordingly.” - Dr. Tim Jordan

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Often my blog posts are related to something happening in our lives, and this one is no exception. Since Friday morning, I’ve been battling a head cold - something I haven’t done in a long time and something that’s making the rounds right now. During classes Friday, I was quite miserable, with a nose that had been replaced by a faucet. After dinner Friday evening, I went to bed at 6:30 and slept for 12 hours straight - something I never do! Our cats - Adelaide and Clementine - were a riot! Adelaide, whom we lovingly call “Florence Nightingale,” was curled up next to me the entire 12 hours! At 6:15 Saturday morning, Clementine started digging at the closet door to try to wake me up, and Adelaide started walking around on the bed, crying, and sticking her nose in my face - I guess to see if I were still breathing. I fell back asleep and immediately dreamed that I was staring at a computer, and an e-mail notify message popped up from our two cats, concerned about my having slept so long. I woke up laughing, which felt good. I slept away a lot of the weekend getting 31 hours of sleep totally! But I feel much better this morning to face a week of classes.

My dear wife has been so sweet this weekend. (Can you even imagine her being anything but sweet?!) She made a big pot of her wonderful cabbage soup to help speed my recovery. It made me think of something I’ve had in my files for a long time. I share that with you today.

Some years ago The Saturday Evening Post ran an article that was entitled “The Seven Ages of the Married Cold.” This article revealed the reactions of a husband to his wife’s colds during their first seven years of marriage. It’s a rather humorous look at a not-so-funny reality - the potential decline of a marriage, as seen through the common cold. I hope I do better than the husband in what you’re about to read!

The Seven Ages of the Married Cold

First Year: “Sugar dumpling, I’m really worried about my baby girl. You’ve got a bad sniffle and there’s no telling about these things with all this strep going around. I’m putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest. I know the food’s lousy, but I’ll be bringing your meals in from Rossini’s. I’ve already got it all arranged with the floor superintendent.”

Second Year: “Listen darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I’ve called Doc Miller and asked him to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl, please, just for papa.”

Third Year: “Maybe you’d better lie down, honey; nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I’ll bring you something. Have you got any canned soup?”

Fourth Year: “Now look dear, be sensible. After you’ve fed the kids, washed the dishes, and finished the floors, you’d better lie down.”

Fifth year: “Why don’t take a couple of aspirin?”

Sixth year: “I wish you would just gargle something instead of sitting around all evening barking like a seal.”

Seventh year: “For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing! Are you trying to give me pneumonia?”

***
I found a great picture online somewhere during the Christmas break - the way one student dealt with the pertussis scare we had at BJU in early December. I hope none of my students come to class looking like this today, fearful of catchin my cold….

quotation…

“Magnifying God isn’t making Something small big. It’s focusing on Something that, from our perspective, seems small and seeing how big He is.” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If a man caught a cold in the middle of a forest where no one could hear him, would he still make whining sounds?

In my last blog post I had a good time poking fun at some of the unsafe things men do at times. Since ivman is an equal opportunity tease, today’s post has a little fun at the expense of women. I’ve accumulated some pictures of what things would look like if women ruled the world. Some would quip, “Whaddya mean, IF women ruled the world?!?” Well, anyway, below are some very funny pictures. (The following is not a political statement on the scary prospect of a Hillary presidency. I’m not sure she’s “into” many of the feminine touches lampooned in this blog post, though she’s reputed to be quite the cookie baker.)

Bowling alleys would take on a different appearance.

Many tools, kits, and objects more often used by men would look quite different also.

Even the once familiar Swiss Army knife might be hard to recognize.

And hiking boots would be redesigned for nature loving women who prefer high heels.

If the male-dominated world of computers underwent a softening effect, things could also look very different.

And computers would actually have an “any key”

Prison life would be even cushier. (We have Martha Stewart to thank for this!)

Credit cards would take on new functions to meet a woman’s shopping needs.

Even popular tourist attractions might have to undergo modifications to make them more aesthetically pleasing.

Then, of course, bathrooms would be radically changed to suit a woman’s tastes.

Car shopping would be easier for some women, with fewer difficult choices.

But then other cars would look different and have great new features.

And on that same side of the car for the gals in England….

No consideration of a world run by women would be complete without a look at women and driving. A “women’s world” would include signs thoughtfully warning of traffic surveillance cameras.

There would be special “women only” parking spaces with appropriate modifications for their special needs.

Finally, a world ruled by women would have proper signage along our highways.

quotation…

“If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?” - Linda Ellerbee

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.” - Erma Bombeck

Let the comments begin….

The past few days have been wonderful and just plain full! As I reported in the last blog entry, Thursday was a big day with a birthday, an anniversary, the arrival of loved ones, preparations for the rehearsal dinner, and the rehearsal and the dinner. The wedding of our son Mark and his fiancee Katie, Friday evening, June 29, could not have been more beautiful. We were so happy to have in attendance dear loved ones, and many friends from various periods of our lives, past and present. We will treasure the memories from the last few days. Below are some pictures from the rehearsal dinner and the wedding:

The pork barbecue from Henry’s Smokehouse and everything prepared by Linda Abrams was delicious! Below is a picture of Mark and Katie going through the serving line at the rehearsal dinner at Lake Robinson. An enjoyable evening at a beautiful place!

Mark and Katie both have nephews named Drew.

Here’s a picture of the parents and Mark and Katie…

This picture is of Katie’s immediate family…

This is a picture of Mark’s immediate family…

Here’s the wedding party…

Mark and Katie having a little fun before the wedding began…

Our grandson Drew was not having fun before the wedding.

Here’s our couple with both nephews in their finery - kind of like whipped cream on an onion - one Drew in his tux and the other Drew in his searsucker suit…

For several of the pictures, special thanks to moss-foto.com! (They’re the pictures above that I’m in - I couldn’t photograph myself very handily. ) If you go to moss-foto.com, you can see all the wedding pictures.

One thing I love about young people in general is their youthful optimism, being an eternal optimist myself. Today’s iv highlights how optimism meets reality through the course of life.

What She Wants in a Man, Original List:

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. Imaginative and romantic

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Romantic at least once a week

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy foods I don’t like
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep when I’m venting
5. Doesn’t retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn’t scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep
4. Snores only lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he’s laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it’s the weekend

What She Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn’t miss the toilet

WHAT SHOULD SHE HOPE FOR AT AGE 82?!

quotation…

“God will spare no means in order to be the center of your attention and affection.” - Andrew Franseen

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

HE: Gross! This coffee tastes like mud!
SHE: That’s funny, it was fresh ground this morning.

This is kind of an interesting twist on men vs. women. I want to make it clear that I didn’t write *any* of these things. I’m just proficient at “tidying up” things that others have sent me. I’m posting this one with a bit of fear and trembling since it’s more than just a little non-PC. I had my wife read it first, just to be sure that I’ve deleted all the very “meanest” things. Enjoy!

How dogs and men are alike…

Both keep moving, even when they are lost.

Both take up too much space on the bed.

Both have irrational fears about the vacuum cleaner.

Both are threatened by their own kind.

Both are color blind.

Neither understands what you see in cats.

Both want dominance.

The larger ones tend to drool.

The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

Both do the dishes by licking them clean.

Both chase cars.

How dogs are better than men…

Dogs don’t have problems expressing affection in public.

Dogs miss you when you are gone.

You can train a dog.

Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.

Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

When dogs play “fetch”, they don’t laugh at how you throw.

No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

Dogs understand it when some of their friends aren’t allowed to come inside.

Dogs don’t care if you’re not beautiful.

Dogs will not criticize you if the dinner is not perfect.

A dog will not blame you for not remembering something he never told you.

If you put on a little weight, dogs will like you just as well.

Dogs don’t care if you get old.

Dogs are not always bragging about how macho they are.

How dogs and women are alike…

Both can eat five pounds of chocolate in one sitting.

Neither understand football.

Both are good at pretending to listen to every word you say.

Neither believe that silence is golden.

Neither can balance a checkbook.

You can never tell what either of them is thinking.

How dogs are better than women…

Dogs love it when your friends come over.

Dogs think your singing is great.

A dog’s time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.

Dogs don’t expect you to call when you are running late - the later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.

Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.

If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don’t hate it.

Dogs don’t shop.

Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.

Dogs never need to examine a relationship.

A dog’s parents never visit.

Dogs love long car trips.

Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.

Dogs don’t hate their bodies.

Dogs don’t cry.

No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

Dogs never expect gifts.

Dogs don’t worry about germs.

Dogs would rather have hamburger than lobster for dinner.

You never have to wait for a dog; they are ready to go out 24 hours a day.

Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.

***
Several have asked about the pictures at the top of the blog. The panorama is of Paris. If you look carefully you can see the Eiffel Tower in the distance a little right of the middle. The small picture under “About” in the gray panel on the right is the Great Wall. The two countries these pictures represent are big interests of mine.

FYI, the blog has links that will take you to the main pages on the ivman website.

If you’re browsing with Firefox, the RSS feed for the blog is in the address bar at the top. Otherwise, please add the blog to your favorites.

The past couple of days it’s been interesting to read email reactions to my decision to share my iv’s online only. The comments have been a mix of what I thought they’d be - “WAAAAAAAAA! Now I have to remember to do something other than click on an email! Bummer!” “I was surprised you hadn’t done this sooner!” “I’m sad, but I completely understand.” “Cool! I like RSS feeds and blogs better than email anyway!”

The funniest I received was, “So Mr. Loach, you’re both retro and hip! Retro enough to use Windows 98 at home, hip enough to use Thunderbird and have an RSS feed! :)”

I realize that possibly fewer people will end up reading my iv’s and updates, but this really is going to simplify my life - I won’t be doing anything extra since I was already posting the iv’s on the blog and in the archives. I just won’t have to deal with all the email hassle, which was *huge*!

I thank those of you who understand, and especially to those who are reading this right now! You have braved technology to get here!

Hope everyone had a great Bonza Bottler Day yesterday!

quotation…

With Super Bowl XLI in mind … “Football combines the two worst features of American life - violence and committee meetings.” - George Will

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob Loach in Greenville SC

Lord, make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am.