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Three Quick Jokes

Life is busy right now, playing catch-up after last week. So for today's "instant vacation" I'm posting three short jokes about what people know and don't know.

A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.

On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.

On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.

"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."

"I know," said his physician. "I can cure pneumonia."


Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year.

That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.

He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position.

Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."


An atheist complained to a friend, "Christians have their special holidays, such as Easter and Christmas. Jews celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur. Muslims have their holidays, such as Ramadan and Eid ul-Adha ("The Commemoration of Abraham's Sacrifice"). Every religion has its holidays, but we atheists," he said, "have no recognized national holidays. It's unfair discrimination, I say!"

His friend replied, "Well, why don't you celebrate April Fool Day? You probably don't know it, but the Bible says in Psalm 14:1, 'the fool says in his heart, there is no God.'" There's your holiday!


Happy April Fool's Day, to those who celebrate it, and may you have a blessed Easter.


"Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God." - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

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Senility Prayer — God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.