ivman's blague

Well, I think I’ve given blood for the second and final time in my life. A week ago this past Saturday I decided to try giving blood again when the Blood Connection had its bloodmobile at our church for a blood drive. I had given blood several years back and just made it through my unit when I started to have a vasovagal episode. It didn’t come as a huge surprise since I had had problems when visiting people in the hospital who were receiving fluids or transfusions. After that incident I decided that maybe I shouldn’t give blood again. This latest time, though, I thought maybe the same problem would not recur. However it did. I was able to finish giving my unit of blood and didn’t pass out completely, but I felt terrible for the last third of the unit as and for a while afterwards.

The next day, though, I noticed that I had a rash and hives all around the site where they had drawn the blood. The following day it was creeping towards my wrist and my underarm, and the same thing was appearing on my other forearm. Below is a picture of my left arm.

I took Benadryl before going to bed that night to see if that would calm my allergic reaction. It did basically nothing but make me half-loopy all day Tuesday. I went to see my doctor Wednesday, and we figured out that I was having a reaction to the chlorhexidine gluconate they had used to clean the site where the needle would go in. The nurse had chlorhexidine gluconate on her gloves and touched all over on my left arm during the whole process. There were apparently traces of the substance on the other arm of the chair from previous donors - hence the rash on my right forearm where it had touched the arm of the chair. I’m on Prednisone for one week (nasty stuff!) The rash is finally going away and bothering me much less.

What’s kind of funny is that in two of my French classes in recent weeks we’ve been talking about various sports in French, one of which was rugby. I told my students that I had seen a t-shirt in France that said, “donnez du sang - jouez au rugby” (that is, give blood - play rugby). We all chuckled about it since rugby is such a rough game. I’m thankful that some are able to give blood with no ill effects, but after my experiences recently, I think the next time I decide to try giving blood, I’ll go out for rugby instead!

Yesterday we had some guests for lunch. One is our niece, a nurse in a local ER, and another is a senior nursing major at BJU, currently doing her clinicals. They were talking about how surprised they are at how unfeelingly sometimes medical personnel talk among themselves about their work. It made me think of something in my files that I could post, wanting very much to have something to laugh about concerning medical things.

Things you don’t want to hear during surgery

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?

Someone call the janitor–we’re going to need a mop.

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!

Hand me that…uh…that uh…thingie.

Oh no! I *know* I had my wristwatch on when I came in here!

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating; it’s throwing my concentration off.

What’s this doing here?

I hate it when they’re missing stuff in here.

Better save that. We might need it for an autopsy.

That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?

I wish I hadn’t forgotten my glasses.

You did WHAT to our car?!

Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Sterile, schmerile. The floor’s clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

It’s gonna blow! Everyone take cover!

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don’t worry. I think it is sharp enough.

Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

I’d love to hear about the experiences, both good and bad, of those who’ve given blood or received blood.

quotation…

“Many brave men have died for countries that don’t exist any more.” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

When the doctor got a bad cut, the nurse said, “Suture self.”

Tags: French, medicine, sports, t-shirts, work

The nickname “Joe the plumber” has become a household word, not only in the USA, but also all over the world. Many people have identified with this hardworking man and consider themselves Joe the carpenter, Jo the beautician, etc. I heard an interview with Joe last week and learned that, not having asked for this attention, he is not especially enjoying it and is quite angry about the invasions of his privacy by some agencies. On the right is a Reuters picture of the encounter of Obama and Joe that has catapulted a reluctant Joe into the limelight. If you’d like to read more about Joe the plumber, there’s an article about him on Wikipedia.

Today someone sent me a Joe the plumber joke with the punch line missing on purpose. I thought it would be the perfect blog post for today. I know that there are some highly developed senses of humor that frequent my blog, and I appeal to my readers to comment with what they think would be the perfect punch line for this joke about another encounter of Joe and Obama.

Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink and calls Joe the plumber to come and fix it.

Joe drives to Obama’s house, which is in a very nice neighborhood where it’s clear that all the residents make more than $250,000 per year (or $200,000 per year or $150,000 per year, depending on who’s speaking and when).

Joe arrives and takes his tools into the house. He’s shown the room that contains the leaky pipe under the sink. Joe figures it’s an easy job that will take less than ten minutes. Obama is standing near the door and asks Joe how much it will cost.

Joe immediately says, “$9,500.”

“$9,500?” Obama replies stunned. “But you said it’s an easy job!”

“Yeah, but what I do is charge a lot more to my clients who make more than $250,000 per year so I can fix the plumbing of everybody who makes less than that for free,” responds Joe.

Obama tells Joe there’s no way he’s paying that much, so Joe leaves.

A week later the leak gets so bad that the Obamas have had to put a bucket under the sink, and it fills up every two hours, so they call Joe back. Joe goes back to the Obamas’, looks at the leaky pipe, and says, “It’ll cost you about $21,000.”

Obama exclaims, “A few days ago you told me it would cost only $9,500!”

Joe explains, “Well, a lot of rich people are learning how to fix their own plumbing, so there are fewer of you paying for all the free plumbing we’re doing for the people who make less than $250,000 - and I refuse to charge the lesser income people for plumbing work.”

Obama tries to straighten out Joe. “But don’t you get it? If all the rich people learn how to do their own plumbing and you won’t charge the poor people, what will you do for money?”

Joe immediately replies, “_______.”

I’m looking forward to what my readers will come up with as the perfect punchline! I’m going to hold off publishing the comments until a lot of them accumulate. It will be interesting to compare them, once published.

Along the same lines as the story above…. My wife Becka said she was reading a blog she does not usually visit the other day - from a link on a blog she frequents - and read the following account: The blogger said that she recently went to a restaurant for dinner. Just outside the restaurant was a homeless man wearing an Obama t-shirt. Her waiter was also wearing an Obama t-shirt. At the end of the meal she told her waiter that since he and the homeless man were both for Obama, she was going to give the $10 tip she was planning to give the waiter to the homeless man outside instead. The waiter was not a happy man - apparently desirous that the “spreading the wealth around” be someone else’s money.

Since election day is tomorrow, I’ve closed the current poll question. (Also I wanted to keep “gremlins” from skewing the results.) Now y’all need to get out there and vote for real! I’ll put out a new poll later this week. By the way, it’s interesting to compare the results of the last two polls.

quotation…

“God has no problem making the unlikely happen.” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

You can tell the quality of people by the way they treat the people they don’t need.

Tags: politics, work

As much as it is supposed to simplify our lives, technology seems to make them more complicated as more is expected of us and controls us far more than it frees us. Today’s blog post highlights an area of control that most of us never thought we would have to face in the workplace! Here’s a note to employees that you would hate to receive from the personnel office:

Re: Restroom Trip Policy

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restrooms under informal guidelines. Effective Oct. 6, 2008, a Restroom Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee’s restroom time, thereby ensuring equal treatment to all employees. Until all necessary equipment is finally put in place on October 6, adherence to the new RTP will be on the honor system.

Under the new RTP, a “Restroom Trip Bank” will be established for each employee. The first day of each month employees will be given twenty (20) Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated.

In the next two weeks the entrances to all restrooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations, computer-linked voice print recognition devices, and all the other equipment described below. Before the effective date of the new RTP, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to Human Resources. The voice print recognition stations will be optional and not restrictive for this month. Please acquaint yourself with the stations during that period.

Once that equipment is in place and it’s possible to monitor the restrooms electronically, if the employee’s Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee’s voice until the first working day of the following month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is being occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm tone will sound throughout each building’s intercom. Immediately afterward our new advanced voice synthesis system will announce the name of the delinquent employee and his or her department. Ten seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will spring open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board in the respective departments and on our intranet home page. Anyone’s picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated. If you have any questions about this new RTP, please contact HR. They have all received advanced instructions.

We know you will want to co-operate so that this new policy can be expedited smoothly.

Human Resources,
Employee Benefits

BUM:mer

Aren’t you glad that the preceding is totally made up? But isn’t it scary that it’s true enough to life to be almost believable?!

The memorial service for my friend Paul Long was at 10:00 a.m. today. His siblings - two sisters and a brother - and several nephews were able to make the cross-country trip to be with Paul’s wife and son. You can read several nice tributes - the first an article about him and his family and the second a tribute his school put out on their website about Paul - by clicking here and here.

Back to the topic of today’s blog post… I’d love to your comments about how technology has changed your life, both for better and for worse. I’ve also put a new poll in the sidebar about technology.

quotation…

“Technology has just enabled us to commit the same old sins in a more hi-tech fashion.” - Dr. Bob Jones Jr.

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.

Tags: bathrooms, pranks, technology, work

Does the thought of taking tests fill you with terror? Probably. Classes haven’t even begun for us yet, and I’m already thinking about tests. We’re in faculty in-service meetings this week on campus and they have been excellent - very helpful and thought-provoking! Next week we’ll be working in our offices getting our courses ready to go. Then after several days of course registration, classes will begin September 3. Part of teaching is writing and grading tests. But tests aren’t limited just to the realms of academia. Many potential employees have to take tests to show their competencies for the jobs they’d like to land.

Here’s a story about a man in that very situation.

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

Tom seems like a good prospect, and the inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz. He starts off by asking, “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?”

Tom says, “I would switch one train to another track.”

“What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector.

“I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever,” answers Tom.

“What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector.

“Then,” Tom continues, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.”

“What if the phone were busy?”

“In that case,” Tom argues, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station”.

“What if that had been vandalized?”

Tom quickly replies, “In that case I’d run into town and get my Uncle Leo.”

The puzzled inspector asks, “Why would you do that?”

“Because he’s never seen a train crash!”

(So, did Tom pass the test and land the job?)

Now here’s a little test for you. It appears to be a list of trick questions with obvious answers, but it really is!

The world’s easiest test?

(Answers follow, but NO cheating!)

1. How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2. Which country makes Panama hats?

3. From which animal do we get catgut?

4. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5. What is a camel’s hair brush made of?

6. The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7. What was King George VI’s first name?

8. What color is a purple finch?

9. Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10. How long did the Thirty Years War last?

Now remember … NO cheating!

Answers to the world’s easiest test…

1. 116 years, from 1337 to 1453.

2. Ecuador.

3. From sheep and horses.

4. November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.

5. Squirrel fur.

6. The Latin name was Insularia Canaria — Island of the Dogs.

7. Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936 he respected the wish of Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be called Albert.

8. Distinctively crimson.

9. New Zealand. (Chinese gooseberries is an older name for kiwifruit.)

10. Thirty years, of course! From 1618 to 1648.

If that test made you feel as dumb as it made me feel, maybe this final item about testing will make you feel like a rocket scientist (or at least a rocket surgeon…).

A college football coach had recruited a top talent for the team, but the player couldn’t pass the school’s entrance exam. Needing the recruit badly, the coach went to the dean and asked if the recruit could take the test orally. The dean agreed, and the following day the recruit and the coach were seated in his office.

“OK,” the dean said, “What is seven times seven?”

The recruit looked terrified as he thought it over for a moment then said, “I think it’s 49.”

The coach immediately jumped to his feet. “Oh, come on, Dean,” he begged, “give him another chance!”

Lends weight to the oxymoronic nature of the expression “sports scholarship,” doesn’t it? Do you have a test experience you’d like to tell about? We’d love to read about it in the comments.

quotation…

“Right affections lead to right thinking, and right thinking leads to right living.” - Dr. Bryan Smith

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, then the lesson afterwards.

Tags: school, sports, teaching, tests, trains, work

I received a humorous e-mail yesterday that I thought had potential as a blog post. I would hate to be the car owner … once I was done laughing about the prank.

The Ultimate Post-It Note Office Prank?

It definitely raises the bar! Somewhere there’s a very unhappy office manager with nothing left in the annual ’supplies’ budget .

How would you like to walk to your car and find this?

The poll on my blog about whether to keep the picture at the top is still in the sidebar and some have voted. I like my blog either way, but I would really like to know what people think since I want the blog to be as appealing as possible to the readers - one of the main reasons my blog exists.

Also with this new tool in place, I’m open to suggestions for future poll questions.

My wife and I are certainly glad it’s Friday - we’re working on a special project for our church, are pretty tired, and ask for your prayers. I will be able to explain better once it’s over.

Here are a couple of recent pictures of our grandson Drew….

house wren update…

As best as I can determine, the baby birds have died and disappeared. We had several days in a row where the daytime high temperatures were near or at 100 degrees in the last week - unseasonably high temps, to say the least. The little bird house is shaded at no time during the day at all, and I guess the little birdies just didn’t survive it.

quotation…

“I serve a living God, and He can get a hold of me any time He wants.” - Dr. Drew Conley

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

How many people thought of the Post-it note before it was invented but just didn’t have anything to jot it down on?

Tags: birds, cars, offices, pranks, work