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Posts Tagged ‘work’

Résumé Mucho, Take 2!


Curriculum vitae

Seven and a half years ago I did a post called Résumé Mucho. I know some people currently looking for work who might be advised to avoid some of the statements made in that post or today's. First off, you probably don't want to prepare it on a typewriter as shown in the picture on the right.

Part of today's job search is an eye-catching résumé (or C.V. — curriculum vitae in more modern parlance). A poorly written C.V. can ruin a person's chances of landing that desired position. Below you'll see some examples of statements that are not résumé enhancers! You will have to read some of them fairly closely to catch the faux pas — unfortunate wordings, definitely "oops!" admissions, misspellings, etc. The following is a list of some bloopers that have supposedly appeared on actual job candidates' résumés, job applications, and cover letters:

It's best for employers that I not work with people.

Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.

I am very detail-oreinted.

My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.

Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.

I am sicking and entry-level position.

If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
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Why Women Live Longer than Men, take 4


picture of man jumping off a cliff

One Sunday a month Becka and I go to a local nursing home to take part in the weekly service that various people from our church hold for the residents. I'm always struck by how many more old women there are than old men. Statics worldwide confirm that, for whatever reason, women do indeed live longer than men. There are all sorts of theories out there, from genetics to levels of risky activities. Whatever the reason(s), in nursing homes and other places where older people are in the majority, there are usually more older women than older men.

Almost seven years ago, I did a post called Why Women Live Longer than Men that featured some funny pictures of men doing some insanely dangerous things in the workplace and in other settings. Several of the pictures showed me driving some work vehicles, and I assure you, I was far safer than everything around me was! Since that post I've come across more pictures that could help explain why men die younger than women do. About two years after that I did a second post called Why Women Live Longer than Men, take 2, with even more pictures that show why that phenomenon is so. Two years ago I did a third installment called Why Women Live Longer than Men, take 3.

One of the most common unsafe practices of us men is the bad usage of ladders. Here are some pictures that are amazing.

Ladder Ladder Roof
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Postal Humor


Mr. ZIP

Monday of this week was the 50th anniversary of the introduction of ZIP codes in the USA, on July 1, 1963. I rarely sent letters until I started corresponding with cousins in France in 1967. Therefore I don't remember life without ZIP codes. I was amazed that the letters of one of my cousins arrived in a timely manner because of how she formed some of her numbers. One number in particular was her 4, which for the life of me looked more like the letter h. My ZIP code at the time contained two 4's and her number 4 looked something like the following picture, only even more h-like than this:

French 4

At the same time we were introduced to the official two-letter abbreviations for states, some of which made perfect sense — OH for Ohio, NY for New York, etc. But I still get confused about which letters go with some states. For instance, is AK for Arkansas or Alaska? And then all the M-states! Is MI Minnesota, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri? Is MA Massachusetts, Maryland, or Maine, or even Manitoba, Canada?! Is MS Mississippi, Missouri, or Massachusetts? And why in the world did Missouri end up with MO instead of MOntana?! If you pick the wrong letters, that ZIP code could be really important!

If you want to explore this subject some more, there's a good page on it on Wikipedia.

In honor of the 50th anniversary of the ZIP code, the humor will be postal without "going postal".

divider

An airhead says to her psychiatrist, "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Here's how their conversation continued:

Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"

Airhead: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."

Psychiatrist: "So how's that working?"

Airhead: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet. I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
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Why Women Live Longer than Men, take 3


This week's iv was all ready to post this morning ... until I received an e-mail last evening from one of my readers. When I saw it, I just knew this had to be this week's iv.

I've done two other posts on Why Women Live Longer than Men and will share the links to them at the end of this post so that you can find them more easily, if you're so inclined.

Since a picture is worth a thousand words, I'll not make much commentary on these pictures.

The first several are home handymen using ladders.


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Summer Construction


One of the things associated with summer is construction, both road and building. Driving on nice roads is great, but it is also a pain to have to navigate slowly (read: stop and go ... mostly stop) through road work in heavy vacation traffic. Whenever I see signs that say "End Road Work," I usually say aloud, "Amen!" Our church is considering building a house on our property this summer to provide temporary housing for missionaries on furlough. I hope to have at least a small part in that project since, for the first time, after 39 years of teaching, I don't have a summer job.

With construction in mind, I'm posting several humorous things on that topic. The first story came to me with the word blond in it. I hope my fair-haired readers will appreciate the changes I've made to the original.

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Two air-headed carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.

The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!"

The second airhead got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

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Construction Site: The Crime Scene?

After a workman was killed at a construction site, the police began to question a number of the other workers. Based on their spotted histories, many of these workers were considered prime suspects. They were indeed a motley crew:
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