I've received some great jokes in my e-mail recently. The ones I'm posting today all seemed to be scenarios that were crazy enough to actually happen or were maybe even fairly likely to occur. I'll leave it to you to decide, as you read these, what the chances are of these events' happening in real life. Whether these scenarios are likely or not, I found them all humorous and predict that you'll chuckle at least once as you read this. Read on and tell me if I'm wrong.
A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 90-foot embankment, turned over, and burst into flames.
There were no injuries.
One day in Little Johnny's kindergarten class, his teacher was telling them the story of the three little pigs. They were at the part when the first pig needed to build his house.
"Then," the teacher said, "the first little pig needed straw to build his house. Along the road he saw a farmer carrying a bail of straw. So the little pig walked up to the farmer and asked him if he could borrow his straw to build a house. Then class, do you know what the farmer said?"
Little Johnny immediately raised his hand and waved it furiously.
"Yes, Johnny?" said the teacher.
He replied, "I know! I know! The farmer said, 'WOW! A TALKING PIG!!!'"
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning close to a lion's cage.
Suddenly the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, right before the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage, and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl. And the biker takes the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him profusely.
A reporter who witnessed the whole event addresses the Harley rider, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life!"
The Harley rider replies, "Why, it was nothing really; the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt was right to do."
The reporter says, "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, let me get a little information about you. What do you do for a living and, just out of curiousity, what's your political affiliation?"
The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican."
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see news of his actions and reads on the front page:
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
And that pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days.
(Supposedly the following is the message on a statistician's answering machine.): "Hello, this is probably 438-9012 ... yes, the house of the famous statistician. I'm probably not at home, or not wanting to answer the phone, most probably the latter, according to my latest calculations. Supposing that the universe doesn't end in the next 30 seconds, the odds of which I'm still trying to calculate, you can leave your name, phone number, and message, and I'll probably phone you back. So far the probability of that is about 0.645. Have a nice day."
The supervisor for the Union of Road Construction Workers called the meeting to order. "Men, we've agreed on a new deal with the state.
We'll no longer have to work FOUR days a week!"
"HOORAY!!!" the crowd cheered.
"We'll quit work at 4 PM, and not 5 PM!"
"HOORAY!!!" the crowd roared.
"We don't have to be in until 11 AM, instead of 10 AM!"
"HOORAY!!!" the crowd thundered.
"And now, even though 99% of the roads in the country are blocked by orange barrels, we'll have to work only on Wednesdays!"
A voice from the back of the room asked, "You mean, EVERY Wednesday?!"
So, which of these do you think is the most and least likely? I hope you didn't make it through these without being amused at least once!
"Contentment is a rare commodity." — Drew Conley
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.