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The Squeeze


today's instant vacation...

The owners of a restaurant were so sure that their cook was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 challenge. The cook would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried (weight-lifters, longshoreman, etc.), but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the cafe, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try for that $1000."

After the laughter had died down, the cook said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his first around the lemon and SIX drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the cook paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The little man replied, "I work for the Internal Revenue Service."

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I received the following a while back from several people by email. I have checked snopes.com and it wasn't listed there, so I'm assuming that it is accurate.

A list of taxes currently in existence...

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
Capital Gains Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Court Fines (indirect taxes)
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (so many cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax Interest expense (tax on the money)
Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Local Income Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Septic Permit Tax
Service Charge Taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Road Toll Booth Taxes
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Toll Bridge Taxes
Toll Tunnel Taxes
Traffic Fines (indirect taxation)
Trailer registration tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

Not one of those taxes existed 100 years ago and our nation was the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and moms stayed home to raise the kids.

So, have taxes improved our lives? Do we really need more taxes?!

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beauty salon name project...

I've received some funny names of beauty salons people have seen. If you know a funny name you'd like included on the list, please send it right away. I plan to post the list next week.

quotation...

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." - C. S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)

=^..^= =^..^=
Rob

If a Osama and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?


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2 Comments on “The Squeeze”

  1. #1 Rachel
    on Apr 13th, 2007 at 12:55 am

    I work in the tax department of a large French law firm, and I don’t think you would mind the American list so much if you saw what we have to deal with! To begin with, there is a Wealth tax….

  2. #2 Karen
    on Apr 16th, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    Regarding the hair salons… almost typed “saloons.” This may not be in existence anymore, but when we lived in the Chicago area, one salon’s name was The Chicago O’Hair. Another was: American Hairlines. Hope this helps.

    Karen