Today for Valentine's Day, I'm posting three short jokes about the relationships between men and women. In one way or another, three people are involved in each of the jokes, hence the idea of trios in the title. Trios don't get much more different than the one on the right.
One Sunday, a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money for some special projects. He asked the people to consider putting a little more than usual into the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most could pick out three hymns that morning. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in the offering.
He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly-looking lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front.
Slowly she made her way up the aisle. He told her how wonderful it was that she had given so much and in thanks asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked out over the congregation, pointed, and said, "I'll take him and him and him!"
How to get people to stop bugging you about getting married....
An unmarried woman had two old aunts who used to come up to her at weddings, poke her in the ribs, and cackle, "You're next."
They stopped this practice, though, after she started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Three newlywed men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives their new duties.
The first man had married a woman from Alabama and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple days before he saw any changes, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes.
The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, the dishes, and the cooking. On that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day things were a little better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he found a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an Ohio girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table three times a day. He said the first day he didn't see anything. The second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye – enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.
I was shocked to get about five million results on Google when I did a search for "Anti-Valentine's Day," and some of the images were disturbing — like the one of the right. It's for sure that we live in a world full of hatred and disappointment. So it's nice to have at least one day when love is honored. This Ohio boy, happily married to an Ohio girl who is nothing like the one in the joke above, would like to wish all his readers a Happy Valentine's Day, hoping there aren't many who do the Anti-Valentine's Day thing.
"Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved." — Victor Hugo
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, Dear, but I was so much in love that I didn't notice it then."