I thought I'd do a blog post today since it's the first day of September. I *love* September! Not only is it the month of my birthday, but also it's back-to-school time, the beginning of autumn - my favorite season, and we enjoy lots of good produce at harvest time. At school, today is the kick-off of a wellness challenge for the faculty and staff. It's a voluntary program, but it holds great prospects of personal and corporate benefits of more fitness and improved health. I think at least 2/3 of the faculty and staff have signed on to the program. We give ourselves points daily for each and every one of the goals we accomplish, which are walking at least 10,000 steps, drinking at least 64 ounces of water, doing 30 minutes of aerobic exercise, eating at least 3 servings of veggies and 2 of fruit, getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night, and monthly lowering our body weight by 2% or, if already within the desired weight for our height, staying within that range. (That is a brief synopsis - there are, of course, more details with which I won't bore you.)
My wife and I are going to give this a try! This morning we had a nice walk in the relative cool of the morning. According to our pedometers, we were already half way to today's goal before 10:00 am! Walking will be the easiest part of this thing for us. Some of the other goals will be harder to achieve. I have always thought I drank a *lot* of liquids, but the 64 ounces of water has to be in addition to anything else we drink! Today I felt as if all I did all day was drink water! I also need to try to get it drunk early enough that I don't mess up the 7 hours sleep a night by having to keep getting up to go the the bathroom during the night!
BTW, rumor has it that the grand prizes include a motorized wheelchair and a year's worth of freebies at Cheesecake Factory. I think my sources must be misinformed.... It will be interesting to see how we all do and what we all look like a year from now!
In connection with all this, what is wrong with the following picture?
At the beginning of this wellness challenge, I'm posting what I consider one of the funniest things I've ever read about fitness routines. I hope you'll get a chuckle out of it too. I'm fearful that on this first day of the program, I might be a bit like the guy in the story below, when this could actually be a very long year....
The Health Club
by Bruce Cameron
For Christmas this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26 year old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started.
Day 1. They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week. Started the morning at 6:00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going to be GREAT.
Day 2. Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it. Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then she put weights on it, for heaven's sake! Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile. Her smile made it all worth it. Muscles feel GREAT.
Day 3. The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am certain that I have developed a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen. Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators? Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse.
Day 4. Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't help it if I was half an hour late, it took me that long just to tie my shoes. She wanted me to lift dumbbells. Not a chance, Tanya. The word "dumb" must be in there for a reason. I hid in the men's room until she sent Lars looking for me. As punishment she made me try the rowing machine. It sank.
Day 5. I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well, I have news for you Tanya, I don't have triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage, YOU went to sadist school, YOU are to blame. The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher, which hurt like crazy. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a music teacher, or social studies?
Day 6. Got Tanya's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel.
Day 7. Well, that's the week. Thank goodness that's over. Maybe next time my wife will give me something a little more fun, like free teeth drilling at the dentist's.
I originally received this by email from the author who now posts his original humor to his website. (I give his link with my usual disclaimers...some of the content may not be up to ivman's high standards - but hey, all I can control is the content of my site.)
"The reality is that God doesn't need you or me to make it." - Dr. Drew Conley
Does vacuuming count as aerobic exercise?
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