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Posts Tagged ‘women’

New Haircuts


picture of letter man with different hairdos

Shorter hair helps a lot in the summer heat. With the advent of warmer temperatures, my wife and I are both sporting shorter hair, just in the past week. At lunch today, when someone commented on Becka's new do, someone mentioned a classic I sent out as an iv a number of years ago, pointing out how differently men and women behave after a new haircut. (BTW, I don't know who the guy is in the series of hairdo pix. Whew! Not his best looks, though!)

Haircuts - the difference between women and men

WOMEN'S VERSION

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cuuuuute!

Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman 1: Oh no, it's perfect! I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this style, I think.

Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute on you. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman 1: Oh, now that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Woman 1: Do you think so? Oh, you're just saying that!

Woman 2: No! Really, I mean it....

MEN'S VERSION

Man 1: Haircut?

Man 2: Ummhmm.

divider

The preceding reminds me of a blog post from over two years ago called It's great to be a guy that you might enjoy.

housekeeping items...

With the end of the school year drawing near, I know that some of you who read my posts by e-mail might be losing the e-mail address at which you are reading this. If that's the case with you, please click on the link at the bottom of the e-mail to unsubscribe, then go to the blog and use one of the links to posts by e-mail to sign up your new e-mail address, remembering to complete the process by clicking on the link in that e-mail you'll receive almost immediately.

Speaking of those who read my posts by e-mail, I mentioned in the last post that I was missing several images from a previous post. Two of my readers were able to supply me with the missing pictures! I'm glad I'm not the only "digital packrat" out there! 😀 I have thanked them by e-mail, in an editorial update to my last post, and in the post that was missing the pictures.

Do you have any funny haircut stories to share? Or any haircut nightmares? Since I cut my own hair, I have no one else to be mad at but myself.

quotation...

"Where there is a neglect of Scripture, there will be a neglect of Christ." - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Two hair-related questions:
Men: What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Women: What hair color do some women put on their driver's licenses..."subject to change?"


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Earth to Mars! … Earth to Venus!…


picture of planets

In his book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, John Gray asserts that women complain about problems because they want their problems to be acknowledged, while men complain about problems because they are seeking solutions.

In anticipation of Valentine's Day next week, I'm posting a classic by Dave Barry that highlights Gray's assertion. I laugh every time I read this!

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine.

He asks her out for dinner, she accepts, and they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to a concert, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and without really thinking, she says it aloud, "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car.

To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Wow. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward ... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a whole lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: ... so that means it was ... let's see ... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means ... lemme check the odometer ... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed – even before I sensed it – that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the rats.

And Elaine is thinking: maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. Why, those ....

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have ... I feel so . ." (She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

picture of knight on white horse

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad finally to know the correct answer.

"It's just that ... It's that I ... I need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her to her home. After he leaves, she throws herself on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn; whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechs he's never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

"Say, Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

divider

Do you think this is a pretty accurate picture of the relationship between most men and women you know, or is your experience a lot different from this?

quotation...

"The labor of self-love is a heavy one indeed. Think whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking slightingly of you. As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal, how can you hope to find inward peace?" - A.W. Tozer

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it!

picture of earth


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Biblical Headlines


Is there a liberal bias in today's mainstream media (MSM) in America? I have firmly believed for a long time that our nation's mainstream media is slanted to the left, but in recent months their liberal bias is undeniable by any honest person.

If there had been TV news and newspapers in Bible times, one would need very little imagination to come up with what would have been some of their headlines if they'd been written by the likes of today's MSM with their propensity for distortion, spin, and sensationalistic hype, using emotionally-charged words.

If Biblical headlines were written by today's liberal media...

On Red Sea crossing:
WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Pursuing Environmentalists Killed

On David vs. Goliath:
HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock

On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:
FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
400 Killed

On the birth of Christ:
HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

On feeding the 5,000:
LAY PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

On healing the 10 lepers:
LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
Faith Healer Preys on Terminally Ill

On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:
MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer Faces Bankruptcy After Loss of Pigs

On raising Lazarus from the dead:
ITINERANT PREACHER RAISES A STINK
Heirs Upset as Reading of Will Delayed

(from another news outlet)
On raising Lazarus from the dead:
SOCIAL SECURITY PAYMENTS WITHHELD
FBI Investigates Suspected Identity Theft

On the miracle at the wedding in Cana
VISITING PREACHER ACCUSED OF MOONSHINING
Police Unable to Locate Still

I know some people for whom "if it's in print, it must be true." Here's a picture of one of the all-time classic headline bloopers.

a picture of Truman with headline

In recent weeks especially, the media's handling of Sarah Palin has caused many more people to see this issue more clearly. Here at ivman's blague we like to provide a bit of balance. During World War II and beyond, Rosie the Riveter has been a cultural icon, recognizing the essential role of women in the war effort. Here's the readily recognized picture of Rosie:

picture of Rosie the Riveter

Every since John McCain's announcement and presentation of his running mate, Sarah Palin, the media's attention and intense scrutiny has been riveted on Palin. This past week someone sent me a great rework of the classic poster of Rosie to highlight a new cultural icon...

a picture of Sarah the riveter

Listen to and read very carefully the MSM's coverage of Sarah Palin. Their absolute hatred of this woman is so thinly veiled that you can see it pulsing and writhing below the surface.

Here's a great Kevin Tuma cartoon I've had in my files for a long time. It clearly shows the tenets of the "faith" of today's liberals.

cartoon about liberal faith

Do you see any of those things coming through in today's "news reporting?"

If your sole news sources are the mainstream media, I strongly suggest that you check out some other news sources to see a different angle on what you're hearing or, even more, to read news that the MSM purposely chooses not to report. The latter is very telling - it's the news you're not being allowed to hear by the MSM. Who knows what you might think if you heard it?!

Here are a few links to alternative news sources:

NewsMax.com

WorldNetDaily.com

CNSNews.com

The DrudgeReport

I'll end this post with something about which it's impossible for me personally to be unbiased - our grandson Drew. Our daughter Nora is up at Meg and Jim's all this week. Here are a couple of pictures she posted on her Facebook. As he ate some ice cream, Drew said one of his new favorite words - NICE (which he pronounces "ni").

picture of Drew with ice cream on face

picture of Drew with ice cream on face

quotation...

"Belief affects behavior, and behavior reflects belief." - Dr. M. Bruce McAllister

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Make headlines ... use a corduroy pillow.


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9 Rules


picture of the 9rules leaf

Yesterday 9rules posted the list of sites newly accepted into their network of blogs. To use the latest media buzzword, ivman's blague has been vetted! (For those who, like me, have been wondering what in the world that means, vet = to appraise, verify, or check for accuracy, authenticity, validity, etc.)

A while back I randomly found 9rules online and tried to figure out what exactly it was. Here’s what 9rules has to say about themselves — "9rules is a place where members and readers can connect, build relationships, and learn new things."

9rules started in 2003 with a set of 9 rules:

1. Love what you do.
2. Never stop learning.
3. Form works with function.
4. Simple is beautiful.
5. Work hard, play hard.
6. You get what you pay for.
7. When you talk, we listen.
8. Must constantly improve.
9. Respect your inspiration.

Since I knew I could abide by those rules, I clicked on the link “How Do I Join” and submitted my blog for their review. And now my blog has been accepted into their community. I'm vetted! (I'm trying to use that word as often as the media is this week - particularly in connection with Sarah Palin, but I know I'm failing miserably, not wanting to use it in every other sentence…).

I'm truly amazed to be included in a group of blogs with, as the 9rules header puts it, "The best content from the independent web." One of the benefits to my blog is exposure to a very large audience. I'm pleased that more people will find out that my blog is a source for good, clean humor. Some of my readers may also find some blogs in the 9rules community that are of interest or use to them; however I hasten to add that there will certainly be some blogs that are not at all to their liking — caveat lector!

In honor of this momentous event, I am publishing "The Rules" - both the women's version and the men's version. I have boiled each of the lists down to just 9 rules. 😎

The Rules (from the female perspective)

1. The Female always makes The Rules. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification … by the Female.

2. No Male can possibly know all The Rules. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

3. The Female is never wrong. If it appears that the Female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong, for which the Male must immediately apologize.

4. The Female may change her mind at any time. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the Female.

5. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. The Male, however, must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

6. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know what's on her mind or whether she wants him to be angry or upset. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

7. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in undesirable consequences. (Uh-oh … I'm toast!)

8. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #3.

9. The Female always gets the last word. The Male may get the last word, only if it's "Yes, Dear."

The Rules (from the male perspective)

(You will notice that all The Rules are numbered "one" — they are all of equal importance.)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about your leaving it down.

1. Men = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Concerning communication: Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. Ask for exactly what you want. Let's clarify that: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! Furthermore, "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. If we ask you what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We assume you're telling the truth. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. For example, if you think you're fat, you probably are. So don't ask us.

1. Concerning problems and projects: Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, it would be best for you to do it yourself.

1. Concerning what we say: Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Concerning what you wear: You have enough clothes and you have too many shoes. Most men own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we would be any good at choosing which pair, out of forty, would look good with your dress? When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Concerning how we see things: Men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what taupe is, let alone that there are shades of taupe! Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. Concerning what we do and don't do: If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. We do not remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar and remind us frequently beforehand. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. Crying is blackmail.

Now who said that we men are not communicators?! Look at the length of our Rules!

quotation...

"It's not just our prayers and our hymns that declare the glory of God, but it's also our work that declares His glory." - Dr. Bryan Smith

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Is there an exception to the rule that states, "There is an exception to every rule"?


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The Husband Store


Well, wedding season is already in full swing. Since we are in a university context, we are invited to many weddings. This past week we had two weddings - one Tuesday evening where I sang in a duet, and one Friday afternoon - the wedding of a teaching colleague.

We're excited for all these young couples as they begin their lives together, but we're also saddened to learn of some young couples who are working through marital problems. I believe that most if not all problems in marriage have their root in selfishness on the part of one or both spouses. I think some of the problems stem from unrealisitic expectations - expecting that any one human can be your source of happiness.

Today's iv is a light-hearted look at this issue.

The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch ... you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman excitedly goes to the Husband Store to find herself the perfect husband....

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, "I should probably stop here!" But she feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and reads the sign:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, my goodness!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes on up to the sixth floor where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that some women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

The Wife Store

There is actually also a Wife Store, right across the street from the Husband Store. It works the same way as the Husband Store - it also has 6 floors, you can enter only once, and there is only one direction to go.

The doors read:

Floor 1 - These women are beautiful.

Floor 2 - These women are beautiful and have money.

What is on the other floors, nobody knows. No man has ever gone past the second floor!

divider

Megan and Drew arrived safe and sound shortly after noon on Saturday. Drew did very well on his first flight. We decided to surprise Nora by celebrating her birthday a month and a half early since we wouldn't all be together on her actual birthday. That's about the only way we could ever surprise her. 🙂 Here she is blowing out the candles on her keylime cheesecake....

Nora blowing out her candles

Of course Becka enjoyed having our three kids and our grandson here for Mother's Day. Here's a picture of our little guy on our kitchen floor this morning. I'm sure there will be more pictures to share later this week.

Drew playing on the kitchen floor

The house wrens have been busily filling the bird house with sticks. Here's what things looked like inside the house this morning....

the nest the wrens are building

Here's what this bit of "prime real estate" looks like from the outside...

local prime real estate

Who says there's a housing crisis?!?

quotation...

"There are five Gospels: Matthew Mark, Luke, John, and the Christian, and some people will never read the first four." - Irish evangelist Gypsy Smith

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.


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